Perception and Projection when Connecting to People Online

reply to post by Skyfloating


I'm sure she is a she... lol

Skype really is something.

reply to post by Skyfloating

well there is correlation between them I'm sure. just as you would sense a presence watching you from some hidden location, even to the point of danger. i believe it all stems from being sensitive or aware of the world around you and becomes a manifestation there of

reply to post by Skyfloating


It is very simple, everyone that you look at is a mirror for yourself. The deeper that you know yourself, the deeper reflection that you receive when looking at other. Things that some people find strange and possibly disturbing, others might find familiar and comforting. Since we are all human, there is much of our own selves that are reflected in others, however the things that are totally unique to us as individuals, is what defines "ourselves". There is a level of "sameness" that we all have, but owing to various emotional repressions, this "link" can often be severed, for example, when people that have conflicting emotional repressions interract with each other, they are repulsed, kind of like "natural enemies". When it comes to finding the "true person" it is a direct measurement of how much of the "true you" that you are willing to express/expose to them, and the level of reciprocation that they react with.

reply to post by SystemResistor


Fantastic post!

And since the "other" we see is indeed a kind of mirror, then the implication would be that any efforts to make desired changes, should begin with ourselves.

reply to post by Skyfloating


I think without the facial expressions your impression is left to the honesty of the words written. However, because even an ugly writer may be a beautiful person, an ugly person is never seen until they have expressed something ugly. So I think the imagination is left to hoping the words match the face/body. I think if you are looking for romance via forums, you better get an updated pic first hand, sometimes our imaginations can create more than we intend them to.

I am really enjoying this post. I am fairly new here - and some of the threads are so mean spirited - this one started with a nice energy and has maintained. About my Avatar - I always go into sort of a blank mode when trying to decide these things or passwords. The idea of The Bird is Done, came out of being between Holidays and thinking about the turkey being done . . . literally. But now it fits in other ways that were not obvious when I first decided on it.

One thing I don't like about online forums: I rely on spellcheck in real life, usually there is no such thing on these boards. Also depending on many factors my cognitive abilities are sometimes affected . . . so it puts me off when people attack each other over spelling. Sometimes I am more with it then others and I hate to be called on the carpet if I am missing a beat here or there - and this did happen on another thread.
It seems like some posts are put up intentionally to draw people out and just as in real life I see there are people who enjoy a good fight. yuck.

Since I first started posting here it did not occur to me that I might make friends. I just wanted to join the conversation. I wouldn't like the webcam idea because for so long I labored to overcome my looks - it is nice to be free of the "shell" online. I have always felt like I wander this earth as a brain with eyes, I forget I even have a physical self. Maybe that sounds strange. I am always shocked to hear or see myself on video. I know this is not uncommon - but seeing myself on video I realized had no idea I had certain body language habits - or facial expressions. Sometimes I will be operating as this brain with eyes and realize . . . the other human being in real life is making all kinds of lists and assumptions about me based on my looks, gender, etc. It will distract me in midsentence or thought. I hate that.

Yes, I have the sensation of reading or seeing people online - I think there are clues or symbols we pick up on that present a picture in the minds eye. On another thread I responded to someone who asked for this, and I did a cold reading. Later, my stomach turned when I looked at other postings by this person and discovered some of what I had felt from the very little I had seen on line - was intuitively correct. I don't understand this ability, its bizzare and has only increased in the past several years. Maybe it is just age? Maybe it is because I had a need to turn my survival skills up onto overdrive during a period in my life? I'm not sure, but I have come to accept and even enjoy this ability lately. I was the person that would "feel things" about people and be given a hard time about it if I tried to verbalize this. I would be quite wealthy if I had a dollar for each time weeks, months, even years later I got the call telling me I had been right about so and so. Actually I got so much resistance I stopped telling people. People can sense when you have this "skill" though, and they will search you out for it. I've given up - I just live honestly now in all ways (because it is hard when you can see the reality of situations before others) and most people know this so they prepare themselves for my answers when they ask for them.

