a reply to: LucidWarrior
Hey Lucid...thank you for taking the time to write that out for me.
I think you're being very hard on yourself, and that I can relate to.
But now that I'm in my 50's and have raised 3 kids...I am able to see how much my character has matured and grown.
I understand how my daughter's think/feel in their 20's because I can remember myself at that age. But now that I know myself at this age, I
understand that there is a lot where they aren't able to relate to me.
Shame and guilt can be overwhelming and sometimes we make them larger than life inside our own heads. We've all done things we aren't proud of, but
this is where I am going to tell you a very important quote.
This was written by author Maya Angelou..."Do the best you can until you know better. Then when you know better, do better."
That quote has helped me so many times. Now I'm at a place where I know that I am in control of my words and my actions and I choose my own
behaviour. There is NO way I could have said that in my 20's or 30's...or even into my 40's.
Every experience I've had, both positive and negative...have all impacted me and I've learned so much. It's all a learning experience and you're not
expected to know everything at your age (or any age).
The way to help work off your bad karma, or repay to humanity what you think you're guilty of...is to be better, the next time a situation arises.
Remember the behaviour that you don't want to repeat and choose a better way of dealing with things. It won't be long before you start feeling proud
of yourself for having this ability...and you will want to do it again.
My heart hurts to think that you feel like you've been "horrible". We are ALL capable of being horrible and sometimes emotions take control.
Learning to understand your emotional reactions leads to being able to control them somewhat, and there is both power and satisfaction in that. (good
power, self control I mean...not power over others)
Being young in this society is not easy. You're a very talented writer and you express yourself well. There is much positivity there to focus
on...let your light shine brightly, I can see it.