Response 3
Clarification
When I claimed that, all people acting with Carrot via Internet seem to be artificial etc. or that it seems to me that Carrot believes that
a
human being sitting in front of his/her computer, getting access to the internet , loses his/her reality somehow, becoming kind of monster, than being
artificial, fraudulent or illusory
, I was expressing the feeling I got while reading Carrot’s responses. Carrot, if you don’t get theses
feelings, it makes me quiet happy, since I know now that I can’t be a monster by myself. Thank you.
Real Friendship
I think we should take again a closer look at the terms real and friendship.
Carrot insists that real can only mean
not artificial, fraudulent, or illusory
, and therefore she presumes that a person sitting in
front of her/his computer mocks up a personality and pretends easily to be somebody else.
This can’t be denied but it happens all the time in life.
This would cover the fact that somebody becomes kind of illusory, maybe lives in a fantasy – something, which we would clearly admire when our
children build up such a fantasy or if our favorite author is able to create a very visionary, fancy novel.
Sometimes people suffer from a loss in reality, which can be a symptom of serious disease. It is possible that such people can still live through the
Internet, while mocking up personalities and life scenarios. But look at it very objective! This can happen. But if you be careful, not paranoid, just
careful, and try to get to know the person you are talking too, via u2u or contributions to thread, you will detect that some of the real personality
always shows through.
Nobody can really keep up a deliberated story forever. Just think about all the stuff she/he has to keep in mind. Stuff, which is connected to a life,
which we can easily remember because it has really happened to us.
That is not easy, and an imposter usually doesn’t create a scenario like an author, who notes how a character develops. An imposter tells you story
A and than story B, and if you keep attention you will detect it. Just don’t be blue eyed.
My opponent claims that I might have been lucky throughout my Internet life so far. That might be. I am on the Internet since 1999 – ghee ten years
of Internet – and 80% of my friends are people I met on the Internet. But it happened to me as well, that there was a person, who pretended to be
somebody else, or let’s better say, who pretended to have a different life as she actually had.
It happened as it usually happened, we exchanged emails, we talked on the phone, and we met each other. She very quickly claimed me to be her best
friend – something which should have warned me! She talked about her family, about her kids, about her dreams. Yeah Carrot she gave me personal
information, very sensitive information, maybe she did it, to make it easier to believe what she really got on her mind.
She pretended to be the girlfriend of a well-known celebrity in Germany. I must admit, I was without any harm and believed at first what she told me.
A celeb is a person like anybody else, so why shouldn’t she have met him. She talked about her son and his progress in life and than about her
illusory boyfriend. It sounded real, as if she was talking about a real boyfriend, it didn’t matter that she was using the name of that celeb for
the story about her boyfriend. It really sounded quiet natural.
But now and then there were gaps she couldn’t fill, that celeb was on the tabloids and even if tabloids are lying to us as well, the lies of that
girl and the lies of the tabloids didn’t fit together.
Long story, short end – after telling her that I couldn’t believe it anymore, she still refused that she was lying to me, we splitted.
Could this have happened as well if we wouldn’t have met on the Internet? Sure it could have happened.
Was it a real friendship? In some cases yes! She trusted me, I trusted her. She told me sensitive information about her life, so did I, we have been
loyal to each other – if there wouldn’t have been that part with that celeb. And maybe we would still be friends if she had confessed that she
just wanted to make her miserable life a bit more interesting with this fantasy.
All definitions of friendship Carrot provided and the results of my survey apply for online friendship as well. I guess nobody with common sense would
claim that any member of an online community is automatically just by being a member her/his online friend.
Dear reader, would you claim that the newest member of ATS is your online friend? No you wouldn’t, because you know to use the term friend and
friendship very sensitively and reasonably. You would try to get to know to this person, to make up your mind. And after you have gone through the
steps of the development of an online friendship, you might consider this person as your friend. A friend who truly earned her/his merits.
All I expect is, to use the Internet and its opportunities not blue-eyed but with common sense.
If you got kids who are on their first steps in this new world, you have to guide them. Advice them never to tell sensitive facts about themselves
openly on myspace, facebook or threads in forums. I know a girl, just 12 years old, who openly posted not only her age, but her email address, and the
small village she was living in on myspace, her mother didn’t care. When detecting it, I just told her to stop it for self protection. The email
address was not a fantasy addy, like “orange.light@………” it contained her full name “john.doe@………”.
Never ever do this!
When realizing that ATS advices this in every posting window, I thought it was a bit over protecting, since this should be self-evident, NOT to post
such sensitive datas. But it happens all the time.
But if you be careful, self-protective, an Internet friendship can develop to be a real friendship, even a friendship for life. And honestly you
wouldn’t befriend each and every person you saw at the metro station, you would use the same carefulness and you would wait how such a relationship
would develop.
Socratic Questions of CA_Orot
Socratic Question One:
Do you believe that it is easier for someone to lie to someone else in person, or on the internet?
It depends on her/his qualities in lying.
If you just exchange one or two u2us it will be easier on the internet. The longer the relationship lasts the more difficult it will become.
But if you meet a person just one or two times in real life, it can be also very easily for her/him to lie to you. You just don’t know this person,
and this person might be a good liar and you will never know.
Socratic Question Two:
Do you believe that any victim of Internet Predation possibly trusted the Predator and considered them a friend?
I won’t deny it.
But a victim of a real life predation would have trust the predator the same way and considered that person a friend.
Predation is predation – no matter if it happens on the Internet or in your neighborhood.
A short note on imposters and social mask
Masking (Personality Theory) is a process in which an individual changes or "masks" his or her natural personality to conform to social
pressures, abuse, and or harassment.
[1]
A role (sometimes spelled rôle as in French) or a social role is a set of connected behaviors, rights and obligations as conceptualized by actors
in a social situation. It is an expected behavior in a given individual social status and social position. It is vital to both functionalist and
interactionist understandings of society.
[2]
We expect our fellow men to act in a certain way. A mother has to be patient, caring, a banker has to be serious and trustworthy, a priest even more
trustworthy, very serious, and very contemplative – maybe your own ideas about the masks and behavior of certain social roles.
Roles may be achieved or ascribed. An achieved role is a position that a person assumes voluntarily which reflects personal skills, abilities,
and efforts. Roles are not forced upon the individual; a choice is involved. An ascribed role is a position assigned to individuals or groups without
regard for merit but because of certain traits beyond their control (Stark 2007).
Roles are forced upon the individual. Roles can be semi-permanent ("doctor", "mother", "child"), or they can be transitory.
[3]
Think carefully about this. A role can be achieved and it can be ascribed, but somehow it is forced on us. People expect us to react in a certain way.
Few people would like a plumber acting like an artist. But does the role of a prist, banker, mother, plumber shows her/his real nature, her/his real
personality?
Truly not!
Is this person therefore an imposter and cannot be trusted?
Maybe, if the role, like it happens sometimes, is adapted to pretend to be different than they really are. Everybody has heard about medical
imposters.
But usually you can trust somebody wearing his/her social mask.
Back to you Carrot!
