Am I going (more) insane?

To everyone who has contributed to this thread...

I really appreciate your time on this folks. I have had a hell of a year, this issue entire has envenerated me enormously. It's hard enough to deal with ones obsolescence, without people grinding that fact into ones face through sheer ignorance and stupidity.

To those considering conflict of interest, regarding my friend and the woman I was interested in...

I should have been more clear. My friend, who is a female herself, has never met the lady in whom I had interest, does not even live in the same county. My friend had to scour my social media presence in order to contact her. She went out of her way to place herself in the situation despite my making it perfectly clear that my reasons for not wanting to say anything were, as near as can be, perfect in their logic, and that I had made my choices for the right reasons.

Sounds like she had good intentions.... but I cannot understand why she would not understand your anger and simply apologize for her mistake.

It might be better for you to find a way to forgive her... to keep in mind that her act was driven by real care for you (probably a desire to help you get together with this person ) and it was just a bad call. That happens. She might just be responding in an angry way because she feels you don't get that her heart was in the right place.
It seems to me women more often get worked up about not having their intentions understood or taken into account.
Well, actually, that is sort of the case for everyone.

That's why I really think being explicit about what is in your heart is important. I have made similar mistakes in the past, sharing things people told me, because they didn't tell me it was supposed to be a secret. They just figured they didn't need to say that. But I am very rarely surprised or shocked by peoples intimate revelations and have a hard time discerning what they would feel is sensitive information.

I am totally trustworthy if a friend tells me to keep my mouth shut though.

a reply to: TrueBrit

I don't know you well and just hope you get yourself sorted for Christmas and get a little 'sugar' your way too. You seem like a decent bloke and these times will pass soon enough

Look forward and march on...

a reply to: Kandinsky

Hahaha!

Thank you very much Kandinsky, the image of Santa shaking his merry butt is a comedic balm of unexpected strength!

a reply to: TrueBrit
Not to give her excuses but the betrayer probably was tired of seeing you moon over the other woman and wanted to help. Wait... moon? I'm sorry. You're too METAL to moon. You're a manly man. You don't moon. I wouldn't even say you pine. I wouldn't even say you carry a torch for her (although that is kind of metal). I imagine if you had a torch you'd make a pyre.

Anywho, if I was in your shoes I'd probably be mad too. She shouldn't have done it, I hope things work out.

originally posted by: TrueBrit
a reply to: Kandinsky

Hahaha!

Thank you very much Kandinsky, the image of Santa shaking his merry butt is a comedic balm of unexpected strength!

That's all anyone wants here - a cheered up TB.

a reply to: Skid Mark

'Mooning' used to be such an innocent, romantic term.

Nowadays it's more likely to be a selfie of a backside

a reply to: TrueBrit

Like most here, I believe your friend meant well. He should also be apologizing to you for the situation his misguided intentions caused. It is ridiculous that he should be angry with you.

a reply to: Kandinsky
I know. I just can't imagine him mooning somebody though.

a reply to: reldra

crappy first post is it a psyop

a reply to: Kandinsky
Maybe his friend is sick of hearing about his feelings about this woman and decided to do something about it, since TB was never going to summon the courage to do so.

I'm sick of hearing about it and that's just from logging in here a few times a day.

I know he said that he JUST told his friend about his feelings but I suspect, without explicitly saying so, he talks about this woman all the time.

This isn't high school.... If you have feelings for someone have the balls to tell them or don't. It's ok if you don't, but then let it go.

originally posted by: TrueBrit
To everyone who has contributed to this thread...

I really appreciate your time on this folks. I have had a hell of a year, this issue entire has envenerated me enormously. It's hard enough to deal with ones obsolescence, without people grinding that fact into ones face through sheer ignorance and stupidity.

To those considering conflict of interest, regarding my friend and the woman I was interested in...

I should have been more clear. My friend, who is a female herself, has never met the lady in whom I had interest, does not even live in the same county. My friend had to scour my social media presence in order to contact her. She went out of her way to place herself in the situation despite my making it perfectly clear that my reasons for not wanting to say anything were, as near as can be, perfect in their logic, and that I had made my choices for the right reasons.

In that case, you friend likes you, and is looking for a reason not to.

To the friend: tell them "your an asshole for doing that". They appologize all is good,if not cross of friends list. Either way move on.

To the woman: say " hey, sorry my friend said that but I really like you, if your interested at all lets go grab a cup of coffee or dinner. If not I understand and I'll leave you alone." Either way. Move on.

Either way possible relationship is ruined because he made you look like a fool, and thats why you angry. Ignore him, dont answer or open door and act like nothing happaned. The girl, forget her.

Either way possible relationship is ruined because he made you look like a fool, and thats why you angry. Ignore him, dont answer or open door and act like nothing happaned. The girl, forget her.

a reply to: Vector99

Ha... no...

That boat sailed many years ago, waaaaaay before my friend had kids with her current partner. It was very odd, did not work at all well, and was very awkward indeed. Theres no flame lit there.

You just found out more about your "Friend" than you ever knew.... sad but true.

People will deflect to take the attention and or blame from them when they know the are Wrong.

Your still sane.... for now.

originally posted by: TrueBrit
a reply to: Vector99

Ha... no...

That boat sailed many years ago, waaaaaay before my friend had kids with her current partner. It was very odd, did not work at all well, and was very awkward indeed. Theres no flame lit there.

Ok so I hit close to the point.

She likes you still.

a reply to: TrueBrit

I'd be fuming if a friend scoured my social media to find another unconnected friend to send an unsolicited message.
Now you've explained that I'm on your side, that was snakey as #.

As for the girl who you fancied, just tell her you're a grown up and just friends is cool.
I'd make a joke of it and tell her she should be glad because at least you don't think she's a munter!

Nothing insane about you. If you feel you've been betrayed, then you have been, although I don't know it's horrible enough to end your friendship with the offender. Ask her for an apology. If you get one, accept it and resume your friendship.

Actually I've had this kind of thing happened to me, although it was like, highschool, or something. The rule is if you have a crush on somebody, you want them to know it.

I'm thinking your pal was operating on this rule, but still, it hasn't gone over well with you, and she needs to admit it and apologize.

a reply to: Vector99

If that's the case, then this is a greater betrayal than I thought it was.

See, when you really like someone, what you want does not matter nearly as much as ensuring that the person you like is happy, healthy, getting along just fine. A case in point, the way I feel about the woman I am into. I know that she has no such intention or feeling toward me (aside from a friendship which existed previous to my romantic interest), but that she does need her friends around her at the moment. She is living with chronic pain, dealing with stresses and concerns to do with past relationship failure, money troubles. She needs friends, not complications and awkwardness.

She should have been able to rely on my uncomplicated friendship, and to make sure that was provided, I specifically did not mention anything to her, because why should she have to deal with my interest in her, on top of all the other things that are going on in her life? More to the point, why should I put her through the hardship of having to carefully tell me that she is not interested, when I already had a feeling that was the case anyway, and when she is not yet match fit from the other stresses in her life?

If I made it necessary for her to make that call and think those thoughts, to fill her head with yet another thing to worry about, how selfish and uncaring would that be? Very.

If my friend had any concern for my feelings at all, she would have kept her damned mouth shut about this, not snuck around behind my back and spoken a word of it to a soul, not a single solitary soul, like I know she expects me to do with her close secrets and confidences. It should be easy for her. She does not live in this county, she does not have an independent relationship with anyone else in my social circle. In the Venn Diagram of my life, she intersects with PERHAPS, one other person than myself, on the chart relating to my social group.