I have Aphantasia, my 'Minds Eye' starts working--what in the Hell am i seeing and why *this*?

originally posted by: KilgoreTrout
a reply to: Justshrug

Thanks for the thread, it helps.

I've had a handful of experiences in real life where i was able to introduce to someone that they have this thing called Aphantasia. Its such a special moment that touches me emotionally, because of how it clicked all the pieces together about how and why i became the person i am today. To see that a few people in this thread have now recognized this and can learn more about themselves---thats so fulfilling and satisfying. I hope that it can expand peoples' self awareness and appreciation for their *strengths*

Life is beautiful and having a consciousness is completely amazing!

a reply to: Justshrug

Wow, sometimes I wish I had this syndrome.

I have an near perfect eidetic memory, which is great if you want to be on a quiz show, not so great if you suffer from PTSD. Imagine seeing a single word and being dragged into your worst memories, it's like having a trigger phrase that brings forth your worst nightmares.

I'll have to consult my with aunt about this, she is a shrink so she might be able to explain it in more simpler terms (no offence, your writing is great but my attention span is limited) and all I can say is try to turn your weakness into a strength. Despite all my mental faults I consider myself a good writer, and after reading your thread I dare say you have a knack for writing yourself.

Im thinking more like 70% have this. It's pretty obvious, memory based on memorization, not recollection. All women have it which is why they cannot paraphrase.

Dont feel too bad. You are a good android - trying to be more like a human. Unlike Zuckerberg. He went too far.
I was trying to learn how to be a psychopath after seing the movie Terminator - kinda robotic entity with no ego to avoid empathy and any feelings from being a soldier able to get the job done. Combine Buddhism with certain drugs like CBD and voila... but it's still sorta on the surface.
How is it called when you imagine a thing but you dont care and you dont look at the image? Like there is a static white noise screen and when there's an image it's barely visible...
My imagination sucks too but I'm spiritual enough. Isnt the frontal lobe formed by listening to a parent reading a tale? Or a bible (lol) ?
Try sensory deprivation chamber. I would try it myself... I always wanted to, maybe for a decade.. but I'm lazy to get it done, to search for it and pay for it... Maybe there are some visual psychedelics but I dont care either

Hey you know whats funny? Tesla. The guy was sleeping only couple of hours a day and he was able to imagine a whole new engine in his mind. He let it run and he was changing the oil. After some time he dismantled it to see what parts were worn the most etc. I dont know if it's true but I guess sleep is the key.

originally posted by: Thecakeisalie
a reply to: Justshrug

Wow, sometimes I wish I had this syndrome.

I have an near perfect eidetic memory, which is great if you want to be on a quiz show, not so great if you suffer from PTSD. Imagine seeing a single word and being dragged into your worst memories, it's like having a trigger phrase that brings forth your worst nightmares.

So interesting; I respond to someone on page two with a possible evolutionary purpose for this being a guard against PTSD. Similarly it provides some level of resistance to chronic depression. I tend to wake up each morning like a technician powered me down and i was *reset* to my default state. Fortunately that state of default is super-happy-positive-guy with rainbows coming out of my [ahem]. But the downsides that come with this are having large patches of my life that i just won't be able to recall at will (didnt make it as a 'database entry') and I can't recall prior emotional states, even the extremely positive ones. Goldfish with a positive attitude

I'll have to consult my with aunt about this, she is a shrink so she might be able to explain it in more simpler terms (no offence, your writing is great but my attention span is limited) and all I can say is try to turn your weakness into a strength. Despite all my mental faults I consider myself a good writer, and after reading your thread I dare say you have a knack for writing yourself.

I appreciate that. Interestingly, i've been so disconnected from non-compulsory creative expression that the first time in my life I ever wrote something and truly enjoyed it--felt like i was *being* creative--was my post here 6 months ago on ats about my NDEs

originally posted by: PapagiorgioCZ

Try sensory deprivation chamber. I would try it myself... I always wanted to, maybe for a decade..

