Perception and Projection when Connecting to People Online

When talking to people Online I wonder how much of my impression of them is my own projection and how much I am sensing the real person.

Sometimes my online impression of people is exactly right. In rare instances I might meet them in real-life or see a picture and think: "Wow...thats exactly who I thought this was!". And then, other times, I am way off and realize I was only imaginging things that have nothing to do with the real person.

Connecting with people virtually is interesting because its like a disembodied connection. If you believe in souls and energy-fields or in humans not being a body but a soul or a mind, then Internet should actually help people to communicate mind-to-mind, without the physical distraction.

Or is it that ones real life face and body is a reflection of a persons true lifestyle and character and not having that can lead to impaired judgement about the person?

Sometimes, when talking to someone online, I pick up a certain emotion I did not feel before and think to myself: "Did that Emotion just come from me, or the other person?"

Sometimes one feels an immediate "yuck!" at someone online, at other times one feels immediate "yes!" with someone. Isnt that weird? That might be evidence that we are
all connected in some way that transcends the physical body.

How much do the people here mean to you? For me, sometimes they are like some distant and unimportant virtual irreality. And sometimes they are like close friends that I really miss when not seeing for awhile (in some cases I even miss my adversaries).

Although I believe we can sense who is behind the screen, I also see some severe "projectioning" going on. Awhile ago I saw a guy who supposedly "fell in love" with someone. He would write messages to me rambling on about how she is the woman of his dreams. I said: "Why dont you wait until you meet her?". He wouldnt have any of it. He did meet her. I asked: "How was it?" He said: "Never mind. I was mistaken". That was kind of funny after having to listen to it half a year.

Another thing: Do you think people purposefully prefer Forums such as this not to be Webcam based? Do you think your responses to people would change if you knew what they looked like? Would their looks change your opinions of them? How many posts are misunderstood because we cant see facial expressions?How do you discern between perception and projection?

Unfortunately most people judge people on their appearance, and who they actually are as a person takes second place to that. This is why I prefer the internet. I have met people online and often things have changed, not because I act differently but because they see what I look like.

In short, the vast majority of people are ignorant and shallow. The internet can mask it but once the mask is revealed, then peoples true colours come through.

The main question of the OP is: Can you tell what people are like when you meet them online? How easily can you tell?

First of, nice thread.

I think physical appearance is much more REAL form of communication despite the fact that an anonymous virtual conversation is much more open and equal in many ways. A 15 year old and an 80 year old wouldn't be caught dead discussing Foreign affairs or politics face to face. But online such discussions would be quite common.

I feel that your physical appearance and your "visage" do matter because appearance conveys a LOT about a person.Beauty is just one factor but things like fitness, clothing, hairstyles, etc all tell something us something and we tend to "weight" the person based on these things to determine the worth of their statements.
A 15 year old's analysis of relationships would be hard to counter the analysis of a 30 year olds. Or a goth's perception of Foreign Affairs would be hard pressed to stand against an academic's perception of the same subject.

In an ideal world all opinion should be equally weighted but to the realists experience, wisdom and exposure are things that can't be discounted.

Further, I believe outer appearance and the inner self are two halves of a coin and therefore while face-time makes us focus too much on appearances, these virtual fora makes us focus too much on only the inner persona both of which give us misleading "first impressions". Only a few people are consistent both externally and internally.

Originally posted by Skyfloating
That might be evidence that we are all connected in some way that transcends the physical body.

I definitely believe that! The 'recognition' I feel sometimes is evidence (not proof) that I am connected through more than my words on a screen.

How much do the people here mean to you? For me, sometimes they are like some distant and unimportant virtual irreality. And sometimes they are like close friends that I really miss when not seeing for awhile (in some cases I even miss my adversaries).

I feel exactly the same. The people are what keep me coming back to ATS and they're also what drive me away sometimes.

Although I believe we can sense who is behind the screen, I also see some severe "projectioning" going on.

Absolutely agree!

Another thing: Do you think people purposefully prefer Forums such as this not to be Webcam based? Do you think your responses to people would change if you knew what they looked like? Would their looks change your opinions of them? How many posts are misunderstood because we cant see facial expressions?How do you discern between perception and projection?

That's tough! I definitely think my responses would change if I could see the people I was talking with. I think it's just human nature to 'judge a book by its cover', no matter how hard we try not to. And frankly, I wouldn't want people to see me before they responded to me. I want them to respond based on my words and thoughts, not how I look or what gender or age I am.

I'm sure I do some projecting. I know I am when I feel an instant dislike for someone. That usually means that I 'see' something in them that I recognize as something about myself that I'm not crazy about. When someone is harsh or sarcastic, I get a little hit of that. Because I know I am, too and I'm not crazy about that. I would love to be even-keeled, loving and sweet all the time, but I know I'm just not.

