posted on Aug, 12 2011 @ 07:25 PM
I've never considered my introversion to be a positive thing. I was first described as being an introvert by a teacher when I was 12/13. I was
crippled by shyness, never volunteered answers in class, wouldn't socialise with more than two people at once, that sort of thing. Talking to the
class was like asking me to split atoms with a toothpick.
Maybe I didn't like being this way because when I was younger I was chatty and enthusiastic about everything, then when I got to 10 years old it all
went downhill. I started having panic attacks upon the thought of doing anything social or going outside where anyone could see me. I have since come
to the conclusion that in addition to being introverted, I am also an agoraphobic. I wouldn't go to the doctor to be diagnosed when I was younger,
because even then I knew the treatment would likely be medication, something I have zero interest in taking. I didn't want to talk to anyone about
it. So yes, I have self diagnosed, but no, that wasn't a bad move.
As it stands, I am 27 now and over the past decade I have been working things out slowly on my own. I still display introversion hallmarks. I hate
small talk with a passion, have no interest in celebrity culture, like my alone time, socialise best in smaller groups of people I know well.
But I do like theme parks, so I make an effort to drown out the people buzz. I do like my little hobbies (which somehow have ended up involving the
general public with the charity work I do), but my fellow hobbyists are like me and we always have something to talk about. That helps to ease the
There is a compromise for me. I don't want to be fully introverted because it gets me down so much, so I'm trying my hardest not to be this way and
slowly learning how to work out the kinks in my own time, in my own way. I will never be a social butterfly, I'll always be awkward in groups, me
time is paramount and you couldn't pay me to uphold a conversation with someone who chit chats about nothing, but I can now drown out the excess
noise and don't have panic attacks any more.