Why do women break up with nice guys?

Originally posted by unityemissions
reply to post by adigregorio

 

Just as you claim a "nice guy" is only putting up an act, I see hardcore narcissism in your attempts to come of as humble.

You know, I was wondering if you asked for "insulting" reasons. I guess I was correct?

1) I don't think that much of myself, though I am glad you are able to glean so much about my personality from a few small posts on a public forum! I will have to take your word for it though.

2) I am many things, and humble is not one of them. Maybe you should re-read through my posts so you can re-asses who I am a little better?

Originally posted by unityemissions
reply to post by adigregorio

 

Women tend to be more narcissistic then men...

Source?

Originally posted by unityemissions
reply to post by adigregorio

 

...So there's that, and also something about your writing style in general.

I didn't know all women typed the same, let alone I typed like them! Or is this just another mass generalization with no source to back it up?

Originally posted by unityemissions
reply to post by adigregorio

 

I just got the feeling that I was talking to a woman with a sock account. My bad.

Careful, women talk about their feelings. Are you a woman?

See I can make mass generalizations too!

reply to post by adigregorio




You can't fool me, but nice try!

reply to post by unityemissions


Sure thing! I know I can't you have the ability to read others minds by reading their posts, what chance do I have of fooling you!

Anyway, my thoughts are already on the topic. If someone wishes to have a discussion, and not insult I am free for it. Feel free to point out the parts of my observations that are un-true, though that is harder than calling me a girl...

Now if you will excuse me, I must go primp in the mirror and tend to the shrine I have devoted to myself.

Originally posted by adigregorio
reply to post by unityemissions

 

See another as a human, not as their name or their gender--Man, this crap sounds like shlock, doesn't it? Though these are the words that best describe how I handle myself in the world. People like to be recognized for who they are, not what they are--geez there I go again...sorry!

You did have a good point about age=wisdom though I am unsure why someone would assume you are a woman for bringing it up? That doesn't make much sense. Perhaps they just wanted to be certain you have a penis as your avatar may remind people of Jack Sparrow and..never mind. That is their business- no judgments here.

With age comes wisdom. Generally true but I've met some kids who seem to be just born wise and have more common sense than some adults (which is further off topic). There are always exceptions to rules and sweeping stereotypes only serve to hinder the true nature of the individual. That is often the point of them.

Not all men lose all common sense when they have erections either.. though some might.

Originally posted by riley
You did have a good point about age=wisdom though I am unsure why someone would assume you are a woman for bringing it up?

I don't know how valid my point is here, like I said it is just an observation. I have seen seven year old boys with more smarts than a full grown man. However, since wisdom must be gleaned through time, and age means you have experienced more time. Just seems like wisdom would be more related to age than gender, (To me).

As for assuming I am a woman, because I brought that up. I doubt it. I think our "nice guy" was upset that I said the things I did. I scanned back to see if the poster was a "nice guy", and sure enough a few pages back (pg 16 I think) he states that he is not a "nice guy" he just "acts nice". (Which I am finding hard to believe at this point.)

Originally posted by riley
That doesn't make much sense. Perhaps they just wanted to be certain you have a penis as your avatar may remind people of Jack Sparrow and..never mind. That is their business- no judgments here.

I hope that cleared up why the insults came. I have entered this topic many times in the past, and it is the "nice guys" that get the most insulting. (Every time)

If you want to hunt down some of my old "nice guy" antics, you will have to head over to forums.plentyoffish.com (If they still exist.) Same screen name as I have here, I think, so run a search if you desire the proof to my claim. Or we could just watch this thread, I am sure I have more "challenges" on the way.

Originally posted by rileyThere are always exceptions to rules and sweeping stereotypes only serve to hinder the true nature of the individual. That is often the point of them.

Stereotypes, I love em! They are designed so people can feel better about themselves, "At least I ain't one of those people."

The most basic element of all dealings with other humans is expectation. What is mutually expected is virtually certain to happen.

The classic "nice guy" mistake is to have secret unrealistic hopes rather than expressed realistic expectations, while completely ignoring the expectations of the woman. And while it might seem very romantic to the nice guy, to cling to such hopes with no basis in the reality of your interaction is actually to ignore the entire person before you and fixate on your own needs, and is rather cold in its own way. Perhaps this is because the stereotypical "nice guy" is often a subject of abuse and can't necessarily be blamed for having a complex or two.

A simple meeting of expectations is ideal: she stares, you approach, its not that complicated most of the time in such a situation...

But a lot of more meaningful interactions begin elsewhere.
If you have a broad life with lots of people in it, you've got lots of different kinds of interactions with different expectations attached to them, and somewhere along the way the meeting and growing of that becomes familiarity, trust, etc- the things from which a relationship can be made.

Like most of life problems, this one can often be solved simply by being actively engaged in life and the people around you.

reply to post by ThomasNHunter


Huzzah!

I could not agree more with this, and it is written better than my posts. (How do you guys do that?!)

Thank you for stopping in bat country!

