Originally posted by Excitable_Boy
It took me to house I grew up in
Only in the dream it was a coffin

Seriously. These lines are amazing.... I absolutely love them and think they make the entire entry.

- Carrot

I said I wanted the truth
But He wouldn't tell me
Those damn pearly whites
Hid all the secrets of the world

His actions, though slightly uncouth
And all he appeared to be
Tired of all the fights
I took control of my life.

I packed up my Car
I drove to the store
I left all his things
Behind the back door

I left his suitcase
His Turntables, his speakers
His Records, his golf clubs
The engraved Watch
I left it all

I drove away, and

I didn't Cry.

- Carrot

Reading . . . . .are you winking ? ( Don't make fun )

Does it happen when I do too much thinking ?

The drinking. My friend, you are here again with me tonight. Even if it's
not right, you're here in the dim light, with me . . .to see . . . .if we . . . .
can get through the night alright.

But what is alright ?

Sitting here alone on this stool, thinking "cool', but feeling fool . .ish.
Why has life drifted ?

Am I the only one that can hear the blues tonight ? (God the music's good)
Am I the only one to say "That ain't right!" ?

Why can't you and I be in love ? . . .What was that ? Just a thought .

Too much thinking. Too much drinking. One leads to the other, and so on.

I hear the blues
It's my soundtrack tonight
They don't fit; these shoes
They don't fit right

Another on the bar
It has my name on it
Won't jump in the car
I don't want a ticket

I do want another
I don't want a chase
I want something stronger
Something, just in case

Maybe I'll forget it all
The sorrows that weigh me down
I'll try not to fall
As I knock this one down

The room is spinning now
I should have stopped after one
I'll stand up and take a bow
This pitiful act, isn't any fun
anymore.

I want to curl up
I want to close my eyes
I want to forget
That the room is falling
And that I, am at the bottom.


I'll close my eyes
and I won't cry.

- Carrot

It was midnight when I got the call
From work, i was driving home
Shifting into second, down the hill
When that damn phone rang

I couldn't understand what he said at all
I stoped on the shoulder, to listen to the phone
I turned down the music, No listening to Bill
the Piano Man play

Crying like a child, I was confused as all hell
I had no idea what he was talking about
Lost in a trance of "What?" and "Who?"
Then it hit me like a ton of bricks

It was Grandpa, he fell
He wasn't getting up, he was out
I had no idea what to do
This was becoming a sick trick

I left that night, for southern BC
To the house they all grew up in
I filled the trunk of my beetle with booze
Enough to get everyone drunk

Grandpa loved his vodka you see
So after the funeral, we toasted to him
Got Drunk, and Jammed and played the blues
My cousin played the bongo's on Grandma's old Trunk

We taped it, we felt it, we knew he was there
With us while we sang, and cried our hearts away
Aunty and Uncle on Guitar, Auntie and me Vocal
Sean on the "drums", and mom on the spoons

I don't know why, but it just isn't fair
I still don't understand, I don't mourn to this day
Always "How are you?" Asked by the locals
All I can say is, He's left us too soon.

At the Funeral I cried; But not after.

- Carrot

I don't cry . . . .like I should.

I don't cry . . . .lke I want to.

"What's the matter with you anyway ? What is your major malfunction ?
Are you a whimp or something ? Can't you take a joke ? Why do you
always have to see the good in everything ? You're too serious, you know
what I mean ? What's your problem ? Love is just a game, wake up !
You're a damn dreamer aren't you ? See anything in the bottom of that
bottle ?"

Yes, . . .yes I do. My crying is down there and I'm trying to reach it.

I don't cry . . .either.

You thinking Steve Prefontaine is me
Is like me thinking you are Ms. Monroe

I have seen a lot in my forty some years
A lot of death, pain, sadness and suffering

A lot things perhaps I should have cried for
Surprise! I have many tears behind my eyes

My wife is driving me crazy but I love her
And it's her job to drive me crazy

The pizza is here
I don't cry












[edit on 31-10-2008 by Excitable_Boy]

I couldn't cry
today
even if I wanted to.
Thanks Dr Alyson
for the script to
my new dwelling
place called
Lorazepam.
It wasen't long
ago though
I couldn't stop
crying. Not real
tears but real
enough to fool
the fool.
I love these
pills more than
I love the tears.

She left me yet again today
No surprise
But it should be
I make great things happen
But its all too necessary
To leave from afar.

You see
This is the conundrum
You hit the bottle
At full throttle
Whether its a win or a loss

You mourn the loss
Celebrate the win,
It all leads to the same
I hang upon a cross
Paying for a sin
But I cannot find its name.

This place is freedom
And its so wonderful
But its a prison
I hide from myself
Amongst so many others
Winning in my success
And failing at life.
How does this happen?

I think tonight was the first night
In my life
I've experienced something
So traumatic
And didn't know how to cry....

I've forgotten.

The silence in this place is deafeaning
It makes me want to cry
Until my sobs can comfort
My lonely soul, so tired

I want to crank up the music
An artificial bandaid
To make beieve that this noise
Will make me feel less lonely

Sometimes, it works
Sometimes I embrace Pretend
But mostly I just nead a voice
One outside my head

Not that my voice can't calm me
But sometimes the doctor, needs a doctor
To make them feel less crazy
Even doctors see doctors...
Or so, that is what I am told.

