first day of school - frightend again!

summer is over
tomorrow will be the first day of school after six long weeks of summer holidays
i am quiet happy - moms know why!
it is 30 minutes after midnight, son isn.t sleeping yet
moms will be able to imagine how our day will start tomorrow
bad very bad

last year of elementary school - heaven sake

last year my son developed a certain tummy ache now and then, very unspecific but always that bad that he wasn.t able to go to school

and it starts again
even worse
he woke up at 11pm nightmare unable to remember
very unconcious, not able to talk to me, but fit enough to go to the bathroom
went to bed again, back to the bathroom 5 minutes later
demands a glass of water, feeling queasy, thinks he has to braft
a hot water bottle helps
but how can we survieve the upcoming 10 months?

i talked to him
he told me he fears failiure, to much pressure
but he his aware that this is a year which counts
in germany there is not just a high school
we have a silly system of divinding kids
kind of basic school with really no chances, a middle school with better chances or grammar school with the ability to go to university
he wants grammar school, maybe kind of comprehensive school with similar chances

how can i take away the fear?
how can we survive the year?
how can i help him?

little update:
this morning he was quiet happy
we went to school together since me had to do a job a the school's office but when entering the playground he ignored me

you can.t imagine how cool a 6th grader can be
strolling around, talking to friends
all the 2nd to 5th grader stand in a big big group and the 6th graders were keeping themselves apart
funny to see

we talked in the afternoon and i suggested a comprehensive school after primary
coz he claimed that he feard the average mean of his certificate might not qualify him for gramar school
found a good comprehensive school where they claim to follow a special educational concept, and support fine arts and music
that cheered him really up, took some stress away and he is looking happily forward
hopefully it will last

but if somebody got an idea how to deal with school sick kids, please tell me

I’m glad things were not too bad yesterday… I suppose it’s not an easy situation.

Your school system seams to put a lot of pressure on kids in such a small age! What’s the difference between comprehensive and grammar school?

I have 2 daughters (2 and 5 yo) and they are still in preschool, so I don’t have much experience… Anyway, I thought it might help if your son could have any hobby, like arts, sports or music, outside school. Something that he would really like and that could make him feel good at it. Perhaps it could increase his self confidence.

Not pressuring him about school seams a good way to go, at least at this time.

Well, all of this it’s easy to say when we are not living it… I still have one year left – my oldest girl will be in primary school next year.

I really hope he can make this year with great success and most of all… with a smile on his face!

Hi orange-light. I too am glad that your son made it through his first day of school. You know, some kids just have a hard time when they are out of their "norm", maybe a little insecurity and fear....but combined it is certainly a scary feeling for a kid.

Middle school (in the US is 6th,7th,8th grades) is really tough and the fear of transitioning from one to another (from elementary to middle school/middle school to high school) is particularly hard. The night before my daughter started middle school (6th gr.) she had such a bad panic attack. It was heartbreaking. She was so scared and upset. She finally fell asleep at 3:30 am and got up at 6:00 am like the night before never happened.

We usually can't take the fear away, but what we can do is continue to validate their feelings and fears and be there when they need to talk or just need a hug.

Rush

I always liked the first day of school or work. It is always the easiest because everyone is showing you around. Oh, wait there are the times when a lost freshman with no friends has to ask a person that turns out to be a senior for directions and gets totally wrong information.

Nevermind that I mentioned that....

Originally posted by danamoon


Your school system seams to put a lot of pressure on kids in such a small age! What’s the difference between comprehensive and grammar school?

thanks danamoon for your support
today was also a good day - hopefully it will last

difference between the types of school, a bit difficult to explain
traditionally the system was built up like this
kindergarten last year of kindergarten sometimes preschool (age 3-6)
primary school (age 6-10 or 12) grade 1-4 or 1-6 depending on the federal state
(berlin got 1-6)
than high school: could be secondary general school (5/7 - 9), intermediate school (5/7 - 10) or gramar school (5/7 - 13)

certificate of secondary school qualified for a job like crafts, handy man etc.
intermediate school led to stuff like commercial clerk, bank clerk etc.
gramar school led to abitur = qualification for university - comparable with high school diploma or A-level

picture of geman schoolsystem

in the begining of the 70s some federal states established comprehensive school
this school included all the secondary school types
so if a kid enters a comprehensive school it has the chance to get all certificates

