Manners and Decorum... What ever happened to these principles in the REAL World?!?!?!?

I can't speak for any other culture in the world, but in American Society, manners and decorum in public are a thing of the past. In the last 50 years, we have become a rude and disrespectful society, with no semblance of manners whatsoever. Now I am speaking of our culture as a whole. I am aware that there are still those out there who are respectful and well mannered, but they are few and far between.

Today while out running errands, I stopped at the local Mickey D's to have lunch. I could not sit at my favorite table, not because it was occupied by another paying customer, but instead because it was occupied by someone who was there for the free wi-fi and apparently the free electricity, as he had both his laptop and his cell phone plugged into the restaurants wall outlet. He didn't even have the decency to buy a drink there, but instead brought his own along with him. For those who don't see the problem with this, besides being rude, it's called loitering. It was not a socially acceptable thing once upon a time.

A few tables over was a rather rotund individual just talking up a storm with a mouthful of Big Mac, spraying the table, and his dining companions, with small bits of the gastanomical delight, all the while showing those of us within visual range what the begining of the digestive process looks like. It was not a socially acceptable thing once upon a time.

While waiting for the Light Rail, a young lady with two small children in tow stepped onto the platform while engaged quite loudly in a conversation with someone on her cell phone, and using language that would make a sailor blush, completely disregarding her children and the elderly passengers within earshot (not to mention the rest of us). It was not a socially acceptable thing once upon a time.

I work in a higher end restaurant, and it is quite common for someone to answer their cell phone during dinner with others, and just sit there, have a complete conversation and ignore their dining companions, let alone not have the decency to excuse themselves from the table to conduct their conversation in private (or just shut the phone ringer off while dining). It was not a socially acceptable thing once upon a time.

So are Manners and Decorum a thing of the past? Rude, Crude, Lewd, and totally Disrespectful seem to be the values that are held today...

...unfortunately I think you're right...

Manners and Decorum seem to be something seen less and less these days.

Then again - monkey see monkey do.

If our children display those virtues less and less...what are we doing in our homes to instill them?

[edit on 2-2-2010 by alien]

The only reason someone is rude to someone else is because they look at the differences, not the similarities. I don't know if its the news, or just everyone looking at the small picture of things rather than the big, but i would never show rudeness to someone.

I look at everyone as if they were me. If you do this, you will become someone that is loved by everyone. Or, loved by yourself. Its the key to controlling your environment.

Most of it can be traced to one thing:

Television.

Monkey see, monkey do.

Been in a WalMart lately Jax?

I will agree that manners and kindness have all but become extinct to a degree, but you notice it as well as myself and others so that gives me hope of some possible return, if people follow a positve example.
It sounds to me that it could be possible that YOU had a bad day watching maybe alot of OTHER PEOPLE having a bad day too.
We never know the other persons story just by looking at them for 30 seconds.
Maybe we all get lost in our bad days too often anymore and it turns us into disrespectful ill mannered turd monkeys.

I hope you have a better day tomorrow.

[edit on 2-2-2010 by HappilyEverAfter]

The problem today with manners can be boiled down to one statement-

Everyone is starring in their own movie

I got a taste of this yesterday at a dollar store. I wanted to get some poker chips. My turn at the register came up, and I got 1/3 into my question before she ignored me, blabbed at someone else, got back to me, looked at me and instead of saying... "May I help you", or" so sorry, did you want something?" Instead, I get "whatchya got goin' on?" I just stared for a couple seconds, then made my request. They didn't, and I just turned around and left.

I dont even like leaving my house any more, because the people I encounter are completely rude, crude, and STUPID.

[edit on 2-2-2010 by wylekat]

reply to post by HappilyEverAfter


I don't know why you would think so, but I had a great day. And those I observed were not having a bad day either. Laptop man seemed quite happy. Big Mac dude was happily telling his full-mouthed story. Cell Phone Mama's conversation was quite upbeat, just full of profanity. And those who use their phones while dining seldom seem upset...

They just all lacked any sense of manners or decorum... Like most of the masses...

You should get a batch of "T&C Violation" stickers and slap them on people who deserves it.

Just my two cents...

