Top ten myths about introverts

reply to post by 9Milz


Most of this applies to me, I too considor myself introverted, but I don't have a problem being polite to others, and I also love a good adrenaline thrill like an awesome roller coaster. I know what it means to be looked at as being anti-social or a so called "stick in the mud", but it's not that I don't like people it's that awkward feeling in social situations, I guess that's why in times past I have drank to try to overcome those feelings because of being pressured to think that you should get out there, it's not normal to not want to be with a bunch of people all the time, I disagree, I like people like anyone else, I just enjoy my time more with me or one or two others.

Really really cool, it's as if I was reading a list made up directly about myself. Everything there described me to the tee. Nearly all of my friends are extroverts and every time we go out in public they always complain that I'm "no fun" because I don't talk or take part in their hooligans. My mind does in a way shut down when I'm around a lot of commotion and thus I become really reserved.

reply to post by AdamAnt


I can not count how many times I have been referred to as shy, arrogant, and weird. Well that is until those same people get to know me well and they find I am quite different than their original judgement (except for may the weird part ).

reply to post by LeTan


SAME
As a child I was the ADD kid who would never shut up and had to be told constantly in class to SIT DOWN.
Now I'm 22 and this list describes me pretty well.
I've taken the myers briggs and I always end up introvert, though I can fool people.
I'm currently in J-school which I always find ironic, as I'm pretty awkward and keep to my self most of the time, but after finishing my first year- I think its a positive in my field.
I can honestly say I can count my "friends" on one hand, and I am loyal, most of them are introverts as well.

All the list describes me perfectly.
I absolutely hate small talk, some of my friends just cannot understand why I need to be in silence for a while, and for a while I mean 2-5 minutes, no, they MUST talk about something. It is so frustrating.
I am famous for not answering the phone, and in fact I hate talking on the phone, even though when I was younger I could stay hours on the phone.
I have a job that allows me to spend time thinking.
One of the things I love doing is OBSERVING people. I could stay hours hanging around or looking around just to think about people I see around me, who they are, how they look like.

I was a very talkative kid, but once I turned 11, I just became totally introverted. When I went to first year of middle school I was very silent.
Also, during my first year of high school I was famous because I almost didn't say a word for 4 months.

I am completely introspective, most of the time I think about how I am inside.
Also, quite everybody that ever knew me told me I was very weird to almost " from another planet ".

I arrived to the point where I understood that my way of understanding the world around me is very different from most people that I know.

I was considered one of the most intelligent, creative, thoughtful people in my high school class.
When I turned 16, I started writing books and from 2006 to 2010 I wrote 7 books.
From the age of 17, though being a man, I take a diary of what I do almost everyday of my life and what I think.
I could remember and pin point every day of my life since I was 17 and know what I did and where I was, by heart.

I enjoy going on holiday and travelling. I recharge my batteries with vacation, observing people and panoramas and searching every kind of information on the net, and also, doing a shower.

I enjoy astrology and I consider it to be a sort of accurate psychology. I read different horoscopes every single day I can and my personalized horoscope reads my mind every day. It just seems someone is observing my life and making a horoscope.
I became interested in astrology at the age of 15.

During my teenage years I was always writing, my house is full of block-notes that I still conserve, the oldest dated 2004.

I can easily be friend with most people of every character, but almost no one knows a thing about me.
I don't know how that is possible. I have friends but they don't actually know me. The real me is hidden inside me.

When I come home from work or meetings with people I just lock myself in my room for hours and hours during the evening. I speak very little to my family, and they make me notice this.
My home is silent enough to make me recharge.

I just think there are few, few people that could actually appreciate me, since when I was 11 and 12 I spent most of the time reading encyclopaedias, and when I was 16, I used to spend weeks during the summer, translating texts of books and comics from Italian to Holland and something like that.

Also, some people know that I take notice of almost every night dream I have. I study my own dreams since I was 17.

