"The Lincoln County Witch."

Originally posted by janasstar
I am thinking that the only possible way that I can fix this and redeem my self is to end my membership here at ATS. Some of you thought that the story was about earning flags and points. Some thought that it was a clever scheme to solicit money from the readers.
So I guess if I cancel my membership, that should rule out those theories. I need to contact SO and check with him about a few things.
I wish to thank all of those who believed me and supported me. I value you. Thanx

I disagree that ending your membership will help. Its a irreverent gesture. You have a story or more to tell, then tell it. Some will believe you others will not. This is something you must get used to.

This is life on the net, you can't escape this.

When I said this:

After threads like Serpo and the Hati UFO and other Hoax threads, I'm really surprised that many here at ATS has bought your story without question. We are here to "deny ignorance" yes there has been some circumstancing evidence to back up your claim, but not real proof that what you say is true. I'm not calling you a lier, Its just my nature to question Everything, and not to believe anything that anyones says.

It was not my intent to question your history, but I did. The point I wanted to get across is that most if not all of us have been duped by threads started on ATS. There have been many threads debunked as a hoax on these boards. I'm very analytical to a fault. But I can't change that, its the way I am.

Expect criticism expect that not everyone will believe what you have to say, But always remember their is a ignore button, don't hesitate to use it.

reply to post by LDragonFire


Although I appreciate your honesty, my story writing here, is at an end. I don't think I am emotionally well enough to go any further, whether anyone believes that or not.
I think I have thrown myself into a depression, which is something I have to battle constantly, with clinical depression. I shouldn't have started this. I was obviously wasn't ready to re-live it, nor was I up to some of the attacks that I received. Call me a weenie.

where are the healing tears that you read about and see in the happily-ever-after movies? I feel worse than I ever did. All I have is astuffed nose and a head ache. The worst part of it is there was never any justice for Tampa. Nobody ever paid for what they did to her. They as good as murdered her. And they got off scott-free.
That's what I can't get past. There is no justice for her!

you know, that baby s laying under a mound of dirt up there in gaston county. her life cut short at 17. what did she ever do to anybody? Why should she be dead? she cared about people. she once cried because she saw a homeless man living in his car. how many of us care that much? Why should she be in the dirt?

Hello missstar,


I appreciate the apology, as you can imagine. Really I do thankyou for it.

I more than understand your situation as I was born into one similar if not worse as my childhood was through the 80s which brought more complexities. Perhaps that is something for all of us to be greatfull for, a child born into that nowdays dosnt stand a chance of survival.


The biggest difference between you and I is that I let go of my anger. You are still angry and harbouring it. Harbouring anger makes you ill both physically and mentally. I think this is why you suffer so much physical pain and depression.

How I released the anger is that I realised I would rather have gone through my trial and tribulations than not have done so. Its has made me the person I am today. If I had a normal life I would be here with my head up my arse worrying about the next prada bag I will buy. I also used a bit of perpsective, like it would suck harder to be born into a lower caste indian family. We are all here to learn lessons and grow, how can one grow and learn if there are not tribulations? Im actually greatful to my parents for setting the scenes

The only thing I struggle with now is trust issues. If you had said you communicate with greys through a magic rock in your yard I would not have questioned you are asked for proof. Everyone has thier own version of reality and the right of free will and I respect that. But I have to admit I felt a certain amount of betrayal with your lies after your stories. So you can understand why I asked why you would do such a thing.



So chin up and try to let go. Embrace the positives and discard the negatives. Gain perspective and insight and realise there are people worse off all over the world and they deserve our thoughts. Perhaps you can use your insight and empathy to help other children and release some deep bedded stuff in your subsy

Janasstar,

I feel for you, I do. But, what kind of Justice are you hoping for? This happened so long ago and life has continued for everyone else. Inez and the Demon Seed went to jail. Laura, you and your brother are alive and communicating and that's great.
Here and now, you are suffering because of T when in all honesty, T feels better NOW than she did when she was alive and suffering.

She doesn't want the Justice anymore...you do. And you tearing yourself apart over the past is probably affecting T as hard as what you all went through so long ago. Please, stop being so distraught and move forward, positively in your life.

Remember, you're a tough ol' broad! And the experiences that you went through MADE you a tough ol' broad. USE THAT to overcome all this grief you carry because KTK is right in his above post. You have to apply all this "Grief" energy to "Healing" energy or you won't feel better.

Trust me please when I say T feels better now. She feels so good that you survived and prospered. Don't carry such a torch. It's not neccissary. What's needed is for you to realize that you survived to carry on.

Please take this advice as it was intended. To help you heal.

