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I have Aphantasia, my 'Minds Eye' starts working--what in the Hell am i seeing and why *this*?

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posted on Sep, 11 2018 @ 03:32 PM
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What was I convinced I would see? I was thinking that if I brought one of the stars straight toward me, it would increase in size to eventually show a window of a person that I know. Likely providing some visual data about their current state, at that exact moment. My strongest theory was that I had stumbled upon the mechanics of *how* Remote Viewing works.

Now, I’ve never had a Remote Viewing experience myself, but I do personally know two people that can do it at will. And, of course, I’ve read as much about it as possible through ATS, other sites/sources and Freedom of Information Act releases from the three-lettered agencies. I believe/know that it’s possible to do such a thing, but because of how I’ve come into all this metaphysical phenomenon, *if* I don’t understand the A-B-C’s of the actual mechanics of how to do something, then I won’t get there to it.

My whole approach and experience with all this woo-woo has been like an engineer who disassembles complex working assemblies to figure out how the parts and pieces work, then emulate the processes through simple mechanics to run as many iterations as possible (Design of Engineering-like experiments).

It all happens in moments. This time, the thing that helped me grab and hold the star, was that I was so relaxed I didn’t allow that swelling of fear behind my belly button to break my hold on the accelerating point of light. The stars seem to be compelled to escape from any hold like this, so it is still moving, and gaining speed but the difference is that this time it is moving straight toward the middle of my head, “it’s coming right for me!”

As it moves in closer, the single bright point of light begins to break into several much smaller points of light. So, within a mere moment, the object has grown in size and I now see what looks like 5-8 smaller but brighter white dots. The area surrounding the object changes as well and develops a cloud-like border that outlines the entirety of the growing structure. In the gap between the cloud-border and the white dots, the black background increases in clarity, giving the effect of looking at the object through a periscope or monocular lens.

Then, in what seems like both an eternity and an instant, the object stops moving. It's completely held in my grasp. It's the first time one of these ‘stars’ has ever stopped moving since I initially connect my consciousness, reaching out to grab them. It has stopped moving on its flight path trajectory, however it is *SHAKING* with such a violence that I am terror-stricken. The object looks like one of those molecular chain models you would assemble together in chemistry class, like a less-fun lego analogue. Each of the white points of light are now the spherical molecules and they are connected in a geometric structure by lines which are acting as bonds.

The object is *shaking* against my hold with such a force that it’s vibrating to create mirror images of itself. The only thought that comes to mind is the compulsion of a quantum particle shaking with all its energy to disentangle and resume is vibrational free will, to oscillate at the frequency it was on before I tore it out of the sky.

The unpleasant feeling I'm experiencing in my stomach is not simply my component of fear, this scaredy-cat experimenter’s inherent fear of the unknown and mysterious. It’s also potentially feedback from either this object or another external source that this is something that should not be done. One is not supposed to be stopping these objects from their natural state of vibration. I really can’t say more than that, or further explain it; it simply *is*

Here is a sketch I made of the experience a few hours afterward. I drew some flat lines emanating from the outer corners to suggest the shaking, but nothing I could ever put down on paper could describe the frantic struggle of the object shaking against being held in such a manner. Honestly, it was scary as sh1t to see and *feel* the object shaking to escape that state.



Within moments, I lose my hold on the object, simply too astonished by what I’ve seen and stupefied by the *violence* of the shaking to break out. I open my eyes.

My theory of what I would see was completely shredded. What the hell just happened? What the hell *was* that thing. I was so convinced I would see a person or entity when I could get a good view of one---so then wtf was that all about?

Something just *happened* there. Whatever that structure is, it *means* something. I know it does, there is a gravitas or extreme heaviness to this interaction and my experience with running so many iterations in all other areas tells me that *something* just happened. But what…?