This year I plan to escape to university like I did 2 years ago. I thought that maybe I wouldn't be too tired working in the morning and following lessons in the afternoon until the end of the year, than shifting to all day university time.
I will know how to recharge in the library next to the university and during taking trains and pullmans for travelling.
If I think about those days when I returned from university in pullman, where no one was talking and I could observe the street outside and maybe sleep a little bit...I want it back.

reply to post by AdamAnt


Hehe very true indeed, I think anyone with autism can relate to this post

Wow, with the exception of the adrenaline thing that is me perfectly. I've always found the vast majority of people to be extremely annoying. Considering how I grew up I always thought that it was just a trust issue. (Although there are major trust issues.) My friends, the very select few I've chosen to befriend, even think I'm a bit 'weird' because when we talk about things that have my interest they can't shake their opinions long enough to look at a differing viewpoint. There are exactly three people outside of my family I speak to on a regular basis, I find everyone else too shallow to tolerate.

I spent five years drinking so that I could socialize with people and not get so frustrated I either wanted to walk away or break things. My mother, being an educator realized early on that I had potential and at the age of twelve I was given an IQ test. At that age I was still tested into the genius range on the Adult scale. (thats what the tester told me, if he gave me a number I dont recall it.) My teachers thought I was the brightest student that had, albeit with motivational issues. I tried to explain to them that what they were asking was repetitive, dull, and if the kids didn't know these things by now they needed to be put back a couple years. By the way did I mention most people think I'm arrogant too?

I tried college but found that I couldn't handle being around that many people at any given time. So being someone who like that adrenaline rush, I decided to be the Best I can be and enlisted. Five drunken hazy years later I was officially out and homeless. Now I live in a small town, away from all the stupidity of major metropolitan areas and am as happy as I have ever been in my life. My wife accepts that I'm not 'normal' in the way of friends or lifestyle. I'm quiet, I prefer silence over inane chatter and I talk very little. She says I'm one of the smartest people she has ever met but that I need a filter for my mouth. I guess I've gotten pretty rude to people who annoy me with stupidity.

I've got more but its time for work so peace out and enjoy your life.

Or grinning and greeting me on the street when I don't know you, or holding the door open for me when I am 10 feet away. It just MAKES ME NUTS.

reply to post by simone50m


You can be introverted and appreciate thoughtfulness or a gesture of kindness. What happens to you when someone you don't know gives you a warm smile and says hello? you go nuts?You must be real popular with the ladies. I'm not trying to be a jerk or a troll, so forgive me, but I found your reply disturbing.

Here's a simple test to determine if you are an introvert, or an extrovert.

When at a party or a gathering of people, does it charge up your battery, or drain it, and then when everyone is gone, do you feel a little despondant, lost and lonely, or relieved to once again be left alone?

Question: Is it possible to be BOTH an introvert and an extrovert, like being ambidextrous?

reply to post by AdamAnt


Kind of ironic that you chose the name of one of the most extroverted rock stars ever! I like a lot of Adam Ant's goofy-fun music (from the '80s), though.

I wanted to point out how very different a person's WRITING can be from his or her social interaction style. As something of a writer-blogger myself, my style often comes off as a guns-blazing extrovert, but socially I'm as introverted as one can be - possibly to the point of Asperger's syndrome, in my case, though I haven't been formally diagnosed as such. OH how you're right about the screamingly unrealistic expectations of extroverts! It has always baffled me how they, and those who are extroverted ENOUGH, too often talk so much and yet say (effectively or literally) NOTHING. Great thread.

What a fantastic post - that description fits me like a snug glove.

Although I must admit, occasionally I have to attend a social event (which I couldn't worm myself out of LOL) and I usually end up discovering some well-hidden reservoir of amiability and enjoying myself.

It is very true about hating idle chitter chatter. I only speak when somethin' important needs saying. How important exactly? It needs to be either "life-savingly important", "incredibly-profoundly important", "I-have-just-had-an-epiphanic-moment-and-realized-our-ultimate-reason-for-living important", or "watch-out-you-are-about-to-step-off-the-edge-and-fall important". Talking about useless nonsense really drains me. And I feel drained when others jibberty jab around me.