I know my judgments are skewed because I don't really know the other people here. That's why I really try not to hold grudges. If I have a run-in with someone, I really try to let it slide and start anew next time.

Good post!

Great idea for a thread OP, S & F.

Some of the ways I get a feel for the "who" behind the words often starts with an avatar. Obviously, a lot going on with those kind of choices, and none of us should read too much into such a thing, until maybe we have spent more time with the person.

But doesn't an "obnoxious" avatar send a message? There's one member I have been tempted to put on ignore only because she has perhaps the most annoying avatar possible (yeah, it moves). Reading her posts don't suggest that she could be that horrid, but I'm just sayin', that avatar is sort of a barrier.

How much is "projection"? That's a good question, and I think we all see the other side of that at times, when we post something, and we get responses way out of proportion to what we were intending to communicate. That's when we might say to ourselves something like, "Woah, this dude is really projecting!"

Getting past the avatar, it's amazing how much "attitude" can still show through our words. And that can be a lot of projecting too of course. But it's funny how you can read something, and sense a kindred spirit out there, within those words. I guess just as often (maybe more), you can read something and be wondering how the moron even can manage to type!

Great topic for self-reflection I think, as well as for discussion.

JR

reply to post by Skyfloating

Ok, so I don't really look like Michael Palin. Hope this helps.

Don't really have much to add, other than I met my wife in a game of Left 4 Dead 2.

Yeah, forget E-Harmony, zombie killin gets the ladies hot

In my opinion,

The degree to which you can know a person would be relative to the degree in which they express themselves in the post. I think strongly that if you share hundreds of posts with a person on ATS, chances are you know them more authentically then most people they see physically in their lives because chances are they are communicating with 'you' more honestly then they ever would to anyone else in their daily existence.

I begin to build an image in my mind of people, its not concrete, its not colorful - but its an impression.

Its a unique energy signature, a flavor, a symbolic representation of that person which becomes more defined the more I read their writing.

So will my mental projection resemble who they are in the flesh? Maybe. -

But I think its a guarantee that the impression we get from a person on ATS is authentic to who they are on a soul level and the images we see in our minds eye are pieced together from our memories which we can relate to that person.

-G

Some of you who are familiar with my posting, might be thinking something like "Oh, another Gnostic quote from Tamahu!"

But in all seriousness, the lecture from which the following relevant excerpt–which is not necessarily long or short–is quoted, really explains more than a lot about this topic:

Samael Aun Weor wrote:

"The world is formed by impressions. For example, an image of a table reaches our mind through the sense organs. We cannot say that the table has reached us or that the table has come inside our brain, that would be absurd. But the image of the table is inside. Then our mind reacts immediately, saying: this is a table, it is made of wood or metal etc. Well now, there are impressions that are not pleasant, for example, the words of an insulter. Could we transform the words of an insulter? The words are as they are. Then, what can we do? We can transform the impressions that those words produce in us. Yes, that is possible.

"The Gnostic teaching tells us to crystallize the second force (the Christ) in ourselves by means of a postulate that says:

"We must receive the unpleasant manifestations of our fellowmen with gladness."

"This is the way to transform the impressions produced in us by the words of an insulter. This postulate will naturally get us to the crystallization of the second force (the Christ) in ourselves, to get the Christ to come and take form in us. This is a sublime postulate, one-hundred-percent esoteric.

"If we do not know anything of the physical world but its impressions, then the physical world is not as external as people believe. With just reason did Emmanuel Kant say: "the exterior is as the interior." Then, if the interior is what counts, we must transform the interior. Impressions are internal. Thus, all objects, things and all we see exists in our interior in the form of mere impressions that incessantly vibrate inside our psyche. The mechanical result of such impressions have been all those inhuman elements we carry inside and which we have normally called "I"s, and which, all together, constitute the "myself."

"Nobody could say he is seeing a tree in itself, he is seeing the image of the tree but not the tree. As Emmanuel Kant said, nobody sees the "thing in itself," you see the images of things; that is, the impression of a tree arises in us, about a thing, and these are internal. The mechanical result does not make you wait long. It is the birth of new "I"s that come to enslave our Consciousness further, that come to intensify the dream in which we live."

reply to post by Gradius Maximus


I agree. I don't feel like I know anyone at all until I have been involved with many of the same threads and even share some PMs. Even then, I don't know how they'd respond to regular life or other situations, so I still don't know them. Only after several years of online communications, public and private, do I feel like I have a handle on the personality of the person. Even then, meeting them in person could show me something I absolutely did not expect.

As far as avatars, I feel that most of them are what people WANT to represent to the rest of the world, not necessarily who they really are.

Originally posted by Benevolent Heretic
reply to post by Gradius Maximus

 

As far as avatars, I feel that most of them are what people WANT to represent to the rest of the world, not necessarily who they really are.

Could we not say that - what we want to represent to the rest of the world 'is' who we really are?

