How to forgive when not welcme

There is this girl ex-girlfriend who I very much would like to have in a special place in my heart. Just because I know will always love her... The problem is that she broke my heart in a terrible manner. The way she did that confirms that she never really cared for me and after a lot of profiling I came to the conclusion that she must have a personality disorder, There is no way a "normal" person would do what she did to me. The problem is that I still need closure after some years and that she is not helping me to find it.

How can you forgive someone who is not interested in your forgivenes...and probably not deserve to be forgiven. A kind of catch 22 situation which needs to put to rest.

Anybody familiar with such a situation?

She screwed you over so bad it bothers you years later, but you want her to have a special place in your heart ?
You're wasting your time.
Drop that bitch like a bad habit and MOVE ON.

a reply to: zatara

Must be the time of year...with the "be kind , warm and loving" days in december. Just found a simular thread HERE... Doesn't take away that love is such a mysterious force given to humans...and animals. Over the years I also discovered that even mysteriously unconditional love has such powerful healing power.

a reply to: zatara

Why do you feel the need to forgive her?
She doesn't give a damn how you feel.
If anything she takes pleasure knowing that you feel this way.
Just look for someone that cares for you.

a reply to: zatara

Let the Universe sort itself out.

If things tend to balance themselves out, than everyone will face consequences sooner or later.

a reply to: DAVID64

Yes, I hear you. That is part the problem. I have moved on but it is still there....stuck. The strange thing is that I still love her and rather not remember her as this disturbed heartles person.. maybe it is because I did see the beauty behind her illness. Not so simple.. or is it.

a reply to: zatara

I think that you will need to put it to rest and likely without any help from her.
You maybe should forgive so that you can move on. Why would she deserve a "special place"?
I've been hurt and forgave and the good memories are in a special place but, I would never want to go back. The forgiveness I gave, whether it was received or not, was really for my health and happiness.

Sometimes it is just best to find a way to let go.
Good luck!

originally posted by: muzzleflash
a reply to: zatara

Let the Universe sort itself out.

If things tend to balance themselves out, than everyone will face consequences sooner or later.

Yes, that is maybe the mindset which is requiered here and can give me peace with the situation. Thanks.

a reply to: TNMockingbird

She deserve a special place because she made me experience a happines I never felt before. And this love has little to do with sex, the riches she has or where she comes from...it is just there and probably the reason why it did hurt so terrible when my heart broke. It is true, there is also no wish to be back with her. Thanks for you reply..

a reply to: zatara

I understand in forgiving her not for her but for you to move...special place in the heart...I don't know about that

here is something you can do to move on....this is for people who have terrible things happen done to them and the person is dead or will never own up to it.

you write a letter (never to be mailed)...you say everything you need to say to this person and you read out loud to then as if they were there (read at their grave if they are dead)....and you let it go (may take time but this is the first step) stop letting her STILL control your life don't keep letting have this power over you

a reply to: zatara

Yes...I had a split personality ex...she would get out of bed during sex...go to another guy's house...have sex with him....come back into my bed...and try to pick up where we left off with no recollection of being gone. Many other crazy things as well.

Alcoholic, sex addict...would call 50 times a day...either hang up...or could hear her breathing, passed out on the other end. Broke up when I met my wife (30 yrs together now).

She continued bugging us for a good year or so....then continued sporadically to call for 5 more years.

We figured 1 personality quit calling...but the other took 5 years. Lost cause with that friend...make a serious decision. You theoretically could get hurt physically...or worse.

Consider.......
M.S.

originally posted by: zatara
There is this girl ex-girlfriend who I very much would like to have in a special place in my heart. Just because I know will always love her... The problem is that she broke my heart in a terrible manner. The way she did that confirms that she never really cared for me and after a lot of profiling I came to the conclusion that she must have a personality disorder, There is no way a "normal" person would do what she did to me. The problem is that I still need closure after some years and that she is not helping me to find it.

How can you forgive someone who is not interested in your forgivenes...and probably not deserve to be forgiven. A kind of catch 22 situation which needs to put to rest.

Anybody familiar with such a situation?

It's hard. Sometimes you don't get closure and you just live with it. Some people will just go around using people and there's not much you can do except get your self out of a situation with someone like that and try and move on. Don't worry about forgiving them if they don't want it. If you've forgiven her in your own mind that's enough. It's not worth keeping a place for her in your heart if she didn't love you and treated you like that. It's better to just move on. Even continuing to talk to someone like that never ends up worth it. It'll just be a continuing reminder of the # she did to you.

