Everything I Believed is a Lie, Please Help Me

Boy, does this all sound so familiar...

Most of all, the only thing i can in find myself is that i'm just really, really, tired. Worst part of it all? I'm just 18 years old. How can i cope with life in the perfect way? I cant, i sometimes spend my time looking of my attic window and think about what a hellhole i've been born in. Does it help? No... Though it does slighty help to put my mind at ease, for a while.

The world sometimes just isn't the place anymore where i would be willing to spend the rest of my remaining years on. Its a world filled with ignorant, greedy, slimy, blind and brainwashed people. What friend do i have left? My folks and some music.

I try not to think about it most of time, but the first post in this thread catches what i feel. Apathy, nihilism, lack of joy, and a lack of understanding why life must be like this, when it's so easy to do away with what we hate.

Fortunately, there are places on this world where we can find people who share the same thoughts as ours, and try to create something that makes us comfortable for a while. The best thing is, is to be among friends.

Simply put, i feel tired, inside. And its wrong to be so tired of life, but i just cant help it.

Originally posted by interestedalways

The personal disillusionment is a sad state of affairs, but I have found it to be temporary.

A flower still smells good, A smile from someone still makes me feel good.

Sunshine still feels good on my skin. And when all else fails, HOPE is there to revive you.

Beautiful my love. You are always the voice of reason and inspiration for me. I have been living in Hope and now since I have known you I have HOPE!

.
Mammoth: Please read my post (directly above your own).

Then please find examples of your own, of people stepping OUT of their self-absorbed fugue -- stepping out with NO safety net, often for the benefit of others.

Human beings are INSPIRING !

They're AWESOME !

Life has NEVER been easy, except for a tiny elite.

Archaeology and history tell incredible true stories of the difficulties people have coped with.

Life has never BEEN so good as it is now --- especially for those of us who live such pampered, luxurious lives of leisure that we're able to sit in varying degrees of comfort and DISCUSS the world around us.

Originally posted by Lunchman
LOL< Well done, love the avitar of the guy hitting the bong, very fitting to your above post.. But lets take a moment for reflection shall we?

Someone comes to this board reaching out for a little support and help, obviously he's not finding it in other places.. And we get your Bong hit Doped up Drug using response above..

Ok buddy...my avatar is actually Miles Davis playing the trumpet, has nothing to do with a bong or drug use...that reference was a joke, saying that maybe the people talking about all of this energy and light BS have been smoking something.

If you want to find my constructive post you can scroll back to the first page. I don't need to justify my posts to you, as you're so out of it that you're seeing bongs in my avatar which aren't there......

The guy posting originally doesn't need to hear all of this stuff about a world reformation, blissful times of peace on the way, higher energy waves coming to carry him off to heaven in a few years...it won't do him any good, that's what I'm saying. Be practical, and give this guy some practical advice.

let's not start arguing about who's advice is better or more relevant.

I've applauded a large number of posters in this thread, not necessarily because I agree with their philosophy or advice but because they opened up themselves in a vulnerable way just as Shadowflux did. This thread presented me the best of what ATS members can offer to the world and to each other and for that I applaud you all.

It's not up to us to fix or heal Shadowflux, all we can do is offer our words of wisdom. It's up to him or anyone else experiencing similar feelings to know within themselves which of our words speak loudest and clearest to their hearts, minds and souls.

Shadowflux, obviously you're not alone, read the words of our members, know that we know where you are and we know that if you choose you can change your entire outlook. You just have to decide how you want to see and experience the rest of your life here. You have the power and capacity to set the stage, choose the actors, write the script and produce the play... so read and absorb the words of strangers and friends found here and look forward to your future.

Originally posted by Shoktek


The guy posting originally doesn't need to hear all of this stuff about a world reformation, blissful times of peace on the way, higher energy waves coming to carry him off to heaven in a few years...it won't do him any good, that's what I'm saying. Be practical, and give this guy some practical advice.

It is practical advice. There is not a heaven by the way and no one is being carried off to heaven. It is about worlwide enlightenment and cannot be seen until you are ready. It is about living the way we are meant to live. The age os pisces has given way to the age of enlightenment and the materialistic bastards that are pulling the strings cannot stop it from coming.