Im quite sure that something 'spiritual' and *intense* would happen to me--just not necessarily that it would be a *visual* experience. Most likely i would disassociate from my body. It's even possible that it would manifest an NDE again. I detail the mechanics of how i accidentally had an NDE in my earlier post (re-linked above here). Essentially i create an isolation tank to sever the sensory inputs between my body/mind and my spirit.

a reply to: Justshrug

I'm curious what meditation technique are you using?

a reply to: Justshrug

I'm curious what meditation technique are you using?

a reply to: NarcolepticBuddha

Not always. it happens by itself but i didnt know there were people who do that aaallĺll the time.

if you can do that all the time i dont think you need to buy movies or art. you make some.

originally posted by: Jenisiz
a reply to: Justshrug

I'm curious what meditation technique are you using?

When I "do meditation" these days im immediately accessing the metaphysical sensations of moving energy around my body. Im going to several points and 'checking in' (doing maintenance). Because i get immediate feedback and sensations from this--very significant sensations--Im doing my own thing. If i had to describe the school of meditation that most closely matches what im doing it would be Kundalini. I originally started out with Vipassana (Mindfulness) which can be very useful for reducing stress (both in that immediate moment AND your chronic overall stress level).

If i had to teach meditation to a group of beginners, my first goal would be to have them prove to themselves that they *can* experience a 'paranormal' or fantastical sensation--one that they really *shouldn't* be able to actually have happen (according to our predominant cultural acceptance of how/why the material world works). This can be done in less than 10 minutes. Specifically, i would have the group lay down flat on their backs and apply their full conscious awareness on their heartbeat, while breathing deeply.

I would guide this group through a very simple exercise to find and *feel* the pulsing echo of their heart, in that relaxed state. Once found, i would ask the meditator to begin to move the 'place' that they are *feeling* their heartbeat. Upon doing this, the participant would have a direct conscious sensory perception of them manipulating their own Electromagnetic Field.

In a first attempt, with complete beginners, i estimate that roughly 2/3 people would have some level of success with this practice. There are a few things i can suggest to further increase the sensitivity of the participant.

Here are the final posts that discuss and show (a drawing and an image) what i end up seeing. Would a mod be able to insert these posts after my initial three on page 1? These are kinda hidden now in the middle of dozens of great comments and questions. If a mod can moves these and delete this post that would be amazing!

www.abovetopsecret.com...

www.abovetopsecret.com...

www.abovetopsecret.com...

www.abovetopsecret.com...

to meditate you must stop visualising entirely. Never ever ever visualise anything as long as you live. Visualising is a disease. Something that is very dangerous & holds you in illusion. God takes you to what seems similar to the dark side of the moon & you see faint objects that do not want to be held & do have clarity when they go away from you. This is God's way. Or The Angel of God's way. Of telling you that On Your Own Back, right behind you, there is an angel of God that goes into hiding when it comes to the earth & remains as a indistinct nothing right at back of you & observes you, & it is not allowed to be held by you & for you to do so would be deadly to it & to yourself, for you both would be burned like when touching fire & hot ice, & yet when the angel leaves you it becomes its true self again & is quite clear & distinct from the background around it. I am sorry for not being more clear.

Anyway everyone has an angel right behind them. In The Book Of Revelations the guy is in the spirit (astral world) & he turns around & The Angel of God is right behind him. That is what everyone on earth can experience if they want to. But anyway you are being taught that there are stars in the place where man can see nothing & those stars watch your mind & know when you try to grab them, & they avoid being handled by you. It is the basic lesson that you need to learn before you can learn more. The angels are very vulnerable. You must never try to hold them. Ever. They will tell you when it is safe to do so. When Christ appeared after His crucifixion He told people not to touch Him. It's a similar thing that all angels of God require until the conditions are right.

Anyway I am wasting my time talking to humans as usual. They all learn at their own speed & cannot learn from other people unless the other people repeat what they already know.