And why did it feel *wrong*? I can understand my being afraid—sh1t, it would be super-weird for *anything* to have happened where I didn’t immediately become frightened. But why this feeling of “hey, STOP it!?” Where did *that* come from? And did I really even *feel* that?

What is the purpose of the starscape? What is the purpose of the stars and why would I be able to interact with them if I'm not supposed to grab them? Am I not supposed to grab them? Did I just manifest that feeling toward myself because of my shock about not seeing what I thought I would see?

edit on 11-9-2018 by Justshrug because: typo




posted on Sep, 11 2018 @ 03:32 PM
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I resolve to continue testing, I need more iterations to be sure that I just didn’t scare myself out of my wits. So, I do it again, and then a third time. The next two catches happen within about 3 days of the first one. It's not something I can do every time I want to. I have to be very relaxed, I have to not allow the fear or negative feeling to break the hold, and I have to exert a strong force of concentration from the three points in my body, aligning to form a ‘lasso-of-sorts’ to freeze the object.

The following two times show the same results and experience. I'm seeing this complex geometric structure, shaking with a violence that I will never forget or be able to describe.

I try one more time, under different circumstances, and after this one, I’ve basically quit any aspect of this project where I try to grab and hold a ‘star’. Full Stop. Any further exploration of the starscape will have to use a different approach than trying to ‘grab’ and freeze one.

In the final run, I'm sitting next to my Hospice patient, in this case being called in on short notice for a patient that is ‘Actively Dying.’ I started volunteering with the Hospice program after my NDEs because of how my relationship with ‘death’ changed so dramatically, and I wanted to try to provide some level of comfort about passing from this world to people with little or no human relationships at the end.

All you do in an Active Dying scenario is hold their hand, talk to them, be there. I'm sitting there and I'm wondering if I can see the patient’s ‘star’ so I close my eyes, the room is quite dark, and I get to the starscape. I'm holding the patient’s hand, and I feel the electromagnetic energy moving between our fields in the area from the patient’s forearm, swirling around our joined hands and up through my forearm. It feels as if electromagnetic mini-tornados are swirling around in an exchange of energy. I'm sending comfort and love, the patient is unable to speak.

I find the starfield, I send my consciousness to connect to the patient, this act will always summon a new star in the center of the field. I then connect the three points on my body and ‘reach out’ to connect to the star. I'm *immediately* hit with sharp pains and uncomfortable-feedback in those same three parts of my body. I immediately stop. My head hurts…what the hell just happened? Because I have no idea what is happening and what I'm doing, I'm totally uncomfortable with trying something like that again.

Soon after, I'm having a conversation with my dear cousin, I show him the simple sketch I drew, and I am describing the events. We both go to a google search while on the phone call—like the many times before, we are bouncing ideas off each other, trying to find answers. He finds some images and as soon as I see them, I *KNOW* that these are the structures I am seeing in the starfield:






So here I am now, my little ‘Operation Starscape’ is on hold for the moment. Meaning that I still go to the star field multiple times each day—heck I couldn’t avoid it if I wanted to now, it’s just simply *there* every night between closing my eyes and just before falling asleep. But it’s ‘on hold’ in the sense that I'm very hesitant to reach out and grab stars.

But there is something more than that. After I caught my first one, and saw the object, I notice that if I start to put more of a ‘Relaxed-Observer’ application of my consciousness to this webbed starfield, I’ll notice that some of the stars begin to take on a color. I think I've seen blue and I think I’ve seen green—but a vast majority of them remain white.

And then there are the *Red stars*. I did have an experience with trying to grab one of them. I really can't believe that I was so bold to even attempt such a thing, their reaction to this was...[ahem]. I’ve had some other experiences with the ‘Red Stars’, but if you haven’t yet picked up any of the projection of fear I’ve felt coming through my written prose, then when it comes to the ‘Red stars’, well you can’t possibly even Imagine…

edit on 11-9-2018 by Justshrug because: typos



posted on Sep, 11 2018 @ 03:32 PM
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Thanks for letting me share. I would love to hear people’s theories on what these objects are and interpretations of what might have been happening in these experiences.