Feel it. See it. Be a part of it.

The material world is giving away to a higher state of self. Put down that bong take off your shades and see the light!

JK. I love Miles Davis!

Another Red Pill guy, huh? Yes it can be a bit disconcerting, can't it? People on this thread have given you some great insights. You could get a thousand people giving you suggestions, they could be contradictory and yet all be correct, for someone. And that's the confusion and the impetus for the journey - no one can tell you what will work for you. Only you can figure that out and it has to be for yourself.

I've got a link in my signature to an old work called "As a Man Thinketh" which takes a few minutes to read and a lifetime to master. I put it there because it works for me. It may or may not work for you, but I offer it up to whomever may find it useful. You could spend tens of thousands of dollars on books and tapes, and years of study, but it all boils down to the same thing.

Others have suggested a little sabbatical/commune with nature. I agree strongly with that advice. Sometimes you just need a soul enema. If you can take the time to get away, do it. The recharge you get from a period away in the woods/desert/mountains (whatever appeals to you) can not be overestimated. Maybe just a long weekend, maybe months. Your mileage will vary. Personally, I prefer solitude for that, but do it safely.

Above all else, hang in there. Whatever else I know, I know things change. Sometimes they suck, sometimes they're great. Ride it out, cowboy. You're not alone.

Good luck.

If all those positive precepts turned out misguided, and your previous view of the universe disappoints you, what makes you think the current one is any more comprehensive. It's life learning the 5 B's. It's only true that the world lacks compassion for those who don't practice it.

Now you can finally be free. Indeed there is no turning back after attaining this kind of knowledge.

To me it just felt like part of growing up, then I started writing.

I've had this conversation with a few close friends of mine, and finding those people in your life is very important, for the same reason as why you have come here, it gives you a chance to let it out every once in a while.

I would suggest putting your feelings into something creative such as music, writing, painitng, even web design, anything that interests you.

B. Sage

Shadowflux, I can completely identify with your situation. There are many of us in the same boat. Many of us overwhelmed with the horrific view of the world once the veil comes off. It can be quite a shock to the mind, body, soul and sences as this transformation happens. DO NOT LOSE HOPE!!

What Skyway said on the 1st page was dead on. Go out to the country for awhile. You NEED to re-attune yourself with nature. Seriously bro... This WILL help you become more centerd to deal with the world. Think of nature as a means to recharge your souls battery. DRINK IT IN!!

I have a close knit group of friends who are avid backpackers. We plan at least 3 trips in the late spring to early fall months to Yosemite National Park here in California. We usually hike to some pretty remote areas with no one around. I cant begin to describe the power that is there. The absolute pure energy that is free to anyone who can tap into it. It's amazing. I was very much a non-believer in natures power to sooth and heal an overly stressed mind and body. But let me tell you... just like when that veil of lies came off of your eyes, seeing is believing. The further man gets from nature the more un-natural we become. This is a very bad thing... the evidence is firmly entrenched into our society. But there is hope.

If you have the means to make it out to California during the summertime, you are wholeheartedly welcome to U2U me and go on a backpacking trip. We are all middle aged straight guys and are not a bunch of grainola munching, sandal wearing tree huggers either. Not that THAT is ia bad thing or anything. We're all just a bunch of regular guys who found an extraordinary way to recharge the soul.

[edit on 13-2-2007 by Creedo]

Shadowflux

You appear to have taken the red pill. I, as well as many other individuals feel the same way. You have become enlightened and you'll never see things the same way again. Consider yourself lucky that you are free from the bonds of ignorance. It's always darkest before the dawn. You are not alone.

Originally posted by Creedo
I have a close knit group of friends who are avid backpackers. We plan at least 3 trips in the late spring to early fall months to Yosemite National Park here in California. We usually hike to some pretty remote areas with no one around. I cant begin to describe the power that is there. The absolute pure energy that is free to anyone who can tap into it. It's amazing. I was very much a non-believer in natures power to sooth and heal an overly stressed mind and body. But let me tell you... just like when that veil of lies came off of your eyes, seeing is believing. The further man gets from nature the more un-natural we become. This is a very bad thing... the evidence is

Yep, this is a good way to get a mental cleanse from the harsh world. It's a bit hard to do that sort of thing here in the Midwest, but I'm at least going to try this summer. A couple summers ago I went rafting with my uncle on the Upper Klamath, from Oregon into Northern Cal. That was a great time, and I highly recommend it.

