Does Going to Church make you a better person?

WarminIndy
reply to post by FlyersFan

 

Have you noticed. FlyersFan, that he seems to only want the guys opinions on this one? LOL.

But from a woman's perspective, all I will say is this, they are not compatible already. They are trying to make the other compatible, and it never works. If they were compatible in the first place, then they would already share similar worldviews. But to tweak someone to get them to how you want them to be, means you can't overlook what you think needs fixing.

OP,

Here's the thing, if you love her, you love her as she is. And if she loves you, then she should love you as you are. But you are at different levels of intellectual maturity. Right now, and I said before that she was naive, her only concern is finding a man with similar worldviews.

But the Bible does say that if a man and a woman have different views but can live together peacefully, then let them. Right now, there seems to be very little peace between you two. And it won't get better.

No matter how much she makes your heart flutter today, tomorrow is another day. It might not flutter tomorrow. And then would you live in the regret that you didn't love her as she was? It isn't easy when two people have the same worldview, but no one should base their future life together with only a heart flutter today. It takes a lot of work, but when you have to change something to make it work before you even get to that point, then will she live in regret that she gave up something that meant something to her?

Hindsight is 20/20, that's why you should take the advice from people who have already seen how it ends up. Once you cross the Rubicon, there's no going back.

What I didn't hear you say is this "she is right for me and I am right for her". If you need to fix each other, then neither of you are right for the other. That's this woman's advice. I wouldn't just marry a man who made my heart flutter, because I know that tomorrow is another day, my heart might not flutter tomorrow.

Yep! Spot on!
2nd line

Å99

akushla99

Akragon

akushla99

Akragon

akushla99

Akragon
reply to post by akushla99

 

my comment revolves around cascading demands by her, with the obvious 'we CANNOT be together if you do not meet those demands'...

And she says this, yet shes still my girlfriend...

time will tell I suppose

Dude, she says it because she means it. You would be the last to accuse her of being a liar...and under the scenario you have presented...my guess is that the phrase has been used more than once...and there is no guarantee that it will not be used over and over again...because it works...

Don't get too high then...it'll hurt more from higher up...

Å99

heh... I've been married already...

I've fell from the highest tower... and im not about to trip again...

You can be 'fleeced' by more than one 'conman'...don't think it couldn't happen again...stay SMART...

Å99

My X wasn't a con artist... she was an idiot...

This one has a brain

Dude, conmen aren't stoopid...they're experts at functional manipulative techniques.

How many times has she used the phrase, or similar expression 'we can't be together IF...'? (given that you've only known her 1.5 months)

Å99

Once....

reply to post by wildtimes


And that's the point I was making...you love each other as you both are.

All the women on here seem to agree, it's not going to work out. They simply aren't right for each other.

You do knife throwing? Are you in the SCA, is that why you throw knives? Or do you just like knives? That's an interesting hobby.

Akragon

akushla99

Akragon

akushla99

Akragon

akushla99

Akragon
reply to post by akushla99

 

my comment revolves around cascading demands by her, with the obvious 'we CANNOT be together if you do not meet those demands'...

And she says this, yet shes still my girlfriend...

time will tell I suppose

Dude, she says it because she means it. You would be the last to accuse her of being a liar...and under the scenario you have presented...my guess is that the phrase has been used more than once...and there is no guarantee that it will not be used over and over again...because it works...

Don't get too high then...it'll hurt more from higher up...

Å99

heh... I've been married already...

I've fell from the highest tower... and im not about to trip again...

You can be 'fleeced' by more than one 'conman'...don't think it couldn't happen again...stay SMART...

Å99

My X wasn't a con artist... she was an idiot...

This one has a brain

Dude, conmen aren't stoopid...they're experts at functional manipulative techniques.

How many times has she used the phrase, or similar expression 'we can't be together IF...'? (given that you've only known her 1.5 months)

Å99

Once....

So within that 1.5 months she's said that Once...but now, also we're going to church twice on sunday? In the space of 45 days, into a new 'relationship', you've had 2 demands?...that's correct, right?

Å99

reply to post by WarminIndy

Have you noticed. FlyersFan, that he seems to only want the guys opinions on this one? LOL.

But from a woman's perspective, all I will say is this, they are not compatible already. They are trying to make the other compatible, and it never works. If they were compatible in the first place, then they would already share similar worldviews. But to tweak someone to get them to how you want them to be, means you can't overlook what you think needs fixing.

And it's bound to fail after a few years.

Another experienced woman here....
but I don't think he seems only to want the "guys" opinions....

I think he's just not sure what to make of the women's side of things - and we KNOW what we are talking about. Right?

reply to post by WarminIndy

But the Bible does say that if a man and a woman have different views but can live together peacefully, then let them. Right now, there seems to be very little peace between you two. And it won't get better.

perhaps I am giving the wrong impression here


There is complete peace between us... our only differences come down to religion, and we don't talk about that much...