What is a typical conversation with a "normal" person like for this introvert? I will give you an example. An ex-colleague visited me the other day. She is very fond of shopping. She loves discussing for hours on end just what an a-hole my old boss is. We were sitting on the porch. She was talking. I was listening, being very careful to be polite and to ooh and aah at the right times.

It didn't take long for my mind to start wandering. A little red-breasted robin hopped up the end of the porch. He turned his head to one side and looked at me curiously. "Hallo Mr. Robin" I called to him in my mind. He hopped a little bit closer with his one eye fixed on me, just displaying a glint of humour at my situation. I then looked up at a fat hairy worm who was chomping away at some pepper-tree leaves. "Hallo Mr. (or Mrs?) Worm - having a nice day?" I asked the worm in my mind. The worm took some time out of his busy masticating schedule, and I felt him looking me up and down and evaluating me critically before losing interest. Just then my cat ran past. "Mreow mreow" he went - as if to say "I feel compelled to remind you that you are being a very ungracious host". I called back loudly at him (startling my guest in the process) "Mreow mreow" - which means in cat language "thank you - much appreciated".

PROOF if you will that not only is this introvert stark raving mad - she also much prefers the company of animals to that of most humans!

Originally posted by gort51

Notice one thing re: the replies......The True "Deep Thinkers" dont have the unnecessary, flashy, avatar thingos.

Sniff sniff - but I have a glittery flashy avatar thingy...

All of these are 100% true of me, except for #2 and #5. I'm definitely shy and I'm definitely afraid of being around groups of people lol. (But then, I have social anxiety disorder in addition to having an INFP personality typology, so that's to be expected.)

But I completely agree with the spirit of this topic which seems to be that people are still valid, worthwhile people regardless of their lack of "social butterfly-ness" for lack of a better term. Society has created the image of the ideal person socially (just as it has physically with weight, clothing, etc.) as the "social butterfly" who has lots of friends, goes out, etc. to the point that being "shy" is considered a negative thing. "Oh, he's just shy." "Don't be shy." "You need to have confidence!" are all common things I've heard throughout my life that just make me want to bang my head against a wall.

It interferes with relationships, job opportunities, and other situations simply because people have learned to perceive the person who doesn't make eye contact and feels nervous in crowds as somehow invalid or un-useful.

To the world I say: I am who I am and I'm okay with that. It would be nice if others could try it. What I hear in return is: "Well, tough. Welcome to reality! Now stand up straight and dress for success."

reply to post by AdamAnt


I qualify for almost all of them, I guess I am an introvert. I might come on here and talk alot of crap sometimes but in reality I'm a really quiet person and I wont talk to someone I dont know, well I would if someone approached me and started talking but I would most likely keep it short and sweet. When I meet new people its hard to find things to talk about unless they share a mutual interest like football for example. Alot of people see people like me dangerous and intimidating just for the fact that I am quiet and keep to myself. People often come to think I'm depressed because I dont go out and socialize with the normal populace.

You get me in a conversation about the Government I wont shut up tho

I've never seen this. Thanks!

I could just replace 'Introverts' with 'Hardy' and
give it to people when I meet them.

Haha. okay.. Really though. I loved this!

Originally posted by Cinquain
Reading other posts has raised something I have always been curious about - children.

I'm still young yet [23] but a lot of people my age and younger seem to be having kids, and always asking me when I'm going to have some. My ex raised the issue with me in the past, and found my answer a little upsetting - I don't see myself having them. My space is so important to me, and not being able to have that because I would have to be there on call for someone 24/7 I'm afraid it would drive me back into a depression. I can't see myself being any kind of parent with that outlook - I can't fathom giving up my peace and quiet, particularly my late nights, because it's something that means so much to me.

So how do you cope with that? I don't mean to make children out to sound like some kind of plague here

I'm just honestly curious. I know it's a decision I will have to make one day and if for whatever reason I decided to have kids, I would hate to think I could ruin them with my introversion.

edit on 12-8-2011 by Cinquain because: (no reason given)

I am 29 and have not had any urge to have a kid. I couldn't care less about social obligations / expectations blah blah blah. My biological clock asked me the same question earlier in the year. I was like "ummm... ask me again in 10 years time". I know exactly where you are coming from from a "giving up your peace and quiet" perspective. I feel exactly the same. Just know this. You are under NO obligation to have children. Not now. Not ever. If you feel that it is not your role in this life, then you do not have to do it. Perhaps one day it will just feel right. But until then, take it chill.