Originally posted by adigregorio
...
Stereotypes, I love em! They are designed so people can feel better about themselves, "At least I ain't one of those people."

Originally posted by oniongrass

Originally posted by adigregorio
...
Stereotypes, I love em! They are designed so people can feel better about themselves, "At least I ain't one of those people."

Originally posted by adigregorio

Originally posted by oniongrass

Originally posted by adigregorio
...
Stereotypes, I love em! They are designed so people can feel better about themselves, "At least I ain't one of those people."

Originally posted by oniongrass
You'll see that this idea did not originate with me. One of the links is www.womentowomen.com... but there are others.

Now one link is great, but I need research! I assume you have done research to be making this claim, do you have any other sources?

Now, onto this source:

...
A common belief among traditional shamanic cultures — for example, Mayan women and the Cree women of Canada — is that women must enter menopause to access their shamanic and healing powers. Menstrual blood has the power to create life in the womb, so when women reach the age of retaining their “wise blood,” they cross the threshold into “wise womanhood” by keeping their wise blood within. At this point they become priestesses and healers — the spiritual leaders of their communities.

Like I have been saying, it is more about age than menopause. I even put the important parts in bold.

Wise women have earned this leadership role because women have greater “reproductive” success if, in middle age, we cease production of new children and focus on investing in our children’s children. This in turn impacts the population and success of the entire community.

Again, this has to do with age does it not? Or does one HAVE to go through menopause to achive the latter? (What if the woman is unable to reproduce, and has no sexual drive? Doesn't that count?)

Now, the most important part:

It’s no wonder the Mayans and so many other cultures around the globe place older women at the center of their societies — it’s in their best interest to survive.

(Told you it was about age )

Originally posted by oniongrass
That's an assumption that I didn't get by reading it before. What about a gal who hasn't made up her mind one way or the other, or a gal who hasn't even thought about it, or a gal who hasn't even encountered you at all yet?

You said: "A girl that wont stare at him."

That means she is NOT INTERESTED. The rest of your new choices, require a different answer each. (Though I think you already know that...)

Originally posted by oniongrass
But even if one adds your assumption, what if there are ways to get a gal interested who thinks she isn't, as some "pickup artists" say? That's them talking not me -- I was never much for technique.

I highly doubt it. There will be exceptions to the rule, but if she is not interested then she is not interested. Getting mad at her for being not interested is the furthest thing from nice a guy can get. And, like it or not, THAT is what this whole thread is about. Being mad at girls because they don't like the "nice guy".

If they don't like you, don't pout. MOVE ON.

EDIT (Additional fun!)

There is no one menopause

While we can all acknowledge that every woman, if she lives long enough, will experience an end to her periods, the symptoms, medical interventions and negative experiences of menopause are not at all universal phenomena.

In fact, the esteemed American Journal of Medicine published an article in 2005 entitled “A universal menopausal syndrome?” Guess what? They concluded that there was no evidence of such a syndrome! There were too many variables in reporting and too many worldwide clusters of different symptoms. While hot flashes were the most common symptom, they were not universally linked to other psychological or physical ones. Many other complaints such as depression, headaches, irritability and memory loss were found to be equally shared among both sexes, and others were felt to be more accurately portrayed as “aging” symptoms.

We are all different. In both Traditional Chinese Medicine and Ayurvedic medicine, the approach to menopause recognizes the individual. Similar symptom clusters (for example, hot flashes and night sweats, insomnia and anxiety) may arise in two women of entirely different constitutions for very different reasons. And both these ancient approaches, have always tailored treatment toward restoring balance to the individual, not to common symptoms.

I think you may have missed this section of your link, even they admit that everyone is different.

Now, can we please get back on topic before we get in trouble?

Originally posted by unityemissions
reply to post by adigregorio

 

Just as you claim a "nice guy" is only putting up an act, I see hardcore narcissism in your attempts to come of as humble. Women tend to be more narcissistic then men. So there's that, and also something about your writing style in general. I just got the feeling that I was talking to a woman with a sock account. My bad.

After adigregorio's last response to me (just above) I'm starting to think the same way. For me it was also writing style, and more specifically the insistence that "no means no" which, when it comes to a woman's interest in a personal relationship, most men I know don't believe for a minute, in other words it depends. No sometimes means no and sometimes not and other context gives many clues, and there can be many second and third chances. (My main concern was whether the woman was already in a committed relationship. I respected that and didn't compete for someone who was more or less taken.)

What was the narcissism you spotted? I'm not very clueful about these things (married over 10 years, my game was even worse before) and am seeking some "guy to guy advice" here to advance my education.

Originally posted by oniongrass
After adigregorio's last response to me (just above) I'm starting to think the same way. For me it was also writing style, and more specifically the insistence that "no means no" which, when it comes to a woman's interest in a personal relationship, most men I know don't believe for a minute, in other words it depends. No sometimes means no and sometimes not and other context gives many clues, and there can be many second and third chances. (My main concern was whether the woman was already in a committed relationship. I respected that and didn't compete for someone who was more or less taken.)