if you have to enroll to secondary general you will never have the chance to get the abitur - or at least it is very very complicated

but how can you be sure if a kid of 10 or 12 will be able to get the a-level or will not be abel
so comprehensive school supports the students far better and increases chances

i guess wikipedia explains it far better than me

to stuff that he likes:
he loves playing baseball - which is not very common in germany
he loves to paint - so he entered a specific art class once a month and he is playing the guitar

he also loves his game boy ds and started to play his english games again, crossword puzzle etc. - really amazing for me

reply to post by hsur2112



thanks rush
it is also not very supportive that the little ones have to be up before they are awake
when my son knows he has to be up far earlier than usual this thought prevents him from falling asleep

sorry to hear about the panic of your daughter
is there any special reason that middle school is that tough?

and why do they have to transit that often?
after seperating the father of my son, moving to this place and transisting school he took a year to settle in

i know we can.t take away their fears, but sometimes i wish i could
:sigh:

Originally posted by MrMysticism
nd. Oh, wait there are the times when a lost freshman with no friends has to ask a person that turns out to be a senior for directions and gets totally wrong information.

first day at a new plce can be very thrilling,
i usually love that too
at school all the new books and sharpend pencils yeah was my field

but we are not talking about the very first day just a first day after summer vacation
so nothing really special - to me


btw what is a freshman? and if there is a freshman is there also a freshwomab *sorry for joking*




[edit on 2-9-2008 by orange-light]

Originally posted by orange-light
sorry to hear about the panic of your daughter
is there any special reason that middle school is that tough?

Hi orange-light. You know, for some girls it's just a tough time going into middle school. At that age they are struggling with puberty, hormones, boys, who they want to be, who they want to hang with, the long walk from the lockers to the classrooms, who to eat lunch with, the hair, the clothes, the eyeliner.....the list is endless. And while as parents we try so hard to help them understand that those things aren't important, all the convincing in the world won't matter because to them, it is. Now, this isn't the same for all girls, but around here it seems to be the majority, and when I talk to my daughter's friends they pretty much agree that those are the scariest issues for them.

As parents we are patient and understanding , some things they just have to work through themselves.

Rush

hi rush

has it been different when we have been at that age?
i guess no - so you are right
they have to make their own experiences! as we did. i didn.t wanted to listen to my mom at all at that age
yeah we can just be there, guide if it is desired. lead a helping hand, or just listen.
listen and handing out a hot chocolate or an ice cream!

update of the 1st week:

since we sorted it out with the new school he is quiet happy
no tummy ache no bathroom coz he feels sick nothing at all

he is very motivated, but for side actions
like learning english with the help of his nintendo ds
or talking english to me

he started drawing again

but he has to be forced to do his homework
a mild force has to be needed
he trys to do everything to start homework as late as possible
but in my opinion it can.t be very successful when starting it at 6pm - when knowing that school is finished at 2pm

very happy very cuddly

still xing my fingers that it will last
he would rather leave the elementary school right now!

only minus is that he wants to quiet his guitar lesson - we will talk about it
i suggested to follow them until the end of the term!

guess i was a bit to optimistic by the end of the week
monday again - and he was close to "i feel so bad i need to stay at home"
like last term
no way
he coughed a bit but i told him to go to school and if he would feel to bad during lessons the teacher could call me
usually he never feels that bad during lessons


anyway another monday with to less sleep
how are you able to motivate your kids to sleep on time sunday night?
i usually sent him to bed by 9pm but on a sunday night he sleeps not earlier than 11pm or even later
i would feel myself bad after such a night

and he just told me: "i wasn.t able to do all of my science homework coz i have forgotten my writing pad at school" they take a sheet from that pad and put it into the folder
argh - we got enough other pads for that purpose

is there a chance that they will ever learn how to deal with that stuff?

another update:

he stayed home on wendesday coz he felt sick with his tummy
and it was different than all the other sick-events!
usually he feels sich in the morning and by 11am he was cured
wendesday he didn.t moan anymore about his tummy but he was not that well as usual

back to school on thursday
thurday evening he came around that they had already had a spelling test and that he got a 6 (F) coz he got 10 faults, moaned abit about that system
we weill practice spelling again

nightmare in teh night from thursday to friday
woke up, went to toilet, very disorientaded, went to my room at the computer just to stop the screensaver (which he hates)
than back to bed still disorientated
i asked him where he was
i am here in my body
further questioins (which i supposed to get replyed with: at home or in my bed etc.) weren.t answered

i ask him to touch me, his bed, a bottle of water - to get him orientated again
asking: what are yout touching - when he touched me: mom
other things: just staring at me

then he slept uninterupted till morning

i am really worried

Hi orange-light. I'm sorry to hear that your son is still having so much anxiety about school. Poor guy and I know how hard it is on you too. It can be exhausting.

