I need help everyone please.

a reply to: [post=22170988]DarkStarRising[/post

see through nighty and panties

And she walked infront of you? That is odd. Or did you walk in on them?

originally posted by: Sahabi
a reply to: DarkStarRising
It is your son,... your family,... your house,... and YOUR RULES.

Tyranny. I bet you don't put "Good followship skills" on your resume. I think the harder you press your children to obey the stronger will be their rebellion. I think you have to use every possible tactic to influence your children into good behavior. If you only use STRONG tactics your children will hate you. I think balancing your tactics with begging, pleading, and asking respectfully, along with STRONG tactics is the best way. In our group of friends of 5 different families, everyone says my two teenage boys have the best behaviors. My wife and I hear this all the time. My younger son's teachers have said every year how what a wonderful joy he is to have in the classroom.

I think treating your children the way your parents treated you may not have the best result.

a reply to: Bluntone22

Read prior post. We created this rule because of family interference. And we have been happier because of it. I only wanted my wife so it was perfectly fine with me when the rule was put in place.
We got to spend more time with just us and we know each other pretty well after 20 years.

This boy has always treated me like a second hand citizen and has told his mother that when he turned 15 we were just supposed to let him go and run all over Florida doing what ever he wanted and he treats us like crap because we didn't. He refused to understand that if he had gotten in trouble we would have been responsible.
So now he treats me like my feelings don't matter and now his mother has told me the same that she won't let me piss him off to the point he does something stupid or leaves. When I'm ready to just go to my parents and sleep on there couch when she is here. Just cause I don't want to deal with his attitude or look her in the face.
Maybe our rule was stupid. I didn't come up with it. She did. To keep the peace as our families kept trying to separate us by telling us the other was cheating when the other wasn't home.
Neither of us were actually doing anything. But because it kept being said it ended with us at each other's throats because family was pushing the situation. I got in the car and left and ended up in a bad wreck and she ended up on mood stabilizers. So we did what we felt was necessary to protect each other and our selves from the constant barrage of BS that was streaming to our ears.

a reply to: AugustusMasonicus

So wrong on several levels. But still, it made me smile.

originally posted by: NwoDedispU
a reply to: [post=22170988]DarkStarRising[/post

see through nighty and panties

And she walked infront of you? That is odd. Or did you walk in on them? [/quote.


Yes we live in a mobile home. I was in the kitchen and she walked right out in the living room plopped her ass down on the couch put her feet up on it and spread her legs like she was giving birth. So yes I think I have the right to be uncomfortable.

a reply to: dfnj2015

Did I suddenly morph into the oracle of sagacious advice?

a reply to: dfnj2015

Oh hey, I completely agree!
There was always respect in my home and it went both ways.

There is no way in Hell that my son would have sex where I could hear it, and he wouldn't let any girlfriend parade around in lingerie. There need to be limits when everybody's an adult.

By the age of 21 my father was in the army fighting WW2. It's grown-up time.
Maybe Dad needs to sit down and have a talk about what is appropriate (and what is not).
jacy

originally posted by: Sahabi
a reply to: DarkStarRising

When a child is of legal age and wants to chest-bump you in your own house about your own rules,... it's time to push them out of the tree nest and encourage them to open their wings and fly.

See, I don't exactly agree with this.

It wasn't clarified in the OP that his son was informed of any rules in the first place.

And A 21 year old, adult, marine was yelled at for having sex.

Of course the son isn't going to take that response well.

Was the son in the right? No of course not. But he may not have realized what he was doing was disrespectful in the first place.

Was the OP in the right? From what we can tell so far, no he was not. That reaction isn't going to positively effect the situation, its going to severely worsen it and his relationship with his son (this coming from experience)

Kicking the son out for doing what adults do is not an option. It would be highly likely for the OP and the son to damage their relationship with eachother for years to come.