I was thinking a while back about people playing video games, being the hero/villain, the knight in shinning armor, the private choices they make in those choose your own adventure types.

That is closer to who they are then the desk job or college degree they are working towards.

It never ceases to amaze me - the wickedness that other human beings can deliver to eachother under the guise of anonymity but just when it seems so horrid, I am shown such grace from a complete stranger via online interactions and I think to myself - "Wow, people are expressing themselves 'more' authentically here, then in the outside world'

So what does that say for humanity, if millions of our fellows rush out to purchase "Call of Duty: Black OPS"

I'll state it again to bring it back to the topic - Who we are in game/post/chat is likely more authentically us then who we pretend to be at the office.


Blessings,

-G

reply to post by Skyfloating

it depends on how well hidden or detached people are from their real personality.
it also depends on how connected you become with curtain people.
I have found that once I've developed a connections with people, I know when they are lying and that that connection isn't broken even after we're no longer online, almost as if Ive entered into them and could literally see through their eyes. anywhere in the world

people are rarely whom they project themselves online to be in real life, even when using a web cam, even in real life. something always remains suspicious or hidden and true people are very rare.

some people are masters of deception and know how to conceal a connection so you cannot enter in.....a mental firewall

Great thread.
Everyone of the posts I read having meaning.

In my humble opinion, age matters when perception is involved.
And things have changed over the internet evolution also.

With more and more people 'hiding' behind their on-screen identity, people aren't always who they seem to be.
But I will say this, intelligence is not hidden with a keystroke.

Young or old, everyones perception is based on their own personal environment or experiences.
Because how I perceived people at 14, is immensely different than now.
But then again, I look at people in the real world differently then before.

So I would say its all a personal opinion.

...and personally I prefer the sound of a womans voice, over her keystrokes.

Originally posted by IAF101
Further, I believe outer appearance and the inner self are two halves of a coin and therefore while face-time makes us focus too much on appearances, these virtual fora makes us focus too much on only the inner persona both of which give us misleading "first impressions". Only a few people are consistent both externally and internally.

Interesting. I too sometimes cringe when someone in a state of smelly self-neglect and rotting teeth says to me "Why dont you look at my inner values? Why dont you love me for who I really am?" And I think: But isnt your outside appearance a reflection of what is going on inside?

And it has nothing to do with some unattainable beauty-idea. Sometimes its just as simple as forgetting to zip ones pants or brush ones teeth.

Originally posted by JR MacBeth
But doesn't an "obnoxious" avatar send a message? There's one member I have been tempted to put on ignore only because she has perhaps the most annoying avatar possible (yeah, it moves). Reading her posts don't suggest that she could be that horrid, but I'm just sayin', that avatar is sort of a barrier.

Its funny you say so because your bloodstained avatar makes me want to look away too.

But I understand what you are saying. I find myself judging peoples intentions by their avatars. Thats one of the only "appearance" things we have to go by here so I do think it plays a role.

How much is "projection"? That's a good question, and I think we all see the other side of that at times, when we post something, and we get responses way out of proportion to what we were intending to communicate. That's when we might say to ourselves something like, "Woah, this dude is really projecting!"

Thats a pretty good answer to the issue of "what is projected, what is perceived". I could go with that.

Originally posted by Gradius Maximus
In my opinion,

The degree to which you can know a person would be relative to the degree in which they express themselves in the post. I think strongly that if you share hundreds of posts with a person on ATS, chances are you know them more authentically then most people they see physically in their lives because chances are they are communicating with 'you' more honestly then they ever would to anyone else in their daily existence.

There is some truth to this. The anonymity allows us to express views we might not express to our neighbours or friends.

Its a unique energy signature, a flavor, a symbolic representation of that person which becomes more defined the more I read their writing.

Wow, nicely expressed.

I feel very connected to many people on ATS. I know it seems silly as this is just an internet forum of anonymous individuals but after spending a while with a certain group of people you begin to learn about the real them in a way you cannot person-to-person.

If I never got to read opinionated posts from my member friends in the politics area or the jokes from my friends in the general chit chat and ATS chat area it would make me sad. That is what gets at me though, I do not actually know these people, why do they mean anything to me?

Your idea that maybe it is the connection of souls does have me thinking. The internet lets people connect emotionally and intellectually without the whole personal interaction of face-to-face contact which I do believe changes people. When you are interacting face-to-face you feel more of a sense to impress or alter your personality in some way and your opinion of the person you are communicating face-to-face with changes as well due to their appearance.

I love the internet communication for the reason everyone is able to express their real person.

Originally posted by Tamahu
"We must receive the unpleasant manifestations of our fellowmen with gladness."

I do officially practice this sometimes. It works. Negative vibes can be transformed.

reply to post by Benevolent Heretic


How close do you feel to the folks here? Are they friends in the sense of real-life friends? I thought I wasnt at all involved with anyone here until jkrog died. That was a moment of realization.