How do you get over someone that you love?

She gave you a gift. She showed you how much it is possible for you to love.
Now if you can love yourself like this...

And if you love yourself unconditionally then you will never again hurt QUITE like this again. AND you can love like this again.

Been there. Took me a year to get “over” her. There isnt just one love. Your heart is capable of loving many people. No two loves are the same. Whatever love you were feeling know that your heart is capable of loving equally and even more but that love will never be exactly the same. While you are now separated try and stay busy. Get back to hobbies. Working out. Work on self-improvement. Im not sure why you guys broke up but nobody wants to see someone sad. Who knows workout, get healthy, improve your wealth, enjoy a fun and active lifestyle... youll be surprised perhaps they may be attracted to this change or youll find someone else you never expected. Its hard getting over that image in our head of how perfect things could or would have been. But its not real. Its not the same relationship anymore even if you were to get back together... the relationship will be different. Remeber the past... smile and laugh at the good times and be happy you were able to share that. The biggest thing is to try and improve and better yourself. People are attracted to that. You will be fine!! There will always be happy days ahead. More laughs, more love... more to life than you cant yet imagine. Give it time!! It literally hurts but you will be an even stronger person on the other side if this.

Routine is a great answer.

Also help some people / animals worse off than yourself.

Walk dogs at the local refuge.
Foster, dog, cats, native wildlife (attracts women too).
Walk. Take up hiking. The stress/greif pumps out adrenaline wich, in unused causes anxiety.
If you let the anxiety persist, become chronic, then you develop PTSD.

Help out at children's sports.

Help out at homeless shelters or patrols.

Take up horse riding, horses can heal your heart.

Join a woodwork club/classes.

Restore trains, learn to sail.

Rebuild yourself and your life.

See a therapist, they can really help you sort your emotions and future plans.

I remember those kind of relationships. I hardened over the year and learned never to get that attached to anything or anyone anymore.

I used to handle it well when I was young though, I would go out and get completely hammered drinking only one type of booze, then get a hangover from hell and always equate the relationship to that booze that caused the hangover. Now I can only tolerate one kind of booze anymore, seagrams and seven up. I had to guit getting into relationships like that or I would not be able to drink anything anymore. Lets see, tequilla was Mary, vodka was Susie, Rum was sandy, Jack Daniels was becky, and I can keep going on and on but it would make too many bad memories.

Lol oh man.....i remember a friend who said he almost puked after his girl dumped him?

Part of life bro...

Might even happen to you 2 or 3 more times.

Guaranteed ten years from now you will be laughing at how you felt today....

Have fun with it

a reply to: underwerks

In my experience, there's no way to actually getting over someone you loved so much. You eventually will stop feeling so bad, and you may end up meeting other girl and being happy with her, but I doubt you will ever forget about this girl. And that's a good thing, eventually you will learn to simply be grateful about everything you experienced with her and all those super strong feelings you have for her.

That's at least what happened to me, though I don't deny I still get a bit sad from time to time when I think about her, but not in a negative way if that makes some sense to you.

This is a tough one.

Unfortunately I can be of no help to you as I've never had a problem with moving on from relationships, jobs or friends.

Time is the only thing that can help you now, hopefully.

Just don't fall into a bad situation out of a desire to replicate what you had.

Brother, go on an adventure if you can, get out of your "space" for a bit, and then come back and remember what it was like being comfortable in that space by yourself......

Honestly Turn in on yourself.....treatyoself......do things youve always wanted to do......read a lot, and go experience whatever you can...

Thats how I did it......I know how you feel, I was devastated, betrayed, and my whole life and direction was disrupted..so i get it....

But yeah, if you can, even mini vacations , weekends, etc......in short, go find some things to marvel at

Much love my respected oft ATS opponent lol.........youll be fine bud

a reply to: Telos

Don't be sad it's over, be happy that it happened

a reply to: underwerks

There's nothing you can do pal. It just takes time. We've all been through it. You'll start to feel better eventually and then you'll find someone else. And that will be that.

You can do a few things to try and prepare yourself for your next relationship though.

You need to find a little more self respect. I mean to say she was your whole world just tells me you were way more invested in that relationship than she was. You shouldn't be putting her on a pedestal like that. She was as lucky to have you as you were to have her. In my experience if you make a woman feel like she has everything you want, she'll start to believe you have nothing she wants.

A woman should just be part of your life not all of it. They should share it with your mates, your job, your hobbies and whatever else you want to do with yourself.

For now just keep yourself busy, see your friends. Stand up straight, chin up, shoulders back and get on with all the other things in your life.

originally posted by: ManBehindTheMask
Brother, go on an adventure if you can, get out of your "space" for a bit, and then come back and remember what it was like being comfortable in that space by yourself......

Honestly Turn in on yourself.....treatyoself......do things youve always wanted to do......read a lot, and go experience whatever you can...

