Reward system in schools

I feel sorry for elementary school teachers. They have a room full of kids, who can very easily cause a lot of chaos. How to reduce that chaos? Go the Catholic school route, and slap the backs of their hands with a ruler until it brings blood? Scream in the kid’s face until you scare the living daylights out of them? Cry and beg and plead with them to sit down and do what they’re supposed to do? Offer rewards for being good and not tearing the whole room up? Or, just let ‘em go crazy and play on your cell phone while you ignore them?

It’s easier when you just have one kid - a lot harder when you have 20 of ‘em. Plus, no matter what you do, you’re gonna piss some parents off.

This system was created by people that got ribbons for finishing in 8th place.

But if you must have something to compare it to try a dog show. The pets get a little piece of kibble for doing what they are being told to do.

originally posted by: mblahnikluver
Who the hell do you think you are??? Where did I say I give in or even remotely let him do what he wants? I didn't.

I assume your reply was for me. Where did I say you give in or let him do what he wants? I didn't.
I said if you are struggling competing with the regime of the school then it suggests weaknesses in your parenting.
You said this though:

This poses a problem for me at home. How? Well because my son loves to argue he should get something when he cleans his room, puts the trash away, brushes his teeth and so on. It drives me crazy!

I wouldn't have a problem, I'd just say no, shut up and do as you are told in my house. It wouldn't drive me crazy at all, it would be a minor distraction at worst.
But of course if you let your child argue that school rules are better than yours then it suggests to me that you have no control.
I wouldn't even entertain the argument, go cry in a corner and come back to me when you understand I'm setting the rules is (and always has been) my policy with my kids.
Too authoritarian for you? Cool, put up with kids that argue back then and stop complaining.

As a kid, my reward system worked exactly the opposite and it seems to have worked out okay for me. It went like this:

Mom had an old solid oak yard stick cut off at 24" long. It had this brass wrapped end with a metal hole in it so you could hang it. It was called "The Stick" by her, and the "Sawed-off Yardstick" by me. It sat dutifully out of reach from me on the top shelf of the pantry. The "reward" I got was not hearing the words..."Stop that right this second or I'm getting..The Stick..out!"

Trust me, that puppy would get your undivided attention!! That puppy HURT too! Every minute of every day was a 'reward' when.."The Stick".. wasn't part of it!

I see kids out in public practically every day, physically "fighting" with their parents. I think there should be more of "The Stick" out there, and a whole lot less carrot!

a reply to: Flyingclaydisk

When normal behavior is overly rewarded then over time normal behavior requires a reward. We can see where that is leading...

They do this well into second grade as well. I'll see in a few weeks if they do it in third grade.

I don't mind it. It's a good tool to use at home as well to shape behavior.

Also they dont get prizes for doing the right thing; they get points and at some time in the future they can use those points to buy prizes.

And we have a system like that for adults.... it's called money.

a reply to: Flyingclaydisk

Funny enough, some parents don’t want teachers hitting their 5 year old kids whenever they feel like it.

a reply to: DanDanDat

True - we don’t just do our jobs because it’s the right thing to do, do we?

a reply to: DanDanDat

Rewarding 'expected' behaviour is pathetic in my opinion. Parents seem weak these days.
It wasn't a negotiation in my house, my rules, simple as.
I'd just paid the entrance fee to an amusement park and my young son wouldn't behave. I warned him one more time and we are leaving, he called my bluff and we left with him crying his eyes out as didn't get one ride on anything. He took me at my word after that until he was about 11 or so.
"Tidy your room or I'll trash the playstation", he refused, so I smashed the playstation up with a hammer (calmly and laughing at him because he made the choice), then threw it in the bin. Daddy giveth, daddy taketh away.

Hardly any problems with unruly kids ever, parents are too weak and submissive these days...if you haven't got the balls to be boss then you will suffer the consequences and no sympathy from me.

a reply to: kaylaluv

And I would heartily agree, BUT giving them treats for acting properly has the exact opposite effect!

You're rewarding normal behavior, not punishing bad behavior.

In my Junior High School, boys could elect between detention or "swats" if they got in trouble. Swats were administered by the vice principal (also the wrestling coach). A nice big oak paddle with holes cut in it to make it look skeerier. If you were on a sports team, you better not be late for practice! This meant swats were about the only option (because being late for practice was even worse, like a PT death sentence). LIfe was absolutely great ("rewarding") when you just behaved and didn't have to make a choice at all.

