Constantly feeling like I want to go home (but I don't know where home is)

I've had this feeling for many years now. The feeling of being homesick, and like I just want to go home, yet I don't know where home is. It has intensified to a great degree in the last few years.

To be fair, I recently went through a difficult breakup, and I am 500km away from my parents in a big city with no other family here, so there is that. But I've had this feeling before I even moved here.

I've always been...different. Even in high school, I was the black sheep of the misfits, and didn't even fit in with the crowd that didn't fit in. I don't think I've ever felt comfortable. I don't do well in crowded places, and I am generally a loner because I don't really relate to others all that well, and I have trouble making new friends. I'm now 34 years old (soon to be 35) and the only friends I have don't even live in the same country I do anymore, as they have moved away to pursue their careers.

It's not that I don't care about people. It's actually quite the opposite. Sometimes I'm completely overwhelmed by feelings of empathy towards others, like I can almost sense what they are dealing with in their day to day lives. Just perfect strangers waiting for the bus, etc.

Much of this has left me feeling isolated, and combined with recent life issues, I have fallen into a fairly deep depression (I was diagnosed with severe clinical depression as a young man, but it was better for about 15 years, until recently). This seems to have culminated in a very extreme feeling of being homesick, but not knowing where home is. As if I don't belong here, and never will.

Anyone else feel this way? I don't really expect anyone to solve my personal problems lol

I guess I just felt like venting, and hoping there might be others that can relate?

a reply to: DeadSeraph

Hang in there, man.

I am feeling increasingly detached from the world around me too. Not necessarily from people, especially the people I love. There was a little boy who fell at the book store this weekend and hit his face, and I was the one who was about to cry over it. So I know what you mean about being overwhelmed at times with empathy.

I can't imagine what it must be like to be isolated like you say you are. I have my family close, but the rest of it I know what you mean. I've always created fantasy worlds and characters and written about them to pull through it. If my own life can't be happy at the present, then I can at least create characters who do have happy lives, and in the process, I wind up examining facets of myself I might not have been aware of.

And I also have faith. I've always clung to the belief that God opens doors, sometimes later rather than sooner, but all things happen for a purpose and have meaning even if I can't figure out why at the time. And if I never know in my lifetime here ... well, someday, He'll call me home and I'll know then and it'll make sense. And I know that may seem cheesy, but there it is. It kept me going through the long, painful days of chronic migraine.

I have often felt like that. Longing for somewhere I feel I belong, spiritually, emotionally and physically, somewhere I can feel free to enjoy outdoors without feeling stared at or followed, somewhere that feels comfortable and relaxed, but yet to find that place.

I have a feeling it is somewhere, and within reach. Recently, though a bit stressed, I have realised I am more at peace with myself somehow, like a burden lightened slightly, I have let go of a lot of emotional baggage I guess, people that aren't healthy for me, old relationships, I see them with clarity now, I guess I have more of a realistic approach to my past and how I got to where I am now. I comprehend my emotional responses better.

As for empathy, I am sensitive though keep it controlled, I have to in my work. I have a lot of experience of dealing with people's emotions and issues, I have developed a certain level of cynicism for the human condition.

I never drank much alcohol since my 20's but over the last year or so have gradually stopped drinking the weekend glasses of wine and this has helped with the clarity.

a reply to: DeadSeraph

Have you done any travelling, or considered relocating to another Country?

..Helped me figure some things out. Still not sure where home is, but I feel like Im getting closer.

I get that feeling, too. Then I remind myself that the grass is often greener on the other side of the fence because the amount of BS used to fertilize it. Hang in there.

originally posted by: Tucket
a reply to: DeadSeraph

Have you done any travelling, or considered relocating to another Country?

..Helped me figure some things out. Still not sure where home is, but I feel like Im getting closer.

I've always wanted to travel, but I wasn't in a position to do so when I was younger. Moving to another country is out of the question for the time being, as I have a 4 year old daughter who I would like to remain close to

You describe the feeling so well, I can relate to much of what you wrote.

I haven't had this happen lately and the distinct feeling of wanting to "go home" has dissipated since I had kids. But when I was young I often used to blurt out "I want to go home!" when feeling sad or bored or any negative to neutral feeling. Mind you, I said this most often while at home. Fortunately I usually would be alone when I would voice it.

So... Yeah, I know the feeling of being homesick for a place that may not even exist. . Longing terribly for it. I have no idea what those feelings mean.

I'm lifting you up in prayer... And I'm sending you unsolicited internet hugs. (((Hugs))) Thanks for sharing this.

Time to take a break, get out there and see the real World. Out in the wilderness, getting close to nature.

Take a couple of months away from these forums, before you go mad..

I am about to do a similar thng, you need it.

originally posted by: Cobaltic1978
Time to take a break, get out there and see the real World. Out in the wilderness, getting close to nature.

Take a couple of months away from these forums, before you go mad..

I am about to do a similar thng, you need it.

You know, I think you might be on to something. I haven't been out camping or in nature for a very long time, and that is how I used to "recharge my batteries", so to speak. I used to try to go to the mountains at least once a year (i'm about a 3 hour drive from the rockies). It's been too long. Maybe I need to try and go for a camping trip this summer, even if it's just for a weekend.

a reply to: DeadSeraph

Nature has a way of making one listen to the Universe and finding direction.

a reply to: DeadSeraph

Firstly, Happy Birtoday!!

I had similar feelings for many decades. I live 1/8th of a mile from my childhood home..I ventured far, huh??

