posted on Aug, 1 2010 @ 01:39 AM
My position on psychic powers has changed quite dramatically over the years. As a child I was acutely aware of things that most people could not
comprehend; a creative imagination of course, artistic, sensitive would be words used.
I never knew when something psychic was taking place, to me it was more like a memory. Typically I would say something that would make others turn to
me and say, "where did you hear that?", or "what are you talking about", and then whatever I had said would happen over that day or following.
Then the scrutiny and ultimate laughing about how uncanny that was. It confused me because it wasn't something that seems out of ordinary but more
like a memory. Sometimes I would think that I had heard it before; sometimes the feeling about the memory was as if it was months prior when I had
seen or heard about what it was I was remembering. I didn't see it as something being "enlightening" or spiritual, or receiving-like.
At any rate, there was no control to this because there was nothing to control, it was purely coincidental in my mind. There was never a rhyme or a
rhythm to it.
When I was a teenager I began drinking like most youngsters do. Back then the legal drinking age was 18, and I could usually sneak into a bar at 17.
It was while under the influence of alcohol that I began becoming impulsed by strangers from across the room. I would see someone I did not know and
walk up to them with a message. I never remembered doing it and it took time before this "gift" began to catch up to me. Suddenly months later I
would be stopped by total strangers asking if I remembered them, they would tell me how they met me in the bars (yeah plural) and what I had told them
and how it had manifested in their lives. It was very confusing and very creepy to say the least. I did not like what I was hearing. I could not
remember meeting them or telling them those things.
As my twenties passed I began learning about crystals and healing, all the stuff you would find in your typical 'Metaphysical Bookstore', I began
attending 'Psychic Fairs'. I had some fabulous readings done for me in which most times the first words from them were, "you are psychic".
As I neared my 30's I went through a 'rebirthing' ceremony. I am not sure where this ceremony originates but it was conducted by a Minister of
Scientology who claimed to be free of the Church of Scientology. She made her living doing psychic readings, specifically she would utilize palmistry
with a mixture of numerology. I trained under her for six months before she skipped town with all my money (earned through a joint venture in doing
'Psychic Fairs'. It wasn't much money but it was all I had invested and all we had earned. Sad really, I thought we made a great team. Later on
(without her) I investigated and applied with a Psychic Hotline, one of those 1-800-Networks. I was hired after just one interview on the phone, they
seemed so impressed. When my employment package arrived it was everything and all that anyone would need to know about manipulating the caller and
milking them for as much money as possible. I tried to disassociate myself from this part of the industry but I just could not do it, I tried saying
to myself that this was just for 'entertainment purposes only', but it did not work. I turned down the job and sent all the materials back so they
would not charge me.
I continued doing readings for folks as a novelty, often causing all kinds of ridiculous friendships. I would never charge to do readings ever, not
even 'Love Donations'. Once I did do a booth at a big party to raise money for the San Antonio SPCA, I charged $5 a reading and made several
hundred dollars. By the end of the party I was drunk and my mind was in a blissful blank. I learned how to do readings and forget immediately the
reading itself. I would forget the person and their reading no matter how personal it was to them.
In my 40's I swore I would stop. I did to an extent, but sadly I was caught up just two months ago into extending myself again. I really wished I
hadn't. I couldn't even tell the person the truth, I stepped around the truth with messages of hope. I knew they would not believe me.
At any rate, here I am and no I am not psychic. I don't believe in it. I believe that we all have a demon inside of us, each and every one of us is
housing a demon. Demons have a hierarchy just like everything else, no matter the dimension. Man was born pure and then somehow man fell from Grace.
I am slowly learning to have discussions with God. I am slowly accepting the Christ within. I am slowly believing I may save my soul. I go through
extreme highs and then I find myself plunging into my dark side; I pray for forgiveness.
Every person that has ever tapped into this phenomenon knows that I am speaking the truth. They turn to the light for their inspirations and they
realize that there is a force that wants them to turn away, wants them to turn to the darkness within; I am probably not strong enough some might say,
but I am trying to be.
I await the coming of our Lord. I fear my eternal soul and I pray to be given strength over my sins as I ask forgiveness.
Now I find that I am being targeted by people, being lied about, being accused of things. I think I realize now that I am attracting them to me, to
reveal my sin so that I may embrace and stand up to it. My sin is that I have lived in fear my entire life, it is time to become strong and overcome
the fear. I speak of Faith, Wisdom, Hope, Commitment, Honor, and the list goes on and on, but I do not speak fearlessly and that is something I want
so badly. Maybe then I can finally Love myself.
Can I see the future? No, but I can ask and it doesn't take much to hear the answer. Can I see into another person's motives? No again, but I can
ask and the answer streams into me. Sometimes the message comes through in parts, but I get it before long. Some things never reveal themselves no
matter how hard I try to force them. Now I am realizing that my Demon really is on my side, but not to be trusted, because until the Days of Christ
returns I cannot cast my Demon out without hurting myself in the process.
I wish there were Psychics to save the lost children. I wish there were Psychics to save the innocent victims. I wish I were Psychic, but I am not,
I only have a Demon and so do you, we all do for the moment.