posted on Jul, 27 2008 @ 10:40 AM
I don't feel like me at all. I don't feel like the person I believe myself to be.
Over the last two weeks or so, I have been having an increase in terrible thoughts, which I can't and won't share.
Half the time I feel normal, half the time I'm consumed by hate, anger, annoyance and frustration.
When I'm in this angered state, I'm still somewhat in tune with my normal state in the sense that its like a battle going on in my head where I'm
trying to rid myself of this anger and just feel normal. And its like it goes back and forth, one second I'll feel fine, the next I'll feel like
Over the last two weeks, I have had this strange pain in one part of my head. Its not a headache. Its just a sudden pain, in the same spot, over the
course of the last two weeks and at random times. Sometimes it'll happen twice within a few minutes, other times it won't happen again for another
few days. To my knowledge, I haven't had this before.
I don't know if that is somehow connected.
When I'm in this "angered state", my mind feels clouded, I feel "trapped", and its like this paranoia sinks over me. Yeah, I'm on a conspiracy
website, but I never get paranoid about anything. I'm one of those people that says "what ever happens happens" and just doesn't care. Yet, when
I'm feeling 'different', I'm paranoid, and I don't even know what I'm paranoid about! Its like this sudden fear of something that I don't even
know what I'm fearing.
All of this is the worst when I lay down to go to sleep at night. I don't know why. It happens during the day, but is worst at night.
Am I possessed or something? Don't get the Hollywood idea of possession when trying to picture what may be happening to me. I'm not running around
breaking things, screaming in people's faces and flipping out over nothing. I just feel different, and I can't explain why.
No, I haven't been to a doctor, and no I'm not going to one. I don't need mind altering drugs to deal with this.
[edit on 7/27/08 by NovusOrdoMundi]