Also, any thoughts and how to proceed from here? I'm still determined to train and develop a functioning mind’s eye for myself and I have high confidence that I will accomplish such goal, just a matter of how many years it takes.

Loves!



posted on Sep, 11 2018 @ 04:16 PM
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originally posted by: scraedtosleep
a reply to: Justshrug


I use it now to create art and feel as though it is an essential part of that creative process.

So I have to wonder do you now or have you ever created art of any kind?


Yes, just last week was the first time in my life that i attempted to paint anything. I feel like it would be something my parents could be proud of...if i was in the 3rd or 4th grade! It was very satisfying though, i would LOVE to continue exploring with this form of creative expression. I'll share them here:

Deconstructed Forest:


Bubbly Afternoon:


Sweet Hills:


Yggdrasil Rising:



posted on Sep, 12 2018 @ 02:48 AM
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originally posted by: Justshrug

originally posted by: scraedtosleep
a reply to: Justshrug


I use it now to create art and feel as though it is an essential part of that creative process.

So I have to wonder do you now or have you ever created art of any kind?


Yes, just last week was the first time in my life that i attempted to paint anything. I feel like it would be something my parents could be proud of...if i was in the 3rd or 4th grade! It was very satisfying though, i would LOVE to continue exploring with this form of creative expression. I'll share them here:


Then explore it. You're off to an good start whether you recognise it or not. I did art up until 16 but after that kind of rejected that side of myself, and what I was taught in school is what I try to forget, instead I have fun, I get dirty and I smear paint over a board, see what comes out. I have found that my favourite method is to use collage techniques, which is a whole other world of fun, I decide what I want to depict and I layer and layer and layer...the picture I am working on at the moment started out as an elaborate laying on of masking tape complimented by finger painting...you can see like 20% of that underlying structure but I know it is there. For me it is an entirely textural/feeling experience therefore I like to use different materials to create texture, there are things that are only visible to the fingers or my heart. It doesn't always work, but sometimes it tells me things I never knew and shows me knew ways of looking...like the two imperfect overlapping circles that I created with a cut up pair of tights and a # load of PVA glue.

It is all about exploring so don't be too concerned with creating order.




posted on Sep, 12 2018 @ 04:04 AM
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Draw lots of pictures if your experiences and keep them as s scrapbook



posted on Sep, 12 2018 @ 05:56 AM
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a reply to: Justshrug

You remember an apple is red but you can't remember people's eye color.

That doesn't make sense.



posted on Sep, 12 2018 @ 08:44 AM
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a reply to: nicevillegrl




The biggest problems being even though I’m very forgiving, I have a horrid time forgetting things as I can visualize things from years ago as if they just happened.


I'm close to that as well. I'm not good with art as I can't visualize the fine details, but I'm good with music as I can "hear" every instrument separately if I know the song well. I can also go back and remember just about any period of my life. I'm 45 just for reference.

I used to daydream something horrid when I was younger. Used to walk into poles I was so deep into fantasy land. One day I walked straight across a road in a city while doing it and it scared the crap out of me. I decided then and there that I needed to get it under control.

Took a couple of months of pulling myself back into focus when I drifted off but eventually it just happened by itself. I can still daydream if I allow myself but it doesn't happen unwanted any more.

Just for fun I decided to try the opposite and see if I could maintain focus all day if I wanted to. That's a door that's a bit harder to close once it's open, but you'd be amazed how much you miss when your not focused.

I think we all record everything that comes through our senses. The only difference with people is how their brain recalls it. I don't think anyone is "wrong", per se, but we as a species used all the different view points to help us understand what the hell is going on here.



posted on Sep, 12 2018 @ 10:51 AM
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originally posted by: NarcolepticBuddha
a reply to: Justshrug

Wait..

