a reply to: ccbears
First of all, I can relate to what you said...a whole lot more than you would think.
I have been there....in that mental place where you are now. I was there for a long time, but I am getting out of it. Slowly, yes...but I am.
I feel that you have been treated very bady, before Syx. I understand how he makes you feel safe and secure. He knows that too, I'm sure. You are
lucky to have someone love you that much. I never have.
I just erased a lot, because it's still too painful to put in writing.
Basically, I had to run away and go into hiding, from a husband who was evil and crazy. My girls had to live with their father, and the separation
made me insane.
I couldn't watch commercials of women and kids eating breakfast together, because I would cry hysterically. I ached for them. I thought I was going
I had no family...no friends really, not any that would help me. I lost everything, except my clothes. I lost all the home-made Christmas
ornaments...photo albums...stuff that my kids made.
There were times I was so dark, that I thought I was going crazy. I hated seeing mothers out with their kids. My pain took over everything.
Okay, without talking about everything....it's been rough. I actually can't believe I survived.
I learned so much, about what matters to me...and who I want to be.
I have let go of so much...my stuff....my pain...even regret and anger.
Every day now, I realize that I have to choose. I have to choose to be better, for my kids (and now grandkids).
I have to make sure that they have ME...the person who loves them the most....alive and in their life. I don't want them to ever know what it feels
like to have nobody.
YOU are not alone. You have people in your life who love you, and you have us here.
I will send you my e-mail address. We can stay in touch that way, if you want to.
It's taken a long time for me to feel better...I have back pain every day, and most days feel really crappy...but I force myself. I'm happy with
how I'm doing.
I don't know if this helped, but I just want you to know that you're not alone.