Constantly feeling like I want to go home (but I don't know where home is)

a reply to: TrueBrit

You took the words right out of my mouth.

The mountains in my avatar picture are my home, I was away from them for too many years while I was in the military. The whole time I could feel them pulling me back.

a reply to: DeadSeraph

DeadSeraph, you are not alone in feeling like that. There are many times I feel like I do not belong here, in this place or time. There are times I want to go home to but do not know where that is either. I have even vocalized it out-loud, saying "I want to go home" but do not know where I would go, but I just did not want to be where I was. I feel better that I saw VegHead say that too, so I don't feel alone. Over the years to I lost friends as they became busy with their lives.

I too am gong through a breakup. First a divorce, and moved out of what was my house for the last 7 years and a 12 year relationship. After moving forward, just when I found the woman I thought I was going to be with for the rest of my life, that relationship is over. I started a new job very far with horrible hours and days off. I feel more displaced than ever before. Most my possessions are in a storage unit and I kind of feel homeless (I am staying in a small room back with my parents), I can't afford my old house payments and a apartment (the house has not sold yet).

Now I more lost then ever I have lost my bearings. Maybe what everyone is saying about nature is right I need a mini vacation but with new job it is hard to take time.

Hang in there DeadSeraph, you are not alone!

a reply to: tRiP2BrAiN

Neither are you

I guess that was the point of this thread. Those of us who feel this way could at least reinforce each other somehow.

reminds me of the old saying "Home, is where the Heart is"

I've also "just wanted to go Home" for many years, I have the idea that the feeling of home is more a desire for a time of our life where we were happy in the past, or for a feeling of love, acceptance, of belonging, that we experienced one time or another, rather than a physical place.

I'm a bit flat at the moment and not running at 100% so I'll probably add more to this later. TBH, I just want to go home......

a reply to: DeadSeraph

Thank you DeadSeraph, this thread could not come at a better time!

a reply to: DeadSeraph

makes two of us
maybe u are not from this planet

a reply to: DeadSeraph

ats can be ur bunker for now

originally posted by: DeadSeraph
I've had this feeling for many years now. The feeling of being homesick, and like I just want to go home, yet I don't know where home is. It has intensified to a great degree in the last few years.

You are a gifted individual and you probably never knew it.

This is why you have difficulties understanding most people.

This is why you cannot easily find your place in this society.


You are simply hard-wired differently than most people. Yet there are also many people like you. Learn to recognize them, make friend with them. They will help you find your place in this world.



How do I know you are gifted? I just know it.

- I bet you are rather smart compared to most people, yet it doesn't mean you automatically performed extraordinary in school.
- You are highly sensitive, can hear high-pitched sounds. You notice quickly small details.
- You have a good memory
- You are an introvert and often have difficulties with social interactions
- You have a high sense of justice and do not understand why everyone doesn't
- You feel different but can't explain why
- etc...

I could continue like that for pages.





I see people like you everyday. Society doesn't like to acknowledge some people are wired differently in a way that makes them "more" (intelligent, sensible,...). It's OK to acknowledge retards exist, but talking about gifted people is always delicate because it often hurts the sensibility of those who aren't. There is no reason for this though. Gifted people suffer a lot through life and often end up depressive. You are most likely gifted too.


Just know there are tons of people like you, all slightly different. Read on the topic to know yourself better. What are your strengths and weakness. Also please don't fall for the new-age trap like many others, starting to label yourself "indigo" or "crystal".

It's not a new age thing. You aren't an alien away from home. You are a gifted person and people like you existed among humans for thousands of years. You are outside the norm but it's not so exceptional that we need to put a paranormal label to it. It's perfectly normal actually and a consequences of the statistical distribution of characteristics.

Find people you can relate with, with similar interests, values, ways of thinking. You can find such people everywhere, just become aware of the small signs telling you people with similar thinking as you. Make them your friends/partners. Some will be gifted too, some won't, but in the end they will be the home you were look for.


This giftedness shouldn't define your identity though. You are still a human, you are not from a different species. Understanding your difference will simply help to accept yourself and others better, and how to fit in this society where you are a minority and not a majority. In that regard your challenges are similar to a lot of other people on Earth, people who have handicaps, people who belong to minority cultures, people who have unique physiques. Your challenge is not so different from theirs. Your difference isn't your body or your culture. It's the way your nervous system and analytical mind are performing.

a reply to: DeadSeraph

You have really illustrated a problem which many feel at some level,and I believe the advice about re connecting with nature will help you a good deal.
The thing is,we folks of modern"civilisation"are simply living wrong.
For many thosaunds of years humans were hunter gatherers,living in tune with the beautiful natural world,yet now we sit in concrete boxes staring at screens and pressing buttons all day,then we jump in our motorised tin cans and drive home where we often continue to stare at other screens and continue to press buttons.

