How do you get over someone that you love?

a reply to: underwerks

A lot of good help being given.

One thing I remember from getting over "her"...

He shudders

I wrote a letter as if talking it out to her, then burnt it. Then burnt her stuff too.

Helped a bit.

Also stay away from any soppy love songs.

You'll find a better one, I sure did.

Take a trip by yourself somewhere. Highly recommend Club Med (where I went following a broken engagement). Live you life - pretend you are having fun until you find you are actually having fun Best of all post it all on social media as a reminder of how strong you can be when times are tough. This is your time to rediscover yourself.


reply to: underwerks

originally posted by: Bigburgh

originally posted by: infolurker
a reply to: underwerks

There are 2 cures to this condition.

Time and finding another girl.

You're half right...
Time and Distance...

I had an Epiphany and found peace with myself. Single and perfectly HAPPY since 2005.

Whaaaatttt?

But you're funny and a fireman?

You must be like me.... Content just living life without being with some one every waking moment.

a reply to: underwerks

Firstly, please eat something.
Don't drink much, it won't make you feel better.

Give yourself time to heal. Don't think too far in the future, right now take it day by day and try to
go on your normal business as usual.

Please, Don't ever feel that there isn't hope! There is always hope.
I'm sending you a great big Mama Hug.

a reply to: underwerks

Time+booze+a rebound = you'll still need more time.

Look on the bright side, if you feel something it means you're not a robot or dead.

Maybe because you gave too much? 80/20..

Relationships should be 50/50. Once unbalanced it becomes a one person deal.

I bet she isn't feeling the same way, so don't keep fooling yourself..

What is that old saying?

Plenty of more dogs on the street.

go eat out... not mcdonalds or taco bell... just go eat out....

originally posted by: CriticalStinker
a reply to: underwerks

Time+booze+a rebound = you'll still need more time.

Look on the bright side, if you feel something it means you're not a robot or dead.

There are moments where I would prefer that. Being a robot that is. It would be easy to have a rebound, I just dont think I'm ready for that yet. A girl that I have a history with has been messaging me since she found out, but I can't even think about that.

Booze seems the best option at the moment until I'm out of whatever hellish stage I'm in right now.

a reply to: Fisherr

Maybe because you gave too much? 80/20..

That may be the case. From everything she told me I really believe she cares about me the same way I care about her. But I guess there's no way to really know. I do have a habit of caring too much about people.

a reply to: underwerks

Booze seems the best option at the moment until I'm out of whatever hellish stage I'm in right now.

Take it from me, that's a loan with interest.

You'll pay at some point. Give your self a day or two a week to check out and hit the sauce.

But the thing that will help the most is a routine.

a reply to: underwerks

I've found that getting extremely drunk and blasting really angry eminem songs usually helps to at least numb the pain.



But then again, if I was being totally honest, I'm like the last person in the world you should be taking any kind of advice from... let alone relationship advice.



Seriously though... Just move on dude.

originally posted by: CriticalStinker
a reply to: underwerks

Booze seems the best option at the moment until I'm out of whatever hellish stage I'm in right now.

Take it from me, that's a loan with interest.

You'll pay at some point. Give your self a day or two a week to check out and hit the sauce.

But the thing that will help the most is a routine.

I think you're right. It'll probably be easier if I find a way to keep myself occupied where I dont have to think about it every second.

I think I'm going to do what tinner said and go someplace nice and get something to eat. And probably grab some alcohol on the way back. Shrimp and grits sounds good right about now.

Thanks to everyone that has replied. I'm taking all of your advice to heart.

Time, and eventual acceptance in my experience.

You don't ever truly get over someone you love like that though! You will always love them! You just learn to live without them and move on. Things don't always work the way we want them to, once you come to terms with, and process that, then the horribly heavy feeling in your chest and that sick emptiness you feel, begins to dull. Time ...

Bury your head in something if you can, get busy, distract yourself! but don't do the booze and easy chicks thing, it won't solve anything at all.

