You do not own your children

Originally posted by Zarxx

Originally posted by Domo1
reply to post by sk0rpi0n

 

Wondering what the point of this thread is too.

I know this is off-topic, but that cat in your avatar freaks me the hell out

I smile every time I see it.

Awesome joker cat.

But you know, while it's no ones right to raise to their standard another persons kid, man... I sometimes want to beat the parents for raising such obnoxious buggers..

I mean, yeesh... A good smack in the face for how bad a job they're doing.

Grr!!!

Originally posted by thegoods724
Zarxx your a complete idiot and misinterpreting what the post is trying to point out, look beyond the direct words and read the message that they are trying to convey.

Parents dont own their children.... so basically they should not treat them like a dog, but rather they would friend or perhaps police that could kick the .... out of them if they decided to lay a hand on them. As a child they cannot fight back.

The message is that the control of a parent is similar to the control of the state. Once we go beyond this higher authority of controlling ourselves will we be able to be free and expand ideas of why we do the things we do rather then doing them because other people tell them to do it this way and if we dont we are punished.

This is minimalizing the huge complexity to the whole idea but you shouldnt respond to it since you dont understand it to begin with.

I think you read waaay too far into the OP. I am pretty sure the words were direct. I understand the points given in the post, but there are simply too many variables to consider when raising children. I should know, I raise 3 myself. And let me tell you that not everything is so cut and dry like the OP is suggesting.

.

I love children.
But I couldn't eat a whole one...

it always astounds me that in order to drive a car or own a firearm one must pass a competency exam yet to breed and raise children no such test is required....

reply to post by jude11


jude,

You made them - but you do NOT own them.

This is what I am saying - everyone on this earth should be free - no ownership.

Perhaps the OP wants to remind adults about a couple of golden truths that do not come in a manual attached to the baby when he is born.

A friend of mine is much younger than me, and is having difficulty dealing with her very bright, gifted little boy of 5. Through sharing some simple ways with her, she is now a much happier mom. Here are some golden tips to remember when raising children. This is simply gentle input, and not dictating to anyone how to bring up your kids.

1. When speaking to your child, speak to him like you speak to your friends. You will not scream at your friend to "FINISH YOUR PEAS!!" so why speak to your child in that way? Speaking to your child with disrespect will teach him to do the same. You might ask your friend if he would like to finish his peas but you will not scream at him, right? Initially your child may find this confusing if he is not used to it, but in time, he will love this about you so much that he would want to please you with his own gentleness.

2. Have respect for your child as a value that can not be compromised. Ever. They have a huge task on their tiny shoulders trying to learn how to come into this world with all its complicated unwritten by-laws and rules, expectations and social structures. Their perceptions are totally different from ours and they HAVE NO HIDDEN AGENDA!

3. Discipline should be done in a firm way but never to harm. It should always be made clear (in simple words, NOT repeating over and over in a whining way) what was done incorrectly, and what should have been done. Use your child's currency to punish. If he values his tv program, take it away for a day. Be reasonable.

4. Don't lose your power. Do as you say and say as you do. This is extremely important, so be realistic. Don't make idol threats because your child will quickly learn that you don't mean it and thus, you have no power left.

If your child throws a tantrum in the supermarket about that toy, tell him that you will leave if he continues, and then leave if he does! He will learn quickly that his actions has consequences. After some repetition he will learn to choose his actions for the outcome he wants. BUT, when you leave the supermarket, don't you throw a tantrum instead! Get in the car and as hard as it is, remain nutral! Nutral with love.

5. Seperate the child from his actions! Don't make it a personal thing if the little one makes a bad choice (or as most people say, is naughty). Love him all the same, but let there be (reasonable) consequences that he can understand. Remain firm, but do not loose yourself in negative feelings for this little learning curve your offspring just experimented with.

6. Give them responsibility from young. Your goal, your only goal really, is to prepare your child to become a productive, balanced, independent, HAPPY human being with high values for the rest of the world and above all for himself. Start from small.

7. Listen to your child. So many adults are child-deaf. Children constantly give off messages through body language and gestures. It is an easy skill to develop. All it needs is for you to pay more attention and be more sensitive to your child.

Also, remember, a little one of 3 or 4 (and even some children at the age of 6) are not being rude when a stranger greets them and they appear not to greet back. The words may not be coming out of their mouths, but in their heads they do greet. Dont fuss about it. When the words are ripe enough, they will fall out!

8. Be kind. Be very kind. And once again, be very very kind. (do not spoil, but show kindness). Children learn by copying and we can turn out better people if we ourselves start demonstrating kindness which will model our children in the same fabric.

9.Teach 'no'. But be sure that your 'no' is wise, don't use no for any other reason than for the child's benefit. Really ask yourself, if I rather say 'yes' will this enhace the child's experience of life or take away from it

10 Find joy in your child! He's an amazing being and supplies you with much happiness and fascination because he is so different from you. He is his own little being, at a totally different stage from you, which actually makes him almost a different specie! Be proud of him.

Ask yourself if what you are doin is building up his self esteem or breaking it. Build them up!! And up and up! Make him feel really great about himself!

11. Your child is not yours. He is a child of the world, entrusted to you, to form, to guide, to protect and to CHERISH.
But you are also a parent of the world. Any child in your proximity is open to your parental input, love, kindness, and contribution. Help and love them, even if they are not birthed/made by your body.

Originally posted by catwhoknowsplusone
reply to post by jude11

 

jude,

You made them - but you do NOT own them.

This is what I am saying - everyone on this earth should be free - no ownership.

It's a fine line and I do agree with the sentiment but why do we say MY children which implies ownership?

I do agree they are not property and that's why I state that the Govt. can not assert ownership before the parents.

How else can we oppose Govt. ownership and assert parental rights if not by ownership? Stating ownership may be the only way we can protect our children.

Tough situation. Good discussion.

Peace

reply to post by Aestheteka


you are comparing something natural with something manmade.
having a child has always been a persons choice and is natural, you have midwifes to teach you, there is the exam.
trust me they will tell you if you are NOT doing something right.

having a child is not going to kill innocent bystanders if you do it wrong or be irresponsible.

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reply to post by Ha`la`tha


Thank you for saying I am no good.

I am good, because I promote positive things in this world.

I am good, because I promote positive things for children.

And I am good, because I promote love in this workd.

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