Originally posted by Maxmars
Clearly someone thinks that the benefit of the child is better served by her staying where she is. How that notion came to reside in the mind of a
judge is another matter. Are you able to believe that she is in no danger, and well cared for?
I have no fear of my child being raised by my sister in terms of general care. I worry about her ethics, however...
Are you in despair over not having your child with you, or is the child in despair over not having you? Has she been shielded from the drama?
She surely wont forget the truth. You have the means to prove (and I'm sure your competent attorney must have compiled all the instances of your
former petitions for her custody) that you never wanted to abandon her. Surely she knows you love and want her; and in 5 years time, she will have a
full understanding of what happened.
"My" attorney did nothing. He was assigned by the court and his job was to break me. He was good at that.
But know that her welfare is not the real issue.... it never was. This is about something your family perceives strongly enough to drive them
to risk alienating you... this is something outside the courtroom. That is a disadvantage both to you, because they have custody, and them, because
they will forever be burdened with a misrepresentation they will be forced to maintain.
My sister was never able to have children... I suspect this is mostly about that.
Forgive me... perhaps I've gone too far. Let me address less personal things, I'm afraid I've been hit by the presumption bus; down that
road lies madness.
Not too far. I appreciate your input!
Your lawyer sucked. There is no way, given what you have stated, that this case should have ever gotten to the point of your lawyer folding at
the mediation before trial.
He didn't fold. He did as planned. He did not discuss what we could do in court. I would call him and leave messages, email him, give him info
which he did nothing with, and he only called me three times in the month with a few questions. He was on a mission to break me that day. It meant
he didn't have to do any work at all. Court appointed attorneys do indeed suck.
He could have simply stated, "My client advises me she wishes this to be formally adjudicated in court."
Well, we were formally adjudicating that day... But rather than take my side, he took the easy route.
Then he would have been able to prepare a better case focusing on the repeated attempts to resume full custody. Sounds to me like you found
another one of those 'cookie-cutter law' attorneys who value compliance over confrontation. If you need a lawyer, but can't afford one, go to a
local law clinic at the nearest university which teaches law.... contact support groups for people who have been separated from their children... they
all know the advocacy groups that can try to help.
Well, I didn't find him. He was appointed to me at the first court appearance.
If you were truly brow-beaten into conceding, call the BAR to lodge a complaint that your lawyer did not represent you competently, nor in good
Would that be the BAR in my state? Or in the one across country? Because I very much was not represented as I should have been.
..... by the way, did I mention that I am not a lawyer and am not considered able to give competent legal advice? It's true. I am
[smile] Still, you have good ideas. And I appreciate them greatly.
Your letter is not possible. Do not send it, wait three days. Then consider if this is the message you want associated with you in light of
your situation. I suspect any lawyer would say "Hell no."
Well, I will hold off. But truly, I lost all I had when I agreed to give up my parental rights. There is nothing left.
By the way; have you ever considered that the reason for the letter is because you want to communicate with them... get feedback? Is that
really what you want? Or just to make them feel bad and 'give them a piece of your mind'? Or maybe to re-craft the events in your mind and theirs
by retroactively rationalizing what has happened according to the bias of a mind beset with a grief few can relate to? Do you think they want to hurt
you? Do they think you want to hurt them? Can you envision a happy ending to this story that doesn't include a permanent schism in your family? And
what effect would that have on your child?
Giving them a piece of my mind is what I want - and then no further contact. I don't think they want to hurt me, per se. I think they don't care
much that it hurts me so long as they can have my child. They think I can't hurt them. They're probably correct. And I wouldn't want to. I just
want them to know my perspective and then be gone. As for imagining a happy ending... Not any longer. I have no right to my child. If I vanished,
I can't imagine that would have much effect on this child who believes wrong and ugly things about her father and me. She WANTS to be adopted by her
aunt and the partner.
I am bereft and would walk away.
What about your child? Is this really about her, or them, or maybe you?
At this point, it's about me. It was about her before I was browbeaten into giving up hope. Now... She is there and I have no rights. So for my
peace, I want to give them my mind.
Some of what I have written may seem obtuse or waaaay off the mark - or even accidentally correct; but it is all a product of my own mind as it
wanders about what you've asked us all to consider. I apologize if I was rude or somehow caused offense, certainly none was offered
No, you're very astute. And helpful. No offense taken whatsoever. [smile] Thank you for your honesty.
I have some questions I would really like to ask you though; how much trust should we invest in forums like these for such intensely personal
matters? I ask because I am probably too old to feel that comfortable doing such things, it seems too much to trust, you know what I mean? On the
other hand, if any one of us has given you anything positive to use - that's good too.
No "trust," per se, but a variety of viewpoints helps. Yes, I do appreciate the input. I would have sent that letter despite my friend's advice,
but having it reconfirmed here helps.