This isn't me

reply to post by stealthyaroura


I believe it may have to do with all of the radio waves, but the question I have is why now? What has happened recently to cause so many people to feel the same thing? And why is everyone not feeling this?

I can't speak for anyone else, but I don't believe my situation is due to stress, allergies or mold. I'm not stressed beyond the point that I normally am, I don't really have any allergies and there is no mold where I live.

I'm not bipolar, nor have I had any issue with emotional problems. I don't have a history of mental illness in my family, although sometimes it seems like it.

Basically, there's just no logical explanation, that I know of, that would explain the sudden and dramatic change. I'm no doctor, but I know what I feel, and I know enough to know what to connect those feelings to.

I don't believe that the way things currently are is the reason. Although I don't like how things are in the world, I'm not one to go off the deep end because of it. Although I'm disgusted, it has never affected me so personally that it would do something like this. And I'd be able to tell if that was the reason.

Unfortunately, though, I have nowhere to go to get away from it all. I have no money to get away from it all for a little while, to get away from the cities and just relax. I'm sure it would help, but its just not possible for me at the moment.

reply to post by NovusOrdoMundi


Novus, it doesn't matter where you are located to have 'precursors' to earthquakes, I was wondering the same thing when I came across Kattraxx on the earthquake thread. I had been to doctor after doctor trying to find out why I am having the problems I am having, and no test indicates any kind of problem is going on, but they are. And I am now convinced that it is because I am earthquake sensitive. I know it sounds a little unconventional, but as I learned about earthquakes in different regions and how they affect those who are sensitive, even the 'angry for no reason' indicates a quake will hit in a certian region. I am by no means as versed in what body area indicates what region, but Kattraxx is in touch with a leading expert on this, and personally, I am at ease now that I know what is going on. I have not always been sensitive, as many others haven't. Recent ( last 8-9 months) earthquake and vocanic activity is showing odd patterns and increases, there are volcanos waking up that have been asleep for 9000+ years. Swarms of earthquakes daily, all this is not normal activity, and a lot of people are experiencing the headaches, ringing in the ears, backside pain, anger, fuzzy thoughts, blurred vision, there are many many precursors. Go to the end of the thread and check out just the last few pages and you will get a good idea of what I am telling you.

Can you imagine normally? What I mean is if you start to daydream about something, will things go how you want them to go, or will negative things start happening in your imagination/daydreams.

Because that's sort of what happens to me. I love to imagine. but it seems as though there's something negative in my head, that takes my imagination towards dark paths. I believe it also makes me think/focus on the worst in situations as well.

I just ignore it. You should probably ignore the negative feelings you have as well. your former attitude was a good way to approach life. "whatever happens, happens." No matter how you want the world to be, it's very likely not going to be that way. Suffering and death are a part of life. Don't look to avoid them, and don't look for a world that is devoid of them because you'll likely never get it.

Originally posted by NovusOrdoMundi

Originally posted by justamomma
I know how annoying ppl are, but maybe instead of getting angry (which only hurts you in the long run), start using them as amusing entertainment.

Thats the problem. I used to use them as entertainment. I would find myself laughing at them and wondering how people could get that stupid. But since then, its turned to anger.

But when you think about it, laughing at them and wondering how they can get that stupid, doesn't that sound like the beginning stages of feeling anger towards them?

It shows a thought of superiority over the idiots, even if its just amusement. Eventually superiority can turn towards a more "radical" side and turn to anger.

I think you may be on to something. I used to walk around assuming everyone around me was an idiot. That way when they hurt me or did something stupid I could just put myself morally above them and assure myself I already knew it would eventually happen. It was just a defense mechanism, trying to avoid feelings of low self-esteem and to avoid getting hurt. I was just shutting out the world and in the process hurt myself more than anyone else could hurt me.

