If You Have Teen Girl, This is a Must Read.

Maclean's did an interview with Dr. Sax:

Dr. Leonard Sax is a family physician and founder of the National Association for Single Sex Public Education, who lives in Pennsylvania with his wife and daughter. The author of two previous books concerning the effects of gender differences on learning, Sax argues in his new book, Girls on the Edge, that today’s teens and tweens look confident on the outside but have a dangerously fragile sense of self.

www2.macleans.ca... le-parents-opt-out/

This interview goes into detail about the world of teen girl. The pressures on them, why the do certain things. Cutting, burning, eating disorders. Having 2 teen girls myself, one of their friends cuts herself, I found this article quite an eye opener on today's teens. Growing up in the 70's or 80's sure didn't prepare for today.

I can't say it better than Dr. Sax. I recommend that everyone with teens read the entire source. The life you save may be your kids.

Since I am no history major, has these issues just been starting to pop up in the 20th -21st century? I wonder if girls had any problems like they did back in the day. Also it is just sickening on what the media does to teens, and how they portray that if you do not have a perfect body or if you are not a beautiful model, then you are not good looking. In that aspect I think the media is a horrible thing for those reasons. Great Thread

I never heard that girls burn themselves with matches? This is new to me

[edit on 8-5-2010 by Maddogkull]

I'm so glad you posted this (being a father myself of a young boy)

The fragile state of so many youths today is very worrisome.

Many people end up ignoring the signs by saying-

"eh, it was rough when I was a kid, but you didn't see me cutting my arm or shooting people".

Or

"kids today are just bad people!".

None of that is true...the world has changed so drastically in the past 20 years, that children have a life that is incredibly alien to the kids of just ten years ago.

Information overload, pressure to be sexual and to look like whores or idiots because TV says so, bullying to a level unseen in the past, school shootings, gang stalking/beatings...the list goes on and on.

Many kids I have known are in shambles and feel like screaming for help but have nobody to turn to. Cutters/suicides/manic-depression/lack-of-self-worth, it is all rampant and few even care.

Kids today need help...more help then they are being offered.

It is like this cruel world has made it "cool" to turn kids into sexual icons and selfless mockeries of what they watch within the media(s).


And still, so any folks see young people as "little adults" and do not think how messed up it must be to grow up in these times or how "mind shattering" (if not terrifying) it actually must be for them.

On top of that...no kid wants to admit to feeling this way, so many of them keep it inside.

I think the entire world needs a psychologist or just a big vacation from madness.

Some disturbing things that caught my eye:

Q: You believe girls’ anxiety is connected to new issues, one of which is “self-objectification.” What do you mean by that?

A: Forty years ago, if you went into a department store and looked at clothes for seven-year-olds, they’d be quite different than the clothes on sale for 17-year-olds. Today there’s no longer any distinction; the same short skirts are sold to girls in Grade 2 and girls in Grade 12. T-shirts that say, “Yes, but not with you” are now sold to eight-year-olds.
Girls understand what these T-shirts are about: pretending to be sexually aware. We have girls who are now putting on a pretense of adult sexuality that they couldn’t possibly feel, and the danger of putting on a show is that you lose touch with your own sexuality. You’re wearing a mask, and when you take off the mask, there’s not a face there.

You find a lot of 12- and 13-year-old girls who are providing sexual favours to 16- and 17-year-old boys. In the ’70s and ’80s, sex was about intimacy, trying to give each other pleasure. Today, so many teenage girls I’ve spoken to across Canada and the U.S. regard sex as a commodity that girls provide to boys. Increasingly, unfortunately, that is the case. For many, many girls, the most common form of sexual intimacy is oral sex, with the girl servicing a boy. And neither the girls or the boys see anything wrong with this.

A: Girls spend a lot of time photoshopping their pictures, making themselves look a little bit thinner than they are and getting rid of the pimples, because they know boys are interested in the photos on these sites. So you’ve got 14-year-old girls essentially presenting themselves as a brand, trying to create a public persona, polishing an image of themselves that’s all surface: how you look and what you did yesterday, not who you are and what you want to be. And that leads to a sense of disconnection from themselves, because in most cases, these girls don’t even realize that their persona is not who they are. They’re just focused on striving to please their market and presenting the brand they think will sell. It’s one thing for Angelina Jolie to be doing this—she’s an adult—but it’s really toxic for a 14-year-old. It gets in the way of the real job of adolescence, which is figuring out who you are, what you want, what is your heart’s desire.

