If You Have Teen Girl, This is a Must Read.

Originally posted by dropB
Why is it just teen girls? Guys cut themselves all the time too. I'm a 14 year old guy who used to cut himself, so you guys are going to have to trust what I say here.

The whole depression/self harm thing is just a fad for most teens.

Don't get me wrong, some kids have it bad. But, most just think it's cool to be sad. I've seen people pretend to hide cuts. No, that wasn't a typo. They pretend to be ashamed of their self-injuries while putting them out there for everyone to see. Everyone around them just goes "OMG look how sad he is, he's so cool". Everyone just eats it up.
I've tried to talk them about it, but their reasons are just so incredibly shallow.
I just roll my eyes and groan.

Don't worry little man after you get out of high school life will take a 180 turn.
All the tough guys i knew are settled down now,i know because i used to pick on others just to show how cool i am but i found out that wasn't me and now i am just a good guy trying to make the world a better place.
If your not happy with your body go to the gym,if your not happy with the way you talk do some volunteering work where you are forced to talk to people but don't hate your self.If you are not happy with something go fix it don't cry in a corner.
With the girl problem i am the brother of a 6 year old girl and i fear for her.
I always tell my parents to take care of her and of course as a man i will always provide the info on how men think.

reply to post by toochaos4u

All that is trendy is tomorrow's Goodwill donations.

You forgot to mention the irony of Goodwill donations becoming the New trend under the guise of "Vintage".

I shop a a used store because i'm poor and i really don't see a point in buying new clothes when I can get practically new clothes at 1/10000000 of the price.

Copper-tops do it because it's "vintage".

I used to walk into a used store and buy a nice 300 dollar suit for 12 bucks, now i have to trample some Emo kid wearing tight pink pants, a brown shirt and is headed right for my 5 dollar sports coat because it's vintage and will turn his wardrobe into the Kerfuffle he has always dreamed about!!

I'll take a read into this. Lets see if this is actually useful information for once and not the commonsense garble I'm reading on the first page of the interview!

Ugggg, this is just the pre-1990 generation being worried bout the post-1990.

Can't blame the children, they are only do what they are told, to the letter.
Can't blame the parents, they will force their child to be unpopular.
Can't blame the teachers, it's not their place to influence independence.
Can't blame the school system, the ones with money make the rules.
Can't blame the radio stations, they don't write the popular music.
Can't blame television stations, they have to compete for ratings.
Can't blame society, we are all in this together.
Can't blame the government, even though it might make you feel a little better.

I am becoming very pessimistic and I don't like it.

Originally posted by Nematode
Can't blame the children, they are only do what they are told, to the letter.
Can't blame the parents, they will force their child to be unpopular.
Can't blame the teachers, it's not their place to influence independence.
Can't blame the school system, the ones with money make the rules.
Can't blame the radio stations, they don't write the popular music.
Can't blame television stations, they have to compete for ratings.
Can't blame society, we are all in this together.
Can't blame the government, even though it might make you feel a little better

We actually can blame the media as a whole. They force down our throats stories highlighting racial tension, theft, murder, sexual assault, catastrophes, natural disasters, fraud, suffering of those in developing nations, latest celebrity break ups, latest sporting scandals and the list goes on...

I am becoming very pessimistic and I don't like it.

Can anyone actually blame you for feeling this way? Ironically, no they can't!

[edit on 9/5/2010 by Dark Ghost]

Your teen girls wouldn't cut themselves if you offered them more love and attention.

reply to post by AreaMan


My heart breaks at this video and the tears flow while the audience is riotous in its approval. What are we doing to our children? My granddaughter is about the age of those children. How utterly sad.

the children of family friends have took a sudden turn from being normal average kids to saying and talking about the most inappropriate things amongst themselves. it follows the typical pattern of the boy taking on a dominating role while the girls seem to indulge talking about things they themselves consider "disgusting." On the next opportunity I will warn their parents about this as to avoid insulting their parental skills (more accurately their lack of).

every person is different, and I believe at least some (if not most) children truly do have their inner morals to guide them, and this needs to be reinforced by parents. children need to develop positive self-image and an appropriate persona that reflects their genuine inner self.

instead mass media and culture reinforce a false sense of self too fast and too early at the expense of any personality substance or self-reflection. this is what the media is, an dying image that's constantly trying to compensate for its lack of substance with new trends and new illusions.

the persona forced so early can and often does replace a search for identity. no 'breathing room' is allowed for that persona to be redefined and become a healthy expression of a genuine Self (as opposed to becoming an ego center) as peers and culture constantly expect and demand that same outdated or induced image (egoic persona) from each other.

parents can and should give unconditional support to their children for just Being and not for being someone or some 'thing'. also it might help children to self-reflect while being out into nature such as family camping trips. and I see no harm for them having to learn to deal with being alone and being bored as these in moderation can perhaps stimulate self-initiative (thinking, feeling and experiencing, not just reacting) as opposed to constantly re-validating their social persona. children like this won't be outcasts, instead they stand a better chance to form real and healthy friendships with others who have been raised with these values.

