a reply to: Night Star
"You seem like a wonderful soul to me. What is it that you are trying to live up to?"
Exactly that- "a kind, gentle soul, who is filled with talent and brings joy to others" I know it's not something I can ever become because I already
am but I feel like it's just not something I ever do except when I write!
I'm also trying to live up to those pictures.
Today though was different I made several huge steps in myself, in reaching a place of inner excellence from which to proceed, of magic... And yet...
I came to house and I just watched it slip away and was powerless to stop it or just didn't try and I'm not sure which is which or worse... It was
like finally coming home from a long journey away for no reason and back and having to leave right away on another one without even going inside. A
warriors struggle, but for my souls freedom to fly..
Man river of tears is like the going away song and the eternal forest is the coming back song.
The Muse is my very soul, the ink my lifeblood... But I wish to stand, to fly from the page where I feel at home and really me out into the rest of
the world where it's like I cannot even stand. And when I finally made progress and just watched it slip away as the depression rolled in... And then
once that hits it's like I can't do anything against it except despair as I try and reach for my own light!
It's ever as simple as action yet I can only ever seem to find my way back to the door and stare through it, trying to will my body through, trying
to jump through mental hoops in darkness... I had thought that bad enough but imagine the despair of finally making it through and then getting pulled
right back in!
"Hang in there Lucid"
I'm gripping into the doorframe with all I've got! Got my sights set on it, even if I don't always follow the course. The thought that I could lose
my bearings while I'm on my journey and never be able to come back to my soul? That's why I write in the first place. Also why I post my self as much
as I am able to and why I came to you guys here. And why I am taking seriously your consideration to seek professional help.
"I don't know if you are still here Hun, but find your inner strength and try to climb above this." Always trying to! Always feel like I'm failing
edit on 13-5-2017 by LucidWarrior because: Hugs first
edit on 13-5-2017 by LucidWarrior because: Phone literally just loaded