We did originally, but I didn't like that it upset her... despite the fact that shes very cute when shes mad... I Prefer her when shes smiling

reply to post by WarminIndy

Have you noticed. FlyersFan, that he seems to only want the guys opinions on this one?

No offence here but were you not the one that called me a predator for chasing this girl?

reply to post by WarminIndy

Are you in the SCA, is that why you throw knives? Or do you just like knives? That's an interesting hobby.

I was very involved in the local Renaissance Festival, and lots of SCA types are in it as well...so, yeah, kinda.

Realistic re-enactments are fun. My husband just recently decided to try "knife-throwing" - so he bought several sets of throwing knives, and some books about it, and we've been "learning it together" - that's where we met, at the Festival. We knew each other for YEARS before we got together (I had to dump my idiot husband before this one ever even TOLD me he'd been carrying a torch for me since we met!). So, we knew each other already - he'd crash at my house after parties (on the COUCH, thanks very much), and hang out the next day. We'd sit around a campfire out back, drink coffee and smoke cigarettes, and just talk...and talk...and talk...and discovered we DID have interests in common - enough to keep us enjoying one another's company.

In the ensuing 8 years that we've been "a thing" we've had a lot of fun; and endured a lot of difficulties together. But we had established VERY EARLY ON what our "spirituality" views had in common; that was one of the MAIN things to establish, in my opinion. We were compatible. That's a green light.

I've ALWAYS enjoyed "target-shooting", whether it's archery, basketball, tossing quarters into beer glasses, airsoft pistols, anything that uses "aim" - so, yeah, it's fun!!

(He managed to sever his flexor-tendon in his left pinky by pulling out a small one with too wide a grip, so for the last six weeks he's had to use his off-hand, but I'm still going strong - and a better shot than he is, so far. Next I might try juggling again - just love those "dexterity" activities! Hand/eye/body coordination - and practicing enough to get "body memory" going.)

Anyway,
Akra, you have already experienced the failure of one attempt at marriage. In my opinion, that's a GOOD thing - because now you know at least what qualities will definitely NOT work.

Took me three marriages and about that many unmarried relationships to finally determine (experientially) what I could NOT live with. I'm a "serial bride" now. Still close to my first husband; we have two grown kids - but have no contact with the other two. One was a "tortured artist" with a crazy family, and the other was a conman, fraud and had no "personality" of his own - and was an idiot to boot.

Akragon
reply to post by WarminIndy

 

But the Bible does say that if a man and a woman have different views but can live together peacefully, then let them. Right now, there seems to be very little peace between you two. And it won't get better.

perhaps I am giving the wrong impression here


There is complete peace between us... our only differences come down to religion, and we don't talk about that much...

We did originally, but I didn't like that it upset her... despite the fact that shes very cute when shes mad... I Prefer her when shes smiling

...and you are under the impression that (given at least 1 ultimatum she's pronounced) that not talking about religion will be a successful lifelong strategy for you to adopt, because you prefer her smiling...when she is going to church all the time and twice on sunday? That's a bit noofy.

...of course, she looks cuuute when she's pouting...she's not getting her way...the pouting won't last...

Å99

reply to post by akushla99

and you are under the impression that (given at least 1 ultimatum she's pronounced) that not talking about religion will be a successful lifelong strategy for you to adopt, because you prefer her smiling...when she is going to church all the time and twice on sunday? That's a bit noofy.

no idea what Noofy is... but I guess that's me... lol

of course, she looks cuuute when she's pouting...she's not getting her way...the pouting won't last...

pouting turns into smiles when a fuffy kitty nibbles...

Akragon
reply to post by akushla99

 

and you are under the impression that (given at least 1 ultimatum she's pronounced) that not talking about religion will be a successful lifelong strategy for you to adopt, because you prefer her smiling...when she is going to church all the time and twice on sunday? That's a bit noofy.

no idea what Noofy is... but I guess that's me... lol

of course, she looks cuuute when she's pouting...she's not getting her way...the pouting won't last...

pouting turns into smiles when a fuffy kitty nibbles...

So, my answer to the main thrust of the OP...is no...

A wide spectrum of posters, with a wide range of personal experiences has advised you...good luck, but...you 2 are just friends...

Å99

akushla99

Akragon
reply to post by akushla99

 

and you are under the impression that (given at least 1 ultimatum she's pronounced) that not talking about religion will be a successful lifelong strategy for you to adopt, because you prefer her smiling...when she is going to church all the time and twice on sunday? That's a bit noofy.

no idea what Noofy is... but I guess that's me... lol

of course, she looks cuuute when she's pouting...she's not getting her way...the pouting won't last...

pouting turns into smiles when a fuffy kitty nibbles...

So, my answer to the main thrust of the OP...is no...

A wide spectrum of posters, with a wide range of personal experiences has advised you...good luck, but...you 2 are just friends...

Å99

actually...