Manners and decorum - taught by parents, upheld by school. Spelling as well.

There has been a breakdown in all of these things.

Plus technology has a lot to do with it. Don't deal with a real person, just get on your cell and communicate with bad spelling, or get on your computer.

The community feeling has all but vanished, which means people do not care so much about the welfare of others.

reply to post by JaxonRoberts


[Begin rant] I agree with you completely. It seems people are ruder than ever. You get bumped into and no one says 'sorry' or 'excuse me' they just trample you down like a heard of angry buffalo. The cell phones are the worst. It is my theory that EVERYONE who uses a bluetooth phone headset is automatically an ass. Seriously, I am just trying to walk around and shop and I have to hear some moron yelling profanities amongst their grocery list to whoever has the misfortune to be speaking with them?! Are telephone calls so friggin important that we must have an extended ear stuck to our head in order to CONSTANTLY receive them?! GAAAAH. Hang up, you jerks! [/end rant]

Oh you just hit on a pet peeve of mine! I can't stand bad manners and rudeness. I don't mean to sound all "prim and proper" but having nice manners always adds to a person's attractiveness for me.

Maybe it's how some people are brought up and the examples people see on television lately. So much of what is on television would not have been allowed years ago. So much of it is crude, vulgar, and downright crass.

I am so glad I made sure my own kids were raised knowing their manners and how to be polite.

And like you sometimes I am simply amazed at the lack of respect people have for others.

I'm just gonna quote from my other post.

Originally posted by Jazzyguy

Originally posted by Bombeni
I only know I actually feel sorry for those who are growing up now, versus "back then" -- so many people have lost hope.

I can understand what you're saying. Comparing to the old days, life in the present is technically easier with all the new gadgets at their disposal. But somehow these days people seems emotionally broke, overtly sensitive and really impatient. Things are jus not as unadulterated as before.

Jackson Roberts, thank you so very, very much from the bottom of my heart.

I am so happy to read your viewpoint, yes I agree. Manners are so very important, alas, they are so very few and far between.

And I assume you are a yank? If so then you do your country very proud, no offence, your countrymen are very well known world-wide for their lack of manners, the rest of the world think of most of you as all loud-mouthed, rude, inconcsidrerate pr*cks, however you have shown, quite eloquently may I add, that there is more to what we perceive. May you have many children and bring them up in your manner, the world will indeed be a better place for it.

I indeed thank you.

Kind regards, Jarrah.

reply to post by JaxonRoberts


We are a divided self marked by a suppressed inner world and an overgrown representation of ourselves in the outer world, like an avatar in a strange game made of popularity points. Intraversion takes us into the worst of life, which is a fear of death and unpopularity that paralyzes us from taking action. In this state we become absurdly passive, unwilling to criticize or act against things that are wrong but benefit others, and at the same time disproportionately aggressive in the areas society designates for competition. With our excessive reliance on our external self, we become underconfident, as we never come to know our inner world and find ourselves not at home in our own minds. Even worse, we know we are self-serving and come to loathe ourselves for being so shortsighted.

Civility has become a hindrence to success so therefore must be discarded. it will only get worse

anachronisms and vestiges of the past. American life isn't based upon anything substantial like other cultures who can fall back on tradition. Yours is one of an economic system that caters to the basest of children desires, materialism, the i want what i want and i will live forever mentality. Though it isn't the governments fault - as in the hearts of the people as in the actions of their rulership. The whole problem of American society and the growing westernized cultures around the world can be seen in the eyes of the people, the larger structures are merely the unconscious expression of their wishes.

I agree with the OP. They are lacking.

However, I don't condemn the youth of today for their lack of manners, apparently, they have not been taught!

Here is what I do to be proactive about it.

I use manners. That way my actions can lead the way.

I think it is vital in any customer service industry to arm their under paid and over worked employees with a STRONG ETIQUETTE skillset, so they can serve the needs of their client base in a better manner.

I also think it is vital for parents to teach these skills to their children and expect they be employed at all times.

