Were you a bully or bullied?

I have personally experienced my five year old getting bullied by a 9 y.o. The scary part was that his mother condoned it, and was even proud of it. Bullies don't just have a personality quark, they are made. The mother is a bully herself. There are many causes of bullies but in this case, the mother has no one to blame but herself. Anyone who knows my kid knows he is very empathetic, sweet and kind, and a very good kid. So to see him picked on by a bigger kid he looked up too is horrifying.
It was like watching a lion kill baby cheetah cubs.
But to actually have the parent sanction it is just shocking. And is child abuse of the worst form. Bullies can grow up to be bullies and victims can grow up to be victims. Boys who are taught to bully have a higher chance of failing out of school and having a conviction by age 24.
I wonder if kids manage to scrape by as middle of the pack, not belonging to either. And I am doing research to see how to best teach my child to become resistant to bullying, while still remaining a good person.

What was your experience? And how are you doing today?

I never bullied and was really never bullied myself...except one time a girl same age as me in HS..didn't like that I parked my car in a certain spot..she started pushing my back one day and kneeing me..I gave fair warning and she continued. I slammed my locker shut, turned around and let her have it. I didn't get into trouble because I threatened the principle that if it continued I would allow the police to handle it. The school didn't want the police involved so they expelled her. Later on her parents called my parents and made the girl apologize. I was never bothered again.

I plan on martial arts for my two girls. I don't want to promote or condone violence but sometimes these kids just need a good ass whippin'..hopefully karate will discipline and teach my child when force is necessary.

But that's just me.....

reply to post by nixie_nox


Neither.

i was a bully once and later on in life i felt ashamed for it.
but today i believe, i didnt decide to become a bully. it was input that became output. no human creates itself or its character. if you are bullied as a child you are likely to bully later on.
human is born, inputs create your character and form your later outputs. no guilt.

ugh i was a timid fellow growing up, i mean quite respectfull and all. in second grade i got beat up everyday but some kids a few grades ahead of me. my father asked me to meet up with my brother at the flag pole to walk him home. he's was one grade below me. and everyday i would go to meet him at the flag pole everyday the would beat me up. it sucked i mean i got in one or two every now and then but i mean it was mostly crying on my part.

years later i found out my brother was taunting them and because he was so young they beat me up instead.

yes i believe this effected me, in what ways who knows. but i had dreams for years after about getting beat up.

eventually i stole one of my dads scary knives and brought it to school. i wasnt my intention of hurting anyone, i was in 2nd grade but rather to flash it at them and scare them. i showed it to a couple friends and of course i was ratted on. but im happy someone did because in retrospect i would have never used it against them but im sure if i flashed it at them they would have used it on me.

so i got expelled from school in 2nd grade! another weird story about my life. i got thousands

reply to post by nixie_nox


I was bullied for 4 years, so to speak, racial too. I did nothing about it and ignored it to the best of my ability, at first I couldn't and it was really tearing me apart but after a while I just got over it so to speak, didn't let it bother me. I thought, well hey, I'll be the better person and eventually it grew down to just name calling which is nothing.

At first I used to use self defence but I found that would jus make things worse and so I did nothing, the teachers were useless andmoving school was not an option, my parents didn't exactly help and so I just got on with it. I came out of school fine, managed to pass all my subjects and move onto college and at the moment I am taking a small break before moving onto university.

If I may ask, where is the bullying taking place? Other than that, I think your child will be just fine

I was always an outcast and I have definitely dealt with my share of crap from other people.

Still do.

Both. School is a strange experience.
2nd line.

I was niether bullied or did i bully.In fact i was the kind of kid that if i seen someone getting bullied i defended them.I was a fighter though so any attempts at bulling me resulted in me going on the attack.My father used to kick the crap mout of me all the time and i guess i learned from that.Ive always been able to look for a weakness and exploit it.I raise my children to be the same,although i never hit them.defend the weak against the bad and powerful.Its been my whole life.

i was bullied in my young years but learn to fight back. After a few bralls i started to stick up for all the other bullied kids. Bulling stopped and i gained the respect from the school

I've been both a bully and bullied, I remember tormenting some poor kid for month's when I was about 13 yrs old , until he turned round and punched me in the throat. (served me right).
I also remember getting bullied when as a kid my family move to a small welsh village, and because I had a thick scouse / liverpool accent I use to get picked on all the time. Their was one kid who always made a bee line for me in the end I snapped and hit him and he never bother me again.

I have also had the same problem with my own children as you have with the bullying parent's condoning they're kids actions, the way I solved this (and I'm not recommending this) was by threatening them with the same abuse my child is experiencing, problem solved.

It seems to me bully's only understand one language.

I think most people hear the word Bully and think of a larger boy beating up on a smaller boy, stealing his lunch money, stuffing him into a locker...