People can actually see stuff when they close their eyes and think about it?

Damn that's impressive. I wish I could do that too!

Begs the question though, if people could do this, why buy movies, or art, or ahem..pornography?????????????????????????????????????????????????






Im confused too. I dont see anything but blackness, and weird lights and colors if I press on my eyeballs through my eyelids. But i can imagine things. Is that it? People with this condition cannot imagine things? I can create a whole castle and surrounding area in my mind, but my memory isnt perfect with unlimited space, so i can only reliably remember a certain amount of the made up details i devided to put into this imagining.



posted on Sep, 12 2018 @ 01:19 PM
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originally posted by: reject
a reply to: Justshrug

You remember an apple is red but you can't remember people's eye color.

That doesn't make sense.


I have eaten thousands of apples, yet i have only eaten...

At some point, a subconscious process runs a tag for something like that--its hard to explain. For example, i can play the game Memory with a child, but a six year of average or below average intelligence will most likely wipe the floor with me. It doesnt mean that i wont flip some number of them over and get some matches. It just means that i do not have access to a visual overlay of what i saw.



posted on Sep, 12 2018 @ 01:22 PM
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originally posted by: 3n19m470

Im confused too. I dont see anything but blackness, and weird lights and colors if I press on my eyeballs through my eyelids. But i can imagine things. Is that it? People with this condition cannot imagine things? I can create a whole castle and surrounding area in my mind, but my memory isnt perfect with unlimited space, so i can only reliably remember a certain amount of the made up details i devided to put into this imagining.


At first glance it sounds like you have Aphantasia. Click on a few of the links i put into the first three posts to read further on it. Also, ask the people around you what their level of visualization is. Click on the chart with the apple to enlarge it, showing the differences between how people 'visualize'


Dae

posted on Sep, 12 2018 @ 04:52 PM
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a reply to: Justshrug

Hi Justshrug!

I have been enjoying you're adventure and discoveries very much!

I have quite a few questions and a couple of ideas I wanted to write here. But first off I really enjoy reading your writing and what a bonus it looks like it's helping you too, how cool is that!

When you dream, something I read doesn't happen a lot to others with your condition, do you see people you know or anything that seemed familiar that could be a memory? Do you think its possible that everything you have done, seen, felt is all in your brain but just not accessible right now?

You are quite the dude you know? How many people with your condition and severity are actually doing this AND letting us know about it!

The Stars. I had an idea, well it was the first thing that popped into my head when you first described them. It is possible you are "looking" at the broken monitor of your inner display. I think this originally came to me because you went to meditate knowing your condition, your were open to it and your brain showed you a manifestation of your screen, or its cables that are broken. Perhaps try and heal them, feck it why not? Maybe think, "Let's heal" or think love at them, whatever you think could work.

Do you know about Neuro-Linguistic Programming (NLP)? A lot of it would be useless to you on the face of it, but it does talk about asking yourself a question, and getting an answer back. I have a feeling you will get that from your writing but nowt wrong in asking the question in your head and waiting to experience the response.

Maybe the inner screen capabilities (sight/sound etc.) are all tied into one? So Red is a colour but is also emotions, sensations and sounds and more. So a regular memory based in fear would use the red signal, but only the emotion and sensations would be noticed when the visual could be a dark coat and dark gun.

Last thing before I go bed (UK here and its bed time), I know whats its like asking a question that no one else seems to have experienced, mine in a nutshell if you fancy a look www.abovetopsecret.com..., my experience of pain and "astral projection".

Good luck and keep posting please!



posted on Sep, 12 2018 @ 05:04 PM
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originally posted by: Dae
a reply to: Justshrug

When you dream, something I read doesn't happen a lot to others with your condition, do you see people you know or anything that seemed familiar that could be a memory? Do you think its possible that everything you have done, seen, felt is all in your brain but just not accessible right now?