Your friend,
Cuhail

To address Cuhaill and KTK,
On most of my experiences in life, I am grateful for them. Because I have the pride in knowing that I can survive anything and I am not materialistic-shaped. I have survived some very rough times and I have done it always by honest means, because, I saw the devastation that ppl like Inez created. and I also knew what it felt like to be a victim.
All that I have ever really wanted in this world was to be happy and have peace. My whole life hasn't been miserable. I have had good things happen. Even when we were kids, if demon seed wasn't around, we had a blast playing in the woods across from the log cabin. There were all kinds of hills and valleys, and naturally growing vines. We used to go down there and swing from one hill to another, just like Tarzan.
The 14 yrs I was married to Ron were some of the happiest I had ever known. I don't think it's the totality of my past that puts me on a short fuse. I don't think I ever dealt with Tampa's death through the proper grief channels. I got drunk and stayed that way for 3 solid years after her death. They tell me that, that wasn't dealing with it. It was prolongibg. So then I started putting it out of my mind. And that's pretty much where I've tried to keep it, until now.
This is the only situation I know of that I ffeel such deep regret and guilt. I feel like we should have seen the signs and got off our dead arses and did something. So if I'm angry, it's probably more at myself.
There's just so much more to the story I can't write about yet. Nothing more earth shattering than you have already heard, just more stuff she had to endure,

Edit to add:
I meant to stress here also, that I think some of my short temper may come from the pain in my arm. There's just times I don't know what to do with the pain. Already found out that screaming doesn't help.

[edit on 10/7/2007 by janasstar]

[edit on 10/7/2007 by janasstar]

I think I need to cover another issue that was brought up about my dishonesty about my bro's website. There was a place in one of the forums, under ufos and aliens, where I did enter and pretend to be someone who just stumbled in, having found the place thru search engines. But it wasn't for the purpose of soliciting money. There are no credit cards or paypal cards attached to this website.
My brother has this site open because he feels it is his ministry to help ppl. I didn't really see it as a dishonest thing in the beginning. The site was brand new, and I was trying to help generate a topic flow. We had, had an experience where I asked him to pray over my arm, and he revealed the initials, RSD. So we entered that into the forum.
We have no way of knowing if his info is accurate. I still haven't been back to the doc.
But my bro' didn't want me to keep doing the 'I don't know you' thing, even for the website. If we were such crooks, I doubt that we would have displayed all that for the world to see. I was a little upset with him to begin with, because, I felt that it would somehow detract from my anonymity at ATS. But I had to agree that he was right. Honesty is the best policy. No matter what.
For whoever thought that he was doing hocus pocus with chiiru by praying, what would he gain? Someone on that site publicly offered him monetary help, and he publicly turned it down. I guess we're not very smart crooks. The way we grew up believing, was that if you didn't earn it, you had no right to it.

Cuhail said:

Trust me please when I say T feels better now. She feels so good that you survived and prospered. Don't carry such a torch. It's not necessary. What's needed is for you to realize that you survived to carry on.

These are some very kind words,words that should be headed.Your story really inspired me Janasstar.It made me look at my family differently and to be a better father and a better person.So thank you J-star and I hope you decide to keep posting here.

Originally posted by crowpruitt
Cuhail said:

Trust me please when I say T feels better now. She feels so good that you survived and prospered. Don't carry such a torch.

These are some very kind words,words that should be headed.Your story really inspired me Janasstar.It made me look at my family differently and to be a better father and a better person.So thank you J-star and I hope you decide to keep posting here.

This IS another reason that I wanted to write this story. Children NEED protection. It isn't always possible to get it from a 2 parent home, but they need at least one eagle-eyed parent on the job. This world is full of evil people. We also have some very good people. But unfortunately, it is the evil ones who can cause the most devastation. There's times I actually feel blessed that we came out of it as well as we did. It could have been much worse.
I know that Cuhail gives good advice. This grief thing is not healthy. I thought that I had dealt with it until I started re-living it to write about it. I generally have a very good outlook on life, in spite of my emotional illnesses. This is why I go to have them treated. Because I WANT to be a well person.
For those that know me in real life; they love me to death. They think I am the sweetest person they ever met. I am always getting my neck hugged. Of course, this is when I return to San Marcos to see my sis. I don't know anybody where I live now. But, to impress once again, the things that happened to me personally, are not nearly as hard to bear, as those that happened to T. Don't know why that is, but it is.
That's why I think that if I write anything else at all, I will have to eliminate her, until I can deal with it better.

Wow its taken forever to read all of this, the story was interesting to say the least. But that's not what Im here to comment about...

Perhaps Ms.Star needs to stop posting these stories or any stories because you completely flew off the handle when anyone doubted you. Anything here in any forum gets doubts, its a conspiracy forum. Also if you're gonna go nuts on everyone who doesnt believe you and you're telling the truth about your mental instability you'll probably just go nuts and kill yourself.