You rarely get a glimpse of female bullying, or its after effects because they're more psychological.

I was... Picked on. Degraded. Accused falsely. Pushed around. Gum in my hair. Made to feel completely inferior from every angle. Not even from just the girls, but the boys as well.

Then I went to high school...
Briefly while I was there (for about a week), I delivered this same form of torture on someone at the prompting of someone else, until I realized what I was doing (it was the gum in the hair that woke me up).

I immediately apologized, and we became good friends.

The instigator faded into the background. I wonder whatever happened to her...

How did I turn out because of it? Suspicious. And careful not to tell people too much. I wouldn't want to give them ammunition.

I have always HATED bullies. I was never bullied and have never done that to someone. To me it's one of the lowest things a human can do to another. I was always the kid who stepped in to help the kid being bullied....my heart breaks when I see it going on. I got suspended a couple of times for fighting (taking up for a bullied kid) But I would do it again in a heartbeat!
Usually once I intervened, the kid being bullied would wind up becoming one of my good friends....the funny thing is, the kids I know who were bullied became successful adults..... and the bullies are either in jail, or sitting in a beat up recliner... in stained wife beater t shirt... with a huge pot belly... and a can of Milwalkie's Best!

Very sorry to hear that your kid is experiencing this, I too was bullied from around 4-16. It progressively got worse towards the end of high-school, in fact my mum ended up having me taken out of regular class because some asshole put a knife up to throat and then ran me over with his motorbike, so i spent the last year of high-school with a tutor learning by myself.

I'd always try and defend myself but was always severely out numbered, the only thing that worked for me was going to the head-teacher every single time something happened. I was labelled a grass but it definitely worked out for a while, but with that in mind.. after I had the main culprit suspended from school they'd then wait for me after school and that's when it turned to the life threatening abuse.

You've definitely gotta' nip this in the bud, go straight to the top and speak to the principal and tell him/her everything you've said here, in the meantime encourage him to defend himself.

I said nothing for over a decade and still have major social issues at 22.

reply to post by stormofnight


You and I are a lot alike! I can't understand how anyone could NOT intervene....it's a serious problem. Many times the victim commits suicide if no one helps. The effects are not only physical, but mental....and I would say the emotional turmoil and humiliation these kids face daily, is even worse than the physical pain of being beat up on.

reply to post by Forevever


Females are worse IMO. Women do tend to do it out of insecurity, and it is psychological abuse. Females can say the most horrible things and wonder why women have shattered self esteem when they grow up.

reply to post by Forevever


You're right...girl on girl bullying is bad....and girls can be really cruel when it comes to jealousy. I really respect you for admitting you did it and realizing it was wrong....we all make mistakes, and that's ok as long as we learn from it.

reply to post by nixie_nox


I was neither. I was the guy sticking up for those that were bullied, and I slapped a few bullies around in my day. I detest bullies and do not consider them to be human beings, and I don't care how old they are.

Originally posted by nixie_nox
reply to post by Forevever

 

Females are worse IMO. Women do tend to do it out of insecurity, and it is psychological abuse. Females can say the most horrible things and wonder why women have shattered self esteem when they grow up.

I have too admit women get it worse, not only from other women, but from the media especially the tabloids. How many articles have you seen with close ups of some poor woman's wobbly bit's accompanied with a derogatory headline.
And they wonder why some girls grow up with issues concerning they're bodies.

reply to post by David291


I had a "friend" who offered to take me into her place till I got on my feet. I left with nothing, had no savings, and she knew this. She promised the world, to give me whatever help I need, she promised a lot of things. About a month in she got a boyfriend and suddenly started getting distant and cold towards me. I was doing what I could to contribute but it wasn't enough. She used my health against me, made a 1000 excuses as to why I had to go, all in an email(like a wuss) and gave me to the end of the month to get out.
She has a son, who had started hitting my son, who isn't even in kindergarten yet. this boy has trouble in school, he does have friends however, but really isn't very nice. She hits him, so he hit my son. I told him it was unacceptable, and he started doing it when no one was around. As I was moving out, this boy started sneering at my kid how he never had to see him again and slammed the door. The wench, who is also a coworker, started crowing this morning about how proud she is of her kid for doing that. She bullies him, and thinks it is ok for him to bully an innocent child who is 4 years younger. Stellar parenting. But then the only attention he gets from her is when she stops partying long enough to yell at him or swat him.
Well we will see if your crowing when your kid is in jeuvy.
So I was halfway out anyways to get my son away from hers. This kid is already in therapy and is heading towards the special ed classes. He has an assitant at school because he won't do his work.
She bullied me, he bullied my son. They got a new dog and I noticed after a few weeks the dog would cower as soon I tried to pick her up, she has never been hit before in her life. I am sure the son is doing it.