Trump: Mexico Wall Breakthrough (Satire)

Donald Trump has said that if he is elected, he will build a wall along the entire length of the border between the United States and Mexico to stop the flow of illegal immigrants from south of the border. Furthermore, he has said that it will be Mexico that will pay for the wall.

I don't think it is very practical to build a wall like that, but Mr. Trump's supporters seem to love the idea.

I think better results could be achieved through a "bureaucratic" solution involving payments from Mexico and from American companies who hire illegals directly to State and Federal agencies concerned, designed to cover the costs of services used by illegal immigrants in the US, coupled with an increase in the minimum wage, which would effectively take jobs away from illegals and hand them to Americans seeking employment at a living wage.

But that's just me, and my plan wouldn't satisfy the need that Trump supporters seem to feel for a symbolic gesture of contempt aimed at Mexico.

That's the background.

What intrigue's me, though, is how it will be arranged for Mexico to pay for the wall.

New Jersey Governor, Chris Christie, has said that that is the sort of question people should be asking Donald Trump.

I don't know Donald Trump, so I can't ask Donald Trump, but I do know "Fatty" Castillo Lopez (Luis "El Gordo" Castillo Lopez, in the Mexican press), so I asked him.

I ran into "Fatty" in a coffee shop in Woodbridge, just north of Toronto. (Cue theme from The Godfather.) He was in town to attend the nuptials of the daughter of an important person. My reasons for being there were entirely fictitious, a literary matter. How could I tell this story if I wasn't "there"?

"Fatty" is corpulent and sinister. Think of a cross between Sidney Greenstreet, Semion Mogilevich, Carmen Miranda, Cesar Romero as The Joker and "Gold Hat" from The Treasure of Sierra Madre.

For people with feeble imaginations, I include the following as clarification:



I usually include a photo of Michael Keaton as Beetlejuice, to reference my own appearance, but that is slightly misleading.



In fact I look exactly like Warren Oates in Bring Me The Head of Alfredo Garcia.



I saw "Fatty" as soon as I entered the restaurant and made a beeline for him, but I was intercepted by two "heavies" who grabbed me and started to frisk me just as I was calling out a friendly, "Senor Lopez!".

"Fatty" looked up in annoyance at the commotion and, of course he knew me, so he waved the thugs away with a quick one handed gesture. They let me go and I came right up to say hello to one of the most, uh . . . say hello to Senor Lopez.

"You are here, Eepy," he said, looking me up and down. And then, "How nice."

After a few pleasantries, when "Fatty" realized that I had something important to ask him, he sighed, glanced at his watch and motioned for me to sit down. In a very small way, as a matter of courtesy, Fatty owes me.

"I am leaving momentarily", he said, as he lit a small cheroot in complete indifference to the "No Smoking" ordinance. "How can I help you?"

"Trump!" I said, looking him in the eye.

He chuckled, flicked some ash onto the floor and said, "Yes?"

"He says he is going to build a wall along the border with Mexico and that Mexico is going to pay for it."

He chuckled again and said "yes" again.

"Well, what do you think of that?"

Senor Lopez, "Fatty", said, "I wish I were an American citizen. I would vote for Donald Trump. He is good for business."

"Senor Lopez, I am very surprised by this. I thought that you, as a Mexican, would be angry about this, and upset. It is an insult to Mexico. Even El Chapo is angry about Trump."

"That was other remarks he made. El Chapo is not angry about the wall. It is a business opportunity."

"Trump says that Mexico will have to pay for the wall."

"Fatty" Lopez smiled. "Yes, Mr. Trump said that Mexico will have to pay for the wall and even more importantly, he said that the United States will build the wall."

"I don't understand."

"If he said that Mexico had to build the wall, financial transactions connected to the wall would all take place in Mexico. Mexico would be paying for the wall but the payments would never leave Mexico. It would be an infrastructure project, something like the Iraq War was, for the United States. Yes, it costs a lot, but the payments are from treasury to corporations with influence within the United States."

"But this is different."

"That is right. In this case, the project is not being built inside Mexico by Mexicans. All the payments will be within the United States, from treasury to corporations with influence. The problem is that Trump is going to try to force the Government of Mexico to make up the treasury debits with payments from Mexico."

