i am a gay man of 30. i have seen it all. been there done that. i would like to take a more objective stance on this issue.

IMO, the saddest place in the world is a gay bar. ugly ugly heavy and unpleasant feelings happen in this place. yes, i suppose most bars (in general) can be a bit of a slum. in my mind, it should be a place of celebration and openness. but even the "fun" ones are just draining.

add to that: the saddest people in the world are transsexuals. i am not pointing the finger here. not at the bars/clubs nor trannys. merely making an honest observation.

your bro would not be doing this unless his life depended on it. but it MUST (absolutely MUST) be a joyful experience for him. it is going to take ALL of you, working together, to accomplish that. transsexualism is not, in itself, a mental or psycho-spiritual disorder, but i guarantee that at this moment, your brothers head is not right. he needs a lot of help. in the end, i dare say you will like him even better than you did before.

have you seen Transamerica (the film)? gut wrenching. it will put you in the mind of this person.

...best of luck to you all.

[edit on 24-9-2009 by tgidkp]

Without compassion we are no better than our prejudices...what your brother needs more than anything is compassion and love...not judgement and condemnation.

I have to say.

I am incredibly impressed with the respect in this thread.

As a nursing assistant I did float sometime on the unit that recovered the transgendered surgery patients.

He is still your brother
He should see a therapist. A legit program will require a analysis by a specialist and that he live as his alternate gender for a period of time prior to actual surgery
He is still your brother

He can go through this along or with his family. The choice is actually yours. If realm he can no more deny who he is than i could stop drinking wine.

transexual: a person who has UNDERGONE a sex change operation
Transvestite: a person who identifies with the opposite gender.

your brother might be queer as of now, but unless they choppy choppy the pee-pee he will be a transvestite, that is if he chooses to dawn on a dress.... however, u said he is/was a macho guy, with a lot of girlfriends in the past, he may be bi-sexual, or maybe just like the way panties and a bra look on him. with all playing aside, some clarification could be used. as to his sexual preference IMO from what I have gathered so far, you said he wants to be your sister, so he wants to be a transexual at this point.... next time you see him ask him if "he's the pitcher or the catcher" if he says "pitcher" tell him play for his own team...... but honestly sounds like he wants to be a catcher, in which case before he gets "involved" with a person if said operation is done have him disclose the truth of his path, as to avoid BEING KILLED, because honestly, a straight man, who founds out he just slept with a woman, who used to be a man, will most likely become highly unstable

all jokes aside though, support him in his decision if thats who he wants to be, Judge not less ye be Judged, God gave us all free will (Christian and Soldier are contradictions "Do unto others as you would have done unto yourself" the only time a "Christian" should become a "Soldier" is when its to defend not oppress, and the USA fights wars for money under the guise of liberation)

[edit on 24-9-2009 by clever024]

If your brother has reached the point of telling friends and family he should also be at or beyond the point where he has begun counseling in preparation for his transition. If indeed touched by gender dysphoria the best thing you and your family can do is educate yourself about the condition and course of treatment. An acquaintance of mine and respected local cardiologist has a website with some useful information and links that might be helpful to all: www.drbecky.com/links.

In brief, counseling, psychiatric evaluation, hormones, electrolysis and learning how to live as a woman are the first steps. Minimum prerequisites to be considered for sexual reassignment surgery, which would be the very last step in the process or icing on the cake as it were, include living and working for at least a full year in the new gender to prove that life as a woman would be successful.

Your brother is in for the hardest few years of his life. You may never understand his torment or feelings but you don't have to - just be there for him and let him know you love him no matter what. She is going to need all the help she can get.

One word of caution to you and your family is to not blame your new "sister" for killing your brother. It happens but remember, gender dysphoria syndrome/transsexualism is a medical condition, not a perversion, deviance or anything that a person can change. Trust me, if you or your family try to intervene or stop him from becoming a her, most likely you will lose this person from your life and that would be sad for everyone.

The word is TRANSGENDERED...transsexual is a misnomer, and is connotative of something sexual or perverted. The word "trans sexual" was an invention out of the shock porno industry.

Your brother is reaching out to his/her family at a critical point in his/HER life.

First; your "brother" will have to seek out, and be treated by a qualified therapist that is certified to deal with people who are suffering from Gender Dysphoria.

This is a real condition, and isn't some imaginary condition that anyone would choose for themselves...people are born this way.

Cross dressing individuals are not the same thing as some one who is transgendered.

Gender identity is in the head, not between the legs. Understand that right now. OK!
Also, a trans gendered individual isn't necessarily GAY! If she is still attracted to females after successfully transitioning, then she will be classed as homosexual. If she is attracted to males, then she'll be heterosexual. If she likes both, then she'll be Bisexual...

Your family member will most likely be tested and bear out that his/HER mental gender identity is that of a female. Secondly, she could have a chromosomal profile done, and she could very well have multiple X markers, instead of just XY...she could be XXY...( which is more rare )

The younger an individual can recognize and then properly deal with this condition, the better. It is a much harder and a problem fraught baptism by fire, if the individual is 35,45, 55 years old etc.

Once he/SHE has been verified as suffering from gender dysphoria, she will then be started on a HRT program. Hormone Replacement Therapy will help her become who she is in her head and heart.

SRS or Sex Reassignment Surgery, is the finale' that aligns ones inner self with the physical self. NO ONE WOULD CHOOSE TO HAVE THEIR GENITALIA REMOVED AND RECONSTRUCTED INTO SOMETHING OPPOSITE OF WHAT THEY WERE BORN WITH, FOR THE HELL OF IT!

Your family needs to rally for her, and support her as she transitions into a female being.

She is going to deal with a whole new Puberty and range of emotions...so expect a newly emerging teenage girl in the family for a few years, until she matures. If she is allowed to become the person she truly is, you'll be amazed at how happy and satisfied with life she'll be after she is finally living as who she was meant to be.

If you have confusion or questions about this situation, there are many good web sites that deal with it. Or, you could talk to her therapist at some point.

Love her, support her, and defend her...she is going to need it all.