I think you can tell pretty quick who is kind in spirit, who might be a bit unbalanced, who likes to fight, who has a fragile ego - some of us probably just read the signs and symbols a little bit faster then others. The internet, facebook, news article response areas, blog postings . . . are such an interesting study in human behavior. The ulitmate people watchers dream world tool. You can in fact be THAT fly on the wall.

reply to post by JR MacBeth

selfless perfection. SHIBUMI

It has been mentioned here that the anonymity that goes with the internet allows one to express ideas which one may not do in 'real life,' thereby revealing one's true personality.

However, I believe a person's internet personality does not necessarily reflect the person's true self, but rather, expresses a fictional character which resides in that person's mind, created out of their desires and dreams.

The internet allows a person to be who they desire to be. For example, on the internet, a Freemason may express a sincere desire to help others, whereas in real life, he does not do as much for charity as he would like, because in practice it is harder than it looks. But on the internet, he can be that ideal Freemason.

Philosophies such as Magick, and texts such as 'The Secret' teach that the more we act out our dream character, the more likely we are to become that person. This can be a very good thing, as many people go home, and try to be the good person they have proclaimed to be on the internet, thereby becoming better people in real life. On the other hand, sexual offenders, for example, usually start out with internet pornography, and then later become their fictional internet character (desire) in reality.

Either way, whether it is a good or a bad thing, I think that a person's internet character may not necessarily be who they are now, but rather, it reveals the person they are becoming. Different people may be more or less progressed along this path of transition (and therefore closer or further from their internet personalities), but nonetheless, their internet personality still expresses more a desire of whom they would like to become, rather than a reflection of who they are now.

I get the urge to just explain everything that I know to people, with the hope that in exchange, I can learn something new. Since being on the internet, discussing things with people, and thinking about these things in my spare time, the speed of my thoughts have increaced, its as if my hands cannot keep up with what my mind is trying to express. The sad thing is, is that when I truly express myself in words, or attempt to express my thoughts to the people around me, I would seem (basically) like either a genius or a freak, but generally I would be interrupted with an off topic comment, silence, or some form of ridicule (like talking to a bunch of children). On the other hand, speaking at their level has the opposite effect, because I am perceptive enough to know what people really are thinking, and thus confronted by the degree to which they hide their intentions and emotions from each other. To talk to them I would have to play the "game" but to say something honestly would mean that I would have to break the ice about what was really on their minds. I don't know why, it appears that any individual self-expression is frowned upon among my family in general, talking about anything from a point of individuality seems to be something that they find uncomfortable. Possibly because of what they repress within themselves, and also due to how they simply aim to feel like the bigger person, from their little mental fortresses, maintaining their "masks". In the real world, I find that most people are attempting to gain power/position/recognition, the only times I can truly feel myself is around my friends, where we can just say whatever we want, or on the internet - and even then we have to guard against any one falling into particular traps, or "selling out" our individuality so we can be part of various "social groups". When it comes to workmates, I generally find it awkward - there is just too much talking behind each others backs and emotional blackmail, however when its just us boys having a laugh, we can say whatever we want, without some underlying social norm trying to curb our behaviour.

Perhaps it is just where I live, but there is so much emotional dishonesty, so much repression, like they are all trying to escape something, escape a part of themselves, escape that dark corner of thier minds, and remain on the surface, where things are shallow and safe.

reply to post by SystemResistor


A very brave post. Thank you for expressing yourself so well. I'm sure it will help others more then you know. It is a gift when one opens so directly and shares from the heart. I can imagine it is most difficult to feel at odds within the false construct of reality within your family system. Continue to be brave . . . it makes you a leader in a noble way. For by sharing as you have - you have stepped forward perhaps preparing the way for someone who might not be so confident. People who truth bear in families are often "banished" - by sharing your views I can guarantee someone feels less alone out there . . .

There was an online friend i met on this forum. Instantly we ended up chatting in facebook and yahoo. When we met via skype webcam she commented that I'm a little different than online and i've notice they actually have a hard time understanding me in real life due to my accent but we still get along fine. Now when meeting a online friend face to face i see that there's a pro and con. Pro would be getting to know your pal a little better and the con would be your pal might think of you in a negative way due to appearance.

reply to post by JR MacBeth


Yes i agree that is one of the avatars i hate too.
and her post's dont really do much for me either.so far.
maybe that is her in the avy?

so maybe we can discern a lot more than we know
through the net,no doubt some members give off a
great vibe and some not so great.

