reply to post by zatara
After 9/11, there was a PBS special: “what is evil?” and watching it, I thought, ‘no, they don’t understand’; a book on the topic was
published since, as well as several newspaper essays, when the kids blew up columbine, but I haven’t seen an explanation yet that rings true for me.
I wonder if I understand. (i wonder what you think of my explanation…) First, there’s “akrasia”, (“akratic action is an action against an
intention to perform an action of a particular type here and now, the most challenging species of incontinent action.”) this doesn’t really
interest me; it’s just lack of self‐control of the human appetites. I think there’s much more to evil. Akratic action is the human will pushed
by external stresses into what it wished to avoid. Demonic action is the religion of evil. When I read the newspaper and I feel like becoming enraged,
I amaze myself at the one‐sidedness of all the news coverage – a sniper starts killing people, and all the newscasts say he’s the bad guy. Maybe
I’m the world’s most open‐minded liberal, but it seems to me it’s a difference of opinion – some guy says certain people should die, others
say they should have lived. How can everyone be so sure who’s right, if they’re really objective and honest? It’s usually just a difference of
opinion or conflict over access to resources. Russian 19th century radicals argued that a legality based on property rights (such as our culture takes
for granted) is evil, contrasting it with a healthy tight‐knit simple society in the woods. Then there’s the quote I have by a survivor of the
Nazi concentration camps who won the Nobel prize for literature several years ago, well worth considering: “…and please stop saying that Auschwitz
cannot be explained, the product of irrational, incomprehensible forces, because there is always an explanation for wrong doing: it’s quite possible
that Satan himself, like Jago, is irrational; his creations, however, are rational creatures indeed; their every action is as soluble as a
mathematical formula: it can be solved by reference to an interest, greed, sloth, desire for power, lust, or cowardice, to one or another
self‐indulgence, and if to nothing else, then, finally to some madman, paranoia, sadism, lust, masochism, demiurgic or other megalomania,
necrophilia, or – what do I know – some other perversity or perhaps to all of them simultaneously. On the other hand, and this is important, what
is really irrational and what truly cannot be explained is not evil but, contrarily, the good.”
But years ago I found a line in Buddhism that captured my imagination: the Buddha said “look around you. Except for action for the purpose of
sacrifice, all men are constrained to action; therefore, act free from attachment, for no reason.” in the mid‐80’s I met Belial, the unholy
spirit, and the religion of evil. I got it from early Megadeth, early Metallica, mid‐to‐late death, middle entombed, and vision of disorder
(that’s all 80’s and 90’s stuff, I guess these days it’s Linkin Park). Anyway, the difference here is the irrational element; evil as
religious practice.
“Killer, intruder, homicidal man, if you see me coming run fast as you can; bloodthirsty demon is stalking the streets, I hack up my victims like
pieces of meat; bloodthirsty demon, sinister fiend; bludgeonous slaughter, my evil deed… my hammer’s a cold piece of blood‐lethal steel, I laugh
as you writhe in the pain that I deal; swinging my hammer I hack through your head, bodies in line, next to be dead, I unleash my hammer, with
sadistic intent. Pounding, surrounding, slamming through your head… yeah!… bodies to rot in agony and pain, I mangle their face till no features
remain, a bread for the butchering I cut them to shreds, first take out the organs then cut off their heads! Remains of the butchering sop under my
feet, one more bloody massacre this not a nice act’s complete. I seek to dismember, a sadist fiend; bloodbath’s my way of getting clean! I lurk in
the alley, wait for the kill…. I have no remorse for the blood that I spill… a merciless butcher who lives underground, I’m out to destroy and I
will cut you down… I see you, and I’m waiting… for black Friday!” Megadeth sold a lot of albums. I went to several concerts – it was like a
cult.
