a reply to:
DeadSeraph
I can so relate to your main post, it's almost heart breaking and I feel for you.
I have close family along with the long time SO's family as well; (I'm a girl and I've been with him for over 8 years now, and they are finally over
the fact we aren't "married") We may when we're ready but it will be on our own terms. They have jaded us, and now we just enjoy screwing with them.
It's just a piece of paper anyway.
Your post really struck a note with me, because I have always been the "outcast" too. Not in a bad way (to others) but for myself. I never fit in with
my peers. I was always a very feminine tomboy and no sex knew how to react to that. Beings homeschooled did not help. I could hop off of my dirtbike
around the local rural neighbor boys after getting my own studies done early and they wouldn't know what to think. The girls were even worse off. I
quickly felt alienated and alone. This went on for years.
My mother found another homeschool family in our neighborhood when I was young. Needless to say we all hit it off and became friends. I was best
friends with one of the daughters who was less than a year younger than me; parents became friends; all siblings became friends. This led to trips to
Mexico. (Which I had grown up doing and they became invited) for camping on the beach of Rocky Point Mexico and I had been racing grown men on my CR
85, TRX 450 quad and my old school 81? Kawasaki 450 dirt bike up competition hill.
Any way long story short. I ended up fancying the oldest brother (I was the oldest sister) we hit it off, caused some waves amongst the families with
extra drama peppered in. Wasn't great for years. "You took 'so and so' away and I blame you'; it's all your fault" You know how it goes...
Well YEARS later the families are over it (finally!!!) for ever differing reasons, yet I/him are still sort of the "excepted" outcasts. AKA black
sheep. It can be really awkward and weird, but we wear our badges with pride and his family kind of accepts it now too
Anyway, In my every day life; I have social anxiety that I thought I got over, but it has started up again with being randomly harassed on the street
walking to the beach while my SO's at work. Thought I was over it!!! Have had a few uncomfortable situations that have brought all of my insecurities
back though... I digress however.
I want to be nice to people, honestly, but I keep finding out they want to take advantage of me! I understand what you're saying.
Since moving away from both kinda sorta toxic families, drifting around the country with the SO (Forman solar electrician work
) I feel alive, yet
home sick.... For something that is not a reality. Something I want to know but have never had... Sure I love my families. But it has never been an
unconditional love, from their ends.... Anyway...
I'm so sorry if I have just rambled and talked about myself, but your post just struck a true cord in me. Thanks a lot for that.
I hope you feel the best you can. And really, no matter how great the people around you; all you have is yourself. You are amazing and you are capable
to overcome and persevere.
(Again sorry for rambling on, towards no point whatsoever)
~Allie
edit on 21-4-2017 by Ilovemygreatdanes because: (no reason given)
edit on 21-4-2017 by Ilovemygreatdanes because: (no reason
given)
edit on 21-4-2017 by Ilovemygreatdanes because: (no reason given)
edit on 22-4-2017 by Ilovemygreatdanes
because: (no reason given)