The Shed 15

A good day to you all!

Loved the philosophical talks in here!!

Mac, it's been a while and it's so nice to see you here today!

Lucid, you left me broken hearted last night/early morning. I saw you in turmoil and didn't quite know what to say or do.

Swanne and those who reached out to our new young friend, you were awesome!

I wish our lovely Mom's in here a lovely Mother's Day tomorrow!

a reply to: Night Star



Yo how are you doing Raine?

a reply to: swanne

Hello beautiful dragon! I'm ok. On my second cup of coffee and hoping to start my laundry soon. Yeah, the laundry I should have done yesterday, but had to help Mark out and then didn't feel like doing anything else. LOL


God, I love that avatar! We have so many great avatars in here!

a reply to: Night Star

Thanks!

Hm, laundry is cool. Which reminds me that I should be doing mine some time soon.

Lucky for me I just had a brand new washing machine. I used to wash my clothes by hand.

a reply to: swanne

Alive is good.

a reply to: Skid Mark

Yes. However Dracula is getting jealous.

John, sure you glad you have a new washing machine. I can't imagine doing it all by hand!

Hiya Skiddy!

Going to do that laundry now.

a reply to: Night Star

Thank you for caring enough to feel pain for me, star, though I am sorry to cause it upon you. think you did more than enough, it would have been fine if people just said 'im here I see you its ok' haha. Really though you did enough, ok? Really.

a reply to: LucidWarrior

Ok my Sweet boy!

a reply to: swanne

Well, ok haha. It feels more Rocky than anything tho!

.

originally posted by: swanne
a reply to: LucidWarrior


I simply don't deserve it, yet there you are, treating me with kindness, whereas all my life I was thrown in the darkness.

I hope I'm not interrupting, but I have a question for both you swanne and LucidWarrior.

A couple of years ago I was having regular coffee dates with a buddy, a young man aged 20-21 at the time...we met in a store and became instand friends, despite the age gap. I'm old enough to be his mother.

He was deep and interesting, and a writer too. We had long discussions about the world and life, and not a lot about our personal lives.

But he could be either of you, with the way he spoke and wrote. One thing I see in common is something that I can't seem to understand. The above quote...about being undeserving.

My friend appeared to be such a quality person to me, but he seemed convinced that he was undeserving of love or even happiness really...and I could never get any answers from him that made sense to me about why.

I've spent many years mentoring young people along with voluntarily tutoring at my kids' school, and I've been entrusted with many personal stories over time. I'm pretty good at understanding why/how other people feel but this "unworthiness" is something I seem to have encountered fairly recently.

If anyone wants to respond, that would be great. If not, that's fine too. (replies can also be via private messages if anyone wants to) I'm not trying to centre anybody out here, just really would like to understand this better so that I can advise/counsel anyone in the future, with a better perspective.
jacy

a reply to: jacygirl

For me it's because when I have experienced holding my truth and not being able to fit into it. Like having something and wanting to share it but never being able to do it justice, not sure how much of that is because entropy.

I have experienced myself as a horrible person to do horrible things... Finding myself unable to stop them... And still perceive that the person that did those things is still me, despite how much I believe that I am separate because of my guilt.

I try and use the guilt to bridge into action but like I said I find continued evidence of my own iniwuity everywhere. I do see my light- but it's relegated to something that is far from me, that I have to attain because it is something I feel that I have left it.

I have such a weak will and power of attention and those are the two best tools anyone could have... So I try and wrote, the one tool I am good at it seems, and I find clarity and meaning but then fail to apply it to myself in any lasting manner.

a reply to: LucidWarrior

Hey Lucid...thank you for taking the time to write that out for me.

I think you're being very hard on yourself, and that I can relate to.
But now that I'm in my 50's and have raised 3 kids...I am able to see how much my character has matured and grown.

I understand how my daughter's think/feel in their 20's because I can remember myself at that age. But now that I know myself at this age, I understand that there is a lot where they aren't able to relate to me.

Shame and guilt can be overwhelming and sometimes we make them larger than life inside our own heads. We've all done things we aren't proud of, but this is where I am going to tell you a very important quote.
This was written by author Maya Angelou..."Do the best you can until you know better. Then when you know better, do better."

That quote has helped me so many times. Now I'm at a place where I know that I am in control of my words and my actions and I choose my own behaviour. There is NO way I could have said that in my 20's or 30's...or even into my 40's.

Every experience I've had, both positive and negative...have all impacted me and I've learned so much. It's all a learning experience and you're not expected to know everything at your age (or any age).

The way to help work off your bad karma, or repay to humanity what you think you're guilty of...is to be better, the next time a situation arises. Remember the behaviour that you don't want to repeat and choose a better way of dealing with things. It won't be long before you start feeling proud of yourself for having this ability...and you will want to do it again.

My heart hurts to think that you feel like you've been "horrible". We are ALL capable of being horrible and sometimes emotions take control. Learning to understand your emotional reactions leads to being able to control them somewhat, and there is both power and satisfaction in that. (good power, self control I mean...not power over others)

Being young in this society is not easy. You're a very talented writer and you express yourself well. There is much positivity there to focus on...let your light shine brightly, I can see it.
jacy

a reply to: Martin75

Yes!! A gif from My Little Pony!

I love MLP!

Sorry everybody...I guess I'm in counsellor mode this afternoon.

I've been helping a sick friend (the one I've mentioned who had colostomy surgery before Christmas)...and a month ago her Mom passed away.
With it being Mother's Day tomorrow, she has been really upset so we spent some time today talking and I guess I'm still trying to 'make everybody feel better' now that I'm home.

Anyways, I'm off to eat some supper and watch a movie.
I hope everyone is having a good weekend. I will likely be here early in the morning.
*group hug*
jacy

(LucidWarrior...hope I wasn't getting too personal. I don't like anybody feeling bad about themselves when I'm always able to see the good in them.)

a reply to: jacygirl

Hey Jacy, your welcome and thanks in return.

I agree I am being too hard on myself but I fear what should happen if I let up...

Definitely not too personal

Jacy, lovely responses! We all get personal in here at one time or another. It's ok with me anyway. Must be that loving and compassionate thing we all have going on in here. Sorry I missed you earlier!

Jess, LOVE that gif! LOL

This thing with people feeling undeserving and all...I have seen it in adults as well as younger people, even been there myself before. First we must all realize that we are human beings and not perfect. Everyone makes mistakes and learns from them. Everyone falls down now and again and has to pick themselves up. Everyone here is worthy of respect, love and admiration. Yes admiration. I admire the colorful mix of all the different and wonderful personalities in here. For one, you may respect their wisdom, for another it might be their courage or humor or talent etc. We are all beautiful spirits having a human experience.

I just love the hearts of our fellow Sheddites! No one is above another. Here, we walk side by side.

The shed

Can you see the light, flickering there, like a magnificent star? Can you hear the song, drifting in the wind, stirring possibility. Can you feel the thrum of magic as it beats it's time? Can you feel the smile of another, can you share your tears?

If so you are welcome here