This isn't me

I don't feel like me at all. I don't feel like the person I believe myself to be.

Over the last two weeks or so, I have been having an increase in terrible thoughts, which I can't and won't share.

Half the time I feel normal, half the time I'm consumed by hate, anger, annoyance and frustration.

When I'm in this angered state, I'm still somewhat in tune with my normal state in the sense that its like a battle going on in my head where I'm trying to rid myself of this anger and just feel normal. And its like it goes back and forth, one second I'll feel fine, the next I'll feel like something else.

Over the last two weeks, I have had this strange pain in one part of my head. Its not a headache. Its just a sudden pain, in the same spot, over the course of the last two weeks and at random times. Sometimes it'll happen twice within a few minutes, other times it won't happen again for another few days. To my knowledge, I haven't had this before.

I don't know if that is somehow connected.

When I'm in this "angered state", my mind feels clouded, I feel "trapped", and its like this paranoia sinks over me. Yeah, I'm on a conspiracy website, but I never get paranoid about anything. I'm one of those people that says "what ever happens happens" and just doesn't care. Yet, when I'm feeling 'different', I'm paranoid, and I don't even know what I'm paranoid about! Its like this sudden fear of something that I don't even know what I'm fearing.

All of this is the worst when I lay down to go to sleep at night. I don't know why. It happens during the day, but is worst at night.

Am I possessed or something? Don't get the Hollywood idea of possession when trying to picture what may be happening to me. I'm not running around breaking things, screaming in people's faces and flipping out over nothing. I just feel different, and I can't explain why.

No, I haven't been to a doctor, and no I'm not going to one. I don't need mind altering drugs to deal with this.

[edit on 7/27/08 by NovusOrdoMundi]

Originally posted by NovusOrdoMundi
I have had this strange pain in one part of my head. Its not a headache. Its just a sudden pain, in the same spot,

Is it in/around one or both of your temples?

I've been doing the sudden anger thing as well. It consumes me, and scares the living hell out of me, because I'm NOT LIKE THAT !!

My only remedy is to smoke herb, which I don't like anymore. I used to be a toker, jeez, like a decade ago, but now I don't like the feeling it gives me (age I guess), but it keeps me calm, actually, it leeps me normal.

Originally posted by Misfit
Is it in/around one or both of your temples?

No, its right in between my forehead and the top of my head, aligned with the center of my face. I know nothing about the brain so I don't know whats in that part.

Originally posted by Misfit
I've been doing the sudden anger thing as well. It consumes me, and scares the living hell out of me, because I'm NOT LIKE THAT !!

Do you ever have thoughts that would probably get you arrested and/or thrown in a mental institution? Do you find yourself really annoyed with people around you over the smallest things, whether its family or just random people?

[edit on 7/27/08 by NovusOrdoMundi]

Originally posted by NovusOrdoMundi
No, I haven't been to a doctor..

[edit on 7/27/08 by NovusOrdoMundi]

Then that's the first thing you should do.
You don't need to accept any painkillers or anything if you don't want.
But go ask for an exam and a scan.

I won't say what it could be as I'm no doc,but any sudden change in thought process accompanied by pain doesn't sound healthy.

Take care of yourself.

Agree with see a doc, the head is nothing to wait around to see if it will get better.

Originally posted by NovusOrdoMundi

No, its right in between my forehead and the top of my head, aligned with the center of my face.

Almost sound like a Cluster Headache

Do you ever have thoughts that would probably get you arrested and/or thrown in a mental institution?

PPHHFFTT !! On a daily basis. Humans piss me off to no end !!

[edit on 27/7/08 by Misfit]

reply to post by NovusOrdoMundi


i would love to hear those thoughts youve been having, u2u me if you'd like to share

my advice would be to give in to the feelings, trust me it is incredible, you will be opened up to the world and see how limited your mind was to the stupidity of human nature.

You will become more free and more enslaved then you'd ever been.

And you're lucky i even told you that, but ATS needs more of my kind.



[edit on 27-7-2008 by Darkerside]

reply to post by Darkerside

Correct me if I am wrong, and I surely hope I am ........ reading your statment is reading that the OP should act upon what he is feeling?

Originally posted by AGENT_T
But go ask for an exam and a scan.

Why? So that in the event that there is something wrong, they can bull# me in to trying to decide if they're actually telling me the truth or just trying to sell me their drugs?

Originally posted by Misfit
Almost sound like a Cluster Headache

"The duration of the common attack is 15 minutes to three hours."

It doesn't even last that long. Its the same in the sense that it isn't brought on by anything and its a "piercing" pain, but it only lasts a few seconds.

[edit on 7/27/08 by NovusOrdoMundi]

Not to act upon it, but accept it.

if the feeling is to kill, accept the feeling dont push it away, but dont act on it, because you will be eaten alive by society. Play it smart, until you have a chance to do whatever you want to do.

thats why i have chosen the darker side, a day will come when i will be free to act upon any feelings i have or want. And the same will be true for the OP depending on how he play his cards.

