Manners and Decorum... What ever happened to these principles in the REAL World?!?!?!?

I have to disagree here. manners and decorum are there, but they are wrapped in Political Correctness.

Which has been used to pigeonhole the masses into being afraid to speak.

What this country needs is more people not scared of being UN-PC. Forget manners-action is what this country needs.

reply to post by JaxonRoberts


Hi Jaxon,

I think this is my first time to ever post in a thread of yours, but I have read many of your threads, and while not always agreeing with you, have come to admire the quality of your contributions. I would like to first, this being a thread on manners and decorum, take the opportunity to introduce myself and tell you what a pleasure it is to make your acquaintance.

I found it rather coincidental, when first reading your O.P., that it had reminded me of my own day, and one of the memories I had was my own experience at McDonald's, which was actually quite pleasant, beginning with my entrance into the establishment, as a man exiting, obviously in a rush, stopped long enough to hold the door open for me. The cashier was very pleasant, and while I sat next to two gentlemen who were obviously discussing local politics, they were not overly loud, and were clearly enjoying each others company.

There are days were it seems the whole world has gone berserk, and every one I encounter seems to be either having a bad day, or perpetually rude. However, for the most part, I encounter more politeness than I do rudeness, and it is a small favor I remain grateful for each day. I live in a large Metropolis, actually famous for its rudeness and self involvement, and being raised in a small town, upon first moving to this city of angels I was not so much astounded at the rudeness, as dismayed by it. I have lived in New York City and Chi-town as well, and while people in those cities tend to have an abrupt and even aggressive behavior, I found them to be, on the whole, great people and fun to be around.

Not so in this Southern Californian Metropolis, I now call home, upon my arrival, but the past few years, it seems to me that either the character of this town has changed, or my character has. Either way, I encounter more polite and friendly people than I do discourteous and unfriendly people. There are those crazy whacked out people, of course, but they are few and far between in my experience, and even many of the homeless and down and outer's seem to have a pleasant way about them, and remain unimposing and polite.

I used to experience frustrations with friends who would interrupt conversations in environments not appropriate to take cell phone calls, and even a few friends that would literally interrupt me to check their messages or something, but I have never been tolerant of such behavior and currently don't have any friends foolish enough to behave that way. Although, we will tease each other at times, and if we don't agree with what the other person is saying or are simply bored with their blather, mime holding a phone, and feign a bad connection, claiming we're loosing our signal, or going under a bridge, to indicate that a change of conversation would be nice. This is our way of having fun, and it always brings smiles to our faces.

I guess the point I a making, and why I felt compelled to post in this thread, is that people are really cool, and while there can be those few that are really un-cool, for the most part, humanity is basically good, and ethics is the greater good for which all people aim. Of course, just because we all aim towards that greater good, doesn't mean our own experience or perception is well equipped to get us there. We are all on our personal journeys, doing our best to navigate this strange and wondrous spaceship earth, and we all do what we can to get to where we're going.

Some days can be worse than others for us, and some people can be ruder than others, but when our focus is on that which we are grateful for, that gratitude tends to bring us more of the same. As trite as the old aphorism may seem; "smile and the whole world smiles with you", tends to hold true. Or, as my good buddy signals likes to say; "smile, it confuses people." Confusing others can often times be a good thing, forcing them to pull out of their comfort zones and re-evaluate this life we've all been fortunate enough to experience.

The problem is not with the rude people, it's the fact that you let them bother you. A little post on a web site isn't going to fix the problem. Only way to help is to keep on being nice... can't do that? then you are the problem!

reply to post by theuhstuf


So it won't bother you when for the dozenth time that day, someone shoulders you in passing, in the street or in a store ?

It wouldn't bother you if, while in a train or bus, the person pressing against you imposes upon you the weird, rhythmic thump-thump of their 'personal music' ?

It doesn't bother you when, after standing politely in a queue for several minutes, someone pushes you aside or steps in front of you because 'their' time is obviously more valuable than yours ... even if they prevent you from making it to the bank or to your train in time ?

