I Don't Cry

My wife says I don't cry
She wants to know why
The last time I cried
Was when my Dad died
I cried for two years
And drank for ten more

Dad was a good guy
An honest man
A good man

That was the last time I cried
I didn't cry when Mom died
I don't cry today
I cried myself out
When that good man was gone

I became mortal that day
My selfishness became my guilt
My guilt hid in a bottle

Nothing's going to make me cry
Nothing is going to break me

I don't cry

My older brother died
When I was nine
He got the cancer
And died on a Tuesday

My father cried
I never saw him cry before
He never cried after

He and mom felt guilty
Like they were being punished
Like they did something wrong
What did they do wrong
They did the best they could
With what God gave them

I don't remember if I cried
He had been sick for three years

I was only nine
I got two weeks off from school

I spent the next thirteen years
Trying to be my brother
Then I was left alone
My brother and father were gone

I was an empty shell
What was I supposed to do
Where was I going

I cried for two years
And drank for ten more

I've studied many religions
Many philosophies and creeds

I came to two conclusions
Religion sucks but faith is cool
God is cool with me

I used to fear death
Hell, I feared everything
One thing is for dead sure
We are all mortal
We will all die
Some peacefully
Others painfully

Not a thing we can do about
So pull down your pants
And slide on the ice

I don't cry

Shiny light
Shining bright
Invite me to dinner tonight
A sleepover and over

Red Rover Red Rover
Call Jimmy on over

On my way to heaven
With one brown shoe
And a black tuxedo
Half a bottle of Jim Beam
Half a belly full of pills

I hear the Clash playing
Should I stay
Or should I go now

I don't cry

The wife
Went under the knife today
She's going to be okay
She'll live to tell her grandchildren

It was a woman thing
Nothing but a chicken wing
In and out
Nothing to write home about
She saw no lights
She didn't knock on heaven's door

I sometimes wonder
Would anything cause me to hit the bottle
If I hit the bottle
There's no telling what I'd do
Something deep inside me
Would make the world turn black and blue

I'm stronger than the bottle

I never knew what being a slave meant
'Til I landed face first on the pavement

Slave to the bottle
Slave to the pills
Slave to the douche bags
Slave to the losers, cheaters
Thieves and death dealers

Big scab on my head
Big scab on my soul
My buddy says make up a story
I told the truth
He said I was stupid
He was right
But neglected the mirror

My "buddy" was a gin blossom walking
A bull# artist talking
Bar fly loser guy
But so was I....was I

I don't cry

[edit on 22-10-2008 by Excitable_Boy]

I had many fights with the bottle
Over many years
The bottle kept winning
Because I had to fight it drunk

Over seven years without a drink
I have a life second to none
So far it seems I won

I have a family of my own
Imagine that
The drinker could only
He feared it
He avoided it
Hated himself and
Believed he was not worthy

The losers and douche bags helped
You hang with retards long enough
You act like a retard
You retard yourself
Deprive yourself

The martyr the merrier


[edit on 22-10-2008 by Excitable_Boy]

Alone with the Bottle
Sometimes I sit and I stare
I wonder, is it sad
If I were to drink alone

Again with these shoes
that don't seem to fit
Walking for Miles in them
Forcing them onto my feet

Sometimes its one glass
Sometimes its a bottle
Sometimes, but not often
I am alone

My feet are swelling
These shoes are all wrong
What can I do?
But soldier on

Its just one glass
Today, its one glass
I am alone today
Today, its one glass

and...

Sometimes, I cry.

- Carrot

edit: Content




[edit on 10/23/2008 by CA_Orot]

I drank alone all the time
Even if someone was by my side

I just set aside my pride
I knew I was dying but
What was to live for
I wasn't good at that

I went out
Always already full of drink
Full of life stink

I had no friends
Just back stabbers
And money grabbers
Hanging around
Hoping I'll buy a round
Hoping I'll pass out

There were three liquor stores in town
I had to make the rounds
Couldn't go to the same one too often
They might think I have a problem
Especially if I went twice the same day

Couldn't buy too much at once either
I would just pig drink it all
Pass out then go buy more

Mai Tais at the Chinks
Then tequila shots at the Swallow
Then a bottle of Sambuca at home

I always woke up at three am
If I had booze in the house
It would be in my mouth
The time wasn't important
If I was out of booze
I was at the liquor store at nine

One drink? Why bother
That never made sense
The goal was obliteration
Total destruction of the mind and spirit

The coward's suicide
Slow, lonely and selfish

I don't cry

Don't get me wrong
I had some fun along the way
Especially when I was younger

The older I got
The harder it was to bounce back
From the physical and emotional damage

But there were good times
Perfect nights when I had my charm on
Wasn't too drunk too soon
Able to get a hard on
Nights when I felt there was something to live for

Sex
Forget your troubles come on get happy
Is there a better drug than sex
Sex in the car
Behind the bar
In the woods show me the goods

It's amazing I didn't catch anything
Well...crabs once
Crabs from some scabs

I drove around drunk every night
Which is worse?
I'm lucky I didn't kill anyone
While I was killing myself

I don't cry

If ever I could relate
To another's plight
This is surely it
Its crying that I fight

I still drink the lies
Hang with nameless barflies
Usually noon until I rise
Tell me this is not demise

Where do I find the light?
Not at the bottom of this bottle
I'll try another
What was I looking for again?