Regarding a couple of concerns that you have...

Originally posted by orange-light
how are you able to motivate your kids to sleep on time sunday night?

I threaten to ground them Monday through Friday. I really do. And maybe wake him a little earlier on Sunday morning with the hope that he'll tire earlier come Sunday night. Whatever your typical schedule is like on Sunday nights, start it a little earlier And as far as his disoriented waking in the middle of the night, I'm sure that is a symptom of his anxiety. My daughter did the same thing and now my 2nd grader is doing it some. He will come in my room and tap on me to wake me up but not say anything, a couple of times I could tell that he was a scared, I'm sure from a nightmare, but I can tell that he's not really awake. So I sort of guide him back to bed, and he doesn't remember a thing the next day. This is somewhat common for some children, especially if they are stressed, worried or over-stimulated.

Originally posted by orange-light
thurday evening he came around that they had already had a spelling test and that he got a 6 (F) coz he got 10 faults, moaned abit about that system
we weill practice spelling again

One thing that has always helped my kids with spelling is that they first study the words and when they feel that they are ready they like for me to test them verbally first and then any words that they miss they have to write 10 times each. We do that Monday through Wednesday with their test on Thursday. They HATE writing the incorrect words 10 times so they usually try real hard to get it right the first time around.


And orange-light, all I can do is give you a parent's perspective, I'm not an expert so do not hesitate to talk to his pediatrician about your concerns. That's what they are there for. They will probably have some great advice. Also, are you in a position that you can volunteer at his school? (Maybe you do already.) I am at my son's school as often as I can be. Some kids find their parent's presence at their school comforting. My son still digs it but my middle schooler would die if I showed up at her school. And on days when my son seems worried or had a bad night/morning I go in and have lunch with him.

I don't know if this helps any and it's Friday, so have a great weekend with him!

Rush

hey rush

thanks for your thought

Originally posted by hsur2112

I threaten to ground them Monday through Friday. I really do.

and that really helps?


my son is up on sunday and saturday by 8 maybe 9
he tends to let me sleep in - so no chance to wake him up earlier
and i got the experience it doesn.t matter how tired he is in the morning he will go to bed as late as possible in the evening
yesterday it was 11pm!
yeah but luckily he slept imediately !

but it is a good advice to start earlier on sunday
i will try that
than the routine is finished and he will be in bed, maybe reading a little bit

Originally posted by hsur2112And as far as his disoriented waking in the middle of the night, I'm sure that is a symptom of his anxiety.

totally agreed
he has it quiet often now and then and then it stops all of a sudden

don.t you try to wake up your son?
i have to do it with mine a bit
coz leading him back to bed without pushes him deeper into the anxiety and nightmare
than he really cries

thanks for the idea of overstimulation
that might be a reason as well
i have to watch that

Originally posted by hsur2112One thing that has always helped my kids with spelling is that they first study the words and when they feel that they are ready they like for me to test them verbally first and then any words that they miss they have to write 10 times each.

we will try this!
at school they usually write dictations - so no real spelling test but they have to have the spellng right
i just suggested to him that we could spell the words - to have fun with them
he seemed to be pleased
and then i will let him write the words


rush your parent's perspective is highly welcome
as i claimed before the teacher is not very supportive, i guess she isn.t really interested
which is a shame a real shame

i contacted the pediatrican and now we are waiting for an appointment after his interpreting the questionaire we had to do


volunteering at school:
i guess no
it was popular in grade 1-2 but teachers don.t like it anymore at grade 6th



but now we got the weekend and everybody is feeling great
so lets prepare for next week

thanks again rush

another update
which helps me to make up my mind and think clearly:

something changed, he does his homework much more lighthearted
yesterday he was finished at 3:20 - usually a time he never thought of homework, not talking of starting it
gives me hope

he came around telling me - with his usual elaborated talking, which makes me pee my pants while laughing: ok mom, you know i don.t like doing homework, right? but i figured out it is my duty to do it, my duty as a student of the academy i am in
remember the academy is an elementary school

so x your fingers that it will last
but i am gazing future much more hopefully


and no nightmares and ill tummys since last week

*pew*

btw. do you belive mine thinking about it and writing about it could also have helped to make the change?

