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Sexuality: Not a choice and most sexuals are born that way?

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posted on Sep, 25 2015 @ 06:51 PM
I believe that sexuality is not a choice and most sexuals were 'born that way'.

But that premarital sex, and heck, teen or even sadly, pre-teen sex is almost always an express 'choice' opted in for, nowadays.
Since its just my belief, I don't need any scientific nor religious basis. I rather base it on my first hand experience.

I'm an asexual female. My personal experience comes from relationships I've had with a few heterosexuals over the past couple decades. I'm up front about my asexuality. I explain to all friends who enquire that I never had sex and never will, because I have no interest in ut. The few I ended up in relationships with, were of course only the ones that convinced me at least at first that they were okay with being intimate friends with no physical intimacy yet no emotional nor physical cheating while going 'steady' . Suffice it to say, these relationships with heterosexuals didnt last long, because they kept wanting sex despite our having already outlined the limitations of our relationship.

My first said a physical connection was missing and that he met someone else who wanted to be with him physically so we agreed to end our relationship. The second turned out to be a very good actress and I found out I was just being used for the loving affection she was missing in her secret physical flings with a married man. The third was loyal and a gentle, non-sexual giant until he lost alot of weight (like 100lbs) and suddenly aroused all the time, became very physically agressive, and on the morning I awoke to him attempting to rape me, I sustained alot of physical injuries and suffice it to say, we parted ways instantly despite the emotional attachment at the hip.

That was several years ago, and since then I realized I was not alone but that only 1 in 100 persons or fewer are asexual, so I joined a forum for asexuals and went to a meet up and ended up spending the past 6 years to present in companionship with an asexual male. We are considering having a kid or two, but no, we haven't tried yet and he's not sure he will physically be able to because although some mornings he does have the physical readiness, he says that's only because he has to go pee. But that's a non-issue to me, because we could always use AI or maybe a turkey baster. Assuming we are both fertile, and in any case I don't see a need for everyone or even the majority to reproduce; I find it selfish as the world is already full of unwanted and starving kids galore (thaaat's the next generation?!).

I'd suggest that around 90-95% people are born heterosexual. Granted, theres the occasional male who is possibly born homosexual due to developmental factors since all embryos/fetuses start off 'female' (unless he just decided at some point in life he somehow prefers the company of the same sex organ he has already), or asexual like my hubby, but yea I'm convinced the vast majority of people are born hetero. Theres alot of hetero men who've confided in me that their first experimental sexual relationships were with peer homosexual males, but that they were just experimenting with whoever was available and never considered themselves homosexual even during those practice acts of sexual release with homosexuals. I've never so far had any woman admit to me that her first sexual relationships were with the same sex, although I've had some women share with me that they have always been an are still bisexual.

I admire the few heterosexuals who entertained an asexual relationship with me, but from those few relationships I conclude that heterosexuals generally cannot turn off their sexual urges permanently, because eventually they resurface especially between the sometimes fine lines of unconditional love and romantic love. To me, the perfect valentines day is a walk on the beach after brunch, a swim together past the surf all day till we get hungry as heck, and then a big dinner feast and falling asleep in each others arms giggling and laughing all the way. To sexuals, their happy ending is a bit different and well, its not their choice their brains seem to not be content until a physical intimate release whether with company or solo.

Thus, I believe sexuals should focus on the substance of what they are aside from their... sex/gender and their sexuality. What I see in these times is many of the majority sexuality considering themselves the 'norm' and the 'golden standard' and basing who they 'fall in love with' and 'marry' based on the prime qualifier being whether its an inny or outy between their soulmate's legs. (Are we not all equally human beings?) And yet so much divorce/separation nevertheless - whether heterosexual or homosexual unions - meanwhile conservative 'straights' protect the 'sanctity' of marriage and liberal 'queers' finally enjoy the chance of officially recognized unions. On that note, I expect to see better quality of relationships, lest individuals who obsess over what sex can love another, are going to blame the other sexuality for ruining their marriage (lol).

Speaking of which, adultery laws have been abolished across most/all of the states only in recent decades/years and yet I don't see heterosexuals or anyone for the matter fighting for the right to protect the sanctity of marriage along THOSE lines, but rather, simply what sex/gender can marry which.