I cry.

- Carrot

[edit on 11/5/2008 by CA_Orot]

When I let myself think about it all
My heart rips a little bit
My blood, crimson in color
it seeps through and you see

I wonder if we stood a chance at all
Time and were we wasting it
It never gets easier
It affects me differently

I have this urge to build these walls
So tall, to keep you out as long as I can
To sit in the middle of these walls
And let myself feel without you to witness

You tell me thes walls will fall
They will crumble and you'll be outside
Waiting to pick me up, when I'm broken
But I can't let you, can't you see?

It all comes down to what i will say
And I'll never tell you how I feel
I can't be honest with you
When I can't be honest with myself

I am so weak sometimes, and I cry.

- Carrot

It's tough to go through life broken
Dazed and confused and choking
Choking the life out of one's life

Life is like a crap sandwich
The more bread you have
The less you notice the crap

That's an old one
No one calls money bread anymore

While going through life broken
You would think people would want to help
People you know and you think care

Most people want to keep you down
Like you when you're down
Because they're miserable
And you should be too

People, on the whole, love the misery of others

People on the hole
Well, I don't know about them

They thrive on misery
They have access to it all day on the TV
It takes the attention away from them
For a little while they forget that they suck

These are the people that think if you're too happy
You must be on drugs
Ever run into these people?

I used to drink and drug
I wasn't happy

I don't cry













[edit on 7-11-2008 by Excitable_Boy]

They say alcoholism
Is a disease of loneliness
A disease of onlyness
A soul with a hole in it

There is no cure
I'm still a drunk
Still think like a drunk
Sober seven years
And still in recovery

Along the way
I made a discovery
Lovers don't fix this

I have to do things for me
I have to love myself
Rid myself of guilt
Can't walk around with regrets
Can't live in the past

Can't live in a cave
Can't live inside the womb
Life is not a tomb
It's a gift if we respect it
Make the best of it
Leave the rest

Without the booze
I have possibilities
Take advantage of my abilities
I see there is good
In the evil lonely place
In the life I created
The life my parents created

My parents are dead
So are a lot of other people's
My parents were human
We are all human

Mom was a drinker
Dad was a saint

I don't cry

Folk song for K.

The bars are full tonite
and the drunks are pickin fights
Peaches runs the gauntlet
And turns on the neon lights

The transformer is a hummin
and the light is shining red
advertising some solace
still later comes the dread

Now you might be the junkie
Or you might be a priest
why is it that ourselves
we usually love the least

I'll hide my lust from pryin eyes
no one can see my soul
there's black ice on the two lane
And I'm spinnin out of control.

Dad died in 1985
The day after Hurricane Gloria

The morning after
Out in the driveway
His heart exploded
The walls eroded

He struggled with heart disease
For a couple years
He wasn't looking good
I didn't realize
Until we looked at pictures

I was so selfish then
So lost in this girl
So lost in this world
I ignored what was happening
I lived on Denial Island

My mother screamed
And woke me up
It was around eight
Or eight thirty

He was on his back
His eyes were open
He wasn't breeathing right
His eyes had no sight

I called him and called
My neighbor showed up
And began CPR
An ambulance came
A group had gathered

I told the crowd to # off
The show was all over
We went to the hospital
There was no hope
His heart blew up

My nieghbor came out
He took me aside
I was the man now
Mr. Mason said it didn't look good
He meant he was dead already

He died officially
Two hours after the explosion
He was dead in the driveway
They have to practice

That afternoon
I was in a pizza joint
By myself waiting for pizza
For all the assholes at my house
My dad just #ing died

I didn't cry.....yet

That was at the first wake
When I was in line
When all his friends started by
All the things they said
How Danny was a saint
A swell guy and a friend

One after the other
One story after another
My mother there
They stopped coming around
Because she was such a bitch
They missed my father

It had been too long
For a lot of them
Too long between now
And when last saw him breathing

Well, I finally lost it
Hearing all these stories
Seeing all these people
Seeing my actress mother

I started balling like a baby
I bolted out of line
I went outside to get air
I went to my car
My girl was by my side now

I said I was going home
She came with me
We smoked a joint
I wanted to die
We got to my house
And sat outside

I was there until everyone arrived
I wanted to throw up
Are you okay?
We're so sorry
He was such a good man

Then my mother
Where did you go?
That was rude
Blah blah blah

I didn't cry again
Not on that day
But I cried for two years
And drank for ten more












[edit on 10-11-2008 by Excitable_Boy]

These four walls
Will be the death of me
Painted a god-awful white
But black is all I see

It's so damn depressing
It's so damn dark
I look around for evidence
Where others have left their mark

None to be found
I'm all alone
Its not surprising really
This is never really a home

The sounds in this place are awful
The humming of the fan
Alarm Clocks buzzing at all hours
The dripping of that tap

My feet hit the ice cold floor
And I want to crawl back into bed
I want to sleep the day away
But I sit in here instead

Its a damn Prison in here
And I can't see clear
I'm the only one here
And I can't cry

- Carrot