We simply do not interact with the world or other humans as we did for millenia,and that IMO causes us to feel oddly homesick.
An old comic I used to read called it "future shock,"which describes it well I think.

Get reconnected with nature-even if just for one afternoon a week,and you will soon start to feel better.
All humans need that these days.

a reply to: DeadSeraph

Most people are feeling this, but many will not admit it.

The current illusion we call life might not be our true reality.

originally posted by: Realtruth
The current illusion we call life might not be our true reality.

Life is very real and not an illusion. The illusion is only to believe we are nothing but a body.

Doesn't make this life less real though.

a reply to: DeadSeraph

I have also felt like this throughout my life, I am a quite outgoing person in work but do not like to mix with others our have a friendship base outside of my family and partner. I also find I have an emphatic nature but do not like inviting people into the 'bubble' of personnel life and hate with a passion the idea of having people visiting my house (never had a birthday party or housewarming event at home) at school I was also the loner (by choice) and have always proffered my own company.

Apparently though I wasn't always like this, my mother told me I was always making friends and being the centre of attention as young child, but one day whilst on holiday I was beaten up by some older children (strangers to me and my family) who were playing with me and beat me up for no reason , and after that I would not leave the holiday home and being fearful of others I didn't know, becoming reclusive seems to started at that point and seeped into my character. I don't remember this childhood incident but it seems to explain why I developed into the person I am today and wary of others.

Maybe something happened in your childhood that developed the feelings you have sub consciously? It may be worth checking with your family to see. Hope this is of some help knowing you are not the only one out there.

A reply to: DeadSeraph

I used to have these dreams all the time from childhood to adult hood where I would be somewhere not far from where I live, I would this intense feeling of really wanting to go home but I would always have to walk and fight my way across a river just to get to my street... Other times I would just be down the road and I would run cause I know I'm almost home! I would get to a stop sign by my house and I would be soo happy cause I can see it, there it is home... But just as I'm going through the neighbors yard I'm stopped by an invisible force, no matter how the dream starts the reocurring themes are I always want to go home but I can never quite make it there's a force that won't let me...
Idk if this story is off topic but it's what immediately came to mind when I read your story

a reply to: Develo

Do you have any more information on what you wrote please. I can relate to all things you wrote and would love for you to expand in further details on this issue.

a reply to: thepitpony

Just google giftedness from modern psychology sources and stay away from new age nonsense.

It is a very documented subject, it's just society in general still considering it a taboo to acknowledge many individuals are more sensible and have more efficient thought processes than most people.

Intuition is just another word for fast unconscious information processing. Mentalism is actually abusing the general ignorance about such a widespread reality and making a show out of it.

If you know how the human mind works and if you process info faster than others you have basically all the keys to manipulate others. Salesmen, cult leaders, hypnotists and politicians don't want you to knoe this.

It's not a secret though. Most people just don't care or can't understand all this.


Also giftedness is absolutely not a blessing. It can devolve into autism, it can cause depression and social rejection, basically if it's not understood it often leads the person to believe he has some kind of powers or that he is alien compared to most. It of course not true at all. As much as 10% of the population can be considered gifted. That's almost 1 billion individuals. Just not the majority.

A bit like being left-handed


Also it doesn't mean you can't be spiritual or things like that. Actually most gifted people are spiritual or more open minded exactly because they are very sensitive. They just need to remember there is also a biological reason for their heightened sensitivity.

originally posted by: Galadriel
DeadSeraph,

I empathize. I can relate. Absolutely.

I have had this feeling since I was a child - as long as I can remember. I would sit up in bed by the window and look out at the night sky at the stars, and feel homesick. I lived in the same house from age three to 20 -- so there was no “missing home” needed. I had a decent family - some dysfunction, but hey, who doesn’t?

I had stability, siblings, neighbors to play with, a mom and dad, health, school, plenty of food and the necessities of life without worry.

Yet I felt like there was a family of people out there, up where the stars were, that I was missing. Like I got dropped off on the planet and was left behind for some reason. My longing was palpable. I told no one.

As I got older, I often thought in my mind, “what is wrong with people here?“ when faced with the sickness and sadness and cruelty of humankind. “They” seemed so foreign to me. So backward. So primitive and barbaric that it physically and psychically seemed to hurt my very being. I really wanted to go Home. I felt that being Human was something sacred and beautiful, yet the “humans” around me seemed strange and not right.