I said, "His supporters believe that that is what he is going to do. Make Mexico pay for the wall."

Senor Lopez smiled, "Yes, they believe that is what is going to happen."

"Well, what is going to happen?"

"Mexico is going to make the United States pay the money to Mexico that Mexico will then use to pay the United States for the wall."

"How are they going to do that?"

"They are going to discuss the issue with people in a certain business that the Government of the United Stated does not like and they are going to make an arrangement with those people and then they are going to relax for as long as it takes to pay off the wall."

"Oh."

"Yes."

"I get it."

"Trump should consider demanding that Mexico build the wall. It would be less trouble if all of the financial transactions took place within Mexico."

"Uh . . ." I was going to ask another question but one of Fatty's thugs was gesturing toward a limo at the curb.

"It was a pleasure to see you again Eepy," he said, as he started to leave, grasping my hand with a little smile, "and don't come to Mexico."

"Right", I said. "I won't be back."

"Good for you", he said, and was gone.

a reply to: ipsedixit

That was...interesting.

Definitely the most fun thing I've read all day, but I have so many questions....

Why doesn't he want you to come back to Mexico?
If he is only a journalist, why have thug bodyguards?
So what now? The money is paid in Mexico? Or the U.S.? They pay us our own money? Where is the wall? Mexico or here? ...according to him, of course.
So there is a deal with the tunnel dwellers?

You see I'm confused about what Fatty thinks, and why you lied to get into a wedding. Are you often a wedding crasher?
If you look like that picture of Warren Oates, I can't imagine you would have problems getting into a wedding. You look very handsome as Warren Oates.

OK OK OK I now see this is satirical, so nevermind. HOWEVER. It was fun and you do look handsome as Warren Oates.
But I wish you'd put it in the writer's forum so I wouldn't have made a fool out of myself. lol!

a reply to: ladyinwaiting

"Fatty" is called "el Gordo" in the Mexican press but he is not a journalist. He is a "businessman".

Thankyou for the compliments on my appearance. I assure you that the only thing I envy about Warren Oates is the time he spent with Isela Vega.

a reply to: ipsedixit

I think your signature has merit. I detest the wallstreet cannibals.

SAVE AMERICAS WORKING PEOPLE! Tax the Wall Street Cannibals 1 percent on ALL TRANSACTIONS Why shouldnt they pay sales tax? Everybody else does.

Ms. Vega is lovely.

I actually googled Mr. Lopez before I responded the first time. For $15.00 I can get his phone number and his email address. (Not to worry, I won't mention you.)

Great thread!

a reply to: ladyinwaiting

Thanks. I gave him another name in my first draft and then decided, to be on the safe side, to google the name. I learned that the nickname "El Gordo" is extremely common in Mexico. I really had to hunt for a name, Castillo Lopez, that didn't have an "El Gordo" listed on the internet.

This is an interesting video statement by an academic who spent three years studying the border between the United States and Mexico, including the wall that was put there in the period following 9/11. He says that illegal immigration had started to decline even before this first barrier was started. His statements were made a couple of years before Donald Trump was being thought of in serious political terms.

I think he is a thoughtful and humane person who is much more aware of the nuances of the situation than Donald Trump appears to be. He mentions the border industrial complex as being the sole beneficiary of the current level of border reinforcement. Is that Donald Trump's real constituency in all of this?

I saw immigration officials loading 5 hombres onto federal bus today. Somehow they flew into Ohare airport, and their driver was rushing them erratically into Chicago, to get lost in the Hispanic communities. He should have driven slower.

The Wall will not stop those who fly over it.

August 23, 2016

Donald Trump just said during the Fox News Town Hall that the WALL IS GOING TO BE BUILT and that MEXICO WILL PAY FOR IT. Then he explained how. Makes a lot of sense! This guy knows how the REAL WORLD operates..no doubt about it.

April 18, 2018

Confirmed. Mexico will pay for Trump wall.
www.thetreeofliberty.com.../page2

a reply to: carewemust

HAHAHA..lololololol, "CONFIRMED"..I needed a good laugh, kindly point out were Mexico is paying for a wall!!