Insight on how NOT to be Friend Zoned

This is only a theory provided by a male of why some people are getting friend zoned by the females they aspire to bond romantically.

I just met this amazing girl at my job space who seem to give credits to the idea of a perfect romantic partner awaiting everyone of us. You've already heard your relatives tell you that when you meet the one, you will know it deep down right away. I've always been wondering what was the real meaning behind that bold statement since after 31 years, I had never felt in such a way.

Well, that changed a couple months ago when I met a new coworker at my job that seemed to checklist all the things I've been wishing for all my life. It's almost like she is the mirror of myself but in a womam body. We think and speak alike and it seems I always finish her phrase before she does. There was numerous occasions where she brought to light the obvious fact that we act in a disturbingly similar manners. I didn't think much of it at first and simply chose to take my time and try to know her better before doimg any moves.

But when I did make a move, she seemed pleased and accepted right away. We booked a day to go snowboarding and I had a f-cking great time. One thing though, she told me she was going to go fishing the next day.

So, I asked myself "with whom"
Turns out it was with some random dude. Afterwards, I had no news from her at all expect from the few occasions we crossed paths at job. I expected the worst and told to myself to wait and see if she would hit me up somehow, like a girl really interested in me would do.
Complete silence.

I had some dreams that seemed to warn me about this specific situation... her being with another man. What to do then? Since she is a coworker, I decided to keep my distance to protect myself and also to respect her need for space. Then, I started to consider the fact that she might be waiting for me to make a move or maybe even going all in with that other guy.

That's why I realized that I had no choice but to hit her up again after our work shift in order to show my true intentions and validates hers. She declined like I thought she would since it was her week turn with the kids. At least, I was fixed. I showed my true intentions but she didn't come through.

This is where I think many people lose control and make mistakes that get them being friend zoned. That girl just made it obvious she didn't care for me the same way as I do, at least at the time. She appreciates me a lot there is no doubt about it but she is satisfied with the state of our relationship for now. She sees me at job, enjoy my presence and get what she wants from our relationship. Why would she care?

However, I don't feel the same. I see her as more than a friend so clearly I'm in a loosing situation. I could go on and try to hit her up again but then I would show weakness. A girl will do a lot when she is truly into a guy.

In the past, I would have showed lack of self respect and probably hit her up again even though I'm pretty sure she has something else going on. Now here is the interesting part-

I had a dream where she was with another guy and friend zoned me. I also had a complete opposite one where we kissed each other. This made me anxious because I knew it was entirely possible she was gonna reject me but then I realized I had an opportunity right there.

So the ultimate question is,
what must an individual do in order to give himself all of the chances a girl he is into also considers him as a romantic partner (if there is mutual interest ofc) instead of the complete opposite? The answer is-

keep you distances. Stop being so open with her about what's going on in your life. Bring some mystery into the equation. Show her you respect yourself and even though you can still chill with her you also must protect yourself considering you don't see the relationship in the same light. As hard as it sounds, it is most likely your best shot. Sure, this is not absolute and might not be the best approach for you but I'm pretty sure acting this way will make a girl think about you because she doesn't get the attention she expects from you.

And ofc, this is only a method to be considered if you want a romantic relationship with someone. When you are friend with a person you tend to tell all about what's going on in your mind and in your life. But if you do that with a wanted girl who seem to be unterested at the time, she will only take you for granted and probably see you as a friend. Just continue to be nice to her but also start to give her reasons to think about you so she wonders what's going on in your life.

I'm doing this right now with my coworker, keeping my distance, protecting myself, not asking about her personnal life and keeping mine to myself and even though it sucks, it's the only way I don't hurt myself. Suddenly, she seems to be noticing it and even tell me I've stopped going seek her out and proving it's annoying her. I don't know what's gonna be the end results but if you're truly interested in someone the last thing you want is being taken for granted.

I'm even considering moving to another department because I need change and also so I don't see her anymore. Otherwise I'm only gonna hurt myself and I feel like only then will she truly consider what I mean for her. Either way, just wish for other people that they are happy whatever the choices they make and everything's gonna be alright!

Peace,

StorD

a reply to: St0rD

She has kids...
Run like the wind

originally posted by: TheAlleghenyGentleman
a reply to: St0rD

Is she white? White women are codfish. Cold inside. Level up and date a woman from a culture that celebrates love and life.