That's just tidbits. The source material really should be read in its entirety.

reply to post by intrepid


I`m also glad you posted this article! It was well explained.
Sadly there is almost always other stuff as well. Like abusive family or divorced parents that affect a kid`s confidence, self identity and psyche and could lead to mood/personality disorders.

[edit on 8/5/10 by sandri_90]

I'm a teenage girl and to be honest, none of that applies to me except for the worrying about university but lets face it, we all do at this point. I'm happy to say, i don't care how much i eat (which does become very embarrassing), i've never drunk any alcohol, never taken drugs, never gone clubbing and most utterly have not had sex. And for that I have to thank my parents. Thank god for them.


Posted Via ATS Mobile: m.abovetopsecret.com

reply to post by BlackPoison94


The article states that these thing affect over 1/3 of teen girl. You are thankfully in the majority but maybe you have friends that weren't so fortunate to have excellent parents(like the friend of my girls). Your parents are to be commended for raising a child with good self worth.

I'm 17, and my girlfriend was this way. She had a few bad relationships, in which guys would try to pressure her into doing things in which she did not want to do. She ended it with all of them, merely 2 weeks of dating.

We have been together for over a year and a half, she is still a virgin for i have no desire for sex. I have had enough to understand it dose not matter. Only in the creation of life.

A lot of guys tend to be....Horny little kids these days. Seriously, its unbelievable if you go to high school.

I find myself cleaning up a lot of the mess, trying to convince people that little world they lived in did not exist.

When i was 15 i attempted suicide, i look back to think why, and realize it was solely because i had a VERY crooked view on life, as most teens do because of the media, and found suicide as an option, because it was the one presented to me.

Kids cut, because other kids cut. I remember this guy named Justin. He had a few pounds, not many teased him. I think he drove himself into the depression because he thought that's what was supposed to happen, if you were fat. Anyways, he came to school one day, showed everyone his wrists, and they were mangled. I mean very messed up, skin hanging off, huge gashes. I asked him what the hell was going through his mind, and he said what anyone that did that would say. "I couldn't take it".

I understand some people have some problems, but to do something like this shows that something socially is wrong. Mainly because it happens so often. Its a side effect, warning sign if you will.

I have said it time and time to again to adults everywhere, we need a serious change. The longer we stick with what we have, the more crazy and ridiculous people will act.

Until people wake up and start looking at nutrition this will get worse instead of better. You can even look at nutrition research, at feeding studies, and see all *the same behavior and psychology* happening -- with grown men even -- in people.

Our society has bought this idea that all the packaged crap and rabbit food constitutes sufficient nutrition for human beings, when not only does it definitely not, but teens in particular are going through regular major growth and have profound nutrient needs that are seldom being filled. They might repeatedly stuff their stomach with bulk but their brain and body are starving at the cellular level.

The psychology is an offshoot of the brain. The bizarre desire of western culture to completely separate psychology from biology and operate from the armchair of opinion labels instead of from the hard-science of endocrinology and related fields, is a tragedy and a travesty since it ensures no real results.

RC

Thank you for posting this intrepid. I often feel like self harm issues aren't taken as seriously as they should be. From my own past I can say 15 years ago my parents told me "stop doing that." and my doctor just gave me a discourging look. That's it, kinda sad really. granted there's more awareness now but like others i think it should be more help out there. One question when did self harm become mainly a teen girl issue? When I was in treatment the gender lines were divided equally.

reply to post by intrepid


Life for young people this days is very hard and very sad, I remember when my daughter was a teen, I took the time to prepare her for the world before the world and society did the job for me.

One thing that I learned from a ordeal of raising children and teens in this time and age, (be always one step ahead of them and please people with children, learn to be parents . . ..

Now my children are adults and have very gratifying and healthy lives, my daughter always thank me for been there for her even now that she is 26 she always know that I am still here for her, as everybody knows life is not easy for young adults in this economic times either

I hate to post something with out the source but I remember reading an article that stated since the increase of women's lib that as women begin to take on more responsibility that there has been a decline in the general happiness among women. does anyone else remember the report?