Chin up mate

a reply to: underwerks

Yea man, that's the spirit.

Now, next mission, you're going to have some extra time on your hands. Your mind is your only enemy right now, so we gotta keep that f###er busy.

So, I suggest the following.

-pick a productive hobby, something you've wanted to do or get better at

-part time job to save up some extra money to do something for yourself (go on a trip, get something nice you've wanted)

-improving things you've been putting off (this one is key to get back some some confidence you think you lost, but it just took a hit)

Before all of that though you're gonna need some rest.

originally posted by: Fools

originally posted by: underwerks

originally posted by: PhyllidaDavenport
Its a grieving process.....of which there are many stages

SHOCK & DENIAL
PAIN & GUILT
ANGER & BARGAINING
DEPRESSION REFLECTION, LONELINESS
THE UPWARD TURN
RECONSTRUCTION & WORKING THROUGH
ACCEPTANCE & HOPE

Those are the currently accepted stages of grief. You can't rush them, you can't really fight them you just have to get through them. A broken relationship is very similar to a death and the way we react is also very similar.
Allow yourself to grieve and at a certain point, there is a flicker of light & hope and you come through it all before you know it. The pain gets less, thoughts get easier and you can say his/her name without tears

Thanks. Seeing it all typed out like that helps me see where I'm at and what to expect. That makes it a little better.

And thanks to everyone else for your responses. Internet strangers are more kind than the people I know in real life.

There is a whole book on that. Some lady from the 1970's? Judith something or other I think. I read that book back in college and it really is helpful. Helped me with my father passing away.

Judith Voorst....just came into my head.

a reply to: underwerks

I've been there. When my wife left me for another I felt the same way.

After the the typical bout of feeling sorry for myself, cursing my ex and her new man, drinking and other self-destructive behaviors, I came to the same conclusion as you. With this behavior I'll end up worse off. I realized that this is an opportunity for self-betterment. (As an added bonus, ex's don't want to see us better off than we were when we were with them.)

By that point my despair turned to hatred. Hatred is also destructive. So I forgave her. After that I hit the gym, I reorganized my life, rekindled relationships with friends, and essentially became a better man. Within a few short months I was back in the dating world. Soon after that I met the love of my life.

So yes, of course ditch the self-destructive behaviors, but work on becoming a better man. This is not only a low-moment, but an opportunity.

Good luck, friend.

For reasons you didn't mention but must be evident, the love you have for this person was evidently not mutual. Maybe you are better off finding this out now rather than after a marriage. You may have been saved from having to deal with a cheating wife sometime in the future.
Trying to see the positive side of this here!

Relationships are a mirror ... and we project on that mirror-person a whole lot.

Such intense feelings rarely reflect actual admiration, but more a desperate clutching against some existential terror or perceived personal lacking.

It's rarely fair to project such intense feelings on another... it's a huge responsibility that few would want or can bear.

But be glad time didn't dull the insanity of early love and live with a richer memory of what was, rather than the usually dour reality of what is.

Alcohol is trouble... I recommend psychedelics and a flesh pile until the next goddess appears... and they always do, but especially once one finds sufficiency in themselves.

originally posted by: underwerks
a reply to: Fools

Time. I have been fortunate enough that the first "love of my life" stayed around long enough for me to also hate her. So letting go was alot less painful.

Honestly I kind of wish it had ended that way. It would have been a lot easier.

No bro, you do not wish this, ever!!! Trust so many of us that have gone through it. Maybe it was for the best, sorry to say that. I feel for you.

originally posted by: underwerks

It would be easy to have a rebound, I just dont think I'm ready for that yet. A girl that I have a history with has been messaging me since she found out, but I can't even think about that.

Always go forward, never go backwards there was a reason you broke up

and it's still there!

Small steps through the dark tunnel and you will eventually see the light

Booze seems the best option at the moment until I'm out of whatever hellish stage I'm in right now.

That never solved anything ...... it is strangely cathartic to feel the pain.

GOOD LUCK