It was less than a year ago
When she moved her stuff in
She was long gone
It was her turn now
Cover the Mantle in pictures
Of a Family that I don't know
Cooked Food I'd never seen before
But she made Him Smile
It was almost two years ago
When I found her stuff in the bin
They said it was done
I nodded, and looked down
My heart was left in fractures
She left when there was snow
She even washed the floor
Before leaving on a journey of a million miles
It was almost a year ago
When I couldn't find anything of mine
It all had been moved around
Nothing had a place anymore
It was almost two years ago
When I said "Yes, I'm fine"
I was never fine, I was always down
Falling towards the floor
It was almost a year ago
When I met the rest of them
When I thought I could like her
Come on, it can't be that hard
It was almost two years ago
I visited her and then
I felt the pain, in my mother
Their wedding bands taped into the card
The card that said "I love you
Happy Anniversary, my dear
I'm always going to be true
And stand with you, right here."
I cried.
- Carrot
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# you all
You don't know me
So don't give me your crap
I've had too many?
What the # does that mean?
If I'm still alive
I ain't had enough
Capiche?
I'm all done here?
Then I'll go on down the road
The next # hole will help me get my fill
I need skanks
Let us give thanks for the trash
Get in the dumpster with me and let's #
Let's suck the life out of eachother
If there's any left
What's in my glass is my life support
My life preserver
You trying to kill me or something?
I can take care of that myself
So go # yourself
Bartender, another round for my friends
That's right! I don't have any
So give it all to me
Keep on pouring until I start snoring
What?
You're calling me a cab?
Mother #er
I'll only get in that spunk stained back seat
If the driver promises to drive off a cliff
Wait
Cabs aren't blue and white
You called the cops on me?
You're afraid I might hurt myself?
Come on let's go peacefully now
No I don't think so
Shoot me and then I'll go
You get it?
SHOOT ME!
That's how I will go peacefully
SHOOT ME you piece of # public servant
You get it?
There is no going peacefully if there is no peace
SHOOT ME NOW!
I'd rather die than cry you sons of bitches
SHOOT ME!
[edit on 18-11-2008 by Excitable_Boy]
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Stop Looking at me like that
As if you know all about me
Don't tip to me, your hat
As if you know my story
Don't pretend to know me
As if we've been friends before
Perhaps in another life we were
But now, you don't know me
Don't pretend to care
I don't want your sympathy
Unless there's Vodka in that glass for me
No, don't come and sit by me
Let me drink myself away
I'm not any of your concern
Turn around, walk the other way
This is a lesson I have to learn
That nothing I need is at the bottom
Of this rock glass, full of only ice
That I can find my Solace
Almost anywhere else, if I try
That six more shots will put me over
The bar, or under it, as the case might be
Stop looking at me, the show is over
"Another, straight up Vodka Please."
I'll stumble past you, and your judging eyes
As you think you're witnessing my demise
Thats right, look the other way my friend
I'll fumble, I'll trip, I'll fall to the end.
Alone.
Don't make me walk that damn line.
Because, I just might cry.
- Carrot
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OKAY
I get it
I drank too much last night
You just PC'd me, right?
Can I get out of here now?
HELLO
Where are my boots?
Why would you take my boots?
I understand shoes have laces
And I could hang myself
And maybe I would have
But boots?
What did you expect me to do?
Bludgeon myself to death?
ALRIGHT
You're gonna let me loose
Like a longed necked goose
Oh baby that's what I like
Sign here
Okay, how do I get out of here?
Not my problem
WHAT?
Not my problem
Get out of here or I'll be your problem
You stupid drunk asshole
Excuse me?
What part of get the # out of here do you not understand?
FINE
There's an exit sign
I'll figure this out
Where the hell is my car?
I'm in Flagstaff?
ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
Can I get a ride to my car?
What? This is funny to you?
Can you just tell me where my car is?
It's where you left it you stupid asshole
Flagstaff's finest
Was I in Flagstaff when you picked me up?