Around that time I came up with the concept of doing ‘good deeds for the purpose of evil’, and announcing it this way after the fact. Working
extra hours, being extra helpful – I once caught a bank robber in New York City, when I was a bike messenger. I had to testify in front of the grand
jury. The DA was thrilled, and when it came to asking why I had bothered to help, I really freaked her out. (About half the people I said this to were
really upset by it, the other half were simple pragmatists.) I once told my wife about this concept, and said I had stored my good deeds that day in
the eggs in our refrigerator, where I would convert them to evil overnight and then offer them to Satan in the morning. My wife cried, took all the
eggs out of the refrigerator and then threw them out the 4th floor apartment window on to the sidewalk below. I said ‘no problem, I’ll just do
more good deeds tomorrow’, and that just drove her crazy. When the quotes from neighbors on the news – “ I can’t believe I lived next door to
someone who was capable of such a thing”, come out, I always think to myself, “Well, I’m capable, and I’m right here!” vertigo of
possibility, Sartre called it; "all the knives in this restaurant could be used to create quite the bloody mess." I reserve the right to kill
everybody. I even fantasize when venting the reptilian core of my mind, but I also realize that there’d be consequences to my actions, (that’s the
cortex overcoming the core).
Shakespeare’s line is “let him fly; the curses he shall have, the tortures he shall feel, will break the back of man, the heart of monster”.
When I was bike messenger in New York City, I once noticed a huge group of cops in uniform, maybe a hundred or so, their backs to the public, as they
participated in some sort of ceremony on Park Ave. Vertigo of possibility – one bike messenger with an automatic weapon to the backs of all their
heads, what a ruckus that’d cause! And then he gets away on the bike in all the confusion of a city he knows the ins and outs of so well! And all
for no reason! That’s evil. But is it human? I realize the following reasoning is somewhat akin to ‘the devil made me do it’, necessarily
dismissed by a pragmatic culture, but see what you think… I have a long‐term pet psychosis, which serves me well: I have two souls, one human and
one demon. In the demon world my family and I do much more than just evil. We live together in a commune, work together, help each other; but we also
go on killing safaris against other demons and humans, as simply considered there as if humans here were to go on vacation, stand in a stream, and go
fishing. It’s a cult our commune is a part of – we plant black holes in the universe and detonate them during wartime in the demon world. We kill
like monsters, not ‘moral people’; we are the source of cancer in people (we’re just playing a game with you, really. It’s a test, on how you
manage your immune system). At this point you may think I’ve gone off the deep end, because in our culture, the people are fond of saying the
‘demons’ aren’t real; “flesh and blood, flesh and blood, nothing else is real!” (duh!) The demons say the people aren’t real. But I think
both sides are lying, as would any two sides at war with each other over worldly resources may well be expected to do. Because I am a shaman, and
straddle both worlds, and my spiritual guide is the universe itself, which holds both light and dark like a big yin‐yang symbol – made up of
brilliant balls of light and vast swaths of darkness, as well as the ultimately dark ‘black holes’ – I let my being be the unification of the
opposites. Light and dark. Demon world and human world.
Knowing all this, I watched a special on a kid who killed some other kids at his school. I found there was a huge lack of understanding in the
courtroom: his mother had ‘left him behind’ when he was very young – he thinks that’s why it all happened; I think he’s onto something, but
it’s much more complex. He said “I don’t know what happened in my core”; here’s what I think happened – a schizotypal person pursues
mysteries of every kind and composes solutions; he’s a mystagogue, a hierophant. And shamans know that the scene of a hierophany opens a hole
between the worlds. God can look down, and demons can crawl up through the hole. Graham Nash (“a beautiful mind”) was working on mathematical
mysteries, and several characters came out to haunt him with their unreal stories. I’ve seen many schizophrenia patients in the hospitals completely
given over to these demons that come out from this hole at the center of the mind, the ‘gates of hell’, the demon world. I know these demons well,
but I use my own energy to keep them caged, so that I can hold a job and pass through society accessing resources without anyone suspecting. But it
does take energy. And energy fluctuates in life. Stressful situations tax the energy supply, and the prison walls in the mind can falter, can even
collapse. The kid in court admitted that he had smiled as he shot down his classmates. “were you crazy?” a tv interviewer asked. “I don’t
think so – that’s not the word,” he said, “it’s more like an out of body experience.” he said he smiled because he ‘belonged’. He
‘belonged’ to the spirit of evil, the demon world. There had been a humiliation by a teacher. The shield went down during the subsequent energy
drop, and the demon world leaked out – “all hell broke loose”. “was it bullying?”, the interviewer asked. He looked surprised – “of
course not.” He had put Linkin park lyrics in his farewell letter. He says he’s sorry, and cries, and says it was worse on his side of the gun –
even he doesn’t understand. The concept of unity, like the yin‐yang symbol in Taoism, (which grew out of eastern shamanism), actually pre‐dates
the rather recent attempted splitting of mankind’s nature into ‘good’ and ‘evil’, which first occurred in Zoroastrianism, and evolved into
the judeo‐christian‐islamic culture much of our world is caught up in today.