We're a little more then friends...

lets just say she feels "guilty"

Akragon
... our only differences come down to religion,

That's an 'only' to you. But for her ... religion is everything. (and I mean that)
Otherwise she'd respect your position and not say you have to go to church all day with her.

Akragon
reply to post by WarminIndy

 

Have you noticed. FlyersFan, that he seems to only want the guys opinions on this one?

No offence here but were you not the one that called me a predator for chasing this girl?

edit on 4-11-2013 by Akragon because: (no reason given)

I did.

But let me ask, are you more sexually attracted to her than emotionally?

But from a woman's point of view, I would take it that way if a man were chasing me like that. People think sexual predator means only a crazed maniac....

What's the end goal for you? After you have sexually conquered her, then what next? Some women don't mind it, and are chasers themselves, but the end goal, would you live with regret knowing you only chased her because you liked her sexually above her faith and her emotions? If she gave up her faith for you, then will she live with regret?

It's all sexual attraction right now, but will it be tomorrow when you are paying the child support? Dude, it never works out, no matter how much we would love it to. The only way to prove she is right, is stop trying to change each other. And if you are chasing her, why are you chasing her? If you don't love her completely as she is right now, then why?

And there isn't peace if you can make her angry. And if you enjoy making her angry because she's cute, then what is going to happen when she is no longer cute, but very angry?

The women here seem to know what it is like to be chased and caught. Sexual attraction might work the first day, but there's a whole lot more to women than that. She's looking at a lifetime, and as FlyersFan said, she's trying to change you, but I don't think she is sexually attracted to you in the same way you are toward her.

Are you willing to allow her to live with the regret of being caught and giving up her faith for you? It will happen. And if she is easily changed, then her faith isn't strong to begin with. And if she changes for you, then she can change for someone else also.

If you are determined to have her, based on sexual attraction, then it's sexual determination and nothing more. But if you love her, imagine life with her not thinking about sex. Then see if she is still right for you. If you can love her beyond sex, then perhaps there's hope. Sex isn't all there is to a relationship.

But perhaps the term "sexual predator" is different for you and I? Men are predatory by nature and men are more driven by sex than women. I didn't mean you were a crazed rapist, just that men think with their thingy....and some women know that and use it to their advantage.

FlyersFan

Akragon
... our only differences come down to religion,

That's an 'only' to you. But for her ... religion is everything. (and I mean that)
Otherwise she'd respect your position and not say you have to go to church all day with her.

Why be skeptical though?

Perhaps you'd have to meet me in person to understand me... these are but words

reply to post by Akragon


Oh Akra...

Did you at least comfort her after? She's probably got a lot of regret now.

Akragon

akushla99

Akragon
reply to post by akushla99

 

and you are under the impression that (given at least 1 ultimatum she's pronounced) that not talking about religion will be a successful lifelong strategy for you to adopt, because you prefer her smiling...when she is going to church all the time and twice on sunday? That's a bit noofy.

no idea what Noofy is... but I guess that's me... lol

of course, she looks cuuute when she's pouting...she's not getting her way...the pouting won't last...

pouting turns into smiles when a fuffy kitty nibbles...

So, my answer to the main thrust of the OP...is no...

A wide spectrum of posters, with a wide range of personal experiences has advised you...good luck, but...you 2 are just friends...

Å99

actually...

We're a little more then friends...

lets just say she feels "guilty"

Then, to her own...mmm...strongly held priciples, she bends...I'd feel 'guilty' too...or compromised?!

Å99

Akragon
Why be skeptical though?

It's being realistic. You said religion is 'only religion'. Not a big thing. But to a fundamentalist Christian, Religion is EVERYTHING. Its part of everything in their life. You both have a fundamentally different view on life and how it's lived.

Perhaps you'd have to meet me in person to understand me...

I understand you. I also understand fundamentalist Christians.
The two can't live life compatibly together under the same roof.


I wish you well ... really.
But this is a disaster waiting to happen.
Sorry.

FlyersFan

Akragon
Why be skeptical though?

It's being realistic. You said religion is 'only religion'. Not a big thing. But to a fundamentalist Christian, Religion is EVERYTHING. Its part of everything in their life. You both have a fundamentally different view on life and how it's lived.

Perhaps you'd have to meet me in person to understand me...

I understand you. I also understand fundamentalist Christians.
The two can't live life compatibly together under the same roof.


I wish you well ... really.
But this is a disaster waiting to happen.
Sorry.

Amen.

And two years from now we'll be hearing complaints about child support payments.

FlyersFan, his first introduction about this girl is that she is 12 years younger than he is. He's bragging about chasing a girl 12 years younger. That's why I said she is naive. She just barely hit 20 years-old.

Remember when you were 20? Weren't we taught to be more mature then? Girls today don't have the same level of maturity we did then.

WarminIndy
reply to post by Akragon

 

Oh Akra...

Did you at least comfort her after? She's probably got a lot of regret now.

hahaha!

Oh be nice... This Kitteh is a gentleman...

But im still a man...