The Stars. I had an idea, well it was the first thing that popped into my head when you first described them. It is possible you are "looking" at the broken monitor of your inner display. I think this originally came to me because you went to meditate knowing your condition, your were open to it and your brain showed you a manifestation of your screen, or its cables that are broken.

Do you know about Neuro-Linguistic Programming (NLP)? A lot of it would be useless to you on the face of it, but it does talk about asking yourself a question, and getting an answer back. I have a feeling you will get that from your writing but nowt wrong in asking the question in your head and waiting to experience the response.

Maybe the inner screen capabilities (sight/sound etc.) are all tied into one? So Red is a colour but is also emotions, sensations and sounds and more. So a regular memory based in fear would use the red signal, but only the emotion and sensations would be noticed when the visual could be a dark coat and dark gun.

Last thing before I go bed (UK here and its bed time), I know whats its like asking a question that no one else seems to have experienced, mine in a nutshell if you fancy a look www.abovetopsecret.com..., my experience of pain and "astral projection".




Great questions, thanks for the post!

I do know about NLP, i took a crash course on it in Hong Kong. I do believe that I am susceptible to it just like all non-Aphantasiacs, just maybe less so. For example, music has had less of an emotional affect on me my entire life to the extent that i really didnt 'get' into it till my mid-twenties or so, when i started coupling it with long-distance running to optimize my performance.

I meet people who's entire identity and 'purpose' in life is 'music' (know all the bands, artists, songwriters, biographies, etc..) and i stare at them with this vapid look in my eyes; i absolutely cannot relate and can't understand how this becomes a core identity for a homo sapien. But whatever makes one happy has my full support!

About dreaming, i actually dream with greater recall and lucidity than most people i know (this uses a different part of your brain than conscious direct visualizations). I always see people that i know in my dreams but rarely replay an actual memory or life-event. However, i do often experience what we would call 'paranormal' experiences in my dreams. Not all are like that, most are just simply 'dreams' and are predominantly metaphorical, but some involve interactions with external third parties (including humans i personally know that are currently alive).

Your idea about the broken monitor showing itself as stars: i think this is quite close to the truth. I have a lot of ideas/theories about what it is that im 'seeing' and why my monitor was switched off (and 'who' did it). Overall, i think the starscape is something like a visualization of *my* web of interconnected consciousness. And the strands that make the connections are the emotions or emotional energy of the relationships i have made. Through testing and observation, i've built up quite a lot of supporting evidence that leads me to this conclusion.

I also feel like i *do* visualize and i always have -- just that the 'lights' are turned off so im visualizing but dont have access to that data, due to a block, stoppage, or cut wires.

About the colors being metaphorical representations of what is going on inside my own psyche: Yes! this is a brilliant thought and i would say this my second working theory. Which is to say that i think this is the second most likely explanation for what i am experiencing, *after* the above theory that its an external webbed consciousness 'internet'. Really what this comes down to is if there are any external third party interactions or *not*

In the end, one conclusive statement that i can make is that the 'starscape' isnt simply something ive made-up or fantasized-into-existence. I just cant do that, but when i *do* attempt to manifest something, i immediately get kicked from the starscape 'place'. This is an important detail: I believe that at some point in my future i *will* be able to make-up images in my mind's eye, but when i do, it *can't* occur in that special connected web of the starscape, it happens in a different 'space'. The starscape 'place' is something else and has a specific purpose. It feels more like a browser for accessing interconnected consciousness.

Thanks!!!!


edit on 12-9-2018 by Justshrug because: (no reason given)

edit on 12-9-2018 by Justshrug because: (no reason given)



posted on Sep, 12 2018 @ 05:37 PM
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originally posted by: Dae
a reply to: Justshrug


The Stars. I had an idea, well it was the first thing that popped into my head when you first described them. It is possible you are "looking" at the broken monitor of your inner display. I think this originally came to me because you went to meditate knowing your condition, your were open to it and your brain showed you a manifestation of your screen, or its cables that are broken. Perhaps try and heal them, feck it why not? Maybe think, "Let's heal" or think love at them, whatever you think could work.