The best course of action is to talk, like adults, explain why doing that on your fathers house isn't appropriate, what can be done instead, and to show that the OP UNDERSTANDS where his son is coming from, but that there are better places to do that.

Shunning him, treating him like a child, and kicking him out means you and your son may not be talking for the next couple of years

a reply to: DarkStarRising

Just wanted to say my wife and I have the same kind of deal. It works well.
To the other. It's your house man. You don't have to explain # and other people don't have to understand

No way in hell I would put up with that BS. Tell your son to speak with her and tell her she must be fully dressed and presentable when she leaves his bedroom, or the deal is off.

originally posted by: dfnj2015
a reply to: jacygirl

Maybe his son doesn't know the rules because this is the first time. I think first telling his son what the rules are would be the first step. But setting boundaries with someone is not something you do by punching them in the face metaphorically. I think if he wants his son to respect him he has to be respectful to his son. How do people learn how to be respectful if they've never seen anyone ever be respectful in their life?

The rules have been told to him for years. His answer to us now is that he is 21 and our rules no longer apply and that he should be allowed to do what ever he wants regardless of anyone else's feelings. He literally said it to my face. When he moved back in with us he also let me know that I'm disabled and not working so him and his mother have the only say in the house and I'm to shut up and mind my own business.

Then he lies to us and tells us it's our fault he lies. When we try to talk to him he starts throwing around the word suicide. But it seems the only time he has a panic attack is when he has been caught doing something wrong. As long as he gets his way he's happy joking and a smart ass. Someone tells him he either can't do something or God forbid I tell him I don't feel like taking him or that I got to much going on and don't have time. Then he becomes the most abbusive person I've ever met.

originally posted by: Ghost147

originally posted by: Sahabi
a reply to: DarkStarRising

When a child is of legal age and wants to chest-bump you in your own house about your own rules,... it's time to push them out of the tree nest and encourage them to open their wings and fly.

See, I don't exactly agree with this.

It wasn't clarified in the OP that his son was informed of any rules in the first place.

And A 21 year old, adult, marine was yelled at for having sex.

Of course the son isn't going to take that response well.

Was the son in the right? No of course not. But he may not have realized what he was doing was disrespectful in the first place.

Was the OP in the right? From what we can tell so far, no he was not. That reaction isn't going to positively effect the situation, its going to severely worsen it and his relationship with his son (this coming from experience)

Kicking the son out for doing what adults do is not an option. It would be highly likely for the OP and the son to damage their relationship with eachother for years to come.

The best course of action is to talk, like adults, explain why doing that on your fathers house isn't appropriate, what can be done instead, and to show that the OP UNDERSTANDS where his son is coming from, but that there are better places to do that.

Shunning him, treating him like a child, and kicking him out means you and your son may not be talking for the next couple of years

he ain't no #ing marine. He quit damn school and lay on my couch for 3 years before he even got a job. I'm the marrine and an old cripple one at that

a reply to: DarkStarRising

On second thought, kicking a person like that out is a good option

originally posted by: AugustusMasonicus
a reply to: dfnj2015

Did I suddenly morph into the oracle of sagacious advice?

I am sure it was momentary and you will be your old self
in the next posting.

a reply to: dfnj2015

Your post sounds great,.... IF we were talking about little children. But this thread is talking about an adult, or what is now known as "Adult Children" or "Jumbo shrimp".

As we are talking about a 21 year old adult,... the time for guiding them into proper adulthood is over. If there were mistakes made during the suckling years of their youth and adolescence, that ship has sailed and it is time for this 21 year old to ACT upon what they have learned in life.

We are talking about a 21 year old, not a 12 year old for Pete's sake.

originally posted by: Ghost147

originally posted by: Sahabi
a reply to: DarkStarRising

When a child is of legal age and wants to chest-bump you in your own house about your own rules,... it's time to push them out of the tree nest and encourage them to open their wings and fly.

See, I don't exactly agree with this.