You aren't bothered if a group of noisy drunks keep you awake until after four in the morning, meaning you will be operating under par at work all the next day ?

Seems to me the investment of energy required in not allowing these things to bother one, is more damaging in the long-run than straightforward expressions of annoyance and exasperation, even protest

Originally posted by JaxonRoberts
I can't speak for any other culture in the world, but in American Society, manners and decorum in public are a thing of the past. In the last 50 years, we have become a rude and disrespectful society, with no semblance of manners whatsoever. Now I am speaking of our culture as a whole. I am aware that there are still those out there who are respectful and well mannered, but they are few and far between.

Today while out running errands, I stopped at the local Mickey D's to have lunch. I could not sit at my favorite table, not because it was occupied by another paying customer, but instead because it was occupied by someone who was there for the free wi-fi and apparently the free electricity, as he had both his laptop and his cell phone plugged into the restaurants wall outlet. He didn't even have the decency to buy a drink there, but instead brought his own along with him. For those who don't see the problem with this, besides being rude, it's called loitering. It was not a socially acceptable thing once upon a time.

A few tables over was a rather rotund individual just talking up a storm with a mouthful of Big Mac, spraying the table, and his dining companions, with small bits of the gastanomical delight, all the while showing those of us within visual range what the begining of the digestive process looks like. It was not a socially acceptable thing once upon a time.

While waiting for the Light Rail, a young lady with two small children in tow stepped onto the platform while engaged quite loudly in a conversation with someone on her cell phone, and using language that would make a sailor blush, completely disregarding her children and the elderly passengers within earshot (not to mention the rest of us). It was not a socially acceptable thing once upon a time.

I work in a higher end restaurant, and it is quite common for someone to answer their cell phone during dinner with others, and just sit there, have a complete conversation and ignore their dining companions, let alone not have the decency to excuse themselves from the table to conduct their conversation in private (or just shut the phone ringer off while dining). It was not a socially acceptable thing once upon a time.

So are Manners and Decorum a thing of the past? Rude, Crude, Lewd, and totally Disrespectful seem to be the values that are held today...

years ago, it was socially unacceptable for women to vote, speak out of turn, or really vocalize an opinion

it was illegal for a black man to be anything other than a slave.

those are two examples of distasteful behavior yes, but you do realize what a small demographic that is, and why i tend to lean on the opinion this post is just a bitch-fit

Theres a disease that is spreading within the U.S and its called selfishness. Me me me seems to be whats most important to a lot of people. It's like some people think that world revolves around them. If you offend someone or do something to some one even accidently they sue you. Havent you noticed how much people are suing each other in the U.S.. Before it it was not so common, now it's ridiculous how common it has become.

Its a very negative and selfish mentality that is surprisingly common. People having conversations on their phones while eating with other is just another example it.

When I used to go to college I would see some girls talking on their phones in the hallway. Theres nothing wrong with that except for it was plugged into the wall charging. I couldnt believe it.






[edit on 3-2-2010 by shyster55]

I'm going to have to go with parenting and the lack of social development due to all of nifty electronic gadgets we have.

I've lost track of how many times I've seen some teenaged kid dropping f bombs while complaining to a parent or just being downright disrespectful without any consequence. Drives me nuts, I would have swallowed a few of my teeth if I did that . For whatever reasons, some parents don't seem to care if their child is a monster.

With more and more people having "relationships" through an LCD screen and a keyboard, I think some just lack the common people skills that help them behave appropriately in public.

Del

words are just words.

someone had to designate "#" as a "bad word".... but in reality it is just a word

how you take it is what makes the difference.

you are blaming all these problems and issues on society as a whole, when in fact you have the poiwer to let it have a minimal effect on you.

responsibility.