So much psycho babble and angst.

Really ? The answer is and has always been, Be a parent. If your teen (boy or girl) isn't telling you they hate you at least once a month....

Your doing it wrong.

If you abdicate your responsibility, guess what happens when your kids have kids. Yup, they do it same way.

At 22 my eldest now laughs with me about what an annoying little jerk his younger self was. ( I do the same with my parents regarding myself).

There has been way too much "touchy feely" crap spouted over the last couple of generations. The current state of society is the outcome.

For the teens posting here, some small tips.

Life is hard.
"Your friends do it" is NOT a reason.
Your parents are not supposed to be your friends.
Your buddy with the "cool" parents ? Odds are he/she'll be serving you your fast food.

Yes, I'm "out of touch". I don't care. I love my children, which means as teens- they often "hate" me.

A great read Intrepid, thanks.

I think some of it is over exagerated though. Also I think there needs to be more focus on the role of the parent in young girls lives.

A lot of them, the succesfull ones he talks about that are cutting or burning, are usually left alone by their parents.

Good kids don't need a lot of supervision. I beg to differ.

I would say all my kids are quite sharp, this worries me even more than if they were a bit dull. They are cunning and clever and certainly keep me on my toes.

Children are always looking to push the envelope. To figure out what the limit is. You give them an inch and they want a mile. Now this isn't to say it's a bad thing. Just something that needs to be closely monitored.

We've been as involved as possible without making our children feel smothered, and they've thanked us for it.

An open door policy is extremely important in any family, especially with teenage girls. Our home was built on this premise.

~Keeper

Originally posted by Noncompatible
So much psycho babble and angst.

Agreed, I'm sure it is possible to parent without needing theory and instead learning by experience.

but you can't expect to have a theory out of just some psycho-babble. either you have a well-founded theory based on evidence from which to provide reason and practical advice, or you don't.

I'm a teenage girl *hand up*
And I read the thing.
And it's pretty much exactly true.
I've never been very socially inclusive, and I don't like programmes such as Gossip girl or magazines about celebrities (I prefer sci-fi and ATS, and been more interested in science and politics than Britains got Talent) So I've always been a bit of an outsider, bit of a 'freak' but I had like, friends, who didn't seem to mind until 6th form, when we're all thrown together and the cliches get more defined.

I've spent the last 2 years worrying continously about uni, and exams and god knows what else; and the nice little world I was in up to age like, 16 got completely shattered when my friends decided they didn't like me any more and wanted to get rid of me in the nastiest way possible. Whether that was coz I wasn't 'cool' enough for them anymore or what, I dunno - but they found other people they wanted to spend time with and there was no room for me anymore.
It's not great having rumours spread about you, and messages publicly put on the internet about you, and feeling like you've got nowhere to go.
I wouldn't describe myself as 'depressed' and I've never self harmed or anything like that, but I wouldn't say I've been in a great mindframe since then. My confidence is pretty low (although, yes, I do try to hide it) and I honestly didn't do anything about it until about a month ago when I thought that the person who'd started it was about to come back for more.
My mam had known what was happening, but didn't know what to do and just kept saying "if it gets worse I'm going into school" but anyway, I talked to a teacher about it (as you're always told to do) and it made me feel a little bit better to know that not only did she believe in me but that I had someone to talk to who was inside the school if this idiot started up again.
He didn't, and leavers day is Friday, so you know. Bring it!

But yeah, lonliness, emptiness, drive to suceed, more stress, morons. I've always been really good at coping with the big things - I find it hilariously funny when people talk about me behind my back, and laugh if somoenes rude to me to my face. It's always been really small things that set me off, like a friend cancelling more than twice in a row, or someone not really seeming too bothered when I tried to talk to them. In my case, I probably wouldn't've spoken to my tutor if I hadn't physically scared one of my friends into telling me to talk to someone.
Oh and I also hate failure. I'm really bad for getting upset if I don't get what grade I want or something - and not getting into uni terrifies me.

I also worry about EVERYTHING, which never helps, but I think it's just a personality trait, and I carry other peoples problems with mine, which pushed me down further.
I have eczema pretty bad, which the doctor reckons is stress-related (and it looks hideous, but I've managed to get past that and I've stopped hiding it now, which I suppose is a good thing) and I have insomnia. Usually takes about 2 hours to get to sleep, and I wake up about 4 times on an average night (but my dad has insomnia, as does my gran, so I dunno, it might not work like that but it could be through something else)

But just one last thought, if you think your kids upset, don't push them into telling you. I didn't tell my mam until I was ready to tell her, I tried talking to friends first but teenagers don't take other teenagers who seem 'depressed' seriously - which ended in me always being 'alright', and just try and be there in a non-pushy way. It's a pretty delicate area (hormones don't help) and if anyone is on here feeling like they're in that void, I wouldn't mind talking to them (just to add to the support)

Being a teenage girl is scary, and I didn't realise that til I was 16. I have a cousin whose 12 and she's already been where I was. It is getting younger, and it's a massive problem which really should be sorted out.