It sounds to me as if you don't really agree with feeling superior. Shows you have compassion. Work on that, try to feel compassion with everyone. So what if people do stupid things? You know, we all have to make mistakes to get smarter, some never learn sadly but that does not make them any less important.

If that doesn't help your headaches, please do as Agent-T said. Go see the doc. If your that unwillling to take meds, fine. But you'd save yourself alot of worrying if you find out. Could be nothing you know, but then you'd be sure at least.

reply to post by NovusOrdoMundi


Just out of curiosity:

1) How old are you ?
2) What's your gender?
3) Do you have any family members who are/were Masons?

reply to post by NovusOrdoMundi


I did think of something else this morning that might be worth mentioning.

Ive been having different pitches of noise coming and going in the past year, what id describe as tinitus except i can tune it in or out when im hearing it.

A little like straining to hear a conversation will make it louder, and if i concentrate on it i can make it fade away.

It happended this morning about 15 minutes ago and thought id bring it up to see youve experienced anything similar but didnt think it relevant

Sounds like good old frustration mounting up, possibly combined with a bit of depression. I know people hate to hear the "D" word, but it is way more common than anyone can know and a lot of people suffer from it and do not even realize it is what is affecting them so negatively.

Could be diet, could be lack of essential vitamins, not enough sunshine, lack of physical exertion, or even something simple like not getting enough sleep. Then again it could be entirely chemical and in this case seeing a trusted doctor would not hurt.

I know what I am saying because I deal with the same symptoms that you are describing. Change your routine, get your nose out of the negativity in the world for a while and do things that make you feel good, get off of the computer and go outside or take a short trip away from the monotony to help you get your head on straight. Also, Im not one to push people to do anything illegal, but like someone else suggested maybe a little mary J wouldn't hurt either.

You arent crazy, you arent losing it, you are just like millions of other people...good people trying to cope with day to day life in a tragic and unstable world. Don't be too hard on yourself man.... just do the best you can.


Just my $0.02

[edit on 7/29/08 by BlackOps719]

reply to post by BlackOps719


I cant speak for Novus but this isnt a day to day drag sort of thing. Its something that will push its way up out of nowhere and not for an extended period of time but for a few short moments.

I can see why youd lean towards deppression but it being only for brief intense periods and knowing that it is not you is whats worrying.

And with regards to the mary J sure a little smoke can chill you out but ive seen a few of my friends go a little "loose" over the years, so if i did do that (hypothetically of course) i keep it down to a minimum.

I was also telling novus that a break is good, i took one recently and im taking another in a few weeks its nice to relax but i just dont feel this as sress related.

A few years ago i acquired the ability to disasociate myself from my emotions while they were occuring. ( like the post by iiinvision is talking about ), the first time i had it i was depressed about something and before i knew it i was laughing at myself for being depressed because i didn't have a reason to be depressed looking at what happened that day, it was a 'spontanious' happening so to speak.

Since that time the whole down trend of my emotional household can be cut off at a certain point while the uptrend is still working. It's a good safeguard to have in place IF there is some sinister thing going on that artificially affects your emotions but even if it is not so it is pretty nice to have in place because it brings a kind of peace that only comes from within. So my advice is to try and activate that ability so that you are no longer a slave of the emotions that you deem unhealthy for yourself. How to do it? I wouldn't know because i just could at some point so i can't give you any pointers that will make sense for you. Observe yourself when you are getting irritated, find the total uselesness of negative emotions without cause and set it aside.

Emotions without a known cause are suspect. Ofcourse when you are being pestered by someone and you get angry about that you can derive the emotion to the person in front of you being annoying so that is different, although you can get it so far that even that doesn't irritate you but that is your own choice.