GET OUT OF HERE
Or I will find a reason to keep you here
OKAY
Flagstaff is a cool town
I'll get some breakfast and hopefully my memory back
Any suggestions on where I could get a decent breakfast?
I didn't think so
You have a good day now officer
Don't take any wooden driver's licenses
At least the sun is out
BAM!
What happened?
He passed out when he got outside
Did a header right on the walk
Face first
That's gonna leave a mark
Get him inside and get an EMT
Stupid asshole
What a waste of a life
Sometimes I don't know whether to cry
Or beat the crap out of these sick bastards
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I can't speak for the others
but my name is confusion.
without imagination there is
no memory. This is a
sensation, this is the work I care
about, this is how I make a living.
I'm a hermit and I lock the door
against the windstorm.
All winter long I sort out my love.
What was started will not be finished.
What was not, should be thrown away.
This spring I will emerge
with the mask of a clown,
a tranquilized prophet,
out of breath, passing
among the strangers,
the murdered angels
and strung out saints.
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This Thread has moved me much so I thought I would add.
(True) "Cycles"
The Bottle was first seen,
Before the end of the World War had even been,
A Proud Man before that,
Even before Hitlers first March,
Captain enrolled, Young strong, fresh faced,
With his shiny Badge & Cap.
Ruffled he was when Poland fell,
He Joined for Girls, Planes and career,
Not a life of continuous fear.
5 Years later as the Madman retreated,
"Going Up" again against those German Planes,
Got to him the 68th time that year that finally had him defeated,
Vomit they all did, in the dorms as the Claxons sounded,
"Jolly Good Show Old Chap" was just for the films,
This I knew 40 yrs later still hearing his screams at night,
By visions he was hounded,
Flashbacks Terrors seeing the young German boys explode in his sights,
Remembering his two crews who did not make it,
One lad 17 first time up,
He an old pro second crash in those big old planes,
Wished HE was dead not them, strange that with how we see luck.
Every night from the local farmers and potatoes and bounty won in the fight,
Stare at the bottle the officers would, couldn't cry must be strong,
Another few or a bottle tonight,
Stop the planes from dropping their bomb's on home,
If I can only forget and get to sleep without a fright.
Then it was over at last,
But so was the life had to get out of the Air Force,
Drift from woman to woman job to job,
No his only true friend to fend of the night horrors and his sanity defend,
OK back then too many men broken and shells or rosy from booze,
Not many left for women and employers from to choose.
Given to him and his wife I was,
Even though he was not my blood,
Dip his dummy in some rum will stop him crying tonight,
Maybe the screams made him remember the fight.
Not there much when grew a bit wild,
Off to private school my parents paid,
Good in conversation, eases guilt of abandoning their child.
Careers in pubs hotels and clubs is important you see nothing more,
He can come on occasional weekends or some holidays will settle the score.
His wife out and about and in need of much psychiatric help, this another secret to, never to be talked about or said,
The bottom of the bottle theirs or others was OK then for them to sleep,
As their child or charge, every night wept then to get to sleep in his Bed,
With parents music, drunken brawls and and loud smell of Tabacco everywhere from the bars below, would till early hours every night seep and waft into
my head.
With charges pots and pans being thrown, smashing glass and every day the screams,
Shouting slurs and sound of police, would daily and nightly vibrate through the floor boards and beams infiltrate growing dreams.
Nine now and told one night as words mixed with the smell of alcohol into my nose again streams,
What's wrong with you "men don't cry"
Oh since that day how I have tried.
A man now all front and wisdom would of made social services frown,
Still stupid enough to be drinking on a Sunday night,
Half fair on the bus to town, idiot acting like a clown,
Staggering and swaying for full adult fair on way home,
All the Barmen and Maids knew me well,
Had seen me sat in the pubs on school nights with charge or family at last bell,
Now I was 15 and alone a regular, so if I didnt they wouldnt tell.
Could get my friends served to was a popular dude.
Looking back in the years since I wish a tear would fall to show the guilt,
To their growing years my friends I was disrespectful and robbed them it was rude.