Thus I call for this widespread acceptance as 'choices' of premarital sex, promiscuity, and serial infidelity from one marriage to divorce to the next be investigated lest sexuals continue to exhibit through behavior that they were born that way - to not be monogamous - in which case sexuals' right to marry should be questioned more thoroughly than the current policies in place: where most any adult couple can show up at the local county clerk and get married unless they're married elsewhere or refuse a mandatory STD test- which i find kind of insulting because it implies an acceptance of premarital sex, but only a few states and DC require them so far, no?

posted on Sep, 25 2015 @ 07:05 PM
Is this a rebuttal to that one thread posted here a short while back?

I don't think people are born with sexual preference, but learn it throughout their early life and is etched into their psyche.

It is not unusual to see toddlers of both sexes to kiss a member of the same sex, but learn that it is not acceptable though guidance through parental roles.

So can we say that two toddlers kissing each other is a homosexual act?

posted on Sep, 25 2015 @ 07:11 PM
How is kissing sexual?

PS- I kiss my parents on the lips sometimes still and walk around naked when visiting. Is that sexual too?

posted on Sep, 25 2015 @ 07:12 PM
You are Born with a Sexuality and a Gender-Identity, you are assigned a 'Sex' at Birth. that Sex does not always Match what your Gender-Identity is or Sexuality

posted on Sep, 25 2015 @ 07:14 PM
Do you choose if your straight?

Do you think one chooses to be gay/lesbian?

End of story?

posted on Sep, 25 2015 @ 07:19 PM
Does one chose whether to be bisexual?

Or whether to engage in bisexual behavior?

Some folks will 'try anything once'!

posted on Sep, 25 2015 @ 07:28 PM
a reply to: Milah

The multitude of human emotional, physical and biological permutations and combinations resultant from having a penis or a vagina is mind-blowing isn't it?

Me, I have a penis, thereafter it is no-ones business what I do with it in the bedroom, but that of my better-half.

posted on Sep, 25 2015 @ 07:30 PM
a reply to: [post=19854176]Milah[/post

Personally I believe it is both, some choose while others are indeed born that way.

There is mounting evidence though research is not currently politically acceptable as we all know which indicated pollutants are in part to blame for sexual deviation (scientific deviation not accusatory but simply an observation) from the normal species behavioural parameters for the species.

There are compounds such as PCB's which effect sexual development and are now present in increasing level's in the form of cosmetic and industrial pollutants in the ground water and food chain of the world and they do not only effect human's but also other species.

Homosexuality has a long history though predating this and can therefore not be totally attributed to these pollutant's so it is a natural devation in the species behaviour pattern's but other evidence and observation's lend credence to the pollution theory.

Take for example AIS, Androgen Insensitivity Syndrome, also known as Testosterone insensitivity.

Many woman are actually genetically male, only when they have had genetic testing is this often discovered or when they fail to menstruate, some of them are psychologically fully male but trapped in body that has developed in a fully female shape with female genitalia (only there ovaries are different as they are actually unformed testicles but sit in the exact place ovaries would do).

This condition is put down as a genetic defect, it may indeed be and may also be only partially related to pollutants but the fact remains that it is down to genetic deviation and a failure of the body during it's development to respond to the male hormone's, strangely many AIS sufferer's are actually far more beautiful than many normal woman but also many of them and probably a higher percentage are heterosexual males trapped in female form or otherwise bisexual but not the majority of them by any mean's.

The answer is that we simply do not know but I think some choose and some are born this way and like I say it is not just Homosexual males and females as there are other factors and condition's such as AIS and the much more rare Dual sex when a child is born with both set's of genitalia which reminds me of a very beautiful girl from Australia whom was born with both set's, her parent's wanted a little boy so was never told and she suffered a hell of a life of misery until she started to suffer stomach cramp's and went to the doctor who informer her it was period pain's, she had the male genital's removed as well as the skin covering her vagina and went on to marry and have children feeling a complete person at last.

posted on Sep, 25 2015 @ 07:30 PM
a reply to: Milah

No, Bisexuals are born that way as well

posted on Sep, 25 2015 @ 07:34 PM
I wasn't born wanting to have sex with women.

It wasn't until puberty hit that i got hit with a sledge hammer.

So I don't know.

