Internet relationships? help needed

Okay so maybe the thread title is slightly misleading in relation to the help I'm seeking but anyway here goes:
I'm a 26year old guy, I was in a LTR until about six months ago which ended, badly I might add. Having oicked up the pieces I found it hard to move on and forget my ex however I finally feel I can move on, I want to be with and share my life with someone special and although I realise I'm still young I know I have a lot of love to give to the right person.
Anyway to cut a long story short, I looked into internet dating as I find it hard to meet people in bars/clubs etc. I got chatting to some nice girls online but invariably there was no 'click' or else she lived elsewhere or was looking for something more casual.
Again i'll cut to the chase, I got chatting to a girl who lives a whole ocean apart, we have a lot in common, she has gone through a lot emotionally in her life and she is seeking some stability and something new in her life, we have done a lot of chatting online and get on unbelievably well, I have basically fallen for her and we have chatted on cam so there is a trust between us, we have shared personal details like where we work and live etc so there are no secrets, of course there is a lot I dont know about her and vice versa. She is unhappy in her life and wants to move and try something different, she told me the reason she messaged me in the first place was because of where I'm from and her desire to see my country. and don't worry this isn't an illegal immigrant seeking refuge type of thing!!
She is an intelligent beautiful and talented girl who I have gotten to know and everytime we chat I just can't stop smiling because she puts a smile on my face and there is a real feeling that this is fate, now I am the last person in the world who would have thought I would be chatting online to a girl a couple of hundred miles away but it has happened.

So the reason I am posting is I am thinking of visiting her in maybe August for the first time and seeing how we get in in person and maybe take things from there.
Currently because of the time difference and because we're both working we dont get the chance to speak as much as we would like but I intend to write to her.

I was wondering has anyone else found love through the world wide web or gotten to know someone that lived far away, how did it go?

Also I would really appreciate any advice,
I am writing to her kind of as a surprise, I am going to send something perhaps like a CD as she's really into music and maybe a short letter just saying hi or whatever.
I want to make a good impression without going too far, I want her to know I'm thinking about her and say a lot without saying too much if you know what I mean, so what should I say??
I would really appreciate a female perspective on this.

thanks to anyone who read through all that and any replied would be appreciated.

Send her more than a mere CD.

Originally posted by SteveR
Send her more than a mere CD.

I know, that sounded like not a lot above but I intended too, but what, I am afraid of coming on too strong or making the wrong impression /coming off as desperate etc, that's the fear, I just want her to smile, think of me and be happy.
i have some ideas but any others would be appreciated

How about an international flower delivery?

Originally posted by SteveR
How about an international flower delivery?

You've done this before haven't you! ;D

I like your style.

And your sure she isn't some Nigirian man trying to get your bank details?

Originally posted by ChiKeyMonKey
And your sure she isn't some Nigirian man trying to get your bank details?

Thats my bet. Do not send money.

From experience, when you do go, give yourself time. Don't just dash there and feel you have to make it work over 2-3 days. Give yourself a fortnight at least.

Also be prepared that when you meet in person the chemistry may not work. If you build your hopes up and it fizzles, the hurt will be even deeper.

Go expecting nothing. Take your time. See how you feel after you get back home. Keep all your antennae out to hear subtle messages from her and not just what you want to hear.

Word of warning. Some women like the safety of a romance at a distance but freak out when you close the distance.

As someone who did a fair amount of internet dating after a divorce and actually met my current wife that way, I can say that all the chatting, emails, and even webcams don't count for anything when you meet.

There is something about taking things into the 3rd dimension that just changes. It's chemistry and more. You just might not have it.

Also, even though you're inclined to believe in trust and so on, realize that you really can't trust people so easily and be wary. You think you know someone, but with the internet...you only know what they want you to know and of course that's all good stuff.

It's the things you don't know that become the eventual roadblocks.

Peace

Originally posted by sy.gunson
From experience, when you do go, give yourself time. Don't just dash there and feel you have to make it work over 2-3 days. Give yourself a fortnight at least.

Also be prepared that when you meet in person the chemistry may not work. If you build your hopes up and it fizzles, the hurt will be even deeper.

Go expecting nothing. Take your time. See how you feel after you get back home. Keep all your antennae out to hear subtle messages from her and not just what you want to hear.

Word of warning. Some women like the safety of a romance at a distance but freak out when you close the distance.

Originally posted by ZeddicusZulZorander
As someone who did a fair amount of internet dating after a divorce and actually met my current wife that way, I can say that all the chatting, emails, and even webcams don't count for anything when you meet.

There is something about taking things into the 3rd dimension that just changes. It's chemistry and more. You just might not have it.

Also, even though you're inclined to believe in trust and so on, realize that you really can't trust people so easily and be wary. You think you know someone, but with the internet...you only know what they want you to know and of course that's all good stuff.

It's the things you don't know that become the eventual roadblocks.

Peace

Thanks guys. Some sound advice there.
many thanks.

I have a friend who met his girlfriend/wife/ex-wife online.......please be careful!

This is briefly what happened:

I am in France and met a chap I got on with here. We became friends. He met an American girl online and they fell for eachother. She came over and we all got on fine. They went to USA to see if they could live there, no luck, so they went to the UK where he was from originally. Few months later they got married and I went over for the wedding. About a year later I found out that she had spent all his money and got caught commiting fraud by trying to get thousands of mobile phones from "nokia" without any real funds! She is now in prison (ha, ha) and my friend is only just getting his life back together! He still has large debts run up by her.

So just be careful, however close and trustworthy someone seems...the space between you that is the internet is not real "real" life. The rest of your life is worth just a little "thinking" time isn't it?