Also I have heard good things about these field camps you can do:

www.boss-inc.com...

[edit on 13-2-2007 by Shoktek]

BTW, if anyone is interested in Yosemite backpaking with some good down to Earth people please feel free to U2U me..

They are right when they say you've just recently made your choice.




Welcome.....to the real world.

Hydden

i gotta admit, this is a pretty awesome thread, props to everybody offering support to the OP , dealing with the reality of the world and your surroundings is indeed a heavy task.

some people never deal with it, and it beats them, but in my opinion for all the negativity in the human race we have things we can celebrate.

culture is one, the arts, music, anything creative based, they can act as a tool for expressing how you feel about the world and your surroundings.

As much as it hurts to come to accept that you cant change things in the grand scheme of things, amazing members of the human race prove those with nihilistic views such as ourselves wrong.

look at people like martin luther king, the women who campaigned for equal rights and the right to vote, the people who brought about the end of the apartide, the men and women who helped abolish slavery.

these people were pillars of strenth, in a world of ignorance and hate, transending the reality of it all and becoming a figure of hope and support for those around them, thinking about this may well help to influence people who have not as of yet thought about how bad the world can be, sure its a f**ked up place, and we are a minority, but we are stronger than most.

use this reccent reflection on the world OP to help yourself become a better person than those who have troubled you so.

Good luck with your new found reality and i wish you all the best, ohh and give somebody a hug lol, you sound like you need chearing up.

Originally posted by Shadowflux
The world is a dark, brutal place completely lacking in love and compassion. We love only violence, power and money. We spit on the poor, sick and helpless. We idolize the greedy and insane. We seek to emulate only the worst of human traits and reward those that are best at it. We fear anything that is different and seek it’s destruction.

In the words of Tecumseh, "What do you mean we, white man?"


Sorry, hoped to cheer you up with a joke there. I honestly have no idea if you're white, and the great thing about ATS is that I don't need to know.

Not everywhere, nor everyone is as you say. I happen to have a wonderful loving relationship with my wife, and our town is a rather nice cheerful place where very few bad things ever happen. I regularly donate money, time, or political leanings towards the poor and sick, and about the only thing I idolize are the great learned scholars of past and present, and a fine whiskey. I have a healthy relationship with God, and the only things I fear are clowns. I effing hate clowns.

And there's a lot of people like me out there. There's a lot of places out there like mine. And I didn't come from a happy place originally.

Originally posted by Shadowflux
I can no longer believe in anything. All my endeavors, everything I have done in my life is completely futile.

I can empathize 100%. I was there. I came from an abusive home, I wandered homeless for months, and I ate filth. I had my heart broken so bad that, had there been a lever I could pull to destroy all mankind, at the time, I'd have pulled it in a heartbeat.

What changed?

Well... for one thing, I did. I stopped having such high expectations of the world, and I also learned to see that most bad things happen out of otherwise good intentions or the ignorance of common sense.

For another thing, I learned to take control of my life and stopped trying to find meaning in things outside of myself. I had no idea who I was, what I wanted, or how I intended to get there. Once I figured all that out, it was just a hop, skip, and a jump to success. You just have to find the strength to get up and do something about it.

First, figure out who you are. What do you want most of all? Make a list. How do you want to die? What do you want life to be like when you're old? Do you want to be married? If so, what are all the incompromisable traits you would demand of your spouse. What are the traits you could compromise on? What job do you want? Why aren't you working in it? Why don't you get the training you need to get that job? If you can't afford it, how come you haven't been saving to go do it?

Second, take one goal at a time and figure out how to reach it. Don't think of it as one big problem, think of it as a lot of smaller, more manageable problems. For instance, if you're lonely in life, make that list I was talking about. Then set about to finding that mate. If you don't think you look good enough, start excercising. If you're not rich enough, start saving your money. If you're not well-read enough, start reading. You get the drill...