Anyway, good luck with the whole thing.

reply to post by Harman


personal inventory!
it works, yes siree bob...errr...harman. they suggest something similar to that in many recovery programs, as well.

reply to post by ThePiemaker

Sometimes I can imagine with no problems. Sometimes it takes a negative turn without my control. Sometimes the whole 'daydream' is negative from start to end, and it starts and ends by itself. Pretty much when its negative, I can't seem to control it.


reply to post by undo

20 years old, male, no Masons as far as I know. I think my family is too dumb to be involved in anything like that.


reply to post by T.Smith

For a few years I have had a ringing sound in my ears. And its not really a ringing sound like a telephone type ringing. Its more just like a high pitch sound. Its really hard to describe.

But its rare that it happens. Its random too. It'll happen once every few months or so. There seems to be no pattern to it.

Something I've noticed that is close to what you are describing that has happened recently is I have been getting in a lot of trances. Like anyone, I have trances every now and then, but within the last few weeks, it has definitely increased.

I don't know what any of that means.


reply to post by Harman

The problem is I can't just 'set it aside'. For a while now I've had negative thoughts at random times. That, itself, is nothing new. I used to be able to just make it go away.

But recently, the negative thoughts have increased, and the anger associated with them has increased. This time, I can't simply make it go away. Its like I have no control over it. Hence the "this isn't me" feeling.

I have always had a great deal of control over my thoughts and actions. I've always been very in tune with my mind and those thoughts. I would say more in tune than most, but there's no true way for me to know that, obviously.

The thoughts have never controlled me, until recently. Not every thought controls me, because some I can do away with. But there are others that simply do not go away. They remain in my head and influence my emotions.

Fortunately I still have strong control over my actions and I know not to act out on these emotions and thoughts.

I don't want to feel like this. Its not a choice I've made. I hate feeling angry. I'm a happy person for the most part.

But just within the last few days its gotten to the point where I have so little control on negative thoughts that I am beginning to tell myself that I'm mentally insane. Its like something is trying to psyche me in to believing I'm mentally insane in order to feel better about these thoughts.

I have been able to fight these thoughts off and realize that I am not mentally insane (at least I hope not). But for how much longer?

I mean, what is up with that? That can't possibly be normal, can it? Can "depression" alone really explain that? I don't think so. And what people are forgetting is the randomness and the rapid increase that has gone on. Nothing has happened to bring this "phase" on, yet in the last few weeks I have become a completely different person. That is not depression.

[edit on 7/29/08 by NovusOrdoMundi]

reply to post by NovusOrdoMundi
I think space cadet may be on to something. I have been experiencing some unusual aches and pains( I will not state what they are because I do not wish for a medical diagnosis). This may be related to the thread of everyone being tired and no one knowing why. There have been many earth quakes recently. Maybe you are experiencing what cats and dogs experience before an earthquake.




[edit on 29-7-2008 by eradown]

reply to post by NovusOrdoMundi


Ok, "set it aside" wasn't the best way of putting it i think. The problem of explaining how you can observe yourself and get into an internal dialogue is that you have to develop a mild form of 'lucid MPS' so to speak. What i mean with that is whenever i get a negative emotion out of the blue the 'observer' kicks in and analyzes it and is able to supersede it whenever it has no ground from where it came from.

Untill a few years ago i would get depressed and loath in selfpitty from nothing, only my own perspective on me was getting me down while i had no reason to, i had winterdepressions that started in autumn and ended begin summer so that's a big part of the year. And on top of that my mother got terminally ill so i was hitting rock bottom in quite a fast pace, maybe my psyche wanted to do something to remedy the free fall and came up with this 'split' but in times of stress/anger/depression the part of me that observes the whole thing pops up and gets busy, it's not fighting the depression but rationalizing it away, passively resisting the whole thing into oblivion so to speak.

That's why it's hard to explain, if you do not have any experience with a conscious dual mind you wouldn't understand, like explaining color to a blind man. And no, i don't have any mental illness and i get around in the society easy enough. There are meditative practices that have the same methods by the way, not quieting the mind but observing the cackle of it without getting involved in it.