I just want to say that you should be happy that your mind cannot visualise things. Because now you have a clear mind & can let God do the visuals instead. Just watch the clear mind & let God do everything. never try to reach out & grab a hold of things as you have been trying to do. Just observe & let God start teaching you. I've seen many cases where God starts manifesting visions to teach people lessons, & the people get emotional & try to reach out with their minds & interact with the spiritual lessons. This always makes God angry because it's like a child trying to grab hold of toys on a computer screen. It is just a visual lesson that seems very real. So just remain where you are, do not reach out or try to grab or control what you are seeing, remain still & empty of thought, & just observe what happens next. When you learn that then God or The Angel of God will see you are ready to be taught much more.

Once again, visualising things is wrong & must be completely refrained from as long as one lives. Never ever do it. Ever. Only morons do that.

And you say above that having your condition makes pulling your penis a completely different experience to what other people have when they pull their penises. And you say the group of people you know who have your condition are mostly agnostic. Which means they believe that nothing can ever be known about God.

Well dear boy one must never pull one's penis. Ever. Leave that dirty little thing alone. I'm going to name your mental condition, "Jerkers phantasia".

And you can learn a lot about God when you stop playing with yourself & actually open your mind to God & let God teach you all there is to know about Himself. I could write a hundred Bible size books about my journeys & experiences with God. I was in God's presence seeing God face to face only an hour ago. I have been taken to witness Heavens & hells & countless other realms that God has. God is a wondrous being that you can meet face to face. Jesus says He will manifest to you along with The Father God. It is true. Christians do not believe when Jesus says that, but it is a fact. It is the greatest part of life & you have not begun to live until it happens to you.

i remember an air force worker writing that he was in his room lying on the bed & he could see the light from the lamp on the wall out of the corner of his eye. & then in his mind's eye the light became a spaceship that flew around the room. He was watching it fly around for a while & then a strong finger poked him right in the back & woke him from his daydream & he jumped up with a start.
What happened was his angel on his back manipulated the image of the light inside the man's mind & made it seem like a ufo playing a game with him, & then the angel of God prodded him in the back to let him know that there actually is an out of this world being right behind him.

Countless people write how they feel their angel stroking their hair or placing a hand on their shoulder. Everyone, everyone, has an angel of God with them on their back.

If you want to know spiritual things then you'l need to keep a totally clear mind with no preconceived notions & let your angel from God teach you everything about the spiritual side of life.

Never ever doubt that God exists. If any of your phantasia jerky jerk friends say there is no God etc etc blah blah blah then walk away from them & never talk to them again unless you have to

originally posted by: Justshrug
Thanks for letting me share. I would love to hear people’s theories on what these objects are and interpretations of what might have been happening in these experiences.

Also, any thoughts and how to proceed from here? I'm still determined to train and develop a functioning mind’s eye for myself and I have high confidence that I will accomplish such goal, just a matter of how many years it takes.

Loves!

Wow great thread!

I know the fearful sensation you are talking about.

I see lots of colors when I close my eyes.

I work crazy hours to the point of exhaustion , so when I go to bed, I am in a ready to sleep state, when I feel this phenomena is more likely.

Staring at the sunrise and/or sunset also seems to activate this state of mind body more frequently.

In this state, I am more likely to see an orb shaking, pulsating, when I close my eyes, but I'm still not quite asleep.

I would call this state lucid dreaming...

The most often vision I see is an eye staring back at me.

Once I saw a skull and it startled me awake with a nasty jolt.

A few times I hear a voice yelling some cryptic phrase at me... like I'm supposed to understand what the hell they're talking about...

Sometimes a face will form...

An image of a wall was a recent vision...

But most of the time I just see patches of colors, and the orb flickering on and off... like a cell phone charging... And then I fall asleep...

I feel like this is just my connection to my other half... My Spirit Wife...