Third, accept that there are only so many things in life you can attempt to change or influence outside of yourself. You can't make the President learn how to read a frickin' science book, but you can damn sure do so yourself. You can't make your neighbor donate some time at a food kitchen, but you can do it yourself. You can't make a "bad christian" be less hypocritical, but you can adhere to your own religious beliefs even when no one is watching. YOU are in control of YOU... everything else is, frankly, lower priority.

Me, I've chosen one pet "cause" outside of my personal bubble of family. Granted, it may not be one that someone else would choose, but it is a cause I believe in, a cause I feel I can do something about, and a cause that won't consume my in the process unless I allow it to. I chose "Global Warming". You might choose "Aids in Africa", or "Breast Cancer", but regardless, you should choose one cause you feel you can do something about, that you are willing and able to do something about. It doesn't mean you're limited to that cause, but when it comes down to having to choose between one and the other, be prepared for which camp you pitch your tent in.

And if you can't find one yet, then wait. I did. For over a decade I had no cause, and just worked on myself instead.

Anyway, my 2 cents.

The cure is simple my friend,

Forget and ignore everything you were ever forced to believe.

Don't worry about it and let the natural progression of your soul take it's course.

Thank you all, I’m overwhelmed by the amount of responses I received. Even if I don’t completely agree with everyone I am grateful for everyone’s honesty. I’m not completely sure how to respond to four pages of posts but I’ll try my best. I knew this was the right place to voice my feelings.

Looking back at my first post I still feel as though it barely covers to the beginning of everything I’ve learned and feel. I wish I could’ve been more specific but I think I could write for days on everything. I was in a bad spot last night, sometimes everything becomes so overwhelming I can’t hold it back any longer, I needed it get it all out. I know there are others that feel the way I do which makes it all the more maddening.

I’ll admit I’m young, I’m only 24, but my life has been anything but the comforting life of middle class America. I’ve dealt with the worst in human nature my whole life, I won’t get into everything as I feel that could be a whole thread unto itself. There have been many times when I didn’t know where my next meal was coming from, when I had to wear the same clothing for weeks. I’ve watched my family members destroy themselves before my eyes and it continues to this day. My feelings and thoughts do not stem from comfort or a full belly but from the full brute force of reality like a kick in the face.

Something happened to me a few years ago. My whole life I had been seeking to further my understanding of the world, to expand my knowledge. But one day I realized everything. Everything in the world is one, we are all one, our separation is only an illusion. We are made of the same substance as the stars millions of light years away. All the plants, the animals, the rocks and the dirt, all the people of this planet, we’re all the same and we’re all one. It’s extremely hard for me to find the right words to explain it but it happened all at once. It was as if someone turned the lights on and I saw everything for the first time.

Ever since that night I understood all the feelings I had been having my entire life. I understood why I felt so different and felt as if everything was wrong. But ever since that night I’ve never been able to go back. I can’t, in good conscience, “take the blue pill”. The thing is, I don’t think it’s just my perception, I think I’m just seeing things clearly. I don’t feel as though it’s just that I have a bleak out look on life and need to change my point of view. I do look on the good, I am eternally grateful for every blessing I receive. Every meal I have, every piece of clothing, every night I sleep in a warm bed I remember the times when I didn’t have all that. I remember sleeping on the stairwells, eating from the dumpsters, trying to mend holes in my clothing.

I love the idea of getting away from everything. I would love to have a nice little cabin in the woods, a loyal dog, a rifle to hunt my food with, a fire to warm my self by and the beauty of the stars at night. There were times when I would wander through the woods alone and just listen to the planet. The woods talked to me in their language, they told me of the ages they had seen and of the secrets of the natural order. I’ve seen the supreme beauty in the perfect design that is this existence. Everything has a place and a use, everything is there to add to the whole. I want to be part of that perfect design again.
Survival is all that truly matters. All that is around me is a lie, it’s an illusion, it’s like a ride at Disney world. Here, in New York, I’m in the center of all that is fake. Even the trees and the park are not natural, there are many here who have never watched a sunset. There was a time when I never missed a sunset, every night I rejoiced in the true communion of all existence, I was inspired by the beauty of the Earth as a whole. I felt cleansed by a day of hard work, work that had a true reward. When I built something, it was because there was a need for it. I took care of animals that were needed, not wasted on profit margins. I tended fields that fed me and those around me and at the end of the day I was rewarded by the symphony of perfection personified in the sun setting gently into the valley. That is what I want from life.