You need to either learn to deal with it as everyone on here seems to or for your own safety stop. If you have a debilitating disease doesnt it make it much worse if you get worked up every time someone disagrees with you? These !!!! They dont work, they only help make you seem less believable. Be calm before you give yourself a stroke. Whether you made it up or not doesnt matter in the end, what matters is that you spoke your peace and for some it helped them in some way.

Originally posted by Kenpachi
Wow its taken forever to read all of this, the story was interesting to say the least. But that's not what Im here to comment about...

Perhaps Ms.Star needs to stop posting these stories or any stories because you completely flew off the handle when anyone doubted you. Anything here in any forum gets doubts, its a conspiracy forum. Also if you're gonna go nuts on everyone who doesnt believe you and you're telling the truth about your mental instability you'll probably just go nuts and kill yourself.

You need to either learn to deal with it as everyone on here seems to or for your own safety stop. If you have a debilitating disease doesnt it make it much worse if you get worked up every time someone disagrees with you? These !!!! They dont work, they only help make you seem less believable. Be calm before you give yourself a stroke. Whether you made it up or not doesnt matter in the end, what matters is that you spoke your peace and for some it helped them in some way.

Hello Mr. Kenpachi, I believe a reader made reference to you earlier on, if i am not mistaken. are you the person who wrote about a hospital experience? I didn't get to read about it, but it seems you left quite an impression. I need to apologize to a lot of people here. I haven't been myself, since I began these 2 stories. Hell House, and this one.
I left your entire quote intact, so as to try to address all of your concerns, and points. I have already stated that I don't think I will be posting any more stories or accounts, especially that involve Tampa. At least until I am sure that I am mentally well enough to do so. I feel that I can write just about anything else without a lot of problems. I have stated this several times. But maybe you missed that.
Insofar as me committing suicide or having a stroke; I really could care less. This is not for anyone's pity here. I would welcome death as a means to an end. I have had two near death experiences in my life, and they were beautiful. It just made me long to be out of this world and into the next, that much worse.
As far as me taking my life, it is a distinct possibility. Suicide runs in my family. I briefly mentioned that I had an older sis who committed suicide. I didn't know her as well as I did T. She was one of the ones who grew up in the orphanage. But she did come down to Charlotte and get acquainted with us, before she died. I did love her. She left us in 1974.

edit to add: (It would have been a blessing to have had a firearm in the house last night. With the combination of the depression, the anguish and the level of physical pain, it would have been a mercy killing!) I have tried overdoses and slicing my wrists. It didn't work.

[edit on 10/8/2007 by janasstar]

[edit on 10/8/2007 by janasstar]

Hi Janasstar

I totally understand how emotional it can be writing about your own experiences, you literally have to relive them in your mind, which in this case, this topic, is too intense for you. It seems that you have the basics down now that will serve as notes for you in the future if you ever do want to write a tribute book for T. Many people will learn through your family’s experiences and that, I’m sure, T would approve of and encourage.

Maybe instead of focusing on T right now you might consider writing in the short story forum to gain your writer’s status. “Life In a Southern Town” sorta stories. For example: write one about the holidays in your town, or one about going to school there and describe your classmates and their hi-jinx, your teachers, etc. Or about big goings on in town, big scandals, etc. Or about your church there and church picnics (I’m from a southern town too and I still remember the old men gathering around a watermelon at the picnics. They had spiked it with gin or something). Or about civil rights there, I still remember the two water fountains at the park with the “white” and “colored” signs, also the big sign next to the town square with “Don’t Let The Sun Set On You, N*****!”, it stayed up until the early seventies. (And just for the record our family did not subscribe to this thinking).

Anyhow, just a thought, you did mention some good times, so I’m sure there are stories that will not upset you to write and hopefully some will make you laugh remembering them and some will be more of a historic record of life there, at that time. Eventually they can be used as background for a book if you should choose to write one. Here’s a link to the forum, hope you consider it,

www.abovetopsecret.com...

STM

Edit to add: I think it would be best to not use people's real names from this point forward unless you have their permission. I'm sure it would be okay with family members, I'm more concerned about what you know about the preacher in that town, etc. Definitely think up new names for them, lol.

[edit on 10/8/2007 by seentoomuch]

reply to post by seentoomuch


That is a very good suggestion. You are much loved my friend.
I might do that when I regain my composure. I am greatly mentally fatigued at the moment. Thank you.

In reference to STM,
You did just now take me back to some very pleasant memories. My brother Kenny, who I refer to as Keith in the story, was one of the most comical people you would have ever wanted to meet. But yet, when he was drinking, he was one of the most frightening ppl. you ever met.

edit to add: he managed to reign his own brand of terror on the family after his stint in Viet Nam and prison.

I felt that it was ok to use his real name, because he is now deceased, and his crimes are a matter of public record, as well as Inez Sutton's and Clifford Roberts'.