It wasn't clarified in the OP that his son was informed of any rules in the first place.

And A 21 year old, adult, marine was yelled at for having sex.

Of course the son isn't going to take that response well.

Was the son in the right? No of course not. But he may not have realized what he was doing was disrespectful in the first place.

Was the OP in the right? From what we can tell so far, no he was not. That reaction isn't going to positively effect the situation, its going to severely worsen it and his relationship with his son (this coming from experience)

Kicking the son out for doing what adults do is not an option. It would be highly likely for the OP and the son to damage their relationship with eachother for years to come.

The best course of action is to talk, like adults, explain why doing that on your fathers house isn't appropriate, what can be done instead, and to show that the OP UNDERSTANDS where his son is coming from, but that there are better places to do that.

Shunning him, treating him like a child, and kicking him out means you and your son may not be talking for the next couple of years

we have tried that please read all my posts this boy has been claiming to be the anticrist for the last 8 years. His real father is in jail for having sex with his our sons 9 year old step sister right in front of him on the couch. He says thing like she is mine even if I have to kill anyone who gets in the way. He is showing every sign of being a sexual predator just like his biological father. Then he pulls crap like this and tells me mine and his mother's feeling don't matter that we can fyck off.

originally posted by: DarkStarRising

originally posted by: Ghost147

originally posted by: Sahabi
a reply to: DarkStarRising

When a child is of legal age and wants to chest-bump you in your own house about your own rules,... it's time to push them out of the tree nest and encourage them to open their wings and fly.

See, I don't exactly agree with this.

It wasn't clarified in the OP that his son was informed of any rules in the first place.

And A 21 year old, adult, marine was yelled at for having sex.

Of course the son isn't going to take that response well.

Was the son in the right? No of course not. But he may not have realized what he was doing was disrespectful in the first place.

Was the OP in the right? From what we can tell so far, no he was not. That reaction isn't going to positively effect the situation, its going to severely worsen it and his relationship with his son (this coming from experience)

Kicking the son out for doing what adults do is not an option. It would be highly likely for the OP and the son to damage their relationship with eachother for years to come.

The best course of action is to talk, like adults, explain why doing that on your fathers house isn't appropriate, what can be done instead, and to show that the OP UNDERSTANDS where his son is coming from, but that there are better places to do that.

Shunning him, treating him like a child, and kicking him out means you and your son may not be talking for the next couple of years

we have tried that please read all my posts this boy has been claiming to be the anticrist for the last 8 years. His real father is in jail for having sex with his our sons 9 year old step sister right in front of him on the couch. He says thing like she is mine even if I have to kill anyone who gets in the way. He is showing every sign of being a sexual predator just like his biological father. Then he pulls crap like this and tells me mine and his mother's feeling don't matter that we can fyck off.

and now he has done the same exact thing on my couch in front of me with her and has told me that I don't have the right to be upset.

a reply to: DarkStarRising

Let me think about this. He becomes abusive when you try to talk to him. He demeans and belittles you; he refuses to respect your wishes; and tells you to shut up.

He needs his own place. We all reach a point where we can't live with our parents. He's there. Tell him.

originally posted by: mamabeth
I am sure it was momentary and you will be your old self
in the next posting.

I was being my old self in the one you were replying to, I think you are just so used to my smart assery you didn't even notice.

a reply to: DarkStarRising

I have.

Every time I'm writing a post you post another one with very relevant detail that would have changed my position. I suggest adding that information to the OP, because without it it comes off as a completely different situation.

My updated stance is to kick him out. Not offense on you, but he's an ass, and 21 or not, he acts Iike a child who thinks he's better than everyone else and the rules of the world don't apply to him.

He needs a hard punch in the face by good ol' reality (not a literal punch... although....)

Kick him out, don't allow him back. He comes to you guys because he knows you'll take him back and because the atmosphere in your house allows him to walk all over you two.

Kick him out