You're either a racist or one of those self hating whites,which is it?
For your woke information not everyone is attracted to other cultures and creeds.

a reply to: St0rD

dont # where you eat....

a reply to: St0rD

Ask her out again...Something like dinner at a very nice place.
After all, what've you got to lose?

a reply to: Bluntone22

It's funny because I always told myself I wanted the girl of my life to have no kids so I would be the OG one.

But this girl, I wouldn't care less as long as the attraction proves to be mutual.

a reply to: Bluntone22

The wind? Don’t you mean blow like the wind?

I think it’s run like THE usain bolt.

a reply to: glen200376

I venture to say both

a reply to: IAMTAT

your money you will lose your money

a reply to: glen200376

No. I just don’t enjoying dating american white woman any longer. That passion has passed.

Some many beautiful lively cultures in this world. In America we are just kinda blah. Middle of the road. Not Canadia but definitely not colombia.

Anyway~ Im not a US Citizen

originally posted by: MissCoyote
a reply to: IAMTAT

your money you will lose your money

You can always make more money...but there's only one soulmate out there.
Besides...even if the date goes sideways...he's still had a nice meal for his troubles.

a reply to: St0rD

Well brother, I’ve got 10 years on you. Been single for over the last 6. I noticed a shift in the dating scene over ten years ago, when I was still married.

I used to tell my sister and friends ‘I don’t know how you do it. Everything is so different /harder these days.’

I’d like to give you a ray of hope. But the truth of the matter is, most people have serious baggage these days - myself included.

Yes, in response to your resolve. You must maintain self confidence. You must not care if she gives you attention or not.

There are many people out there, that only give attention because they are looking for self gratification. They want to be wanted. Yet have no desire for further pursuit. Once they’ve received the acknowledgment (Oh, you find me attractive- you want me), they move on to the next pursuit of gratification. They are acts of people with incredibly low self esteem.

I had a very similar situation happen two years ago. New girl came into the workplace. Instant attraction on both sides - it was obvious. When I was around, her eyes were on me. We are both very outdoorsy, so I asked her on a hike - nope. Time went on, still chemistry there. Asked her out two more times - nope. She wanted to be wanted. That’s all there was to it. So I dropped it like a bad habit. Nobody’s got time for games!

originally posted by: IAMTAT
a reply to: St0rD

Ask her out again...Something like dinner at a very nice place.
After all, what've you got to lose?

I considered it.

But if she saw me in the same light as I see her right now, there is absolutely no way she would not text me for 3 weeks. She shows me affection at job but she acts like she doesn't want our relationship to be anything more than that.

I deserve better and if she can't open herself and come to me by her own after I made my interest pretty obvious , why would I chase her and start to play this game. I have the conviction that if someone is really interested in you, she will make it obvious either way.

What do you think?

originally posted by: IAMTAT
a reply to: St0rD

Ask her out again...Something like dinner at a very nice place.
After all, what've you got to lose?

Never overpay for something you can get cheaper somewhere else.

originally posted by: IAMTAT
a reply to: St0rD

Ask her out again...Something like dinner at a very nice place.
After all, what've you got to lose?

His job, just like Cuomo.

Id be screwed if I had to enter the dating scene again.....
right now all i see around is everything i dont want....
id need a viking or some sh@t
not a wanna be viking but like a real one and over 6'4''

originally posted by: MissCoyote
Id be screwed if I had to enter the dating scene again.....
right now all i see around is everything i dont want....
id need a viking or some sh@t
not a wanna be viking but like a real one and over 6'4''

I'm with you.
I couldn't image dating today.

originally posted by: St0rD

originally posted by: IAMTAT
a reply to: St0rD

Ask her out again...Something like dinner at a very nice place.
After all, what've you got to lose?

I considered it.

But if she saw me in the same light as I see her right now, there is absolutely no way she would not text me for 3 weeks. She shows me affection at job but she acts like she doesn't want our relationship to be anything more than that.

I deserve better and if she can't open herself and come to me by her own after I made my interest pretty obvious , why would I chase her and start to play this game. I have the conviction that if someone is really interested in you, she will make it obvious either way.

What do you think?

I think you're overthinking it way too much.

Just ask her out again.
Quiet dinner at a nice place...talk together...OUTSIDE the office.

You may click...you may find out she's not really all you thought.

Either way, you'll put your mind (and heart) at rest.

a reply to: Bluntone22

oh im SUPER picky. like where do you go? i met mine at a bar. is that still a thing?