If there is something going on or that will go on in the future that involves mechanical thelepathy or at least projecting voices in peoples minds on a massive scale this practice will be very usefull to prohibit/lessen the potentially destructive power it has over you because it is a way of staying rational (or true to yourself). (if that is what you are thinking ofcourse)

It's like the person in the movie 'a beautiful mind' He rationalizes his delusions in such a manner that he keeps them at bay and is able to work without any medicins.

A link of the meditative practice i'm talking about

The Mind:
- be relaxed but at the same time awake and attentive: finding your balance here is not easy!
- be a careful observer of your own mind and thoughts; sometimes called the 'little spy inside':

From Ani Tenzin Palmo, Reflections on a Mountain Lake: Teachings on Practical Buddhism:

"As we begin to develop awareness of the mind, the mind itself appears to divide into two. A new aspect of the mind arises. This is referred to variously as the witness, the seer, the knower, or the
observer. It witnesses without judgment and without comment. Along with the arrival of the witness, a space appears within the mind. This enables us to see thoughts and emotions as mere thoughts and emotions, rather than as 'me' and 'mine.' When the thoughts and emotions are no longer seen as 'me' or 'mine', we begin to have choices. Certain thoughts and emotions are helpful, so we encourage them. Others are not so helpful, so we just let them go. All the thoughts and emotions are recognized and accepted. Nothing is suppressed. But now we have a choice about how to react. We can give energy to the ones, which are useful and skillful and withdraw energy from those which are not."

Hope it is of some help. .

[edit on 29-7-2008 by Harman]

reply to post by Harman


It almost feels like a multiple personality type situation. I can't really observe it and rationalize what is going on because it seems as if this angry, annoyed side and my normal side both have equal control over me.

I don't know if that makes any sense.

I'm only 20, and I realize and can admit that I have a lot of maturing to do mentally. I don't believe I am anywhere near fully developed mentally. Maybe that is contributing to me not being able to control this side of me.

reply to post by NovusOrdoMundi


hmm...none of your statistics match my original theory when i read your thread. this was primarily about the older people staring at you. do you have friends or family members who are/were into the occult?

[edit on 29-7-2008 by undo]

to me the feeling in the head seems to be a tingling or lack of pressure maybe... its amazing. I can control it now and I swear sometimes I can focus on it so well its better than an orgasm. I can't really describe it.

reply to post by undo


That was Psychopump that was witnessing the staring. I haven't noticed anyone staring at me. But then again, most people I can't stand to look at for more than a second, so I wouldn't know.

No one in my family, to my knowledge, has been in to that stuff. I am the only one that I know of in my family (entire family, not just immediate) that has any knowledge in this "alternative" stuff, such as conspiracies, politics, the occult, secret societies etc. Same goes for friends (outside of ATS).

I have a history of some US military service in my family, but thats about as close as it gets to any of that.

[edit on 7/29/08 by NovusOrdoMundi]

reply to post by NovusOrdoMundi


See your doctor and have him run a bloodtest to check your chemical and hormone levels you could have an imbalance that would cause this sort of change.

reply to post by T.Smith

You are correct. I did miss your post that your dad is a counselor and hypnotherapist. That in turn does not make you an expert either. I was not trying to offend anyone. I am not a agitator, and normally I stay away from conflict. I would never try and diagnose anything from a few text. Merely, trying to create curiousity in the young lad to maybe look at the symptoms and try to bring closure.

However, I have read a few of these posts and thought of something that sparked my interest. I found an article not long ago on the effects of "mental warfare". I can't find it right now, but I will try and find it tonight. Basically, it is propaganda that you don't realize is effecting you. Some type of "Mind Control" supposedly. If I can find it, I do think it is relevent to some events going on in the world now.

reply to post by space cadet


A 5.8 earthquake just struck Los Angeles

Link

The last two days I had a non-stop headache and was totally out of it. Today, when I woke up, I felt better.

Think its connected?

If what I am going through does connect with the earthquake thing, why has it only started recently? Why have I not experienced this before?