What was the narcissism you spotted? I'm not very clueful about these things (married over 10 years, my game was even worse before) and am seeking some "guy to guy advice" here to advance my education.

I guess you didn't do the research, other than that one link...

So, what's up now? Time to "gang up" on me, try to rile me up?

Okay, so we have established I am a primping girl! Can you answer my questions now? Or do I need to go through menopause first, for them to be worthy of your time?

Anyway, are you guys done being "nice" yet?

Originally posted by Thurisaz
As soon as I saw the title, I was like

1st stop generalising...

Nice guys = boring and in denial. !!

Maybe nice guys think they are nice but they are actually in denial and are not nice guys...

2nd just be yourself... and don't categorise yourself as a 'nice guy'

I don't want nice... I want interesting and humorous... get it?

NICE ... I don't even buy nice things when they are sale...

I pay top dollar for the BEST

Very well said!!!! :up

I don't have anything to add- you wrote exactly what I think.

double post remove

reply to post by oniongrass

When I was young (20) I was stupid, in la la land, a real air head and my horny hormones dictated much of my decisions.

Then I met my husband.

He was intellegent, handsome (to me), honest and kind.

Not romatic, he simply said what he meant and meant what he said.

He is not perfect (but close).

The main thing that struck me about him was his honesty. He does not lie, he does not say one thing and mean another. Reread that last sentence for it says it all.

Most women seek the sauve, romatic "Lawrence of Arabia".............these type of men, (yes I dated an Italian that had mega money) was such a person. He said one witty thing but meant something else, manipulative and conniving. Would say anything to get your panties off.

I dropped him quick. I felt this person wasn't a good choice. He wouldn't stand beside me through thick and thin.

I moved to where I am now and met my husband. Not sauve, not manipulative.......just a honest, decent human being.

As stated before, sex is nice but that part of a relationship can get old pretty fast if there isn't more to back it up.

Common goals and morals AND THE ABILITY TO COMPROMISE.

I am the "conspiracy nut" he believes almost everything CNN says.

That's unimportant, I know what is coming down and will always watch his back.

And I know he will always watch mine.

We are best friends and so much more.

Look beyond the physical shell - I've dated men that were considered extremely handsome but to me, after knowing their "iness" they were ugly.

Looks, the sexual part are nice extras, but not the full package.

So many people get caught up in the physical aspect and overlook the person's heart.

And for the record, we've grown old together, he is still very handsome - with eyes the color of a summer sky.

I was very pretty when young and so so growing old...........age takes it's toll, I kid you not.

Choose wisely.

Choose someone that is not dumb, mean or dishonest. Everything else is irrelevant.

Oh it's *ON* Now!


You Want Relationship Advice my Friends?

I *GOT* Relationship Advice.

What the hell was that for? Am I supposed to be rude and stare at her chest?

Yes... that is what they have been conditioned to see as "Masculine"

You know what a "Meme" is, right?



You know the whole "Nice Guys Finish Last" thing? The Common sense that *EVERYONE ALREADY KNOWS*?

Yeah... its complete Horse[snip]

A common aphorism is that "nice guys finish last."[3] The phrase is attributed to baseball manager Leo Durocher in 1939,[4] though Durocher was originally referring to the opposing team rather than to male/female relationship dynamics. The full quote is, "Take a look at them. They're all nice guys, but they'll finish last. Nice guys. Finish last."

en.wikipedia.org...

So, yeah... Nice Guys finish LAST, because some baseball manager said it with CONVICTION, and people began to see niceness as a WEAKNESS, as opposed to the Operant Condition of *SOCIETY*


OH, sure... being Nice and Civil is all just an ACT to get Laid, eh?

Wouldn't want any of those "Fake Nice Guys"


Let's all just run after... THIS:



Nice Guys Finish LAST, because that is what Television Tells Young Girls.

And They OBEY.



And this...

abcnews.go.com...

And This...

abcnews.go.com...

Yeah... Completely Normal, Emotionally Stable Women Here... nothing to see... move along.

It *MUST* be the Guy's Fault... eh?



No, Women (In the western world) Do not WANT Nice Guys.

They will *SAY* that they want a nice guy... because they are aware that claiming to want Useless Degenerates would make the girl look bad in other peoples eyes.

Women are Lying about wanting the "Nice Guy".... and Frankly, They don't even KNOW what they want, because they have never THOUGHT about it.


Remember... it's all about "Feelings", right?


No sense THINKING about what you are doing... just FEEL your way through it.


After all.... that's what the Television tells me... right?





Remember.... its just that "Nice Guys" are really sleazy used car salesman...

Not that young females in America are being conditioned to be Whores or anything....

-Edrick

reply to post by Edrick


Edrick do you ever refer to yourself a "nice guy"..?

reply to post by riley

Edrick do you ever refer to yourself a "nice guy"..?

You don't honestly expect me to answer that question, do you?

Honestly... Me... Being "Nice"

I'm not "Nice"... I'm a Mean Old Man.

-Edrick

reply to post by Edrick


I respect your consistency.