I am not drawing and conclusions from that nor alluding to anything just reporting what I read.

found it
papers.ssrn.com...

[edit on 8-5-2010 by benrl]

Oh what a sad sad world we live in

Wish I had more to say but I think this really says it all... :/

Reflecting on my post...I thought I sounded a bit big headed...which I apologise for. What I find that the reason many of us fall into that trap is because we want to "fit in with the cool crowd." The pressure from not only them but family adds to it. For example being unable to do something just makes a person want to pursue it. Sometimes its just to break free and not be pressurised to continually do what parents want you to do i.e study and othertimes its wanting to prove your capable of meeting a challenge. I remember i was being pushed into smoking which i refused and that automatically made me "uncool" and so I strived refusely by dressing like them..and by the end I found out that I shouldn't bother, being true to myself is one of the major aims in life I believe I have accomplished. I hope everyone goes through that stage


Posted Via ATS Mobile: m.abovetopsecret.com

reply to post by BlackPoison94


That's pretty much the gist of the article. The girls aren't "finding out who they are" they are "creating what they are." And when it crashes, there's nothing under the surface to fall back on.

Remember the movie Mean Girls?

It was based on the book Queen Bees and Wannabes: Helping Your Daughter Survive Cliques, Gossip, Boyfriends, and Other Realities of Adolescence

Highly recommended reading, as well. I've used this book in family counseling and teen group sessions. The concepts have proven to elicit great insight and foster real communication between teens/parents regarding the "real" world of teen girls... from their perspective... as well s parenting styles that may/may not contribute to the problems teens face.

ETA:
Excerpt



[edit on 8-5-2010 by LadySkadi]

reply to post by AreaMan


Actually I think you're right. This does rather "say it all". The objectification and sexualization of children, starring *children*, written, directed and produced by Adults.

Originally posted by AreaMan
Oh what a sad sad world we live in

Wish I had more to say but I think this really says it all... :/

OMG. FACEPALM FACEPALM FACEPALM FACEPALM FACEPALM FACEPALM FACEPALM.

This reminds me of the end of Little Miss Sunshine where the son walks out on the pagent after seeing the young girls. That is such an awesome movie.

............................................________
....................................,.-‘”...................``~.,
.............................,.-”...................................“-.,
.........................,/...............................................”:,
.....................,?......................................................\,
.................../...........................................................,]
................./......................................................,:`^`..]
.............../...................................................,:”........./
..............?.....__.........................................:`.........../
............./__.(.....“~-,_..............................,:`........../
.........../(_....”~,_........“~,_....................,:`........_/
..........[.._$;_......”=,_.......“-,_.......,.-~-,],.~”;/....]
...........((.....*~_.......”=-._......“;,,./`..../”............../
...,,,___.\`~,......“~.,....................`.....]............../
............(....`=-,,.......`........................(......;_,,-”
............/.`~,......`-...............................\....../\
.............\`~.*-,.....................................|,./.....\,__
,,_..........].>-._\...................................|..............`=~-,
.....`=~-,_\_......`\,.................................\
...................`=~-,,.\,...............................\
................................`:,,...........................`\..............__
.....................................`=-,...................,%`>--==``
........................................_\..........._,-%.......`\
...................................,

An example of what this post is about is the experience I had today.
I spent 5 hours shopping with my 14 year old for her 8th grade graduation dress. It was a horrid experience for me, but worse was the experience for her.
Her weight is an issue, and not its not because she doesnt eatright or excersize (im a nutritionist, and we get our daily allottment of excersize). It is because the weight is hereditary, genetics.

Every store we went to had clothing for stick thin models, and anorexic females.
no wonder our girls have such a hard time when they are faced with every store that sells clothing selling items that wont fit them, they feel like out casts in our world. Even kids who are naturally thin go through awkward periods when the gain weight in places they normally dont carry it, and cant find things that fit.
I will be so glad when people realize that an anorexic model is not the great thing of beauty that our current culture thinks it is.

Everyone thinks the Mona Lisa is the epitomy of female grace and beauty, and she is in all of her natural glory-close attention to the actual picture will tell you all you need to know about natural beauty.