Originally posted by 814ck0u7

years ago, it was socially unacceptable for women to vote, speak out of turn, or really vocalize an opinion

it was illegal for a black man to be anything other than a slave.

those are two examples of distasteful behavior yes, but you do realize what a small demographic that is, and why i tend to lean on the opinion this post is just a bitch-fit

I can only hope that you're kidding with the examples of "distasteful behavior" that you listed. Sure, maybe the OP is a "bitch-fit", I don't know what's in his head but saying slavery was distasteful behavior, damn, really?

[edit on 2/3/2010 by DelMar]

Originally posted by DelMar

Originally posted by 814ck0u7

years ago, it was socially unacceptable for women to vote, speak out of turn, or really vocalize an opinion

it was illegal for a black man to be anything other than a slave.

those are two examples of distasteful behavior yes, but you do realize what a small demographic that is, and why i tend to lean on the opinion this post is just a bitch-fit

I can only hope that you're kidding with the examples of "disrespectful behavior" that you listed. Sure, maybe the OP is a "bitch-fit", I don't know what's in his head but saying slavery was distasteful behavior, damn, really?

you misunderstood because i failed to designate clearly...

slavery and womens suffrage were not the examples i was refering to... the guy eating with his mouth open, the loiterer and the foul mouthed mother were the examples i was citing.

There's nothing wrong with using your manners, I'm a brit in USA working in customer service and I can't believe how many of my colleagues fail to say please and thank you during calls. But I have been very surprised at manners in gerneral over here as opposed to where I lived in England, I remember the first time I went to the 7/11, this teenager held the door open for me and called me sir .. couldn't believe it, if I was back in UK they would have been asking me to buy them 20 cigs and a bottle of cider ..

Regards

satellite1

reply to post by 814ck0u7


suppose someone called your mother a whore to your face
Or some kind of racial slur
Or made fun or your appearance
Is it just a word anymore?

[edit on 3-2-2010 by shyster55]

[edit on 3-2-2010 by shyster55]

reply to post by Dock9


To each their own! for me it doesn't matter what everyone around me does, they aren't me, I do what I want. Maybe I'm just blessed.

Originally posted by shyster55
reply to post by 814ck0u7

 

suppose someone called your mother a whore to your face
Is it just a word anymore?

yes, it is.

they can call my mother any name they want all day every day, and i really wont do anything other than not associate with them anymore.

however, if they attempt to strike my mother, that is a different argument entirely.

What ever happened to "excuse me" and "i'm sorry"??

This type of thing hits home every single day. No matter who you are, where you are and what you're doing there is someone out there who is just downright rude or disrespectful.

I'm quite young, but was raised to be an extremely polite and respectful young man. My parents ensured I knew that from square one and I think that's where the problem is stemming. No one teachers manners anymore in general.

Everything is "gimmie this" or "do that", there is no politeness left. What happened to respecting your elders or helping someone in need? All I see is greed and the "I only care about myself" mindset. It's sad sometimes that people can't take 2 SECONDS to help someone out in the smallest way.

reply to post by 814ck0u7


Wow you must have a lot of self control.
Atleast more than i do

Originally posted by shyster55
reply to post by 814ck0u7

 

suppose someone called your mother a whore to your face
Or some kind of racial slur
Or made fun or your appearance
Is it just a word anymore?

[edit on 3-2-2010 by shyster55]

[edit on 3-2-2010 by shyster55]

yes and yes.

as i said, YOU, the individual, has the ability to let VERBAL remarks have a minimal effect on you.

its not what is said, its how you deal with it.

Because of a lower moral compass,

I will give you an answer you wont like, about three generation of little if no spiritual guidance.

I want to add the internet plays a big role.

[edit on 012828p://bWednesday2010 by Stormdancer777]

It's dead. I'm only 27, but recall growing up that people in general still had some manners. Not today. Sometime from ~late 90's to early 00's people seemed to lose their humanity and become...well...scumbags. I look around and see people in suits and ties whom I still see as white trash. It has nothing to do with socioeconomic status, IMO. Most people have become demoralized and a bit sociopathic. This is why I mostly prefer to be alone.

"it is no measure of health to be well adjusted to a profoundly sick society."