[edit on 10/8/2007 by janasstar]

[edit on 10/8/2007 by janasstar]

Whoa there, some good memories, 'kay? Your grandfather probably told you some good stories when you stayed with him for awhile. Bet he told you all the scuttle about the people in that town, bet he also had some interesting friends and good times that you can write about. Bet he drove you into town from time to time, and to church. Bet you helped him cook and he taught you some good recipes, what was his favorite dish? Did he have a vegetable garden and did you help him with it? What did you grow? What did his home look like? Bet he had some favorite words of wisdom he used, some colorful, some right to the point. I'm sure there's lots of good memories of him that would be a nice change of focus for you.

Also, it would be interesting to hear about people not related to you such as kids at school, preachers, teachers, the people that ran the little store down the road, the sheriff and his family, etc.

Gotta get your mind on the lighter side for awhile, lol, think happy thoughts,

STM



[edit on 10/8/2007 by seentoomuch]

Originally posted by janasstar
I felt that it was ok to use his real name, because he is now deceased, and his crimes are a matter of public record, as well as Inez Sutton's and Clifford Roberts'.

That's fine, its public record. I meant to just be careful about using real names when you describe classmates and preachers and teachers when the stories are personal and are not public record. Lol, please start writing in the short story forum, get your writer's status and start stacking up the stories to use as background for a book down the road. You've got talent but ya gotta practice,

STM

Originally posted by seentoomuch


Whoa there, some good memories, 'kay? Your grandfather probably told you some good stories and you stayed with him for awhile. Bet he told you all the scuttle about the people in that town, bet he also had some interesting friends and good times that you can write about. Bet he drove you into town from time to time, and to church. Bet you helped him cook and he taught you some good recipes, what was his favorite dish? Did he have a vegetable garden and did you help him with it? What did you grow? What did his home look like? Bet he had some favorite words of wisdom he used, some colorful, some right to the point. I'm sure there's lots of good memories of him that would be a nice change of focus for you.

Also, it would be interesting to hear about people not related to you such as kids at school, preachers, teachers, the people that ran the little store down the road, the sheriff and his family, etc.

Gotta get your mind on the lighter side for awhile, lol, think happy thoughts,

STM

Yes, I have wonderful memories of my gramps, he was a redeeming factor and quite the guardian angel in my life at times. He was quite colorful at times. Mom didn't allow him to use profanity around us, so he made up his own words to express himself when he got angry.
For example: Instead of d-a-m-n he changed it to d-a-n.
Instead of h-e-l-l-f-i-r-e he said campfire.
His home was located on the same property as the log cabin, but at a distance. He modelled after the mobile homes that were being built. He painted it red. His favorite color, and mine also. He always called his home, a 'shotgun trailer.' He said that it was because you could fire a shot through the front end and it would go straight out the back.
Yes, sometimes he did plant a garden when he felt up to it. He planted tomatoes, corn and potatoes. This helped us immensely. A neighbor across the road would sometimes give us homemade biscuits. We would take them and a salt shaker and go to the garden, and eat tomatoes straight off the vine. I LOVED it!
More times than not, my grandpa trapped and cooked wild rabbit and squirrel, and cooked them. I just could not bring myself to eat them. I would have starved first. He left the heads on them.

g'pa was also a beekeeper. But he put the beehives underneath the apple trees on the property. We weren't going near those apples any more! He had 75 swarms of bees at one time. We did enjoy the honey though.

Mother nature provided us with sustenance also. The tarzan vines I spoke of, were muscadine (sp?). We called them, muskey dimes. They were a delicious sort of plum type fruit, when in season, that grew wild in that area of NC. There were also wild blackberries all over neighboring pastures.

There was at the time a drive-in movie and grill located near our property. It was called Roseland drive-In and Grill. My g'pa had the job of cleaning the showgrounds. He did it in exchange for eggs. The owner had a lot of chickens. Sometimes, me and g'pa, would find money on the ground, and it was ours to keep.
Sometimes we got seasonal work in the cotton fields. G'pa let me help, so that I could earn money for a hair perm for school. My hair had terminal straightness!

Okay, there ya go, perfect.

Now pick a special day with him that was memorable and on the funny side, perhaps about the bee hives or him and a friend of his up to something that didn't turn out as they planned that had a fun outcome. One special memory and then when you have it in mind, relive it and write at the same time, every thought, every sound, every word spoken so that we, the reader, will be right there with you as it unfolds. You've been doing this already on some of your posts, its time to make it a habit. When you feel up to it, please go for it,

I'm off of this thread now, I hope to see you on the short story forum soon,

Good luck,

STM

Note: Just write a paragraph or two at a time on notepad if your arm is hurting and come back to it to add on. Most of the short stories are one long post, some go for two posts. I'm really looking forward to reading more of your memories and I'm sure others here are as well.

[edit on 10/8/2007 by seentoomuch]