Later, when I “grew up” -- when I traveled, I didn’t really miss my “home” -- as I love traveling. But I missed my “Home” with a capital H. No matter how interesting, fun, or entertaining life was or how routine it was.

I went to Ireland as a young woman. And I felt like I was home. Not big H, but “home.” I knew it so well -- all was familiar and wonderful to me. I never got lost, I knew my way around. I assumed it was “past life” that made this so. I wish I could have spent my life there -- guess I was afraid to leave my family for good and uproot my child. When I return there, I feel so full of joy, as I am home.

As I’ve gotten older and had great losses in my life, I found myself crying, sobbing, or almost howling in emotional pain. And I found myself saying out loud to myself, “where are my people? I want to find my people.” In those times, it was my “family” that I didn’t meet in this life/incarnation that I missed so deeply. For somehow, I knew they could comfort me.

Like you mentioned, I have always been different. Quiet. Introspective. (But I can be Chatty Kathy too!). I see life as art and poetry, as symphony and prose, sculpture and dance. All sacred.

Just as you said…I don’t do well in crowded places, am generally a loner as I don’t relate to others all that well (at least, not to those who are sort of unaware, asleep, wrapped up “in the world”), and I sometimes have trouble making new friends (but then again, there are those I meet and feel I’ve known forever and we are instantly close). My dearest friends too have moved away to pursue their careers.

Like you, I do care about people, especially children, and particularly those who are struggling physically, financially, emotionally, and so forth. I have to be careful of my empathy, as it can delete my energy. I learned a long time ago that walking down a crowded city street can wipe me out energetically if I’m not careful, as I feel the emotions of others.

However, I rarely feel “lonely.” I enjoy the silence of being in nature. Or sitting in the backyard listening to birds and sky gazing. I walk in the woods a lot to stay grounded. I read, write, or just think or “not think” outdoors. I love the sea and the mountains (who doesn’t!), but just give me some trees, birds, dirt, grass and maybe a creek and I’m good. In fact, despite my longing for “Home” -- I also am totally in love with the planet and being alive/3D. It’s civilization/society that I don’t get.

So, how can I love living and being on Earth, yet miss Home in the stars and a “family” I don’t exactly remember? Strange.

I’m not a religious person, though I believe there is much more to us than meat suits, so it’s not like I think Home is “heaven.”

I sometimes wonder if maybe it’s a different “time” on Earth that I am hungering for, a “when” perhaps.

Anyway, you are not alone in your longing.

PM me if you ever feel alone and need to share.

Wow!

Just read this and it is my experience in a nutshell... everything, all of it.... even down to feeling 'out of time' somehow.

I'm quite surprised to see how many others feel the same... and I mean 'exactly' the same as I.

I saw a little child laughing the other day and it just seemed so pure, so magical I actually started to cry.

Personally, I'm going to try and take TrueBrits advice and get out into nature, I think I am spiritually exhausted and need a break.

How do I know you are gifted? I just know it.

- I bet you are rather smart compared to most people, yet it doesn't mean you automatically performed extraordinary in school.
- You are highly sensitive, can hear high-pitched sounds. You notice quickly small details.
- You have a good memory
- You are an introvert and often have difficulties with social interactions
- You have a high sense of justice and do not understand why everyone doesn't
- You feel different but can't explain why
- etc...

Yes to all the above... going to look into that, very interesting.

Thanks.

aren't you lonely

a reply to: Mister_Bit

Most gifted people are into paranormal/spiritual/esoteric stuff (the opposite isn't automatically true though).

It wasn't a shot in the dark at all and it's the very reason why I am here.

I can usually tell a gifted person just from a few posts They are also usually prompt to self depreciation or self delusion unfortunately...


PS: I'm always amused when people here mention "the elites" manipulating the masses because these elites are simply self conscious gifted people who understood very young how to manipulate others and decided to use it for the better or the worse.

If most people on ATS knew they have similar capabilities they wouldn't be so prompt to label these people in such a way.

"Elites" are actually very normal people (excepted being often born in an influential family). I can tell because I frequented a lot of them.

a reply to: Develo

More like so-called elites. From what I've seen, you have to look pretty hard to find any out in the public eye that seem to truly qualify for that label in any meaningful way. Calling them elite is more a mocking nod to how they perceive themselves, but I long ago lost any respect I had for most of them.

They really aren't all that "best" and "bright" like we were sold.