BTW - having had an introvert for a parent, I can honestly say that I was one of the most contented children in the world. My mom is a free-spirited, highly-emotional and gifted artist who also places great value on her alone-time, and she had me when she was nearly 40. I could not have asked for a better parent.

spot on...

wow, that list is pretty accurate though I do tend to look for the occasional adrenaline rush.

reply to post by AdamAnt


This sounds like a self test out of a women's magazine like Vogue or something.

I bet all here thus consider themselves introverts all of a sudden.
Just like in the self tests in Vogue like: I do not wear enough make-up, or do I please my man adequately enough.

God... this site is getting worse every day!

Cool article/list there.

Unfortunately for me I am pretty much an introvert of chance. I never was an true, in my early teens to early 20's I always had lots of friends, was a leader, loved being around large groups of people and being the center of attention , although as a younger kid, I had alot of friends too but I was also fine and happybeing alone as well. But yea from like 13-23 I couldn't stand being alone and always had to go out and be with large groups of people. If I didn't I felt a terrible sense like I was going to miss something.

But after a life changing accident I had,I became a REAL introvert/borderline recluse. Since my accident I am now very introverted, and really like to be left alone. I now can only handle being around one or two people at the same time, or else I'll just shut down. Also like in that article/list. I've become alot less talkative, almost to the point where people think I'm angry or upset. But if someone is talking about something I'm interested in, I can find myself rattling away at the mouth like I was on speed or something.

The biggest thing on the list I can relate with is the need to go home and be alone and "recharge" more like rest hehe, after being out in public for along time. If I don't have some time to myself after like 12+ hours I start to get very tired, and very paniced, sometmes I will just make up an excuse as to why I need yo "get home" or rest, or what have you. Being out in public is really draining on the senses. I guess after spending so many years in a house by yourself in a room, reading/drawing or on the computer ect, going out to say a "fair" for instance is a major sensorary assault, that I'm just not used to anymore.

But it's good to know I'm not alone.

I took the Myers Briggs personality test, and I'm an INTJ type.
Although I'm sure if I took that test 7 or so years ago I'd have had completely different results.

Mainstream society sanctions the introvert for being an anti-social element which threatens the status quo in some way. It indirectly justifies its suspicion that is placed upon an introvert by media reporting of serial killers, rapists, drug addicts and pedophiles etc. After the simple facts of their crime are reported comes the in-depth investigation into their "secret life", a life other "normal" people had no insight or access into.

Case in point is the Norway man who supposedly planned a complex crime for many years, with the comment by journalists and other commentators that, if he had expressed any of his inner thoughts to other (more extrovert) people, one of them at least would have reported it to, and alerted others.

I'm not saying that this is the reason for sanction against introverts, but rather that society scapegoats the introvert by alluding to these reasons.

When we examine the cause of wars and the violence, cruelty and torture that is committed during wars - the main element of aggression is the extrovert. Any anti-social act committed by introverts is microscopic in comparison.

Yet, the introvert is under suspicion the moment he enters any pack and is identified in negative terms.

Women, are permitted by society to be introverted much more so than men. I think this is to do with introversion being considered a passive form of expression. If a woman for example declares that she is a vegetarian, then there is little anti-sentiment expressed by the pack towards it. If a man on the other hand declares he is a vegetarian, it is almost taken as an affront - a criticism of others, and a statement of challenge.

Also an introvert is often suspected of being a drug user or drug addict by his peers or the management at work, notwithstanding his productive ability. Doubling the extroversion of an introvert could equate to an allowable drop to half the productivity. And this is frequently witnessed by introverts in the workplace - the introvert must work twice as hard as an extrovert, and an extrovert will often work half as hard as an introvert without attracting sanction from the management. He is is seen as a "colourful character" etc who brightens up the workplace with his routines such as teasing other workers, and even loudly complaining about the workplace conditions - payrate etc.