posted on Mar, 20 2011 @ 08:52 PM
It is an unfortunate and absolute truth that time can never be undone and life cannot be turned back and lived again. Once Father time pens down our
doing's, whether good or bad, the ink dries and the page is forever sealed never to be opened again.
There can be no denying the immeasurable anguish and misery that I have put on myself and the people that I love and care for. And what of the
countless shattered dreams that have long grown cold never to be revived due to time and circumstance? Mr. Addiction did not steal my health,
happiness, and dreams. There was no theft of any sort. It was I who insisted that he take them, if only for a little while...
It was my initial plan for Mr. A to hold on to my life and dreams while I stepped out into the vast expanse of Numbland and lay on the warm sands of
disinterest. Have you been there? The problem is however, while I was enjoying my intermission from life no one stopped the clock as I abandoned the
Ship that I was suppose to be sailing.
When I took the plunged headlong off of the deck, I came to the sickening realization that I had jumped off and left my family on board. They were all
on the deck crying for me to come back but against all tide and effort I could not catch them. Exhausted, I just watched as the ship sailed on without
me, the heart wrenching cries from my family beckoning for my return faded into the horizon.
I ended up floating alone in the current until I reached my lonely destination of Numbland. I have been visiting this place since I was 14 years old,
but I always went home after my short stay. This time I remained for a few months and that is When Mr. A shown up unannounced and uninvited. I did not
mind his presence at first, in fact I didn't even know he was on the island with me. He blended in with my shadow stirring my hunger for more of
something...more of anything.
After a while I became home sick and wanted to return to my ship that I would often see floating by on some days of clarity. I could hear the faint
cries of my children cutting through the dense fog that separated us. Some inner voice revealed to me that Mr. A could bring the ship closer. "Mr. A,
can you bring the ship in so I can see my family? I want to talk to them and let them know I'm coming home soon." "Sure!" he said, and the ship
would come to the sandy shore. In a drug hazed stupor, I scrambled to get back on board barely missing my families outstretched hands. But Mr. A would
not let go of my other hand. He would say, "where you are going I cannot go, but you can however go without me, I cannot hold you against your
will." Beaten down and defeated I would watch the ship pull away. "I'll hop on when you come around again!" I would yell out to my family as the
tears ran down their angel like faces. "The ship is sinking without you!" my wife would yell. "Can you not see the wreckage that we are enduring in
your absence? This nauseating event would go on regularly. I could see the glimmer of love and forgiveness in their eyes but the forgiveness was
getting dulled by the ongoing negligence on my part.
Just as it had always done before the Ship did soon return again, although looking even worse than before. I realized it would be now or never. It
would not survive another turn at sea without me. Not to mention, my long stay in Numbland had started to take a turn for the worse. The euphoria was
replaced with guilt, obsession, depression, anxiety and so on. The man I once was no longer existed. I had unknowingly buried him alive. Enough was
After summoning up enough faith and courage, I looked over at Mr. A and said, " you have been with me for many years now, although I love you, and
although we have been through much, I can no longer believe your lies and deception. I ask you now to let go of my hand." He replied, "well my
friend, I have a secret to share with you, I will let go of your hand and you are free to go, but due to your long stay we are now brothers. I must go
with you now. I will not force you to use or to return to this place, but I will always be in your ear inviting you back. In time my voice will fade,
and you may even at times forget about me, but I am always here, and I always will be." The ship returned.
When I manned the Ship after my long stay with Mr. A at Numb land, allot of my cargo was gone. The plans, promises and previous dreams where all lost
at sea during the ongoing storms. Anxiously, I went below deck to see if my treasure had been lost or stolen, Mr. A strolled not far behind me. I held
my breath as I opened the door to the treasure room. When I turned on the light the only important and meaningful possession was still there. My wife,
my two boys, and my precious daughter. They greeted me with warm hugs and kisses as I begged for their forgiveness. Do you still love me? I inquired.
"Of course we do Daddy," my daughter said as she gave me a sweet warm kiss on the cheek. Who is your friend you brought onto our ship? My wife and
kids asked. " Oh, that's Mr. A. He will be staying with us from now on but I promise he will not be a problem." I sat down and explained to my kids
who Mr. A was and how he may come calling them someday and to never listen to his lies. "He will not be able to take your life unless you give it to
him, and once you do, he will be with you forever, calling you at the most inopportune times when you are at your lowest moments in life. He will make
you feel wonderful at first, life will appear more enjoyable, boredom and depression will be alleviated. Your problems and pains appear to fade. In
time however, he will explain that in order to have more of him, he must have more of you. Once you give in to his demands, you are forever bonded, he
then in some sick way becomes you and you become him. In time he will turn on you, waking you in the middle of the night, crawling through the veins
in your legs and oppressing your every thought. He will place such an awful void in the place where your dreams and aspersions once occupied. He is
the dream snatcher, always looking to befriend the lonely, heart broken, and pain ridden lives of those needing relief and reprieve. Stay away at all
costs my little ones." "We will Daddy...we will."
Happily my family and I are in the process of repairing our ship. God has calmed the sea just enough for us to focus on the tasks at hand. And believe
it or not, I am at the helm with the wind at my back and the Sun in my face. I can hear my children's laughter once again anxiously making plans for
the upcoming seasons. I am pleasantly surprised by the smell of sweet perfume and a hug felt upon my back, it is my wife. "I love you babe," she
whispers in my ear. "Where do you think we will go?" "Does it really matter?" I reply. She greets my response with a beautiful smile. Up on the
deck I see Mr. A reclining in a chair smoking a cigar with a smug look on his face. Oddly enough he winks at me. I know too well what the wink is
implying. "Not this time Mr. A, I know you too well." Who are you talking to honey? My wife asks. "Nobody baby doll...nobody at all."