I want to reply specifically to this, because you're intuition seems to match an approach where i've had success: If i go to the starscape and *think* to myself the following *intention* I have had the biggest moments of activity in an otherwise post-apocalyptic wasteland at midnight:
"just be thankful for anything that could happen and any little thing or movement you see would be a blessing. Be thankful for the experience"

Thats how i started seeing the colors on some of the stars to begin with. Aside from the Red ones, I started noticing (and avoiding) Red stars many months ago. The Observers



posted on Sep, 12 2018 @ 09:29 PM
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This condition makes you a true 1%er....I can't even imagine not having spacial skills, the ability to imagine a 3d image such as when building or constructing. In the OP you come across as a blank slat......Pun intended.



posted on Sep, 12 2018 @ 09:35 PM
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a reply to: theantediluvian




However, when I close my eyes, I don't "see" an apple in any way that I would reasonably compare to seeing one with my eyes.

I see it the same way as I see one in real life. Except like I said it's like looking through water. The trick is getting the apple to hold it's shape and not morph into whatever other crazy thing I might be thinking of.



posted on Sep, 12 2018 @ 09:36 PM
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a reply to: Justshrug

That last is pretty awesome.



posted on Sep, 12 2018 @ 09:46 PM
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originally posted by: openyourmind1262
This condition makes you a true 1%er....I can't even imagine not having spacial skills, the ability to imagine a 3d image such as when building or constructing. In the OP you come across as a blank slat......Pun intended.

thanks for your post!

a specific area where i would have described myself as blank-to-the-point-of-void would have been in spiritual experience or richness of life--beyond waking up and executing a daily plan. Not now though. After my NDEs and all these strange experiences happening to me, the curtains were slowly pulled aside and i can now 'see' and 'feel' (electromagnetically) the inner-workings of life in the Universe. And that in-between-world is *also* completely full of life. Life is everywhere and takes all different forms, so much of it is unexpected and beyond what you could ever imagine as possible!
edit on 12-9-2018 by Justshrug because: (no reason given)



posted on Sep, 12 2018 @ 10:40 PM
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Some additional thoughts to explore and share (notes for future posts here):
-the few times i focused on the 'block' or 'fog' instead of the target object/star. explain the experience or impression of the fog
-need new testing methodology to continue starscape exploration. If we no longer 'grab' stars, what should we do in this 'place'
-how to gather further observational data on the colors of stars (blue and green) and determine if there are other colors.
-if there is a starscape, and it's a 'place' are there other 'places' of significance? if yes, then how do we find them?
-transparent patterns as an overlay in daylight--so faint as to be nearly undetectable; outdoor environment; eyes wide open
-comment about another Aphantasiac's report of 'the purple haze' as the blocking agent
-thoughts on how being next to another person i have a strong emotional bond with and how that seems to turn the wheels and machinations of the minds eye *behind* the fog (can't see it, but suspect there *is* activity)

edit on 12-9-2018 by Justshrug because: (no reason given)



posted on Sep, 12 2018 @ 11:10 PM
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originally posted by: Dae
a reply to: Justshrug

Last thing before I go bed (UK here and its bed time), I know whats its like asking a question that no one else seems to have experienced, mine in a nutshell if you fancy a look www.abovetopsecret.com..., my experience of pain and "astral projection".




i just got a chance to read your Astral projection account, thanks for sharing. I can relate to it and believe you, fully. I have had a couple OOB experiences myself, incidentally every one of them happened as a result of a dream where i became aware of a third party interacting with my consciousness, and the alarm put me into that in-between state in the middle of consciously awake and sleeping in a dream state. I have not been able to consciously enter into an OOBE prior to the stages of falling asleep. All my interactions in the place have been very brief and *reactive*

Thanks!



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