It looks like you're using an Ad Blocker.
Please white-list or disable AboveTopSecret.com in your ad-blocking tool.
Some features of ATS will be disabled while you continue to use an ad-blocker.
Dear Ted and Becky and Erich and Gary and Marc and [My Daughter, My only Child, now eight and a quarterish - here called (MC)]]
I have no idea where to begin this. So I will write a section to each of you
I am at a loss - you seem to think it is your job to crap on everything I bring to the table. You are so vested in the idea that [Her Father] is a horrible father, even to the point of harassing [Best friend of Her Father] - you try to make it out that just because [Best friend of Her Father] didn't witness every moment, he has no clue how we were parenting (MC). You state that "kids say things to please adults" - without also admitting that kids only say such things when pressed - they don't volunteer such things. That (MC), without any prompting, asked [Her father] why she couldn't just come home with us in Scranton - and then, when I came up, turned to me and begged for us [in tears, no less] to take her home with us shows that at that time, she still remembered our love. But you (and everyone else, I guess) just can't justify ripping (MC) from our arms if you thought there was any time she actually wanted to come home.
You also say that because this feeling "didn't stick" that it was fake - but given enough time and brainwashing, any feelings a child might have can be erased. You suggest that [Her Father's Niece]'s praise for our parenting was "unimpressive" - because she didn't happen to use the term "often," or "frequently," or "a couple of times a week." WTF? You just don't see how far from rational you are on this matter.
You hold up a template of "perfect dad" and anyone who falls short of this is unfit for parenting - you will not acknowledge that parenting is a learning experience, and mistakes will be made. You will not accept Human imperfection (how irrational is THAT???). You reason that one or two mistakes equals someone who beats their child and endangers them. Again, you are so far from rational in your views it astonishes me.
You say *I* am trying to scapegoat. No. I know Linda and I have seen the ugliness and envy she holds. And if you all got the idea that [Her father] and I were not doing a very good job of raising our daughter, then you were lied to. No "scapegoat" here. You use [Her father] as the scapegoat to justify what Becky did.
Well, at this point, I have no brother. Please make no further efforts to contact me.
It is clear that all of you have focused (MC)'s memories into a few negative incidents - erasing the 99.999999999% of the time she had with us that was happy, full of laughter, lots of learning, exploring, love and hugs. You fed her the idea that her daddy is a bad daddy, you did not keep her aware that she would come home, you brainwashed her.
You knew the "abandonment" regulation and ensured we did NOT know it. (So ethical, that.) I thought you sent that $49 back to me out of consideration for me. Out of some ethical sense. But it was so that you could claim we sent no support.
And speaking of ethical - how you must be patting yourselves on the back for having that travesty of justice in the courtroom be in your favor. That was in no way a fair trial. The report was biased (no matter how much "conflict of interest" was supposed to have been avoided) - many details that we brought forth were not mentioned, and it was very much in error on others. NO effort to interview [(MC)'s Paternal Grandmother] was made (though she has been included on all guardianship papers), no efforts were made to interview any others with first hand knowledge either. [Her Father] had no chance to testify though the judge said [in court, moments before] he would have the chance (the judge was not interested in OUR side - how ethical is THAT? Justice? Heh. Don't you feel proud to have screwed your sister through your connections, avoiding actual justice), and I was pushed over the edge into temporary insanity by "my" attorney.
On top of that, the moment we filed to bring (MC) home, ETHICALLY, the question of abandonment was off the table. You and Erich are rather pathetic and I am concerned to have my daughter raised by ones of such dubious ethics. In fact, my daughter is dead. The loving, compassionate, understanding, caring, giving child that left me is gone. You killed her. In her place is an Imelda wannabe, stuck up, spoiled plastic Disney Consumer Doll. Good job, Beck.
As for our video, maybe you should watch with some degree of a sense of humor. All of those pieces made (MC) laugh - especially the poopie scene. [The "poopie" scene was (MC) proudly showing off her accomplishment in the commode, with [Her Father]'s "awe" and encouragement to flush - at age 3 3/4ish.] We watched it a number of times at her request and we all laughed and laughed. If there were issues of Lili unclothed, we were teaching her that the Human body is nothing to be ashamed of. If you are raising her with such a stigma I am all the more concerned. These were home movies. They had meaning to (MC) and we included ones she liked. YOUR reaction is irrelevant.
You WANT there to be a problem with [Her Father] and me - to justify your underhanded, two-faced stealing of my child.
I have no sister. Please make no further efforts to contact me.