Thats how I did it......I know how you feel, I was devastated, betrayed, and my whole life and direction was disrupted..so i get it....

But yeah, if you can, even mini vacations , weekends, etc......in short, go find some things to marvel at

Much love my respected oft ATS opponent lol.........youll be fine bud

Thanks for the advice. I feel better now than when I made this thread, so things are slowly improving. Getting out last night and hanging out with people made a huge difference as did seeing that there are other women already asking about me, so I think I'll be good given enough time.

And thanks to everyone else for the advice and the kind words. Some of you I would expect to kick me in the teeth when I'm down lol. I have a lot of respect for all of you now.

Thank you.

I didn't read the whole thread, but...

Get a puppy?

Puppies cure everything!

Goats can be pretty amusing too, but I don't know your local zoning laws. Plus, they'll keep you on your toes to the point you'll forget about that old wench in no time flat!

Sorry, it's the best I got.

a reply to: underwerks

Havent logged on to ATS for a while but had to reply to your thread.

I dont think we agree on anything er discuss on here but I cant help seeing á bleeding heart and not respond. Ive been in your position before and its like your word has collapsed. All your intrest dont seem so intesting any more and all one wants to do is nothing.

I have one advice wich saved me and got me into shape as well and that is exercise. Doesnt mátter what it is .. Just go out an until your exhausted. Go join á gym or crossfit .. what ever suits your lifestyle. Try and eat a little healthier and youll be a better version of yourself in no time. Your confidence Will grow and other people Will notice and you'll feel alot better about yourself

Hope your doing okey brother 👊

ETA

what flyingclay said.. get a dog ! Truly mans best friend

a reply to: samuelsson

...or a goat. May not be man's best friend, but they sure piss the neighbors off when they get into their garden beds and eat all their flowers!

a reply to: underwerks

Here is another weird thing that happens.
After you've had a hard break up, swear to all the universe that you are going to stay single and only do you.

I guarantee women will be coming out of the woodwork. It is weird how that always happens. People that are dying to meet somone never do, and people that don't want to meet someone new, will have people coming out of the woodwork.

I met the love of my life that way. I was in a horrible relationship that I thought was love, but it wasn't. Sometimes you don't realize it until you are in a different relationship. It was a string of fate that I had to be in my first relationship to meet my true one.

Also people think they know love. I really don't believe you know true deep down gritty love until you've been with someone at least 20+ years. That sounds like a long time, but it really isn't.

Right now you are probably numb, sick, and can't get outside of your own head. That is ok, you are human. I think too many of us repress our emotions. Let it all out so when you do meet your soul mate you'll be ready, and you will appreciate it so much more.

You give up too easily. Never give up, true love is forever.

a reply to: underwerks
I was the same way after 15 years of marriage. Divorce and kids involved my heart was breaking. I went to dinner with a friend and he gave me an assignment. I was to sit quietly and make a list of all the things I loved about my soon to be ex wife. When I finally did it a curious thing happened. I found the list was not long and took a long time to come to the few conclusions I had written. Grieve a while its normal. After the grieving process abates a bit try to make the list you might be surprised and turn your attention to better things in the future. Good luck!!

I don't believe you ever get over losing someone you love. You just end up learning to live with the loss.

I still love my first wife from back in 1991. Always will. We've been divorced for darn near 30 years, and I still love her like I did then.

My second wife was a different story, I still love the woman I thought she was. The loss there was that she ended up being a completely different person than who she pretended to be in the beginning. She could have been an actress, she was convincing.

I guess, if you really love someone, that love doesn't go away. It simply gets dealt with and you eventually accept that there's nothing you can do about it.

a reply to: underwerks

I have been where you are a few times. I am now happily married for 18 years- together for a total of almost 25 years. You will get through this.

I would grieve for 3 days- crying, isolating myself, not eating, praying for peace in my heart( saying to God/Jesus: I am lost and desolate; I give this over to you). Then I would pick myself up and do the motions of life- as painful as it was. Things get easier as you keep to your schedule. Involve yourself into activities that will introduce you to others of your own age. You will meet someone who truly appreciates you that is willing to go the long haul with you- fighting through all the BS with you.

You are worthy of a true love; do not settle for less.

originally posted by: tinner07
Honestly you don't.... I know it is a cliche but time does heal all wounds... to a degree....

What you do not want to do is what I did... drink....

This is absolutely right. This is the exact advice I would give. Don't drink, if you do, before you know it, years have passed wasted trying to drown the pain.

I know the feeling, that feeling in your stomach like imminent doom. Like something is terribly wrong. Talk it out with close friends. Cry into your pillow when no one is around. Cry for release not for yourself. Get out of the house, dont stay cooped up. Try not to spend too much time alone. Lots of physical activity will help tremendously.