No treats required!

a reply to: CornishCeltGuy

To add to that, I've seen for years parents that are their kids "friends". It's cool that you're their friend but don't relinquish your role of a parent in the process. Kids have to have boundaries.

originally posted by: mblahnikluver

I know some will say this is harmless but I don't think it is. Kids should do what they are told because that's what they should do! It shouldn't be done to get a prize.

Teach your kid to question everything and then be prepared to answer their questions with answers that make sense and you're about halfway there.

If you're really prepared to explain why brushing his teeth is necessary, you should not need to reward him for it. This might be as simple as telling him the facts or it might be as hard as finding someone who has severe gum disease and tooth decay (possibly lots of missing teeth) and asking him how he'd like to be that person someday.

If that doesn't work, your kid is going to have a much bigger problem. If he doesn't brush his teeth because he doesn't understand why he needs to, that's one thing. If he knows the consequences and doesn't do it anyway, that's way different.

a reply to: mblahnikluver


Give me the address of this school and I will handle this absurd 'everyone gets a prize' policy that produces manby pmabies. I just need to remember to pack my bullhorn so they can hear me since I'll be 1,001' away when I yell at them.

a reply to: Flyingclaydisk

I don’t agree with physical punishment, but that’s probably a topic for another thread. I believe in teaching children real-world consequences. If you don’t make your house payment, they don’t come over and beat you up - they take away your house. If you don’t make your car payment they don’t come and slap you around - they take away your car. If you steal something, they don’t hit you (well, they’re not legally supposed to), they take away your freedom. Those are the same types of punishments I gave my child. You get stuff taken away, including your freedom - you don’t get hit.

originally posted by: kaylaluv
If you don’t make your house payment, they don’t come over and beat you up - they take away your house. If you don’t make your car payment they don’t come and slap you around - they take away your car. If you steal something, they don’t hit you...

You obviously don't live in Jersey.

originally posted by: AugustusMasonicus

originally posted by: kaylaluv
If you don’t make your house payment, they don’t come over and beat you up - they take away your house. If you don’t make your car payment they don’t come and slap you around - they take away your car. If you steal something, they don’t hit you...

You obviously don't live in Jersey.

Thank the gods, no.

a reply to: intrepid
Agreed, and to add, my now young adult son is my next door neighbour and trusted friend these days. We sometimes laugh about the hammer to the playstation, he reckons it totally made him believe any threat I warned him about after that.
I was a total tyrant compared to parents I see today who 'give in' to their kids all the time. My son ate every meal we had or didn't eat. I was never angry, just 'matter of fact' that if he didn't eat it then he would have nothing until next mealtime. He went to bed hungry once, then ate every meal provided for him after that.

Too many parents make threats and don't carry them out, no wonder their kids run rings around them.
My rule was always when you pay for # then you choose, otherwise eat or go hungry.
Yes, shocking isn't it, calm discipline, what a monster I was lol

a reply to: CornishCeltGuy

Bingo. While not religious I find that the bible has some good advice in it. One in particular is "Let your "yes" mean yes and your "no" no. If you're wishy washy with your kids boundaries are not established.

originally posted by: kaylaluv
It’s easier when you just have one kid - a lot harder when you have 20 of ‘em.

Meeehhh....

Just had the summer holiday in which I not only had our own 6 kids but also the friends that stay over etc...

We've got no money for fancy holiday etc and it was 6 weeks of entertaining ourself in and around the house. (Would you believe the Xbox hardly got used?)

We played every board game imaginable, build a tree house, watched the stars, build a tepee tent and slept in it, learned the kids how to cook, use tools and use your imagination.

I've quit my job 9 months ago to take care of my kids since my ex is preoccupied with her borderline and the alcoholic ex of my girlfriend didn't have time for the kids.

Last week a mother who lives nearby came around to ask if her autistic son wasn't causing trouble because he was spending so much time here. We explained to her that since we had a group chat with all the kids about everybody's peculiarities and how everybody is special in some way they all found fun ways to deal with this...

I believe I could actually handle 20 kids (at some point we probably had that much running around here) and what matters most if you can capture their interest. Be the example you want to see and they follow suit...

Easy talking for a guy who's got all the time in the world for these things but maybe I'm on to something here.

Peace

a reply to: operation mindcrime

That’s great, but teachers and their kids are primarily stuck in a classroom, and there are certain things that have to be taught while sitting down at a desk. That’s not easy when you have 20 5-year-olds.