I call her Lucy... I love Lucy... Haha

She likes it cold...

originally posted by: CainHarmbank


A few times I hear a voice yelling some cryptic phrase at me... like I'm supposed to understand what the hell they're talking about...

Sometimes a face will form...

An image of a wall was a recent vision...

But most of the time I just see patches of colors, and the orb flickering on and off... like a cell phone charging... And then I fall asleep...

I have never heard a voice/sound/song/whisper anything. I can't imagine what that would be like, im sure it would completely freak me out. How often do you hear a 'voice' or something like a third party speaking to you?

I recently discovered that I have this 'condition' called Aphantasia. It means that when I close my eyes and attempt to visualise anything—my mother's face, childhood bedroom, my favorite vacation spot, an ex-lover—I see absolutely *NOTHING*

I don't think that's abnormal. When I close my eyes and try to image myself in my car looking around at the door etc. I don't see images against my eyelids. Its kinda like somethings there and I can describe some details. But its very subtle, its not really an image, if you get my meaning.

So just think the minds eye is at a lower level of everyday perception. Its not something that's in our face and presto here is an apple. Mind you, other things you describe are similar to me, Very poor memory of childhood. I was a computer programmer. I don't really miss loved ones even when departed for long time etc.

I did once experience an eye looking back at me in meditation that totally terrorised me.

originally posted by: glend
I don't think that's abnormal. When I close my eyes and try to image myself in my car looking around at the door etc. I don't see images against my eyelids. Its kinda like somethings there and I can describe some details. But its very subtle, its not really an image, if you get my meaning.

I kind of think I know what you mean. I have always said that I have appalling spacial awareness and absolutely no sense of direction but I have come to realise that that is not entirely true I just have a more linear or relational sense of space. Similarly, I do have lots of very clear memories, and can describe those in detail, my son's face for example, even if I can't picture it, I certainly can "feel" it, and I can most definately remember how it felt to rock him to sleep, and where/what I was relational to other things when I did that. On the otherhand, I can watch a film one day and forget it completely the next, so I suspect I don't process visual information all that well generally (I have an astigmatism, in addition to my many other already stated flaws, which means I have lop-sided vision too).

a reply to: Justshrug

Very odd. I had never heard of aphantasia before.

I have a very difficult time imagining anything...im not even sure if I'm actually imagining something or merely just trying to think of the facts that I know and piece them together. It's pretty difficult to explain....

I researched and took several of the questionnaires but it still just seems....i don't know. I'm totally on the fence because I don't even know what "imagining something" actually is lol.......

A2D

Very interesting post. I noticed many time ago that I, differently from most other people, can't "see" things in my mind. Anyway, I don't know if I have aphantasia, at least I found some important differences from what the OP describes:
1- my dreams also have very poor imagery, are black and white, very low definition, I only remember one dream I had which was in full color and with vivid images;
2- I can't "see", but I can easily "hear" things in my imagination, especially music, and even complex ones, like symphonies. If I want, I can hear one of Beethoven' symphonies that I know better (like the 5th or the 9th) in my imagination any time. Most of the time it is not very clear and very different from really listening, but sometimes it is almost real (usually happens spontaneously, and is quite striking due to being very close to the real thing). Sometimes I can hear thing I don't know where they come from, recently when driving my car I just heard the voice of a passing person talking to another, and there was no way I could hear someone in the street as I had all windows completely closed and was driving quite fast.
3- I am not and I think I have never been an atheist or an agnostic. My parents were, I received no religious education as a child or teenager, but I always felt somehow that there is something beyond this world and life, though I don't know why. Religious imagery don't touch me, usually, and my religion has always been more intellectual and conceptual.
4- I do remember things from my early childhood, when I was younger than 3 years old, but as always the images I have in my memory are poor and usually dark, but I remember the facts and what happened. Curiously, I was always very good at remembering when something happened, and my relatives have always had me a kind of family historian, if it is something that I lived they would always ask me , I usually can pinpoint year and month.