Grown man now first working job finished excess of college and so,
I keep my college place work full time nothing wrong with every night finishing one or two bottles of wine,
Pretend by looking at the bottom of a bottle all and every weekend,
Many people it brings to your life and the same amount go,
None though really are truly close friends,
Cant be alone need to escape go out and drink with the boys tonight,
If I cant find a girl to share one with to get into her knickers, until she gets sick of it and we fight.
Then alone don't want to be with the boys now,
Just me and the glass bottom another one gone, friend, partner and opportunity lost how?
What's wrong I know I was right,
Frown and lament staring into the glass,
Searching for the answer in this sweet nectar,
So down drinking and thinking all the time the past the past missed loves pull at my heart,
And then a big man of 24 finds his truth finds the missing soul fragment or part.
Searching since the age of nine, a solitary tear falls he is shocked at this new sensation and breaks down,
His glass filling with tears now not spirit beer or wine.
How many hours of sobbing went by he does not know,
Just that for the first time ever the next morning instead of a hangover he feels fine.
Staring into the mirror he frowns and decides today is a new start and he wont go to town.
More than a decade has gone since then,
Once or twice a year a single tear will fall, even a torrent once or twice since when the loss of loved one.
A good bottle of red, a beer with friends on christmas to he can stare into still,
But no longer searching and hiding behind that glass wall,
A different person a real man who can feel,
and has a much more powerful will.
Once or twice a month is enough at most to keep him chilled.
The cycle started with tears born from fear before he was born,
It ended with fear of never being able to really feel
And be felt,
Behind all the bull# and spiel,
Was a nine year old child wanting to be held and not ignored again,
For the bottom of the bottle and always being scorned.
Elf
That was a touch cathartic I dont think Ive ever shared that part of my life with anyone, and nearly had a tear remembering it all lol.
[edit on 18-2-2009 by MischeviousElf]
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I know for a fact it's killing me
I'm suffocating and I can't breathe
These walls are closing in on me
Darkness is all I can see
Please can someone turn on a light
I'm scared of the dark, can't sleep at night
My shoulders are tired, my heart is heavy
I pray to god, the darkness won't get me
I won't cry, just close my eyes
Close you're eyes, no need to cry
It's just a phase, you're not gonna die
I know it, I feel it, the end is coming
My brain is filled with high pitched humming
Feet are unsteady, my knees are weak
If I survive the night, I'll consider it a feat
My mind can't stop racing
My legs won't stop pacing
Please dear good, just let me sleep
I pray the lord my soul to keep.
- Carrot
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This dark hellish hole
All alone
He wanted it that way
He then gets a call
His buddy's stoned
I tried to stay in and rest today
But no these excuses are what drive us still
I leave my years of darkness
Just one more night, I'll get my fill
Now with no money, there's more to hide
And its such a shame to me
I'll deal with it honey, as I have all my life
And you're too blind to see
That I get over it quickly, without a doubt
My method is plain and repeating
You hit this glass
Til your on your ass
Then the pain of life just seems fleeting
I'm over it for now, and I am happier for it
But there's no light I see quite yet
Anxious child in me still bawls
To be left out to crawl
To one more den and another set
Of the old ghosts,
The wicked whores
Neanderthals
And yammering bores
The tax evader
The husband hater
The speed dater
The now and later
The later is now, and I'm sick of this mess.
Too bored with monotony to cry
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Originally posted by Excitable_Boy
I am very upset that I only got one star for my last poem.. Did anyone happen to notice that the first word of each stanza also reads down as the
first letters of each line in the stanza?
This is genius stuff here people. So how about some more stars and some recognition on how incredibly awesome I am!!
Well this thread is a tribute to your awesomeness. But I did feel you were slighted as well, so not only did I star that post, but I starred your
response to the starring problem as well.
By the way, keep an eye on your u2u's. The song I pieced together from some of your lines from this thread will be on ATS media soon. I'm not gonna
promise you'll like it, unless you like really, really, ridiculously hard rock. 
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