ATS Match Makers

A recent thread suggested an ATS dating site (bad idea) which got me to thinking (another bad idea) that we could have some fun pairing up some of our friends on this site with who we feel would be their soul mates, or frenemies if the inclination struck you.

You need to explain why these two people would be perfect together; they both think aliens built the pyramids or they have a penchant for posting in popular BTS topics. Current relationship status is irrelevant, they are all single for this silly purpose. The rules are do not be mean or offensive since we are all one big happy dysfunctional family.

I will go first. Since I like the whole 'opposites attract' trope I think I will pair Zazzafrazz, our own crazy cat lady, with Butcherguy, since he has such a love for our feline friends. The fur will probably fly literally at first, as one by one the cats are tossed out a window, but deep down inside their love for all things conspiracy will see them walk hand in hand into a beautiful sunset, partially clouded by chemtrails of course.

a reply to: AugustusMasonicus

I read your stuff just because you always crack me up. One of the funniest guys on here. Looking forward to seeing the match ups.. lol

a reply to: AugustusMasonicus
I have to admit when I saw the thread title and your name, my first thought was "Uh oh. What's he up to now?" I just knew it would be something hilarious. I wasn't wrong.

a reply to: misskat1

Thank you. But you kind of stepped into it now by entering the thread.

Since you have, in several Survival Forum posts, made it clear that you are stockpiling massive quantities of food for some sort of zombie apocalypse (which, in case you don't know gets you earmarked by the government for further scrutiny) I decided to partner you up with someone who can cook all that chow while you hunker in your bunker built for two.

Bigfatfurrytexan is my favorite cook on this site who also shares your distrust of zombies and the government. When the Feds finally do come a knockin' you know your grub will be rockin'. I hope you like washing dishes since like most cooks, he doesn't clean.

May I throw you and Benevolent Heretic together.

You have good banter

a reply to: AugustusMasonicus

You know me too well, I will now go stalk fat and furry. lol

a reply to: Skid Mark

As our resident film reviewer, you have more threads on that forum than sanity permits, I think you should be paired with Reldra who has been known to doze off during the same films you reviewed.

This is actually a very positive thing because it means:

You can watch what you want
You can eat all the popcorn
You can talk at the television and not piss anyone off
You can replay the nudie scenes

You are officially our new ATS Siskel and Ebert (but with a chick).

a reply to: MrsNonSpecific

I have no control over your match making abilities. Just tell us all why as inanely as possible.

a reply to: AugustusMasonicus

Only a hunch, with a comment you made on one of my threads..

I accidentally thought you were together anyway and then she caught you snooping round the polygamy thread that was a hot topic at the time, and you were like, 'busted'.

I do realise I am a little useless at this thread, having not been around here for a long time.

I feel a little bit like.... who do I know?... Not many people.

My gut is rarely ever wrong, but as you pointed out, our preconceptions based on statements on threads is all that is driving our match making here.

a reply to: MrsNonSpecific

Ha, I remember that one, that was pretty funny.

Works for me unless someone re-pairs me with another person (which can be done by the way since I get to make the rules).

a reply to: AugustusMasonicus

I figured you would claim all the women for yourself.

a reply to: AugustusMasonicus

Maybe you picked up some hints and tips on the polygamy thread.

You saucy Gladiator!

originally posted by: Kali74

I figured you would claim all the women for yourself.

Well, I am an admitted giant horndog but another rule is that you cannot self-pair. It must be mandated by another member otherwise you would be in my harem by now.

originally posted by: MrsNonSpecific
May I throw you and Benevolent Heretic together.

Yes. I like "throwing". I can't say why.

And we have the same hat!

a reply to: Benevolent Heretic

Muhahahahah.

I divorce you. I divorce you. I divorce you.

Now that we have that formality out of the way I think I will pair you and your Shepherds up with Shamrock since it would be fun to sick your doggies on the popo instead of the other way around. The couple that can take a bite out of crime, for real.

a reply to: AugustusMasonicus

Always thought you had a thing for Boymonkey personally

originally posted by: and14263
Always thought you had a thing for Boymonkey personally

Shhhhhh! I'm saving him for something special.

a reply to: AugustusMasonicus
Not bad at all lol.

a reply to: Benevolent Heretic

Now that you are newly single (sorry it didn't last) who are you playing Cupid with?

a reply to: Skid Mark

Is there love in anyone's future?