reply to post by ThePiemaker
Sometimes I can imagine with no problems. Sometimes it takes a negative turn without my control. Sometimes the whole 'daydream' is negative from
start to end, and it starts and ends by itself. Pretty much when its negative, I can't seem to control it.
reply to post by undo
20 years old, male, no Masons as far as I know. I think my family is too dumb to be involved in anything like that.
reply to post by T.Smith
For a few years I have had a ringing sound in my ears. And its not really a ringing sound like a telephone type ringing. Its more just like a high
pitch sound. Its really hard to describe.
But its rare that it happens. Its random too. It'll happen once every few months or so. There seems to be no pattern to it.
Something I've noticed that is close to what you are describing that has happened recently is I have been getting in a lot of trances. Like anyone, I
have trances every now and then, but within the last few weeks, it has definitely increased.
I don't know what any of that means.
reply to post by Harman
The problem is I can't just 'set it aside'. For a while now I've had negative thoughts at random times. That, itself, is nothing new. I used to be
able to just make it go away.
But recently, the negative thoughts have increased, and the anger associated with them has increased. This time, I can't simply make it go away. Its
like I have no control over it. Hence the "this isn't me" feeling.
I have always had a great deal of control over my thoughts and actions. I've always been very in tune with my mind and those thoughts. I would say
more in tune than most, but there's no true way for me to know that, obviously.
The thoughts have never controlled me, until recently. Not every thought controls me, because some I can do away with. But there are others that
simply do not go away. They remain in my head and influence my emotions.
Fortunately I still have strong control over my actions and I know not to act out on these emotions and thoughts.
I don't want to feel like this. Its not a choice I've made. I hate feeling angry. I'm a happy person for the most part.
But just within the last few days its gotten to the point where I have so little control on negative thoughts that I am beginning to tell myself that
I'm mentally insane. Its like something is trying to psyche me in to believing I'm mentally insane in order to feel better about these thoughts.
I have been able to fight these thoughts off and realize that I am not mentally insane (at least I hope not). But for how much longer?
I mean, what is up with that? That can't possibly be normal, can it? Can "depression" alone really explain that? I don't think so. And what people
are forgetting is the randomness and the rapid increase that has gone on. Nothing has happened to bring this "phase" on, yet in the last few weeks I
have become a completely different person. That is not depression.
[edit on 7/29/08 by NovusOrdoMundi]