Cell phone rudeness is the worst. I hate the clients who approach me with that phone to their ear, and give the caller all the respect and me none, or disdain for interrupting. Outrageous.

reply to post by zoso28


Whilst I applaud the OP and agree with virtually all the posts

YOURS is it in a nutshell


In fact, I didn't know anyone else saw it as you've described (my family is sick of hearing me say exactly the same thing). And few would even grasp the meaning, because they are, as you say .. and as I must stop saying ... too busy starring in their own movie. Produced by them, starring them, scripted by them, filmed by them )


As for decorum, most would ask, 'What's that mean ? '

And seeing I'm indulging in a little rant, I'll add the 'rauccous laughter' trend, because it's gone past driving me nuts and these days makes me simply weary

We have a prime example living next door. She's an intelligent young woman. Her son is a year or so old and her husband trying his best. So where did she learn to laugh like a drunken sailor ? And why does she do it ?

Then while in the city centre one day, I saw two other young women do the same thing. Repeatedly. Since then, I've seen/heard other young women do it. It's like a return to the days of Bawdy Moll ... indescribably horrible, uncouth, inconsiderate and coarse

Basically, the rauccous laughter 'act' consists of forcing a very loud, very false laugh ... with the mouth wide open. The strain of doing this results in a sound you'd expect to hear once in a blue moon from a truck driver

Except this trend insists on being heard every few minutes

It stops traffic ! You hear it and are astonished. I've never heard such noises emerging from females ever before

Obviously, the women who practice this form of attention-grabbing believe their hideous noises constitute a 'sexy' or 'dirty' laugh. In truth though, it sounds more like a barking bull seal

The woman next door is aged in her 20s I suppose. Any time her friends come to visit, she shatters the air with her 'star' act, the barking-seal laugh. She dominates the area. She steals attention. She won't stop doing it

But, having developed this star-turn, how is she going to turn it off ? If she makes that noise when her son is of school age, that boy will be ridiculed and mocked relentlessly

And while her coarse barking sounds might be considered 'wild' or even 'funny' now --- she's going to alienate the world if she doesn't learn to stop doing it by the time she's 50

But obviously she believes she'll never age past 30. And now she's teaching ... yes, teaching ... her baby son to make the same hideous noise

Decorum ? What's that ?

I loved the post that said 'everyone is starring in their own movie.' Fantastic. I do think that people have become so very self centered and oblivious to others.

I'm thinking that there's been a huge social breakdown across the planet. Everyone is working so hard and so long that they are spending less and less time raising their children and teaching them good manners. I made a point to make the evening meal a family occasion, with no TV, and good conversation. It's a great time to instill a few basic table manners into the kids. Not speaking when you have a mouthful of food etc. Very simple stuff, but you need the opportunity to get the point across. You can't do that when the kids are eating junk food from the coffee table while watching Spongebob...

You wouldn't buy a brand new BMW and give it to someone else to drive for you all day, but you'd have a child and leave it with a stranger all day. What are they teaching the kid? I know it's economically impossible for most families to have only one bread-winner, but I see less and less time being spent with children by their working parents.

In my formative years in England, we were barraged with constant reminders of manners, decorum, and civility. Not in any formal way, but by the society that surrounded us. Giving up one's seat to a lady, or opening a door for someone (which I do anyway) was a matter of course until it became politically incorrect and such actions could reap streams of abuse from someone who felt like you were being sexist.

Thank you, please, excuse me. Simple words, but becoming archaic in the English language. Manners maketh man.

When faced with a wait, and Englishman forms an orderly queue of one.

Whenever someone rudely pushes past me, I will call out, "I see, that's like 'excuse me' but without all the politeness baggage!" It's fun to see their faces, and the looks from those around you. Similarly, if somebody fails to say thank you, I will VERY LOUDLY say, "You're very welcome!" (and sometimes just let the door close on them....)
If someone pushes ahead of me in a queue, I will say quite loudly, "No. Really. You go first. You're obviously so much more important than all of us who have been waiting patiently for our turn."
Doesn't hurt to remind people that they are being impolite. If I have to appear impolite to do that, so be it.
I'm a big fella, so I rarely get any push-back!

I wouldn't mind if everyone starred in their own movies if they weren't heroless existential flicks.

Epics are coming back in a big way.

[edit on 3-2-2010 by djr33222]