For me, the universe we are so graciously presented with is the truest ‘bible’, and in astrophysics there’s no such thing as ‘evil’ or
‘ruins’; when a star explodes, we call it a ‘supernova’, enriching the interstellar medium with heavy elements previously concealed in the
stellar core. And we don’t think of the exploding universe as an initial singularity in ‘ruins’ destroyed by evil.
I saw a copy of New Scientist had an article on just this, so I read it. They point out that a violent person has a tendency to have diminished
activity in the orbitofrontal cortex, and yes, they are still human. But the fascinating point is that my demon theory fits right in between the lines
of that article. They say yes, the violent offenders can be spotted on the brain scan, but not the serial killers!. They admit that, though violent,
antisocial behavior based on a low‐functioning orbitofrontal cortex is genetic, the serial killer type is not. Those people have the same
functioning on a pet scan as everyone else. What they do tend to have is a history of child abuse as a kid, or atleast a hard childhood. This is what
is known to create a schizotypal mind, which is what creates the storm that astrates the hole to the demon world. They ask, "so what does the serial
killer lack?", compared to regular people. They answer "empathy", but they're way off. The answer is energy. If you can show empathy in the
appropriate situation, if your survival or your access to resources counts on it, you do what you have to do. That's why the serial killer can get
away with it for so long... They act normal, have a wife and kids. In the movie "Taking Lives", the serial killer fits the profile here perfectly. So
do I.
The movie "Exorcism of Emily Rose" had my family calling me, pointing out the similarities between me and Emily Rose. More recently, the movie 1408
‐ a horror movie ‐ was the latest thing I've seen to describe what the demon world, or schizophrenia, is like, for people who have never had the
experience. I tell people now that my mind is like room 1408, only I can enter and leave as I choose, and of course I've taken the tack I have,
instead of meds. The character in the movie reaches for the 'meds' of an 800 dollar liquor bottle, but after pouring it over his head in the chaos,
out of desperation, and to no avail, the hero eventually triumphs by doing what I do: learning to rule over the demon world.
My brother in law and my first sister, Glorianne, were starting a family, with a one and a two year old, and a third on the way. I was staying with
them on my weeks off from my trainer consulting job, living the life of a stay‐at‐home uncle, with the stay‐at‐home‐dad, who's real passion
was teaching bible study on Sunday nights with a small group of adults. He would really come alive as a presenter in that couple of hours, I
noticed.
And I noticed that maybe he had some kind of magic that I didn't. So I followed his "way", became deeply Catholic, read the lives of the saints, used
my father's Roman Catholic Breviary, the prayer book that priests use several times a day for official readings. (I had his original for 1965, the
last year he was a priest, before I was born in '66.)
So how about a "reason why" for evil, allowed on earth by God?, several authors were asking. The tree at the center of the garden was never to be
touched, it was a test. Maybe to make the devil feel bad, teach him a lesson, 'cause if everyone just ignored him and ignored the tree, don't you
think that would hurt the devil's feelings, and have an effect on evil itself? Or, I once heard the story of a man who took three younger girls and
put them into a different country where they couldn't speak the language, and was hoping one would become his mate, after being "purified" by this
process. Maybe this is what god is doing with us, putting us in a test situation, giving us a clue, and hoping we find our way back to him. Or these
were my thoughts last year, when I was going through the Catholicism myself; for about one year, I thought that a catholic spirituality I had
discovered was the most effective part of a cure that also included closer family ties, prayer, (I went pretty far with it, taking only cold showers,
going to mass several times a week), and I could hear the angels talking to me during mass, during communion ‐ voices, but nothing like the regular
ones in tone or nature of the material, rather they were teaching me how to pray, and showing me heaven.
