Transexualism, Sexual Perversion Or A Real Medical Condition?

Hi Guys

This is my first post, and being my first post I never thought it would be on this subject! Religion, yes, conspiraces, yes, but transexualism? No way!!

The reason im posting this is for advice. My brother has just "come out" as a transexual so wants to be my sister! You can imagine the shock, considering I come from a very christian family with a mom who is like the swear police and clips you around the ear for even saying "bugger"!

I have to say im shocked to the core and do not know how to handle this. My brother is such a macho guy and has had loads of girlfriends, and in hindsight, maybe there was a little overcompensating going on?

When he told us what he is going to do even the crickets in the backyard went silent, his girlfriend had a "that explains everything look" and my mom immediatly went on her knees and started binding demons. My dad however just got up and walked out and went to the pub. I just stood there with my chin well and trully on the floor. But after the shock, i hugged him and told him that i will love him no matter what. But on the inside im still freaking out! I cant imagine him in a dress and lipstick, and a part of me thnks he will look like the worst tranny ever. But more seriously my own religious convictions are in conflict with thinking that to accept his choice is to condone what he is doing. A part of me does, I admire his courage for being himself, but i gotta say also that it seems far from natural to me and a part of me is repulsed by this.

So i need information. Do any of you guys know anyone who has gone through this? Is it a real disorder or a sexual perversion like a one step up from transvestitism?
I have read stuff on the web but I guess I trust ATSers more than some obscure website.

I am trying to be sensitive to this but its hard so any advice or real life experience would be greatly appreciated.

Thank you ATS in advance.

Also please no biggoted comments, please be sensitve to this and state facts, he is still my brother and i will still defend him.

reply to post by Selahobed

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YAY give her a lot of love and support. It is always healthy for a person to be who they truly are. You are so lucky to be trusted with this information. You have just been handed the opportunity to show how much you are a loving and accepting human being. You have just been handed someones heart with the hope that they can trust you with it.

Sigh.... It is not a disorder and it is not a perversion.

Good luck, and please give her all the support needed, such as if your parents refuse to have contact with your new sister, tell them you do not support them in this.

Harm None
Peace

reply to post by Selahobed

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All i can say is that you brother has got guts to `come out` like that . I have absolutely no knowledge of the subject of Transsexualism , but i hope to learn a thing or two from this thread.

You sound like a good sister to have , he will probably sooner turn to you for advice than his girlfriend . Infact i`d imagine everyone will probably look to you for answers at some stage .... maybe even dad.

Is it regarded as a fetish , a panache for the feel of silk , heels etc.?

reply to post by amazed

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Thank you, it will just take some getting used to and adjustment i guess. I would never turn my back on "her", that is something else im going to have to get used to saying.

Thanks

I don't think it's so... " cut and dried "

Are you even sure the ones he was dating were actually women?

It would seem that some just perfer to be transvestites. Some are intersexed and may grow up leaning more towards one than the other?

Masculine guys who would make an ugly woman doesn't sound logical and more deluded and confused. At least one documentary showed a few who swtched back. Not an easy thing to do after surgery with men anyway.

I recall what I thought was a girl several years ago and was told she was actually a he or transgender. I guess I didn't believe it because it wasn't so obvious and never heard of it before. It wasn't until a year or so ago I saw a few programs on it. Some might think it's the parents behind it, but apparently not the case.

I would think if they transgender starting at an early age, it makes more sense. But when they're older, it seems like it's more sexually oriented as if some experimental phase. I think they're expected to be transgendered or live as a woman for quite awhile until the surgery.

[edit on 24-9-2009 by aleon1018]

reply to post by UmbraSumus

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I dont know if its a fetish or a real psycological disorder. I have read that these people feel imprisoned in their own bodies and consequently a lot have commited suicide. I guess i would rather have a live sister than a dead brother. But im still unconvinced. My bro is such a macho guy, he followed me into the army! His girlfriends are many, but that may have been a overcompensation on his part i dont know.

reply to post by aleon1018

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He did have a propencity to play with dolls as kid as i recall, and was always shuffling about in my moms high heels as a toddler.
His girlfriends reaction kind of spoke volumes too. I dont know or want to know what went on in private with them but it wasnt such a big shock to her as was us.

I can assure you also that his past girlfriends were real women lol.
Although......

It takes bags of courage to do something like that and tell your family.Especially if they are a hardcore Christians.I would show your brother/sister support,show that you love him/her no matter what they decide to do.Im sure that's all he/she wants.Damn,getting confused there.Didn't know which one to pick so included both.In any case,it's still the same person so it's not like you are losing a family member.It's simply a change,and for the better if it's something they are sure of and makes them more comfortable as a person.

And it's not a disorder or a negative thing to be comfortable with who you are.I think we all as human beings strive for that.



[edit on 24-9-2009 by Solomons]

I would suggest also that you do some research. I have seen several documentaries where these women talk about how mostly, they have felt since they were young that they were in the wrong body, but because of family life, knew to "hide" what they felt.

It is very common for emotions to be hidden, and then later in life to finally come to the conclusion that they are pretending to be someone they are not, and that they are harming themselves by doing so. Hopefully your sister can find a really great counselor to help her out. You too actually.

I am not sure the size town you guys live in, but many of the larger cities have really good counseling centers just for this.

Doing a quick google search shows many centers, I am sure if you called one, they would be able to direct you to someone in your area.

