The Shed 15

For anyone whos Mom has passed away or knows someone on the site who lost their Mom...

www.abovetopsecret.com...

originally posted by: LookingForABetterLife
Many thanks to WIS and Night. This change of avatars was a learning experience for me. Now that I've settle on one for today I can rest easier. I change it in honor of my late wife as she was a white wolf person.

I am having a hard time right now but there is only so much that can be done on the internet

You are new to the shed. In all my story posts, Night Star the Elf had her companions and one was a white wolf, simply named Wolf.

Your avatar is just gorgeous and a wonderful tribute to your wife.

a reply to: Night Star

Thank you dear. Hugs with tears.

originally posted by: LookingForABetterLife
This change of avatars was a learning experience for me. I change it in honor of my late wife as she was a white wolf person.
I am having a hard time right now

Learning and change are synonymous and as far as I am concerned the only reason we are here. The white wolf above is in honor of your wife.
May you find wisdom in the challenge you are facing in this moment, so it can gain a step towards a more fulfilling future.
]]]]]]Wolfie Hugs[[[[[[

originally posted by: LookingForABetterLife
a reply to: Night Star

Thank you dear. Hugs with tears.

Hugs with tears! In here it is good to know we can cry together.

Wis, lovely white wolf for Blue's wife! I always love your wolf pics!

a reply to: WalkInSilence

Thank you so much. That means a lot to me.

Yes, as Night said.

originally posted by: Night Star
Hugs with tears! In here it is good to know we can cry together.

Every tear is a blessing, they are rain drops from heaven.

a reply to: Night Star

It was thiiiiis big I swear!!(really only the size of a quarter)

*joins in the crying hugging thing

Lucid, a tiny spider is huuuuge to me. LOL

Thank you for joining our loving hug and tears group!

You are going to be just fine, Found It. You hear?? Don't let life get you down- I know stuff sucks right now but it's not always gonna be that way.

a reply to: Night Star

I meant what I said in my contest post. You guys are family.

a reply to: LucidWarrior

I know I'll be ok, it will just be a sad day. It's ok to be sad sometimes. There will be much love and many precious memories behind the tears. I'm not a Mom myself and I doubt my cat, fish or turtle will make me a card or anything. Pet Mom's are Moms too, they just don't get recognized on a special Holiday. Hey there's an idea for a thread...Happy Mother's Day Pet Moms. LOL

Oh yes, we are indeed family in here!!!!!!!

One of my ATS friends is calling out the sheddites for a group hug. He says to put down the pixie dust and get in there. Bahaha!

www.abovetopsecret.com...

a reply to: Night Star

Hey we're all mother's here! Mother's of ideas and stories and characters that no one else would have made.

I am glad my words found their way into your heart but I don't call LookingForABetterLife that, instead I call him found it as a way to kind of affirm his intention.

Hehe do it, make the pet mom thread!

a reply to: LucidWarrior

Hey we're all mother's here! Mother's of ideas and stories and characters that no one else would have made.

Hey, I like that!


I have to make ciggs and may get a phone call later from a friend. Going to poke around youtube to find something to watch. I'll be checking back here though. You can make the pet Mom thread if you'd like. If not, I'll think about it. lol

a reply to: LucidWarrior
Oh yeah. I got a lot done. Same with tonight. I can't wait until Tuesday. They're having a taco bar for staff.

a reply to: Skid Mark

Yum! Can we can go?

So I was having a really great day today. I woke up, posted a bunch here, and got a lot done I felt like, I felt like I really made some progress at connecting with myself.figured out I missed work yesterday which wouldn't have been so bad but I had intentionally missed work a couple times two weeks ago when I was feeling super depressed to where I didn't even want to get out of it though I couldn't stand it. So anyway I went in to work, got fired, kept my positive attitude, I was really feeling magical all day today, like I was finally making enough progress. Went to the card shop to play some games... Came home and just fell apart.

I literally can't help but feel like maybe the best thing for me to do is to just stop because it feels like the farther I go in understanding myself the more it seems clear to me that I can't change. I find, in order to preserve what semblance of sanity I yet maintain, I have to believe myself separate from this I have to see it as something that controls me and tries to influence me.

And no matter how many times I've said "bravery is acting despite fear" I can never seem to face my fears enough to defeat them, to absiove them. I run from them, mostly, but I run to them when I write. Yet I can't seem to break past.... Like I came home today and I was feeling good, turned off my phone because I was just gonna lay on my bed, think a bit and relax, maybe try and meditate... And I just fell apart, I felt a hollowness inside that threatens to consume me.

And the worst part is the little story I shared with you guys today is the perfect solution to this very plight! I had it it was such an accomplishment yet I ripped it away from my own fingers because it seems I would rather wallow than be happy with progress. But that is not me, I am not that sadness! I am staring at it. I ask again: why can't I do it? What makes me not do it? And the answer is only ever myself.

I know I am a good person, no matter how much I feel like I am not. I know I deserve love and have a whole lot of it to give. But I fear I can never live up to myself. I dear I will always fall back into this whole where I have not even the course to stand, to try and climb.

And yes I know star, courage is about trying again! I just feel so sperated even from that right now and it's slowly killing me.

If I went back far enough looking into their illustrious history. The first Ringling Brothers show in West Virginia took place in Martinsbug on October 8th, 1890. After 146 years of operation, 127 of those stopping in West Virginia and Ohio, and entertaining millions of people across the United States and Canada. We bid farewell to the Ringling Brothers and Barnum & Bailey Circus with one final chase along the Kanawha River Railroad and Norfolk Southern.

a reply to: LucidWarrior

It's so late and I haven't been to bed yet. I'm not sure I understand what it is that went so wrong with you today. Your depression has taking such a hold of you and doesn't seem to be letting go. I don't know if you are still here Hun, but find your inner strength and try to climb above this.


You seem like a wonderful soul to me. What is it that you are trying to live up to? Oh I wish I could think more clearly, be more articulate in what I want to say to you. Don't give up on yourself. Breath deep. Try not to over think anything. Maybe a counselor could help you and give you some insight in how to help yourself. I hate to bring up meds at your young age, but at least talk to someone who could help you. We love you and need you here in the shed Sweetie. Don't be so hard on yourself.

Try to see yourself through my eyes. I see someone who is intelligent and a kind, gentle soul, who is filled with talent and brings joy to others. Hang in there Lucid. HUGS!