I had gone to midnight mass with my devout brother‐in‐law and their whole family, and because I see visions in my head in the evening, this two or
three hour mass was quite an event for me, and after it was over I said it had been like an exorcism. I thought I had seen a writhing cat come out of
my shoulder and fly up into the church ceiling and the next night when I went to sleep to look in the demon world, everyone was gone; like showing up
in New York City after a nuclear bomb or something. Just saw one demon left, deep underground in an old building, sitting at a desk, writing. It was a
good year, and I was increasingly normal, but it also cost me more energy than is sustainable I think.
The following Easter, for two nights leading up to it I had intense dreams of demon interventions, and during the second Easter vigil mass it was
intense as ever, but coming out after I was again maniacal, like a demon. My visions behind the eyes got more and more intense over the course of that
year. My brother in law tried to counsel me saying "if you’re in a place that God is pleased with, the devil has to worry about you, and work on you
harder". And maybe it was true, because after that second Easter I broke up with my girlfriend and then quit going to church and went back pretty much
to my old set of beliefs, (crazy, unique esoteric stuff based on shamanism, astrophysics, and whatever else!), and my family seems disappointed, and
think I’m insane, I think, but I feel this is me, this is where I’m supposed to be, and that ultimately I am actually against what the catholic
religion was doing to me. For a while I loved it, and was saying that all schizophrenic people should try it, that the Catholic Church was "by
schizophrenics, for schizophrenics". Curiously I had an idea while watching "Terminator 3". Man against machine. Man creates machine but then machine
gets carried away and threatens to takeover, and we of course all root for mankind to win the battle. Our human brains have a reptilian core, then a
mammalian cortex that surrounds it. What came first? The core! Then should we be rooting in any way for the cortex to take over, against the core?
Wouldn't that be like machines taking over man? Core vs. Cortex. The core came first, it should be the cortex for the core; machines for man. The word
"catholic" means all inclusive. But they exclude demons (not to mention other people's dissenting ways of life, though that doesn't apply to me).
Should they be "exorcizing" demons? "Destroying" demons? "Aborting" demons (as they say Judas did)? What came first, demons or religion? Core or
cortex? Man or machine? Shouldn't it be, then, religion for the demons, rather than trying to kick the ladder out from under itself? This "call" to
"heaven" that my brother in law speaks of, why is this something we should listen to? Maybe it's like we're all pine trees, in a field, and a
lumberjack comes along and "calls" several of the trees, to "give up" their roots in the soil, the underworld, and fly away to a "better place" where
all the other trees that have been disappearing from the field have already gone? We are from the earth, this is our home, and I’m not going
anywhere. I love the human world, and I love the demon world, these are all creatures in the same situation, all in need of help. No one should be
excluded in true perfection. My experience of devout Catholicism taught me that Jesus is powerful magic, a powerful shaman, but how fair is it? How
one‐sided? Kill the demons? Abort them? Exorcize them? They are part of the everything! And a truly magical, beatific jet can 'hold high the broken
bowl' and bring enlightenment to all, demons included. The bible progresses like a beautiful dream, , but I think it leaves out realities so
fundamental that it is as if you got up in the morning and planned your week without allowing for food or sleep. The need for these things would
gradually creep in and obstruct the fulfillment of the original plan. And so I think it is with the demons, controversial and unpleasant as this idea
may be. So do you "exorcize" the hunger and the sleepiness? Fight it and pray for it to go? Wouldn't it be more effective to allocate it its proper
place in the creation of the initial plan?
It is as if the universe itself, made up of brilliant balls of light and vast swaths of darkness as well as the ultimately dark 'black holes', decided
to pray only for light. Beautiful suns would light up, and at first it would seem like wonderful magic, but something about this is not right.
Darkness, even black holes, are an integral part of this universe we are so graciously presented with. Could it be this universe is our truest
"bible", revealing unimaginable beauty and power, as an infinite guide and even a role‐model ‐ the human spirit as a microcosm of the universe,
which contains within it two opposites, and uses it's very being as a unification of these opposites? "
edit on 17-2-2011 by onderdonk because:
took out extraneous numbers from source material