The Joys of Motherhood

Got an email from my firstborn today that had me sobbing like a schoolgirl. Kids can have that effect on you. Still, I think I'll keep her another week.

It's 12am, and I'm going over Psych books. I can't believe I'm not asleep yet; this stuff is booorring!
BUT, it got me thinking of the days of my youth and how much pain I was in, and you never gave up on me. I realize now how hard it is to be a "GOOD" mom, and how our kids will be mad at us for things they don't understand. I was mad at you for many things , at the time I didn't understand. I understand now , and I realize I never gave you credit where credit was due. Sooo.....

remember the time my cousin and I were caught doing things we shouldn't have been doing?
and instead of beating me half to death like your sister did to her son, you talked to me? Thanks MOM.

remember the time you and I were passing out flyers for your house cleaning business, and I was barefoot and walked into a patch of stickers that were everywhere, you laid your flyers down in bunches so I could step on them on my way to the car, and you saved my feet from much pain? Thanks MOM.

remember all the times you helped me do homework and I would get frustrated and blurt out "I'm so stupid!" and you would look at me calmly and say "you're not stupid"? Thanks MOM.

remember when I was growing slowly towards my relationship with Christ and you let me attend all those retreats and seminars and you talked with me about God and life? Thanks MOM.

remember when I was depressed and you knew I was in danger, and you talked with me and spent time with me even though your own life was full of its own worries and troubles? Thanks MOM.

remember when we were really poor and you managed to feed your children anyway? Thanks MOM.

remember when I had really bad headaches and instead of pumping me full of drugs, you would spend the time to massage my head and neck to relieve any tension, eventually putting me to sleep? Thanks MOM.

remember when Brother and I wanted to seek out our dad and you were fearful of the outcome of such a decision, but you allowed us to know and explore our curiosity? Thanks MOM.

remember when I was so full of myself and wanted to get into modeling, and you let me try it even though it cost you a lot of money because of my bad decision? Thanks MOM.

remember the way you always made sure your children never called each other names so we wouldn't learn disrespect towards each other? Thanks MOM.

remember my first child and my decision, you listened, you went with me, you never judged me or yelled at me or cursed me, you still accepted your child into your arms? Thanks MOM.

All the times I fell down you wouldn't make me feel dumb; all the times I messed up, you still gave me another chance; all the times I cried , you cried with me; all the times I was happy for something, you were happy for me; all the times I acted as though you were the worst mother in the world, you never disowned me. You loved me, carried me, rocked me, fed me, clothed me, taught me, tried for me, fought for me. We've laughed together, have been mad at each other, talked more than any two people probably ever will and I have enjoyed our relationship more than you will ever know. You are my best friend and I couldn't thank God enough for making you mine.
Thanks MOM.


I offer this as a tribute to all the struggling parents out there who wrestle with doubt and sometimes wonder if it's all worth it. Kids definitely make the journey worth all the paths not taken.

I am beginning to have these kind of heart to hearts with my seventeen year old. I am so proud of her and she is so much farther along than I was at her age.
It really is worth all the trouble when you see them grow into themselves and actually see that what you did makes sense.

It does make you cry and feel grateful that you didn't stop trying to do the right thing, when they tell you you are wrong. I made mistakes as a mom, but I learned how to love unconditionally, and it is the best kind. You never stop being a mom once you are one.

As a single mother, I just knew that everything I did was going to scar them for life. They turned out pretty decent after all.

Since kids don't come with an instruction manual and each kid is different, it's kind of mind-boggling to think that any of them turn out well at all. Speaks more to their resilience than to my parenting, though.

Having raised 3 daughters, I can firmly attest that teenage girls are hormonally deranged.

The age of 17 is about the time they all decided I was sooooo NOT cool, too stupid to live and not even worth talking to. *sigh* The eye rolling and exasperated sighing was what made my head explode. LOL.

If only I had ever been a teenage girl I might possibly understand what they were going through, but since I so obviously was born out of date I should just give them money and otherwise leave them alone.

Just when I'm sure I've failed miserably as a mother, I realize something did get through. Just when I think the last 30 years could have been better spent raising dalmatians, they go and validate my life.

All those times I thought, "I went to college to carry on these kind of conversations?!"; received no pay, no days off, no sick time, no vacations and not even an "attaboy" for all my efforts.....motherhood is still the best job in the world.

WW, I was a single mom with my first daughter. She was 6 months old when I fled.
I didn't have to work, but I went to college during that time. I was single and dating (making continuous mistakes) for 8 years. I thought I wasn't good enough to raise her alone, and yet in some way I think I wanted the experience.
I had a great time devoting myself to being a mom, fixing up my little cottage, and doing creative things at home with her. I hated having to share her with her other family and had a lot of resentments about how they were "seemingly" doing it better than me.
I think I assumed that they could offer her more with their "traditional" lifestyle, but come to find out from her now, that she has received a lot of inspiration from me about what she wants to do in life.
And I think I finally have some of her respect in how I chose to raise her.

I know what you mean about having gone to college and not feeling fulfilled trying to talk to teenagers and tweensters. It was fun watching her do those things from an adult perspective though. I really think I helped with some of the issues I had as a teenager, by telling her some of the mistakes I made, and some of the conclusions I came to.

I am happy for you that you are seeing some rewards like I am. It really is the best job in the world. I agree.

Seagrass, you are to be commended on raising a daughter that acknowledges your sacrifices and efforts.

Being a single mom is incredibly hard and if it requires you overcome the trauma of your own childhood in order to not make the same mistakes that were made with you, it's doubly tough.

I homeschooled my children and had so many people tell me that I was ruining their lives, blah blah blah. It's very satisfying to see them go to college, think for themselves, take charge in situations where others just stand around waiting to be told what to do, etc.

It's encouraging to see them "just say no" to drugs and alcohol. It's a relief that none of them were knocked up before they got married. It's a blessing that they married decent guys and lead lives free of drama.

I can't even imagine what my life would have been like without them. That's not to say that there wasn't times that I thought the joys of motherhood weren't grossly exaggerated but it was all worth it.

Being a kid isn't easy either and I always tried to look at things from their POV knowing that kids don't need to be molded; they need to be unfolded.

Here's to all the moms.

and here's to you Whitewave
It really is a hard job, because the outcome is so important, and we are emotionally invested while carrying doubts and baggage from our own childhood.
I too had a few issues that I knew I needed to overcome for her. Such as affection. I was determined that my children would have mine.
And there is fulfillment in seeing how it helps them, but there are usually other challenges we weren't prepared for, and we have to give ourselves a break there.

It takes a village to raise a child they say, and mine was definitely raised by many others besides myself. She has turned out more wonderful than I ever expected. My masterpiece. And I have a seven year old, so I am doing it all over again.

They keep you young, and give you a reason to watch Spongebob without guilt.

What an awesome letter...great job!

Thanks Gazrok.

For all the times they blindsided me and made my hair turn white, this letter blindsided me in a good way. Totally out of the blue. It's not often that I'm speechless but I was after I got that email.

I've heard so many parents on this forum talk about the struggles with their kids that I just wanted to let them all know that their efforts do make a difference-even if it takes a while to sink in.

Raising decent human beings doesn't come with a paycheck because the value of that task is priceless...as are the rewards. So all you parents hang in there!

[edit on 20-1-2009 by whitewave]