Money, power, sex, none of it means anything to me. I find it near impossible to motivate myself in my career. I’m an artist, I’ve always been an artist, I grew up among the works of the masters. Art makes me feel as if I do matter, that I can take something that is inside me and give it life, make it real and share it with others. But for the past year or more I can’t find the inspiration, I can’t see a point in spending days on a piece of work that influences no one and doesn’t help me to advance. I do graphic design for a living, if you can call it a living, and I’ve managed, somehow, to achieve goals I had as a child. I’ve had my work published, my work has been sent across the sea and appreciated by people I will never meet. My work has effected companies. As much as I should be proud of these accomplishments I can’t seem to find any fulfillment in them. I have the gift and talent to make my voice heard, but I no longer see what good it does.

I’ve studied the religions of the world and attended services in most. I have a great respect and feel I have a deep understanding of the Buddhist principals but I have trouble putting them all into action in my life. I try and follow the teachings of people like Buddha and Christ but they no longer apply to the world around me. I feel like the only way I can truly live these lessons is on my own, amongst nature, living a real life. There were times when I was progressing spiritually, enacting the lessons in my everyday life, I tried to reach out to others and teach them the joy I felt, but I was ridiculed. People thought I was “creepy” or possibly “insane”

I feel trapped in this world, persecuted and oppressed by that which people dream to have. The city is so insane. There’re millions of people, crowded into the same spot, fighting and struggling with each other to achieve useless abundance, hiding in their honeycombed apartments. I don’t understand these people. I get in an elevator with someone, we’re in a box that’s five feet by five feet, and the proper etiquette is to pretend like the other person isn’t there. It drives me mad.

I feel like I’m losing my mind, sometimes I get deep into a pit of fear and despair that maybe I am actually insane. In times of greater clarity I realize that I’m the only sane person, that everyone else is mad and they seek to drive me insane to legitimize their madness. I know I sound suicidal, and maybe by some definitions I am, but I can’t go on living in this world of hatred, deceit and waste. I look towards the future and see more of the same, more sorrow, more suffering, more death and destruction. I watch the world consume those I love, my mother was consumed by it, my brother is being poisoned by it, and my father is so lost in it I can’t bring him out. I need to get out, I need to get away from all this. I need to live life as we as a species are meant to. I don’t want to go on in this would. I have no desire for anything “society” has to offer. There’re no mysteries for me in this “life”, no illusions, I’ve seen too much, learned too much about life and how the world treats the helpless individual to take any joy in the worldly things.

I need to find a solution, even if it doesn’t solve everything. I’ve reached a point in my life where it’s quite clear that I need to take action. I don’t need an academic solution, or a philosophical one. I need a life changing real solution of action and that is why I came here for advice. I trust many people in this community even if I don’t know them personally. I don’t need a new job, or a new relationship or a new apartment, I need a new existence. I need to be part of something real, I can’t take this

(continued from above)

, I can’t take this illusion anymore but I’m afraid of being lost in the machine forever, rotting on a street corner like the rest of the forgotten.

Thank you all, I see now why I am becoming so nihilistic. This world of man is so empty and hollow, there is no greater mystery, there is nothing to believe in. I can no longer try and be a part of it if I want to survive.

I’ve tried to respond to everyone I could, I still want to respond to people individually, there were a lot of good responses and suggestions. I just ask that you be patient, I want to give my self time to really contemplate what I say as this is an important subject to me and I don’t want to just write from the top of my head. Thank you all again for listening to me.

Hey man, just relax for a moment...breathe, maybe go for a walk outside. Don't do anything drastic, just give life a little bit more time and you might be surprised as to what comes your way. Also, don't pull a Travis Bickle...you just need some time off.