But i for one don't wish to see MOST behind the post's
SOME i am curious of,but would it kill the whole illusion?.

Originally posted by Saurus
Either way, whether it is a good or a bad thing, I think that a person's internet character may not necessarily be who they are now, but rather, it reveals the person they are becoming.

Thats a fascinating thing to say. Perhaps who they could become...

Sky, you ask very interesting questions, and ones which where discussed at length in forums wherein I participated back in the mid 1990's.

The one point I have to add here is that forums such as ATS provide an opportunity for me to share who I am at my core, what matters most to me, and how I perceive the world.

During normal face to face exchanges, these opportunities rarely present themselves, and even when they do, personal defenses tend to be raised which restrict the easy flow of words from the heart.

In real life, I edit my messages to accommodate the personality I perceive before me, whereas on public forums, that fear of offending or being misunderstood by another becomes negligible and is replaced instead by the focus on the clarity of my message.

Now whether this allows others to perceive me as I really am, I have no idea. All I know is that I am more "really me" online than I am generally in face to face interactions.

What a spectacular thread! Great idea OP, it has taught me a lot about how people relate to their avatars and online persona's. I never really contemplated much of what is discussed here. To me, this is just a platform to communicate with people. It is like using the phone. Obviously it is a bit more dynamic than I thought.

I wish I'd had known, I would have done something with my hair!

Anyway, not much to contribute for once. So, great thread OP.

With Love,

Your Brother

I think I am blind in that respect, I read things as if I wrote them, at least to the greatest extent possible. However, its also the case that I only really read and respond to things that my own mind has a strong correlation with.

reply to post by Skyfloating


Personally when i speak to people online i treat them all the same. Your all just 1,0's online so why should i care about what i say, and i treat all people online the same.

I neither project or have any real perceptions of anyone online, and i do not add anyone as friends online or what have you. I probably for the most part would not remember online names, other than here and there. I just take each post as it comes, and i care not who is the other poster really.

I see online as not really having a discussion or talking like in real life, so i treat for the most part each reply to me the same. I try not to imagine who the other poster is as i do not care, and probably people that destroyed my life have spoken to me online, but i do not care one bit, as its only online, and i have nothing to do with them period.

One thing i do take heed on is that hardly anyone stands out in posting, as most posters post in fairly similar fashions, and for the most part board postings are boring, and alot of people should let go more online. Its only online.

One thing also, its one reason why i do not have an avatar. Its maybe the one thing that may put people off speaking to you, and i think avatars do have an effect on postings you get with it. I never ever use avatars, and never will. I am just me, and what i write.

reply to post by Skyfloating


I think you can tell who someone is over the internet. It may take a little patience, because many people are trying to "be" something they arent. But it can be done, reliably, and I have never been surprised when I met someone I had been friends with over the internet first.

I dont really make a lot of friends online, though. I like most people, I like their posts, I can even like people I never agree with, but I dont really bond emotionally to many people online. The online world for me is more mental than emotional. I guess because its what I need more of. Coupled with the fact it literally IS more mental.

I am missing more mental stimulation than emotional connection in my real life. I know lots of lovely human beings in real. People I care for, and whom I am happy to see, but who I cannot talk to about a lot of the thigns that interest me. Its just not their cup of tea. I dont think I project too much. (although like Benevolent, when something about someone really irks me, I know to look within) I dont have a ton of crap that needs to be projected. I have some, just not a bunch. Im pretty ruthlessly analytical about my own motives and such as well as being that well with others.

I think it all boils down to you. Why you come online. What you are missing in "real." In terms of projection, people do that in person as well as online, and I think it has to do primarily with how many lies you tell yourself, how much you conceal from yourself. If you are pretty open and honest, you will not project much. If you are a story teller, who creates a fiction about your life and who you are, you will be projecting all over the place. Perhaps many people run into more projection online because it allows them more leeway to fictionalize themselves.

Anyway. Very good thought provoking topic. I enjoyed all the posts. I know its an older one, but it was worth a bump.