Blonde Jokes!

No offence to anybody on ATS/BTS that is blonde, but some of the blonde jokes going around at the moment are well funny!

So this threads for all of them!!!!!


I'll start.....

Three blondes were taking a walk in the country when they came upon a line of tracks. The first blonde said, "Those must be deer tracks!"

The second blonde said, "No, stupid, anyone can tell those are rabbit tracks!"

The third blondie said, "No, you idiots, those are horse tracks!"

They where still arguing ten minutes later when a train hit them.



and.....



A blonde got a dent in her car and took it in to the repair shop. The repairman, noticing that the woman was a blonde, decided to have a wee bit of fun.

So he told her all she had to do was take it home and blow in the tailpipe until the dent popped itself out.

After 15 minutes of this, the blonde's blonde friend came over and asked what she was doing.

"I'm trying to pop out this dent, but it's not really working."

"Duh. You have to roll up the windows first!"

i got one, a bit long, but a good one.

So, a blone, a brunette, and a redhead are at their final judgement of whether they are going to heaven or hell. God tells them that they have to walk up a 100 stairs and on each stair, He would tell them a joke and if they laughed, they would go to hell. So the brunette gets to the first step and laughs right off. Then the redhead gets to the 65th step and laughs, so they go to hell. Finally the blone goes. She gets all the way to the 99th step and then she giggles. So God says, "Why are you laughing?" and the blonde replies, "I just got the first joke."

ok, i have a few short ones:

why did the blonde write "TGIF" on her shoes?
TOES GO IN FIRST!!!!

how do you confuse a blonde?
PUT HER IN A CIRCLE ROOM, AND TELL HER THERES A TENNER IN THE CORNER!!

how does she confuse you back?
SHE SAYS SHE FOUND IT!!!!!!!!!!

why did the blonde climb over the glass wall?(corny)
SHE WANTED TO KNOW WHAT WAS ON THE OTHER SIDE!!!!

heres a long one:
3 blondes are in the woods camping.While 1 of them is going to the toilet, the other 2 decide to play a trick on her. So they kill a squirrel, and put its guts in her droppings behind her, then run off. 2 hours later, they see her coming back and ask what took her so long. She says,"I pooped so hard, my guts came out so I had to shove them back in"!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

How do you drown a blonde?
Put a mirror in the bottom of a pool.

How can you tell if a blonde has been making chocolate chip cookies?
There are M&M shells all over the floor...

Why was the blonde fired from the M&M factory?
She kept taking out all the W's...

Why was the blonde staring at the orange juice?
It said "concentrate"...

Why is a blonde like a screen door?
The harder you bang it, the looser it gets...

Why is a blonde like a 747?
They both have a black box...

How is a blonde different than a 747?
Not everyone's been on a 747....

What's the difference between a blonde and an ironing board?

It's hard to get the legs open on an ironing board.

Here's one...

A blonde, a brunette, and a redhead were stranded on an island. They find a magic lamp, and the brunette rubs it. A genie comes out and tells them that they can have three wishes.

The blonde says "I wish I could go back home to my husband," and dissappears.

The brunette says "I wish I could go home and see my family," and dissappears.

The blonde says "I wish I had my friends back to keep me company!"



Here's another one:

A blonde walks into a barber shop and asks for a haircut. The barber says "OK, but you need to take off your headphones." She says "I can't, it's very important that I listen to them." The barber reluctantly agrees, and cuts around them.

After a couple more visits from the girl, the barber gets annoyed. He says "I can't cut your hair like this anymore, you look ridiculous and you're going to give me a bad reputation!" The blonde, after much arguing, takes the headphones off. She immediatly falls to the floor, gasping for air. The barber was alarmed, and put the headphones on to see what she was listening to. He heard,

"Breathe in......now breathe out. Breathe in......now breathe out."

Q: What do you call a blonde who dyes her hair dark?

A: Artificial intelligence

Why did the blond cross the road? Hahahahahahhahhahha
.........Wait that wasnt how it went...

Q1 How can you tell if a blonde's been using the computer?
A: There's white-out on the screen.
Q2: How can you tell if another blonde's been using the computer?
A: There's writing on the white-out.


Q: Why did the blonde die in a helicopter crash?
A: She got cold and turned off the fan.

Q: What do you call a blonde with half a brain?
A: Gifted!

Q: What does a blonde and a beer bottle have in common?
A: They're both empty from the neck up.

I love blonde jokes, they are so simple.
Simple jokes are the best...
I used to have a big list of them, but I lost it...

Originally posted by Gazrok
How do you drown a blonde?
Put a mirror in the bottom of a pool.

What's another way to drown a blonde?
Put a scratch-n-sniff sticker at the botttom of a pool!

A bloke is listening to the news on the radio at home and hears a report that a car has been spotted driving the wrong way down the motorway (or freeway to you americans!). He realises that his wife (who is of course blonde) drives down that road to get home from work, so he decides to give her a call to warn her of this.

"Hi darling, I just heard on the radio there's a car driving the wrong way down the motorway - please be careful..."

"One car???!!! There's f&@%ing hundreds of them!!!"

These are so wrong but hillarious. lmao

A blonde walked into a bar. She sat down and started chanting, " 37 days! 37 days!" The bartender asked what she was doing, but she didn't answer, just kept chanting "37 days! 37 days!"
Soon more blondes came in, all chanting "37 days! 37 days!" The bartender again asked what they were doing, and one of them held up a little kid's bunny-rabbit jigsaw puzzle and said, " The box says 2-4 years, but we put it together in 37 days!"

Originally posted by Wisdumb
Why did the blond cross the road? Hahahahahahhahhahha
.........Wait that wasnt how it went...

I think thats the best way to put it................

[edit on 13/7/05 by Atomix]

What the hell is this atomix?????

Big sister is far nicer!!!!!
Ha Ha.....and shes blonde, how convienient!!!!!


Mic


[edit on 13/7/2005 by MickeyDee]

Thou shalt not speak a word against Jamie Lynn!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Her hair is brown, its dyed blonde............................Im a bit of an expert! But 13 so not a pervert!

Originally posted by Atomix
Her hair is brown, its dyed blonde............................Im a bit of an expert!

So shes a bleached blonde?.....Even better!

But 13 so not a pervert!

Didnt call you a perv mate, i just said she was ugly!

Mic

Originally posted by MickeyDee
i just said she was ugly!

How dare you!?!

VS.


Your Winner: Jamie!!!

Originally posted by Atomix

Originally posted by MickeyDee
i just said she was ugly!

How dare you!?!

VS.

Your Winner: Jamie!!!

Dont even dare mate, you know who'll win!

Mic