All these sex threads lately I mean seriously.

posted on Sep, 25 2015 @ 07:48 PM
Really? why not post here?
edit on 25-9-2015 by greydaze because: (no reason given)

posted on Sep, 25 2015 @ 07:58 PM
I'm glad I was born loving the ladies.

No joke.

posted on Sep, 25 2015 @ 07:58 PM

originally posted by: greydaze
Really? why not post here?

Thats a statement that announces an obsession with, and conclusion on, one particular sexuality which would be innately biased to discuss unless it is the OP's orientation.

posted on Sep, 25 2015 @ 08:08 PM

originally posted by: Darth_Prime
a reply to: Milah

No, Bisexuals are born that way as well

After raising 2 kids, and grandkids --- I'm convinced we are born who we are, period.

Then spend most of our lives trying to fit a concept, rather then just be who we are.

posted on Sep, 25 2015 @ 08:20 PM
I kinda lost you somewhere in that OP. Would you mind perhaps condensing it a bit? I've read it three times now and still feel like I'm not getting what you're saying, and I'm genuinely interested.

Are you saying that someone is born interested in sex or not, and that they are born with their sexual orientation? My understanding is that we really just don't know for certain, and that the early formative years may also influence a person's sexuality along with genetics. It seems the more we learn the more the line between nature and nurture is blurred.

It seems like at the end there you were saying that straight people interested in sex are hypocrites considering that no one seems to give a rat's ass about cheating from a legal standpoint. So any jackass can get married, cheat, and a disturbing number of people quickly divorce, while the people claiming they want to protect the sanctity of marriage act as if gays getting married is somehow worse than the BS straight people pull at an alarming rate.

At the end of the day I think we all need to calm the F# down and let people be as long as it isn't hurting anyone else.

Can you give me a thesis statement?

posted on Sep, 25 2015 @ 09:22 PM
a reply to: Milah

I think you wrote this in response to the thread that said the DSM declared asexuality to be abnormal.

Well, let me reassure you, you are normal, in the sense that you don't need "fixing".

If a homosexual is normal, you are normal.

There is a huge spectrum of "normal".

Lack of sexual desire is no ones business but yours.
Just like homosexuality is not ones business but theirs.

You are happy being asexual. Great!
You are happy in your asexual relationship? Wonderful.

Just because everyone else seems to be sex obsessed,
doesn't mean you have to be, or that there is something wrong with you.

The western culture is openly sex obsessed and that is not
healthy and has led to destructive practices that ruin families
(porn, adultery) and ruins lives (rape, pedophilia)

The Middle Eastern culture is prurient about sex,
but they have a rampant rape culture
(rape not an uncommon occurrence for boys as well as women and little girls)
pedophilia worse than the western culture
rampant sexual slavery

Perhaps, you as the asexual are really the most psychologically healthy
of all.

More power to you! I hope more people like you
come out of the bedroom like you have had the
courage to do. People like you are the truly sane
ones whose genitals and hormones do not rule
their lives and brains.

edit on 9Fri, 25 Sep 2015 21:24:26 -0500pm92509pmk255 by grandmakdw because: format

posted on Sep, 25 2015 @ 09:32 PM
a reply to: Milah

You're saying kissing isn't sexual? Okay? I've been approaching sex wrong for years now then

Do you do those said activities because when you grew up you did not "learn" that to some families that it is socially unacceptable? When I would run around as a kid I would get scolded for running around naked, this imprinting on my mind that it's not ok to walk around naked.

Now my parents would and still do walk around naked, but the imprintation made it always unsettling to me when I seen it.

posted on Sep, 25 2015 @ 10:05 PM
Are all these sexual insecurity threads not getting old yet? I don't care where you plug into or if you choose to not plug in. I don't care If you believe you were or were not born one way or another. Millions of opinions, not enough science to say.

Let's get back to important things like lizard people, heads on mars, and illuminati symbolism. When did this site unravel into another social media type site?

posted on Sep, 25 2015 @ 10:08 PM
a reply to: pl3bscheese

So don't click on them. If you want a certain type of thread, start one.

posted on Sep, 25 2015 @ 10:10 PM
a reply to: Domo1

Thanks captain obvious, but seriously this is ridiculous this site barely represents "above top secret" anymore.

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