HI orange-light. I am so glad to hear that he is doing better. Good for him and big high fives!! Maybe it was just that he needed extra time to adjust and work out a schedule. So keep it up.

And yeah, I think that it definitely helps some to write things out, it's a tool that can help us clear our heads so that we can think things through and make the best decisions possible.

Rush

thanks rush
it is not only that i am making up my mind, i don.t even have to talk about it with him!
amazing

still it works
a whole week with no tummy ache
a whole week with no missing lessons

he wrote a german test today - told me he got a very good feeling concerning the stuff
at math a share graph - teacher gave him an extra good mark

yeah ruhs high five and we will be through this year like nothing

hugs xxx

update update

half a week was spent with a nasty cold so no school

actually only 1 day of school last week coz there was a holiday on friday
lucky us


i wish i could do homeschooling as well but it is forbidden by law
contemporary school is the magic word arg


maybe somebody has a solution for this question
how can i attract an 11 yo to books
i love books, i earn my living in making books in designing the makeup etc

i got a huge library at home a small room filled with books
those are the books i read, about 79 feet in shelves
my son got about 20 feet in shelves

so how do get your kids reading?

so time again for a little update:

i am pretty scared, even we took the pressure off of him, he still suffers of hurting stomaches and nausea which is due to the school.

i figured out that some parents got their kids downgraded form grade 6 to grade 5 again. kids are feeling really happy right now.
ok he wouldn.t allow that coz he is still to good at school although he is suffering that much.

another classmate who will be leaving for another school right now got a therapist to deal with this school panic.

lill orange is looking forward to the summer to attend that high school. we have been able to look around at the school and yeah it is quiet apealing.
little orange would love to

maybe it is time for a little update;


1. only about 80 days of school to go in elementary school
2. most important stuff: he will attend the high school he wanted – we got the acceptance last wendesday


so pressure should be gone!

but yet it seems it hasn.t

i am close to get mad


he tells me that 2 kids in his class proceed mobbing on him
i am trying to get an appointment by his class teacher since the last day of school before christmas (12/21/2008)
now we are close to easter holidays and even since i wrote 3 times about that subject - no reaction


little orange still tries to persuade me not lettting him going to school
i am not sure - anymore
is he really ill
is he pretending
is he afraid
maybe he isn.t just fond of it

ect.

the list of dieases is long:
headache
tummy ache
tooth ache
a strained knee
a strained back
a strained ankle

sometimes i tell him to stay home but he should do some math, german and english while being at home
he agrees but never does anything!
never

tiding up his room:
i am talking since christmas
nothing happens

"i just love my mess"

i am not a neat freak
but he even doesn.t have space for his keyboard
chocolate paper will be found on the floor and so on


i really don.t know anymore how to deal with it
i feel nervous about it
i feel distracted

just talked to my mom
fruitlessly


she told me: oh i told you a couple of years ago that he is blackmailing you!
what do you mean by blackmailing
yeah i mean all the stuff that he doesnt. want to go to school
last time i visitited her with him it was at at time where my son used to cry that he had to leave school because of vacations
those where the days when he was ill one or 2 days a year!

so why is she talking about the nonsense of blackmailing

and i asked her what she wants me to achieve?
oh i am just telling you my opinion

what shall i do with such an opinion?

usually such a talk with my mom ends up while she tells me how difficult it was for her with three small children which means she is to pitty and i am great with just one today and being seperated

let him test by a psychologist
i wanted that 2 years ago since i got the idea that my son is gifted
but little orange refused to talk with the psychologist
i can.t force him to do so
let him test by a psychologist my mom keeps talking
she is very fond of forcing children
your brother was tested too
in which regard
general just general, coz he didn.t like school either
ah ja
pretty great advice

"dear mr psychologist please test in general"




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