Originally posted by Darkerside
my advice

Your advice means nothing to me.

Originally posted by Darkerside
would be to give in to the feelings, trust me it is incredible, you will be opened up to the world and see how limited your mind was to the stupidity of human nature.

I don't need to act on my thoughts to feel better about myself.

Sitting in a prison cell isn't opening up to the world.

I don't need to act on my thoughts to know how my mind has been limited.

Originally posted by Darkerside
And you're lucky i even told you that, but ATS needs more of my kind.

I sure am. Thank you for gracing me with your presence. I truly do hope more like you register in the near future. I've been trying to think of what ATS needs to succeed, and you have truly shown me the way.

I'm blessed by your greatness, Darkerside. Thank you oh so very much for your invaluable time.

reply to post by Darkerside


You are weird and should crawl back under whatever rock it was that you came out from under

To the OP: I have a good friend who was saying the same thing about the anger. He wasn't sure if it was his meds or not, but the way he was describing his feelings is in much the same way you are.

I hope you get it figured out, although in all honesty, I know how annoying ppl are, but maybe instead of getting angry (which only hurts you in the long run), start using them as amusing entertainment.

Hey, LOoK!! You can start practicing on DARkERsIdE!!

Originally posted by NovusOrdoMundi
Why? So that in the event that there is something wrong, they can bull# me in to trying to decide if they're actually telling me the truth or just trying to sell me their drugs?

Don't get me wrong. I hate Doc,s, Pharm and all that crap too..but some things may need a 'hands on' approach...

If your car engine was rattling and pouring smoke,you wouldn't just keep driving it.. well I did..but it broke..and I had to walk thirty miles to a phone..and I had to get it scrapped.. all it needed was some oil in it..

edit..pressed wrong button.

[edit on 27-7-2008 by AGENT_T]

Originally posted by justamomma
I know how annoying ppl are, but maybe instead of getting angry (which only hurts you in the long run), start using them as amusing entertainment.

Thats the problem. I used to use them as entertainment. I would find myself laughing at them and wondering how people could get that stupid. But since then, its turned to anger.

But when you think about it, laughing at them and wondering how they can get that stupid, doesn't that sound like the beginning stages of feeling anger towards them?

It shows a thought of superiority over the idiots, even if its just amusement. Eventually superiority can turn towards a more "radical" side and turn to anger.

reply to post by NovusOrdoMundi


"so you have chosen death"

well just another person who had an amazing opportunity to become something more and wasted it to be left as a slave, a weakling.

Its too bad.

Do you revolutionaries for humanity really think you are going to win, what you dont understand is that you have already lost.

btw the fact that you didnt care for my advice is going to catch up with you in the future, you will see your stupidity before the end, i guarantee it.

reply to post by Darkerside


I bet you tidy your room as soon as your Mom tells you though.
The 'black act' isn't washing with anyone..You're funny..

reply to post by AGENT_T


whose acting

ahh yes the billions of pathetic people on this earth who think they achieve something with their lives of which you are a part of.

please do not even try to discount my opinions as an act just because you are afraid that what i am saying is truth.

Originally posted by NovusOrdoMundi

But when you think about it, laughing at them and wondering how they can get that stupid, doesn't that sound like the beginning stages of feeling anger towards them?

It shows a thought of superiority over the idiots, even if its just amusement. Eventually superiority can turn towards a more "radical" side and turn to anger.

You have somewhat of a point there, but there are valid places for anger. That sense of superiority could be better defined as disgust; not because you feel superior, but because they are letting their most valuable resource (their brain) go to waste. This waste of brain that is piling on the earth is something we will all have to pay for.

Seems to me that the anger you feel isn't unwarranted. It shows to me that you care about this world and those that actually are thinking.

My anger isn't going away, and sometimes it does FEEL overwhelming. But in reality, the reason that we are angry is the very reason for which we won't act out (blindly anyway) on that anger.

You call my sarcasm a feeling of superiority and I call it disgust...... either way, it is the way I cope and keep from getting to the point you are at now.

Good LUck

[edit on 27-7-2008 by justamomma]

Originally posted by Darkerside
whose acting

You mean "Who is" or "Who's" acting?

Well I'm not acting up with you anymore so stop showboating in this thread.

The OP has stated he's in pain so I'm recommending he goes see a doc,not because of the 'black thoughts' you wish to dwell on..but because it happened suddenly.

Get thee behind me you ole devil you..

Definately - back to topic at hand, the OP's problem, of which the "dark side" stuff has already been rejected.

NovusOrdoMundi, just wanted to throw in a note that the pain in your head and the feelings of anger may or may not be related to each other.

The fact that they stated around the same time may be completely unrelated.



[edit on 27/7/08 by Misfit]

reply to post by justamomma


You're right. I do care about the world and those that are making something of themselves.

My anger is towards people who are weak, uneducated, hopeless and ignorant. Not those that can help themselves and take the time to educate themselves.

I can't stand seeing these wastes walk around, and everyone else has to pick up after them. I'm tired of it.