Again, good luck, and please ignore the negative attitudes you will run into here on ATS in regards to this issue. It still amazes me that in this day, people are still so hateful towards others.

Harm None
Peace

reply to post by Solomons

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Yes we are hard core christians, and it did take bags of courage. I have faced enemies in war but would rather do that than face my parents and community with that!
I do admire him/her (same confusion), but at the same time im kind of repulsed also. I am trying to be understanding though. In my my head im trying to deconstruct my my social costructions, but mannn.
Science has labled this as a real disorder, and seeks to correct with hormones and surgery.
My religion says that God doesnt make mistakes, but ive seen quite a few!

Love and support, it's going to be difficult for your whole family, but you're a family - you face tough times and support each other.

Best wishes to you all.

reply to post by amazed

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I live in a huge town, and i followed your advice and there is a few organisations that deal with transgender issues so i will get in contact with them for info..... Thanks

Yes, i guess we all hide our true emotions, i gues to be "real" in this life takes real strength.

The first thing I want to say is this. It is perfectly ok to be a little (or alot) freaked out by this. DO NOT feel like you're letting your brother down by this, it's a massive shock for you and your family. You're bound to be knocked back by this news.

Secondly, good for you for giving him a hug when the rest of the family scattered like 9 pins. I bet that ment the world to him. Hopefully your family will come round, and see that he's still the same person he always was, and that will never change. He'll look different, sound different, yes, but it's still your brother on the inside and it always will be.

I do believe that this is a medical/genetic thing, rather than a perversion. Infact I know it, definatly. As the people I know who are transexual (3 in all), are NOT perverts in any way shape or form. A friend of mine has recently come out as transgender, and I've got to say that she's now SO much happier in herself than before when she was a he. She hasn't had the full op yet, but she has a much higher voice now, and is just so much more at home in her body than before. He used to be shy, quiet, alwasy sitting in the corner drinking a beer on his own. But now she's got confidence and a great vibe coming from her great big smile. That's got nothing to do with perversion, it's just who she is.

I think it's a legit orientation/condition. I don't think it's a perversion, it's incredibly difficult though.

From the one program I'd seen it was really sad to see a young boy so heart broken he wasn't really a girl and had so many rejection issues at school. Many kids already have these problems already.

Kids or boys when they're younger are more mamas boys. From what you say, he seemed to be closer to you as a playmate. Michael Jackson has been said to want to be his sister. I wonder what your brother would say and do if you started being butch.
www.afterellen.com...

I grew up in the 70s and the girls wore jeans and flannels. Girls in dresses weren't as attractive or were out of my league. I think I prefer a butch woman and they seem to be much more desireable to many men as friends. How ironic.


It does seem that for some like transgender children, it's part of their brain function ( left and right brained female) and or soul that makes them what they are or are not.

Interesexed children who in the past used to be surgically altered and than later were basically male is very wrong. I don't think they perform surgeries right away anymore.

It's not so easy to say what they sould be or can't be. I'd much prefer a butch girl as a friend than a transexual. ( no offense) To me, most transexuals appear more like actors. The voice seems to give them away.

It is as normal as being born with Red Hair.

We are all variations of a physical/chemical cocktail. It all depends on how it got mixed while we were being made.

There is no black and white "perfect cloned human" -- we are all shades of gray.

It is only man-made society that expects one to fit in "prescribed approved" boxes.

Be who you were made to be - - - as long as you cause no harm to another.

reply to post by aleon1018

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Hmmmmmnnn. My bro always went for the most girly girls possible, to my consternation. One even asked why the top part of the flat tyre never went flat. That maybe a blonde joke, but it actually happened and i was mortified lol.
Maybe he was taking as a partner some distorted example of womanhood, girly to the extreme, so at least he could live through her?

reply to post by Selahobed

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I think this is kinda like the time my oldest son told me he is gay? Of course that was some years ago and now who knows what he is??

The thoughts that were running around my head when he told me was, ok and why are you telling me this?? My kids are my kids nothing is going to change that.

Same goes with your sibling. Sure people are going to stare at you when your in public if it is that obvious. Heck you might get into fights with others, might even get hurt?

Gosh there was a book back in the ......70's? Called "My Brothers Keeper". Now I really cant recall what it was about per say, but the title of it comes to mind now and again. I am not my brothers keeper. My brother could wear a dress and get boobs, why should I care?? Ya he might embarrassed me if he did such a thing (omg his wife and kids would be devastated?), but that is really my problem, right?

The cause of your distress is your brothers choices he has made for himself. It does effect you on a family scale. Though really aren't you talking about yourself? You love your brother and feel you need to stick up for him. BUT cant he do that himself?? Maybe he does not need you to stick up for him? Maybe he is a strong willed individual who needs no one but himself?

Let it ride its course as I did with my son. You still love him. You still care for him. Boy , girl, who cares what he looks like, all topical. Who cares who he has sex with, your not there. Only thing that should matter here is your brother is happy.

Isn't happiness, contentment what we are all striving for? Good luck with your emotions k.

BTW if we want to get scientific about this issue - everyone has male and female hormones. The human body is more alike then people want to admit. Black, white, purple, green, boy, girl who really cares..... The soul of a person is neither boy, girl, black, white. In the big picture it just doesn't matter.

If I new how to give this person praise I would.....

reply to post by Annee

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The way the media reports this has definitley shaped how i should handle this.
I thought it was a new phenomena but its not. Apparently we are the only culture that doesnt accept this, even the ancient indians had a place for them in society, and even had a "surgery" for them.