Never trust anything that bleeds for a week and dose not die

a reply to: zatara

Yes, have been through something similar; guy was a clinical narcissist. You can get closure without her participation. In fact, you must.

You have to let go of the fantasies in your head where she sees the error of her ways and comes back to you. REPLACE THOSE with fantasies of you being in a wonderful fulfilling relationship with the girl of your dreams, and her the ex running into the two of you somewhere in public and seeing you so happy with a knock-out.

But the ex is the girl of your dreams, you say? Fine, but there had to be a FEW things that you want in a woman hat she didn't have, and she must have had a few qualities that you didn't want in a woman. Imagine your new love witth everything the ex lacked and with nothing you don't want.

What will most likely happen is that the SECOND you truly move on in your head and heart, the ex will pop back up. But it will be fine because you will have truly moved on.

Start now. Start replacing every fantasy you have about the ex returning. Be diligent about it and soon you'll be feeling better.

We've all been there. Just treasure the memories. A time moves on the feeling of pissed-offedness will diminish and go.

a reply to: zatara

You just beat into your head that she and you do not work together.

You should also remember that your feelings seem to be based on something that is a product of your own imagination, not anything she actually felt.

Another way of letting go is just remembering who she really is.

You pick up a rattlesnake and it bites you, is it the rattlesnake's fault?

Nope... that's all on you.

So stop treating her in your head as something that will ever be beneficial for you or your life.

Treat something deadly to you for what it is... don't pretend the rattlesnake is a unicorn.

originally posted by: zatara
There is this girl ex-girlfriend who I very much would like to have in a special place in my heart. Just because I know will always love her... The problem is that she broke my heart in a terrible manner. The way she did that confirms that she never really cared for me and after a lot of profiling I came to the conclusion that she must have a personality disorder, There is no way a "normal" person would do what she did to me. The problem is that I still need closure after some years and that she is not helping me to find it.

How can you forgive someone who is not interested in your forgivenes...and probably not deserve to be forgiven. A kind of catch 22 situation which needs to put to rest.

Anybody familiar with such a situation?

Doesnt sound like this has anything to do with forgivnes. You can just forgive her and move on if you want.

It sounds like you want to be a part of her life again. You have either forgiven her or not. But if she dont want you in her life, there is nothing you can do.

The question you really should ask yourself is "Can you forgive yourself for letting her screw your life up on more time?"

You deserve better, forget about this girl and move on - that is the best advice i can give you.

originally posted by: DAVID64
She screwed you over so bad it bothers you years later, but you want her to have a special place in your heart ?
You're wasting your time.
Drop that bitch like a bad habit and MOVE ON.

Been tbere and bought the T-shirt.
The bitch had the house and more importaltly my Cat. (That I missed more))0

Some women are not worrh the effort of thinking about them and are best left alone.

Forget what she meant and focus on who you are. Thats the most important thing.

a reply to: zatara
Did you actually love her, or just enjoy the physical pleasure with her more than others? I have discovered many people confuse their lust with love.

I assume she slept with someone else, possibly someone you are familiar with?

originally posted by: zatara
How can you forgive someone who is not interested in your forgivenes...and probably not deserve to be forgiven. A kind of catch 22 situation which needs to put to rest.

Why would you even waste your time giving forgiveness to someone who neither

wants or is interested in *your* forgiveness. airs of grandeur perhaps?

There is this girl ex- girlfriend who I very much would like to have in a special place in my heart. Just because I know will always love her... The problem is that she broke my heart in a terrible manner. The way she did that confirms that she never really cared for me.

The operative word being ex It is *ex* for a reason

No one is stopping you from giving her a place in your heart or anywhere else

even when SHE is not interested in having it. Its your heart put anything you

like in it

Breaking your heart in a terrible manner might have been the only way she could

get it through to you, that it was over? some people cannot see it even when it

is right in front of their eyes!!

and after a lot of profiling I came to the conclusion that she must have a personality disorder, There is no way a "normal" person would do what she did to me.

Are you qualified to make diagnoses?

The problem is that I still need closure after some years and that she is not helping me to find it.

Its your problem......she is not responsible for solving it .... she has moved

on, and you'll feel better if you move on too.