I do wish you luck and hope things go great for you both. Just don't "jump in" like my friend did and get "burned".

p.s. remember that being on your own is OK and maybe not ALL opportunities have to be taken just because you can. You have choices.

Have fun

[edit on 20/6/2007 by nerbot]

Originally posted by nerbot
I have a friend who met his girlfriend/wife/ex-wife online.......please be careful!

This is briefly what happened:

I am in France and met a chap I got on with here. We became friends. He met an American girl online and they fell for eachother. She came over and we all got on fine. They went to USA to see if they could live there, no luck, so they went to the UK where he was from originally. Few months later they got married and I went over for the wedding. About a year later I found out that she had spent all his money and got caught commiting fraud by trying to get thousands of mobile phones from "nokia" without any real funds! She is now in prison (ha, ha) and my friend is only just getting his life back together! He still has large debts run up by her.

So just be careful, however close and trustworthy someone seems...the space between you that is the internet is not real "real" life. The rest of your life is worth just a little "thinking" time isn't it?

I do wish you luck and hope things go great for you both. Just don't "jump in" like my friend did and get "burned".

p.s. remember that being on your own is OK and maybe not ALL opportunities have to be taken just because you can. You have choices.

Have fun

[edit on 20/6/2007 by nerbot]

Thank you for that, message received loud and clear!

That's a pretty sad story.I'm sorry for your friend, I can't even imagine
something like that happening.
I will take my time and if and when we meet as one of the other guys said above, then that will be when decisions are made I guess.
Thanks for wishing me luck!



[edit on 20-6-2007 by pmexplorer]

Nerbot, how long had they been talking?

Curious.

Please, don't be put off too much by my friends story. He is a pretty cool guy who just had to learn his own lessons. Something that most people just have to do.

His mum was constantly telling him his girlfriends were no good for many years, but when she started on his american lady I stood up for them, and tried to explain to her that things must run their course and it was his life. She hated to hear that from me, but she understood and he thanked me for saying what he couldn't bring himself to say. (it was an angry moment).

He is a much wiser person because of the event and now much more mature and wise in his outlook. He will go far and I hope he stays happy.

It's better to walk your own path and make mistakes than to stand still and learn nothing from others.

Once again, good luck...both of you.

ehh F the b.s. it's a false sense of reality . people can talk the talk but dont walk the walk.

Go for it!

I met my first wife through a dating service and it was a horrible mistake, but life went on and after her I met several others who I'm still good friends with, even though the relationship part didn't really work out that well.
You'll never know for sure unless you try, but you will keep kicking yourself over 'what-ifs' if you don't try. Trust me, I know.
Even now that I'm happily married now, I still occasionally wonder what would've happened if I would've gone forward with a relationship with a girl I thought was too young for me...since she's 6 months older than my wife

I've gone to UK to visit someone I met over the 'net and liked, it didn't pan out. I also went out with a woman in California when a friend was playing matchmaker, but that too didn't pan out. Remember, the expenses are only money and the only things in life which have true value can't be bought with money, so there is a lot to gain if you dare to put yourself into it.

From every relationship that has worked and not worked I've gained valuable insight and learned lessons. In my opinion the potential rewards are well worth the investment.

And I second what sy.gunson said - give it time. It might not work overnight or in a week in real life no matter how well you think that you know each other in the virtual world.

Originally posted by Count
Go for it!

I met my first wife through a dating service and it was a horrible mistake, but life went on and after her I met several others who I'm still good friends with, even though the relationship part didn't really work out that well.
You'll never know for sure unless you try, but you will keep kicking yourself over 'what-ifs' if you don't try. Trust me, I know.
Even now that I'm happily married now, I still occasionally wonder what would've happened if I would've gone forward with a relationship with a girl I thought was too young for me...since she's 6 months older than my wife

I've gone to UK to visit someone I met over the 'net and liked, it didn't pan out. I also went out with a woman in California when a friend was playing matchmaker, but that too didn't pan out. Remember, the expenses are only money and the only things in life which have true value can't be bought with money, so there is a lot to gain if you dare to put yourself into it.

From every relationship that has worked and not worked I've gained valuable insight and learned lessons. In my opinion the potential rewards are well worth the investment.

And I second what sy.gunson said - give it time. It might not work overnight or in a week in real life no matter how well you think that you know each other in the virtual world.

Thanks for the advice Count, much appreciated.
The person who i've met I guess ticks all the boxes for me so to speak
and we get on so well, we chat almost daily via web messenger and on webcam, every time we chat we learn more about each other, sometimes I think am i crazy but then I say why not? I mean I am mature enough to deal with the consequences if it does not work out and I know that for us to have a relationship someday is going to take a lot of hard work and commitment.
And we do have to see how things go in person, but I am hopeful that this person feels the same way as I do and is willing to take a chance and see where it takes us.
As you said, travel expenses are just that, she is in the USA and I am a few hundres miles away which of course is far from ideal but money really doesnt't come into it, if I am to go there and I hope to, I will see it as a holiday anyway so that doesn't bother me in the slightest.
Say a prayer for me.
and thanks again.

What Zedd Said.

If you want to be the man then save a little cheese and fly to her, hang out for a few days and see whats up. DO NOT fly her to you. Save that one for the THIRD time. You feel me?

[edit on 23-6-2007 by kleverone]

Originally posted by kleverone
What Zedd Said.

If you want to be the man then save a little cheese and fly to her, hang out for a few days and see whats up. DO NOT fly her to you. Save that one for the THIRD time. You feel me?

[edit on 23-6-2007 by kleverone]

uh huh. I hear ya kleverone.
That's actually the plan!
Knowing when is the right time isn't easy though but I'm sure we'll
both know when the time is right.
Cheers.

Right on man! I'm sure you'll know. Good luck man, and I hope she's the one.