I was told that you told (MC) that "Mommy made the right choice." [Mommy went temporarily insane from stress and emotional anguish being used by "her" attorney to break her hope and have her give up her parental rights "voluntarily."] No. Mommy made an insane choice. You and Becky did nothing to retain (MC)'s ties with us - in fact you actively discouraged her from doing so by keeping her so focused on a few moments that were unhappy with her father (what? three hands raised and a few times he raised his voice), never asking, I'm sure, about the many, many times she was happy, thereby building a sense in her that her father was always mean. Brainwashing a child is pretty easy, huh?
You're a weasley sort, you know that? You're so sure you know what our family life was like from 3,000 miles away, based on lies of an envious step-mother and a hen-pecked husband.
Your snide comment about not telling her "all the time" she would go home to us "any day now" was ridiculous. You knew that was not what was in order. Gentle reminders now and then was what was in order. We asked for Becky's help and were screwed by the two of you.
I have no interest in you whatsoever. Please make no efforts to contact me.
I have no email for you at present. I have little to say to you, really, except that you have no clue.
You lied to me. Three times, you lied. You have been lying since. Whereas once you complimented both [Her Father] and me for our parenting, you now claim there was some problem - but what exactly was that problem? What lies have you been telling to justify your position?
I despise you. Please make no further efforts to contact me.
In the report it was said that you said that Daddy and Mommy "made mistakes" and that we "would never change." What mistakes did we make (other than sending you to live with Auntie Becky)? How would you like to see us change?
I am willing to bet you don't have answers to those questions and that this is merely what you have been told, brainwashed into believing. You have no specifics - because there are none - and just parrot the things you have been told.
Someday, my sweet Buddha, you will see how you were manipulated, how you were made to believe there were problems but no specifics were given, how Auntie Becky envied me and took you from me. On that day, I will hold my arms open and welcome you home.
Originally posted by Annee
Wow! What a mess.
First off - - - only send positive love to your daughter. The one thing you need is communication rights. Are you allowed to talk to her on the phone.
Children are very good at making up their own minds about things.
I've been in situations where I have written letters. They are still sealed and in a drawer. Probably where you should put this one.
Actions of Love and continued positive connection - - - will probably have the best affect. You may not get her back as a child - - - but she will probably come to you when she has her own voice.
Laws have changed in child custody cases. Today laws protect the child. If the child is happy and cared for where she is - - - its tough to change that.
Originally posted by Alora
I realize that you are in a lot of pain. Do not send that letter, especially the section that is addressed to your daughter. An 8 year old doesn't deserve to be talked to that way. She is in pain, too. She is hurt and confused and her loyalties probably change from minute to minute as she witnesses all of these adults fighting over her for reasons she isn't experienced enough to understand. The only thing that you need to say to her is that you love her very very much and always will. Tell her that you always want her in your life. Leave it at that. Say nothing more about anything. As she gets older, she will be able to piece together what has happened and who did what.
This is coming from a former eight year old in a similar situation.
Originally posted by ComplexSimplicity
I agree... do not send that. Instead send your daughter letters to show that you love and care for her, only send a copy to her case manager as well. Just so the people involved in this can't say that you never sent her letters. If they do you have copies documented with someone that couldn't fabricate it.
Originally posted by liejunkie01
Star and flag for you because I kind of know what you are dealing with. A little different though. It involves my first son and his mother. I think she was jealous because we did things like camping and Chuck-E-Cheese's alot. I just didn't sit at home all of the time.
But anyways, as far as the letter. I do not know if I would send it as is. If you wish to send them a letter, do it with a little more class(not trying to sound like an arse. I think it sounds a little white trash-ish). I would hold off on the wishing to never see you again parts. I would maybe just say. I am sorry we do not see the eye to eye on what is best in this situation. If you say something too harsh you might regret it later on down the road. Those things will haunt you for ever. One thing is for sure. If you sound sophisticated and classy, they will remember that. If you sound like you are spiteful and full of hatred they will say, " see we made the right decision".
Let them stew and wonder about your politeness. They will wonder if what they are doing is the right thing.
I do not wish to sound like I know it all... I know white trash, hell I came from the trailerparks down south. I like to think that these days when I sound like I have taken the time to educate myself and present myself in a manner of decency, the results are different.... If not just for pride in the fact that I was polite and did my best, nobody can take that away from me. I know that later on down the road my son will realize that I cared for him and love him very much. Nobody can take that from me. Not even a judge.
PS. I feel your pain and I just wanted you to know how I feel straight up, no beating around the bush. If I come off like I am an arse, I apologize.
Originally posted by Amaterasu
Thank you Annee. I suppose I could call - but I almost always get the machine, and when I do get her she has nothing to say. Besides, I have 14 minutes on my phone until the first, and I try to keep something on in case an employer calls (I only have 68 minutes a month...).
They wouldn't give this to her, anyway. It's more for her in the future. It's for them so that they know what I want to say to her.