I don't know the reasons
I breath this in my veins
I'm sure I could be happy
But I deny it every day

So tell me all the answers
Maybe I'm just weak
I'm still young
And lucidly dumb
But its still light that I seek

I depend on others far too much
It justifies my hate
I pray we all
Find an end to the fall
Before its just too late

I forget how to cry

I can't tell you what to do
It has to come from you
Sick and tired of being sick and tired
When you look in the mirror
You are un-admired

Some say you have to hit bottom
I hit bottom and then started to dig
I kept digging for a lot of years

A shot and a beer
Became two shots and a beer
Four shots and a beer
Margaritas
Became shots of tequila

I love myself today
Love my life and it keeps getting better
The economy sucks
But my slice of life is okay
Our president sucks
Hopefully the next one will suck less

I don't deprive myself of things today
Don't despise myself
Because I forgave myself
In order to save myself

I look people in the eye
I have a good job
I have a wonderful wife and family
I take care of my responsibilities
I want to be comfortable and sleep at night

You know the answer
And you know why

I don't cry

[edit on 23-10-2008 by Excitable_Boy]

Sometimes I need to cry
Instead, I cry for the wine
When the Glass is empty
And the room is quiet
When I'm staring at the bottle
With not even a drop left

I don't know how I get by, when
I want everyone to be blind
I don't want them to see me
I don't want them to see it
I don't want to be coddled
I don't want to be next

Sometimes I think I'm stronger
Then I know I actually I am
I can be strong for you
But, I can't be strong for me
I can be the rock you lean on
But I can't hold myself up

Hold out just a little longer
Can I get myself out of this jam?
Can I avoid, what I know is truth?
That I might be fake at the seams...
I can be the rock you lean on
But I can't hold myself up

Sometimes, I need to Cry

- Carrot

So through all the loss,
You find solace
Never let that go
We all have places we need to be
I fight cause I don't know

I spoke to God
He told me I'd make moves
I'm on my way
I'm proud to say
But its a secret battle I lose

I know the cure to all of this
But I need to find another
I was fine
When she was mine
Now there's a hole in my chest
Uncovered

So maybe its all loneliness
That I am drinking for
I've got to have it
Relive that magic
But tonight I'll spend with whores

So maybe I need to love myself
But that's just too cliche
Its the drink I'm free of
When there's some love
So I'm bored
And not okay

My future can be great
But I worry far too much
The lies
They rise
They fill my skies
And I am just so blind

High road or low road?
Its a more difficult question
Than most would care to understand

I cried it all out of me months ago.

I'm a big ole crybaby
my heart and soul
are exposed.
I try to be tough
I try to be rough
made of sterner stuff
but I just can't seem
to pull it off.

Sometimes I can
see a painting and
I can't hold back
the tears. I
might even cry
if I lose my keys,
or my cell phone,
or my nerve.

But I celebrate
when evil
goes down.

There's nothing wrong with crying
Don't get me wrong
It's just been twenty and three years for me

Though I recently came close
Watching "The Notebook" with the Mrs.
It was a misty moment
Chick flick...they love that stuff

My mother married an active acoholic
Some years after my Dad died
My dad was addicted to nothing
He liked scotch
Had a scotch and water four times a year
With one ounce of booze

To me when I was off an running
A drink with an ounce of booze was a joke
Just give me the ounce of booze
Line them up and I'll knock'em down

Anyway
My dad's replacement
Drank himself to death
In my father's house
While my mother watched

The good life
The good stuff
This human thing

I don't cry

[edit on 23-10-2008 by Excitable_Boy]

I'm scared of the road ahead
The one that I can't predict
I hate that I can't read on ahead
And know the end, like a flick

I don't know what I'd do if I lost him
My father, to anything in this world
Sometimes I feel empty and grim,
When I think of it, I'm daddy's girl

Sometimes I dream about it
And I cry myself back to sleep
I'll never be prepared for it
At this age in time, I want to keep

My shoulders shake, my eyes turn red
A crumpled mess on the floor
I turn my eyes to the wall instead
With my back against the door

You can't get it, no one can
Its closed as tight as can be
The lock is turned
The lights are off
There's no one here but me

I cry.

- Carrot

No one can predict tomorrow
Except some exceptional characters
There's a lot of pretenders

The past is history
And the future is a mystery

Human beings on the whole are very resilient
We can handle what we're given
Sadly some of us turn to alcohol
And other drugs
Some of us get addicted

Then we carry all this guilt
Guilt for why we use(d)
And why we became monsters

Try Monster Mash
It's a graveyard smash

Napalm Nancy
With her crack and crayons
Sandwiched between two crackers

Smoke the crack
Snort the coke and crap
Then get double hosed by the bastards

Pour the white light
Into the red veins...just pour it
While the freaks dance on your corpse

Float to Heaven
With a Big Gulp from 7-Eleven
God knows it's not easy for us humans

Napalm Nancy
She sure doesn't cry
Napalm Nancy just dies......



[edit on 26-10-2008 by Excitable_Boy]

One time while dreamin'
I was visited by demons
Black shadows they were
Four or more of them

They raised me from my bed
And began carrying me off
I woke from that sleep mighty quickly

I had been drinking that night
Heavily, steadily and unforgetably

One demon was still in the corner
I stared but didn't know where
It had no eyes, no face, no mass
I said you have to leave
It said it had to stay
I laughed hysterically

I grabbed my bottle
And took several pulls
Five or six or maybe eight

I went back to sleep
And was taken by the demon
To the depths of despair
And disconnection

It took me to the house I grew up in
Only in the dream it was a coffin


I don't cry






[edit on 26-10-2008 by Excitable_Boy]