I focused solely on work for many years and, upon being successfull in my industry, had no children, no spouse, no boyfriend. Check, my only friend was my high school teacher! I graduated in 1980!

Two things happened to change the depressing path my life was on...

1. My father passed away. Yes, that was a sad, deeply emotional period but the community came together and, ultimately and oddly, this event lead to my meeting my husband and getting married.

2. Our honeymoon was determined by throwing a dart at the map of the USA and packing up the car to meander to and around the entire state where the dart landed...Idaho. I felt instantly connected to Idaho. A beautiful state and one in which we will retire to.

You never know what future event will result from a current event and, more importantly, when you find that special place, that place that is somewhere to lay your head, your sense of belonging will be instant and you will know it.

Be patient and keep yourself open to the boundless possibilities.

a reply to: DeadSeraph

I think you just wrote the "ATS Manifesto".

Either that or I was cloned and now talking to myself.

PM me any time. I will listen.

You might be a starseed. That longing to go home is a sign that your genes are not originally from Earth. If we are in the End Times, your soul is seeking peace.

wanting to go home but in same sence that ever night i look up at stars and think i know theres other things out there,its actually an obsession that i can,t get out my head.

don,t have a blind or curtains up at window at moment cause blind broke so windows been exposed for quite a while and haven,t replaced it cause i feel calm looking out at the night stars.

gf is like i,m a weirdo which i mite be but like you feeling you want to go home,i get that looking up at sky every night.

Interesting thread... because I always thought I felt homesick because I'm an immigrant, caught between two worlds, belonging nowhere. Guess the feeling just happens.

It made me really depressed when I was young, until I moved in my thirties to the really amazing town I now live in. Then I started having dreams that left me feeling utterly homesick, for the dream world, that I couldn't shake off all day. Perhaps the feeling is just symbolic for not fitting in for various reasons because I am also a misfit that doesn't fit in with the misfits.

Hang in there, the whole relationship thing won't be helping. Give it time and focus on healing and your child.

a reply to: DeadSeraph

I feel you Dead. 3 years ago I moved 400 miles away from home to take a job in my chosen career otherwise not available. 2 years later after "missing to many days" (I have COPD) the employer kicked me to the curb. I've been out of work 11 months, 4 of those homeless. My day encompasses filling out online applications to which after hundreds completed resulted in two interviews for part time work that I didn't get.

I neither drink, drug or am mentally unsound but it's wearing on me man.

Luckily the county I'm in has services available to the down and out looking for work.

I'm in a shelter (clean and sober only admitted and they test regularly) with three meals a day, clothes vouchers, haircut vouchers, various social services etc.

Many of my fellow unfortunates are veterans, families, and middle aged who are financially strapped.

I get the sense my family back "home" have grown tired of hearing about my situation and I rarely communicate with them anymore.

I'm learning home is a state of mind constantly in flux.

You are home because everywhere you go, there you are.

So, along that train of thought...maybe this longing is about connecting to your authentic self...?

ETA...it could also have to do with ego death or even simply growing up and yearning for the comparative comfort and safety of the blissful ignorance that is childhood.

a reply to: DeadSeraph

I am currently in my living room. My mother is just around the corner in the little area we use for our dinner table, where she has her little PC running. My sister lives just down the street, and last night my son was over here for a few hours. We had a great time, and have done ever since we first met, just before Christmas.

And yet, I know exactly what you mean. People who feel they are getting disconnected from the life they are living, in my experience at least, generally tend to suffer from a lack of nature in their lives. We sit in our concrete boxes, jacked into the datanet, the television news. When we are out and about, we see people walking through their lives, not even really interacting with them, just moving through the world without really experiencing it, so caught up are they with the dross of the daily grind.

When does anyone take a day off to go to the wild places, where trees and forests dominate the landscape, where hills and valleys, lush with green life, sprawl across the eye, nourishing the soul?

DeadSeraph, I would urge you to get some food, drink, and other assorted kit into a bag, and go for a walk in a wild place. A few hours, maybe a day or two if you have the spare time, can work WONDERS for the human heart. Being out in the natural places, amongst the bugs, the critters, the plants and trees, sounds like a simpletons response to the sort of sensation you are having, but I can assure you from personal experience, that it is not. We are not MEANT to pay bills, do banking, spend time re-negotiating our energy bills, or dealing with government nonsense, and we certainly are not meant to watch the evening news.

Our bodies are built for being out doors, absorbing all weathers, for being about the true business of humanity, which is to be the only animal walking the world which has the capacity to think poetically about its experiences. We are never closer to our original state, than when we find ourselves surrounded by unfamiliar woodland, or a mountain we have never stood upon the summit of. That is where we belong, what we are for. Simple lives, lived simply. It is not always practical for reasons of mortal concerns, like family, and work, to make time for these things, but in my experience, they are as necessary as breathing in and out.

Take a hike somewhere, and bathe in the glory of being. That is where human kind is most at home.

a reply to: dezertdog

Wow. Sounds like you are having a challenging time in your life. I hope things improve for you soon!

a reply to: kosmicjack

So, along that train of thought...maybe this longing is about connecting to your authentic self...?

I suppose. That's sort of a problem though. If I have a purpose, I have no idea what it is. Maybe I'm just having a midlife crisis?

ETA...it could also have to do with ego death or even simply growing up and yearning for the comparative comfort and safety of the blissful ignorance that is childhood.

That is definitely something I have felt ever since I was a teenager. Sounds cheesey, but I think I've been mourning the loss of childhood ever since.