Thanks for reading my MASSIVE post. Sorry it was so ridiculously long, I just think that when it's out there, it can help other people, really.

Oh and edit after reading another post to say: Yes, some people do think it's 'cool' to be sad, some people are attention seeking when they become 'emos' or whatever, but not all are and the ones who show off their cuts and stuff, yes, they probably are just doing it for attention. I do know people who are part of the 'fad' and the ones who are really bad, are usually unnoticed.

[edit on 9/5/2010 by Ayana]

reply to post by gandhi

I have had enough to understand it dose not matter.

...You've had enough sex by age 17 to understand sex doesn't matter? .... What the hell does that even mean?

I think that just as there is to much pressure to have sex, there is also to much stigma to say "sex is bad" ... Many people believe girls/women don't like sex... some do, I imagine most do. Just as there is a stigma that all guys are horn dogs out for an easy lay and are not concerned with emotional attachment or intimacy. I can say that I've only been with one girl, and we've been together since we were 13, so for 10 years now. I like sex.. I've had enough sex to know I like sex. She likes sex as well. It's only the few that cannot develop their own sexual self understanding that are left confused to create these persona's, or new selves. A lot of that has to do with poor education, and definitely poor parenting.

Originally posted by BlackPoison94
I'm a teenage girl and to be honest, none of that applies to me except for the worrying about university but lets face it, we all do at this point. I'm happy to say, i don't care how much i eat (which does become very embarrassing), i've never drunk any alcohol, never taken drugs, never gone clubbing and most utterly have not had sex. And for that I have to thank my parents. Thank god for them.

 

Posted Via ATS Mobile: m.abovetopsecret.com

 

lol it's a fail of epic proportions
> never drank
> never smoke
> dont care how much u eat
> never did drugs
> never been to clubbing

but on top of that

>NEVER HAD SEX !!!

wow u sound like a sheltered person.
my face after reading ur post


[edit on 9-5-2010 by YJLTG]

reply to post by YJLTG


Tell me about it I hate it so much, (hell I had to even close my facebook due to my parents thinking I'll be "raped)....but then I understand and still hate it, but it's all good

Going on back to the topic...You know, I believe parents have a significant role in the whole upbringing, 100% sure, 'cause I've experienced it as well. I do however believe that continous "sheltering" (as you mentioned ) does actually make people want to rebel.

It did for me and I later regreted it. Nothing major but still, parents and society are one of the key factors of the shaping of a person.

And for the "slicing your wrists thing..." your just considered an emo...it used to be "major" as people would say but now, due to the large frequency of these sightings, it's nothing.

There are countless numbers of ways that teenagers have changed and in my opinion, most of it's for the bad.

reply to post by intrepid


Are you trying to say that teenage girls or guys who enjoy sex, go out with frens, have a life, drink booze are bad people or their parents dont care for them properly?

I dont think its correct...a guy/girl cannot be judged like that nor can their parents, if they stay at home and stay virgin, dont booze etc etc can still turn out to be bad person and vice versa. There is no measure to judge someone except the acts they do which help someone. All this ethics and moral are crap and only looks good in storybooks.

People should do what they enjoy doing but taking care they dont hurt others or cause harm to anyone else.

reply to post by BlackPoison94


Glad u took it in correct sense and not fired up all about it lol. What I mean to say is doing all those things dont make u cool or something...but if someone wants to do it others shouldn't impose their ethic/ morals or what they consider to be right on it. Doing all those doesnt make someone a bad person either. Its only one life and u dont get to live that moment ever again...if in later life there are regrets it's not worth it.

Yah well for everyone its (parents/environment/mentality) is kinda diff. i guess.

THIS JUST IN: Teenagers have a fragile sense of self, are prone to peer pressure, and bouts of random emotions.

COMING UP NEXT, Did you know your microwave cannot be used to dry your pet?

Originally posted by YJLTG
Are you trying to say that teenage girls or guys who enjoy sex, go out with frens, have a life, drink booze are bad people or their parents dont care for them properly?

No, I'm saying there large issues here that parents need to be aware of because in most cases like these the kids don't want to talk to the parents. So how would they know?

I dont think its correct...a guy/girl cannot be judged like that nor can their parents, if they stay at home and stay virgin, dont booze etc etc can still turn out to be bad person and vice versa. There is no measure to judge someone except the acts they do which help someone.

It's deeper than that if you read the source material. It's about "becoming" something as opposed to finding out who you are. Becoming something shallow or finding the person of substance that you are.

All this ethics and moral are crap and only looks good in storybooks.

Why?

People should do what they enjoy doing but taking care they dont hurt others or cause harm to anyone else.

What about the physical and psychological harm that these people do to themselves?